IM with Chrissy this morning, about our mutual friend Chris (the same one I walked from Manhattan with, the day of the Big Northeast Blackout):

chrissy: so listen to this Chris O just told me about her night last night
chrissy: your not even going to believe it
chrissy: she is a lunatic
me: Chris O'H?
chrissy: she gets home and is walking her dog, her neighbor who she is friendly with comes out of the house begging her to come in a hang out
chrissy: yeah
me: ok
chrissy: so she says ok goes into his house and realizes he is wacked
chrissy: so she starts drinking with him
chrissy: he is crying
chrissy: apparently he is mental or has mental problems
chrissy: has been drinking for three days straight
chrissy: lives with his mother who was annoying him the other night while he tried to sleep
chrissy: keep waking him up complaining that the fridge is cold
chrissy: mind you he is 46 years old
chrissy: so he had it with her (she is senile) and he pushed her and she fell and hit her head on the raditor
me: OMG
chrissy: had to go to the hospital so now he was afraid that his brother was going to come over and beat him up (brother is a detective)
chrissy: so he was crying to her saying he was going to kill himself
chrissy: had bullets all over the room
chrissy: apparently he has a shot gun which chris has seen before
me: OMG
chrissy: so she calms him down and he promises he wont hurt himself
chrissy: so she goes home and is cooking dinner, hears the gun go off
chrissy: runs outside to find him in the street screaming
chrissy: he shots the gun again
chrissy: in the air
chrissy: so she is out there yelling at him to go home
chrissy: which I guess at some point he does
me: jesus
chrissy: why she didnt call the cops who knows
me: that's what I was just going to ask
me: also, I can't believe that someone didn't call the cops
chrissy: so later on she is out walking the dog when she thinks to herself gee its awfully quiet
chrissy: so wait
me: I'm sure plenty of people heard the gunshots
chrissy: all of a sudden she is surrounded by a swat team
chrissy: full gear
me: OMG
chrissy: shields, machine guns
chrissy: etc
das3222: jesu
chrissy: they run her up to her house, tell her to stay low and get in the back room
me: OMG
chrissy: they evacated the 2 houses next to this mental guys house
chrissy: she is screaming that you dont know him he wont hurt anyone
chrissy: apparently the dude was holed up in his house took the cops 8 hours to remove him
chrissy: was on the news this morning
me: well, shooting a gun into the air, I don't know
me: gah!
me: wish I had been paying attention to the news!
chrissy: right me too
me: did they get him out okay?
chrissy: guess so
me: did chris have to give a statement?
chrissy: oh i didnt ask
chrissy: maybe
me: I wonder if she told them that she had been into to talk to him earlier in the night
chrissy: and was drinking with him
me: I would think they would want to know about the conversation
me: and what happened
me: right
chrissy: she said she was doing shots with the dude
me: and where was john during all of this ?
chrissy: maybe they did talk to her but she was probably wacked herself
chrissy: I asked the same thing
me: right
chrissy: he was home on the couch
me: lol
me: omg
chrissy: lol
me: asleep?
chrissy: telling her to mind her business
me: or just clueless?
me: oh
chrissy: nah probably drinking
chrissy: she went over I guess had some drinks
chrissy: went home
chrissy: john came over to the dude's house apparently to pick up some smoke while chris was there drinking with hin
chrissy: he saw the bullets and the condition of the dude but left chis there
chrissy: she eventually came home and was cooking when the rest happened
chrissy: she said he is very nonchalant was like oh chris will be fine with Doug
chrissy: she said he has been arressted before I guess they put him in a menatal hospital for a while
chrissy: imagine? what a bunch of crazies
me: my god
me: little suburban Long Island town
chrissy: the detective brother must be mental himself not to get the mother out of the house or put her in a nursing home something
me: Chris always seems to find the psychos
chrissy: i know
me: or they find her, more likely
chrissy: and they all like to drink so they become fast friends
me: oh, of course
me: guess she's going to have to find a new drinking buddy
me: sounds like this guy may be away for a while
chrissy: yeah she was like well, he needs sleep
chrissy: so he'll get it now
me: lol
chrissy: lol
me: hmmm, there might be something in that... I could use some sleep myself...


Just another quiet, weekday evening on Long Island.

New comments section -- YAY!

I'm finally emerging from this sick fog I've been under for the past week -- thankfully. Obviously my blogging has suffered. For those of you out there who wait for my installments... I would apologize, but my inclination is really more to say, "get a life!" In any case, I have very little to report as I have spent much of the past week sleeping and mindlessly watching TV. Well, that sounds like business as usual for me, but trust me, the quality was different.

Seen tonight on my way home from the train:

Man "jogging" in full-puff parka, complete with hood and white tennis/cross-trainer-style sneakers. Any true runner knows that this is not running gear, even on the most artic of days (and tonight it was about 35*, a warm spot before the next chill). So the thought that came to my mind as I watched this guy was, 'Can you say: New Year's Resolution?'

I was calling all of you out on it, so there.

Still sick, bad cough that won't stop. Feel as if I'm going to hack my lungs out through my throat. Yet, here I sit at work waiting to be hit with all the pre-sales meeting craziness. Basically all the sundry divisions clambering for reports and numbers looked at every which way so that they can all justify their existences. And of course no one is looking at the same report, or even looking at any report the same way, so everyone has different data and I am inundated to build yet more reports and also to explain old ones. And need I remind you that when a division wants a report, it also requires building an involved html/asp page so that they have every sorting option and screening criteria possible. Not to mention all the drilldown options that must be built into the report as well. One damn report might as well be 20, by the time you are done building in all the variables and drilldown options. Gaaaah! Why did I even get out of bed this morning?

Oh and another thing, Carolina & Janos want me to take a vacation day tomorrow to help them with their apartment (basically for the last push before they finally move). I normally wouldn't care too much, and have repeatedly offered to help throughout this whole ordeal, but do you think maybe one person could have called me to see how I was feeling this past weekend? As I lay miserable and dying of some deadly crud.

Oh, and it appears that my comments section is dead, dead, dead. I guess you get what you pay for.

So sick this weekend. Horrible and weird sore throat. Even drinking water causes a stinging sensation at the top of my throat (in addition to the more typical throat soreness). When I looked into my mouth, I had inflamed redness almost to the point of welts inside my mouth and the top of the throat plus white spots throughout. Thought maybe I had strep, but I didn't have a fever, until this afternoon where I've developed a small one (like around 100*). But I've also developed a little bit of a cough, so that makes me think that this is maybe more of a virus of some sort. Anyway, I've been miserable -- jello & soup has been my best friend. I'm been even more of a baby because I haven't been really sick like this in probably a few years. Even every garden variety type cold I've started to develop in the last year or so was gone within a day or two, almost before it could even take hold. So I've just been lying around and watching movies, as well as other stuff that I've recorded with the DVR (I don't know what I ever did before I had this thing -- if I ever move out of the area, I'm definitely going to have to get a tivo). Today the weather keeps switching from rain to snow and back again, so it's a great day to stay inside and cuddle with a warm pug. If I have to be sick, it's at least a good day for it AND I don't even have work tomorrow, hopefully after all this loafing I'll feel better by Tuesday.

I wish some people would update their blogs, though (I need entertainment). You know who you are...

Weird night last night. Lares's last day, so a buncha people went out to this bar we all used to hang out in. Past few days I've felt some virus coming on like a freight train, so it was my intention only to stay maybe for an hour. Yeah. Right. I was the last one to leave. Even the Man Of The Hour left before I did. Got home around 11:00 or so (I had gotten to bar at 5:30). Now I can't talk at all. Or swallow. Jello is looking awfully good to me at the moment.

Anyway, so last night, lots of sloppy sentiments, etc. At one point Lares told me that he loves me (don't get your panties all in a twist he's not in love with me, he loves me as a friend, etc. he does have a very nice wife afterall). And so I had to screw with him and so I said, "yeah, but I'm not as smart as you" (heh) and he answers, "well, very few people are." Cracks me up. Dan, a colleague of mine from my department was also there last night and I know I spent a small part of the evening talking about work stuff with him. I just hope now I didn't say anything about work or our department (ie: something bad about our director, or a complaint about my job) that will come back to bite me in the butt later. Oh and one other thing I remember from last night was Lares trying to sort of set me up with a bar friend of his. He was pretty transparent about it. Guy gave me his business card when he left. Does that mean I'm supposed to call him? I don't even know. So the whole night was rather weird. It's coming back to me now in bits and pieces. I'll post more about it if anything new comes to light.

and... what the Hell happened to my comments section??? Grrrrrrrr

Ran into Paul this morning after waiting on the freezing platform for over 40 minutes in the snow storm. Ranted to him about my horrible co-op meeting from the night before and then finally said, "every time I see you, I seem to be ranting about something." He replied, "Yeah, you have issues." I just get so frustrated about things when I feel helpless, that there is nothing I can do, I just have to accept all the shittiness. The director of my department at work also happened to be on the train, coming in from Long Island. There she was all coiffed and made up, pink lipstick and all, and there I sat with snow melting through my lashes, my still wet hair, frozen into chunks in it's ponytail from having to stand in 5* + windchill temperatures for so long, hoping that a train would finally stop. I'm always a mess.

Freaking co-op bored, I mean, board meeting tonight lasted two and a half hours. GAH! I worked late, ran Lola out and pretty much had to go straight there, so I didn't even get a chance to eat anything. Oh yeah and they brought up "the pet issue" -- basically pets are not allowed, but everyone ignores the rule, myself included (obviously). This rule I think pisses me off more than anything else. You live in NYC, everyone here is completely isolated (especially single people) and a building is going to tell me that I can't have a pet??? And of course dogs come under fire more than anything else because they are the most visible. Oh, and yet the people above me can have a child that runs back and forth across the floors from 7 in the morning 'til 10 at night, with no rug covering at all, and that's perfectly okay. The co-op board president is the really the force behind this pet rule, for some reason she's got this thing against pets. Anyway, I don't care. Don't care if I never go to another co-op meeting as long as I live either. Two and a half freaking hours, sheesh! Never buy a co-op.

I can't sleep so I figured that I would log on and complain about my shitty grocery store.

The place is small, only four aisles and one of those is all paper products and cleaning supplies, so needless-to-say, there isn't a lot of selection (AND it's expensive, but that's a whole other story). But when you don't have a car, your options are limited. Anyway, this evening I stopped in to pick up a few basics. I go to the meat section with the intention of picking up some ground sirloin, in addition to my chicken breasts. I find it good to have some ground sirloin on hand, I split it up into patties and freeze and then can easily defrost one pattie at a time. Easy to make a burger on the Foreman grill if I can't think of something to have for dinner (or there's nothing in the apt). Also easy to throw into a chili or a sauce or any number of things. And I feel like ground sirloin isn't that bad for you, as long as you only eat it once or twice a week. But my grocery store, of course only had ground chuck (too fatty, not worth it). All packaged in the convenient 10-lb family size, I might add. But what they did have in stock were veal livers and hearts. Yep, a huge, honking veal heart wrapped in cellophane and sitting there with a sticker, pretty as you please as if it were a flank steak. Now what the F* am I going to do with a damn veal heart??? (besides shudder as I pass it by) Damn shitty useless grocery store.

Rant of the Day: To the man who sat next to me on the train coming home: Is it really necessary when your considerable bulk is already taking up far more than half the seat, to then sit with your arms akimbo so that your elbow completely juts into my ribs??? And then to completely lean on top of me to pull your wallet out of your pocket (instead of maybe standing up to retrieve it) and then again do the same to put your wallet back, causing me to have to lean at an unnatural angle to avoid being more intimate with you than I already, uncomfortably, am??? I mean, is it too much to ask to have a little common courtesy? I know it's a crowded commuter train but, comeon. Why do some people insist on making a miserable situation even worse?

I hate commuting.

So The Today Show had a segment this morning about "blogging". I'm not sure if I should feel insulted that this was touted as this crazy thing all the teenagers are doing. What about those of us bloggers who are adults? Should we feel silly and immature?

Damn. I just discovered a hole in my jeans. And these are my favorite jeans too. Brings a whole new meaning to business casual. Argh!

Maintenance person just knocked on my cube door to see if anyone had been by to fix the fluorescent light over my desk. Damn thing finally burned out -- don't fix it! ACK! Those lights suck the life out of you, as if sitting in this cubicle all day long doesn't do a good enough job of that alone.

Another company announcement today. Our health insurance co-pay is going up to $20 per doctor visit (up from $10). I was actually holding my breath waiting to hear that there were now going to be payroll deductions to pay for the insurance, so I guess the news could be worse. Things still suck though.

It was announced this morning that my company is now only going to be matching 25 cents on the dollar for our 401K. Why even bother??? Things just suck all around.

Out for drinks last night with Lares and some other people. Lares feeling sentimental because next week is his last week at our company, as well as his last week in NYC.

Me: some comment I don't remember.
Lares: "You know, one of the only things that bothers me about you is how you downgrade your intelligence."
Me: "Whatever."
Lares: "I have to tell you something. I feel like I'm made 4 really good friends while I've been here and you're one of them."
Me: "Aw, that's so sweet."
Lares: "I don't know why, maybe because I feel like we can talk about anything."
Me: "Maybe because I am as intelligent as you and so it is reflected in our conversations."
Lares: "There is no why you're anywhere near as intelligent as I am."
Me: "Oh."

Rode the train in with Paul this morning. We (well, I) spent the morning bitching about our company and about living in NYC. At least he didn't try to get away from me this time.

Classic Female Humiliation: Wait on crowded line at DD at rush hour for coffee. Reach into bag for wallet. Pull wallet out along with tampon that goes flying. Just great.

Damn BMW high-pitched car alarm that keeps going off outside my window. What do you want to bet that this continues all night long? I would call the police, but the NYC's policy on car alarms is pretty useless. Basically they will come out and look at the car with a flashlight (presumably to make sure it's not being stolen or whatever) and will do nothing about making it stop or go away. Oh, they might leave a ticket on the windshield or something. If they feel like it. When I lived in Hoboken (NJ) they would tow that car so fast -- it was a beautiful thing.

Rant of the Day: Why do I appear to be the only damn person on my entire floor at work who changes the damn water bottle on the cooler???

For some reason, Joe calls me "The Comedian". I don't get it.

I'm one of those people who hates to see Christmas decorations up once the holidays are over. It all just looks so... tawdry and tacky. January 1st and that crap should be out of there. So you just know it's driving me crazy on Januart 5th to still be looking at it everywhere. Especially in public areas like Penn Station. I suppose it could be worse, they could now be putting up the Valentine's crap to replace it.

Well, I've managed at least to keep busy today fixing application problems for with all the year-end orders coming in, etc. It's kind of tedious work (although not mindless), but the perfect kind of thing to do on a day where I wasn't all that self-motivated. And it's made the day go quickly, so that's a good thing. I can probably expect more of the same throughout this week, so I can plan on being busy, but won't have to think too hard about what I'm doing -- just solve each puzzle as it is put before me. So, I guess I can't complain about that. Otherwise I am just hiding in this cubicle and being more or less anti-social. So not into any bullshit chit-chat right now.

Just put on a lot of dark eye makeup to match my dark mood.

Did anyone happen to catch the new episode of Sex and the City last night? The thing with Samantha and hottie boyfriend Smith was the sweetest thing I had seen in a while. It made me cry (as these kind of things usually do). I'm such a sap.

So depressing to be back in this hell hole this morning. The cold, pouring rain we're experiencing today fits my mood perfectly.

This weekend has been a bit of an escape from reality for me. Four days (and five nights) of uninterrupted loafing. A bit like an oasis in the middle of an otherwise endless drone of working weeks. I've spent a lot of time fantasizing about what I want to do when I grow up (ie: when I get the courage to leave NYC and go back to school or whatever). I swing between pursuing as high a psychology degree as I can endure and going from there (perhaps into psychotherapy) to becoming a vet technician (along with dog trainer, behaviorist, etc.) because I love animals so much and really treasure every waking moment I can spend with them (be it dog, cat, horse, etc.). With the exception of monkeys. Monkeys creep me out. Anyway, the latter option would mean schooling of only about two years, yet I don't think the earning potential is too impressive. Not that making bookoo bucks is my top motivation, but I still have to live. Living somewhere other than NYC makes the money thing more flexible, of course, but there still has to be limits.

I've spent less time this weekend thinking of some goals and objectives for 2004. Which really, probably would have been time better spent. Probably better to zone in on some concrete goals first, rather than all the lofty fantasies.

What is with people and stereos anyway? Particularly people who live in apartments. Do they truly believe that all their neighbors just love them for providing thumping bass through the walls and ceilings, etc.? I don't know if it is a case of complete cluelessness or that people are so self-absorbed, that they have no concern for anyone who has to live around them. Bastards.

Ah, there's nothing like that grand ole' tradition of taking a spin on the porcelain bus on the morning of January First to start the new year off right.

Here is a picture of some of the people I was with toasting with a shot of tequila (in baby jars, no less). I abstained from the tequila, but managed to more than make up for that in beer and champagne. UGH

Well, the gathering at Carolina & Janos's has been upgraded to a small party. In addtion to Carolina, Janos, baby Roland and myself, there will be Woods & Wendy and Gab & Ponch. I don't feel quite so pathetic now.

I guess I should be thinking up some goals for 2004. I didn't really have any for 2003 and look what happened...

You know you've been watching too much reality TV when you have a dream about Jessica Simpson and a friend trying to bake a cake. While stacking the layers of the cake, Jessica turns to her friend and says, "is this a cake?"

Sheesh!

UGH. Stinky Curry Girl is at it again! I think I may barf.

Am I the only one who gets stressed out about New Year's Eve? That frantic feeling that you must do something auspicious? This is what seems to happen every year: everyone will be going along, Christmas/Holiday parties planned well in advance, lots of talk about who goes where for Christmas itself, etc. And then all of a sudden two days before New Years, one or two people start to frantically try to put a party together. It's like we all woke up from our Christmas stupor only to discover (horror of horrors) that [GASP] "We don't have plans for NEW YEARS!!!" So there will then be a flurry of emails, phone calls, voice mails, etc. "What are you going to do?" "I don't know, what are you going to do???" "I think D is having a party, are you going to go to that?" "I don't know, who's going to be there???" During which I will surely at one point just sit back and realize that all I really want to do is relax at home with Lola, some beer and some movies. But will I feel like crap later for not having gone to a party or something? Or I could do the Midnight Run in Central Park. It'll be relatively mild this year and I can bring Lola. But without fail, every year I go through this same thing. Every. Damn. Year.

Have I mentioned that I really hate it when people bring their kids to work? First of all, it takes a whole lot of arrogance to assume that nobody else has any work to do, just because it is a "play day" for you. But secondly, I invariably end up in the position of having to make goo-goo eyes at some kid I have no connection to, whose parent I am just acquainted to because our desks happen to be in some relative proximity. Or the alternative is to sit at my desk and continue to work, ignoring the squealing spawn & adults outside my cube walls, in which case I come across as the crabby crab of the year. Guess which option I chose today?

UGH. It's only a little after 10 AND I got here late this morning. This is going to be one loooooooong day. Somebody just shoot me right now.

There's at least one really good thing about having to work during a holiday week, when so many others seem to be off: The trains sure are a lot emptier in comparison. Nice to have a relatively stress-free commute for a change.

So, on Christmas Eve I watched "It's a Wonderful Life" for about the bazillionth time. To me, the movie is so over-acted and melodramatic, but it still manages to make me cry like a complete idiot. Anyway, I was watching the climatic scene where he is running around town realizing how horribly off all his friends and family would have been, had he not been born. And it gets to the part where the angel has to tell him what has happened to his wife. George Bailey keeps insisting that he be told, Clarence (the angel) doesn't want to. Finally he exclaims, "You're not going to like it!" and then goes on to say in a very grave voice, "she's an old maid, she never got married." And I really had to laugh at this point, because the inference was that this was the absolutely worst thing, the pinnacle of bad things that happened to everybody. Worse than his brother dying at age nine. Worse than his uncle in an insane asylum. Worse even than a whole shipload of soldiers dying in the War because his brother wasn't there to save the transport. The worst thing by far was to be an unmarried woman. Oh yeah, and one other thing. For some reason, by not ever having married George (or perhaps any other man) Mary also required the use of glasses.

Christmas at my father's turned out to be relatively uneventful, if somewhat boring. Although watching my father and his new wife hanging on each other from time to time, was disturbing. Her daughter from Kansas is also there for the week and luckily I get along quite well with her. And my brother was there as well, and so it was also nice to see him, particularly since I haven't seen him in a couple of years and communicating with him is not easy. Basically, I will email or call, but he never returns my messages or posts. If I do (by some miracle) happen to catch him on the phone, his responses to me are always grunts or non-committal, ambiguous one-syllable words. So I gave up trying to keep in touch with him years ago. He's much better in person. Anyway, I stayed overnight on the pull-out couch, but was happy to come home this morning as I didn't sleep more than a couple of hours there, as usual. Even Lola was restless all night long. Anyway, another Christmas overwith. Don't have to stress again until next year.

Happy Holidays to all.

Actually kind of glad I didn't end up going out to Jersey tonight. I'm kind of enjoying relaxing here with Lola. Plus, I get out of having to go to Midnight Mass to watch Lori (my father's wife) sing.

Scary: Just spoke with my father to arrange what time and where he will be picking me up tomorrow. After we've figured all of that out, I ask him what car he'll be driving (so that I know what I'm looking for). And he says, "well, we'll either be in 'ZoomZoom' or 'Bluey'". ???!!! I said, "let me get this straight, you've named your cars???" Well apparently so. I may just lose my lunch.

Decision made. Lares swung by and invited me to go to lunch. Since we rarely do that anymore, and he is moving to upstate in another month and we won't have too many chances to again, I decided to go. So a couple of beers and a burger later, we were ready to call for the check, when this other guy who works for our company sent over another round of beers -- ACK! HAPPY HOLIDAYS! Needless-to-say I don't think I'm going out to Jersey today. Still have to figure out what to do about my shower though.

Oh, and the other thing is, even though the rest of the company appears to be more or less gone, everyone in this department is still more or less here. So, it's not like I could have told my father that I would be out of here by 3:00 or whatever. Bastards.

Well now, Christmas. I am in a real quandary about what to do. I'm somehow supposed to go out to my father's house in North Jersey. He generously has offered to pick me up in Manhattan (he draws the line there, getting out to Queens is completely ridiculous) since I'll be carrying a 25+ lb pug in a bag. I debated about bringing her to work with me today, but I sit in a cubicle and I didn't really know what the atmosphere was going to be around here, but now that I'm here, I see that it's pretty quiet. Could probably have gotten away with bringing her. I was also running around this morning dealing with the shower disaster and generally just freaking out, so I just. couldn't. deal. Now that I'm here, I wish I had brought her though. So now my options are to: A) somehow do a round-tripper home on a (long) lunch hour to pick her up and bring her back. B) once I leave for the day, go home and come back into Manhattan. Or, C) take the train in with her tomorrow. And I just can't decide what to do. Any thoughts?

I did the dumbest thing this morning. Was finished with my shower, had just brushed my teeth, etc. when I reached into the shower to twist the faucet tighter since the water was still dripping (it is always dripping). Well, I completely snapped off the faucet. Broke clean through. On Christmas Eve, no less. I am a moron. Now I don't know what I'm going to do.

Since today is the 21st -- is it the equinox or Winter solstice or whatever? Does that mean the days will start getting longer again? Finally?

Christmas party last night at Gabrielle & Ponch's. At first I was pretty taken aback when we arrived and found a roomful of kids. Michelle and I (the only single people at the party, I might add) at one point just turned to each other in horror when more people arrived with yet more kids. The situation just called for drinking wine, and lots of it. It ended up being fun though, got to see some people I hadn't seen in a loooooong time. Like years & years & years. Most notably Mica & Cindy -- Mica used to have a duplex apartment in Chelsea with a couple of guys and they used to throw the best parties! I forged many of my current friendships at some of those parties. As a matter of fact, I remember at one of their New Year's Eve parties my current boss (who was just a distant friend at the time -- we didn't work together until years later) drank so much that he ended up rolphing into one of those plastic, New Year's top hats. I still think of that now, whenever he pisses me off, or if I feel intimidated. I'm so evil (heh).

So funny. I just ran into the UPS guy when I was coming in with Lola. He had a whole handcart full of boxes. He looks at me and says, "Sullivan, right?" I replied, "Yes, how did you know???" and he says, "I just know." So strange.

Oh, one thing I forgot to mention about the Queer Eye video thing from the other night. They filmed part of it in "The Fez" (nightclub associated with Time Cafe ). I can't tell you how many Friday nights I've spent in that place (the one in the video on Lafayette, not the one on the Upper Westside) drinking (what Bridget Jones, or some other heroine from some novel I've read, would call) "complicated cocktails". Of course this was all a few or more years ago before all of my friends started having babies and we all got so dull and old and boring.

"O' Holy Night" now. On a rock station. That's right. gaaah!

ARGH! They're killing me with all the Christmas songs!

Caught up with the (Making of) The Queer Eye Music Video last night. I liked it, mostly because it gave each of the guys more or less the chance to comment on the phenomena of their sudden celebrity. Although, what's the deal with Carson? Does he think he's the star of the show or what? The music video was made to go along with the Show's theme song, "All Things (Just Keep Getting Better)" which I guess you can look forward to hearing on a radio near you. I guess it's no worse than when the "Friends" theme song was released as a pop single. How long did we have to endure that?

This day so far is moving really slowly. I have this very tedious thing to work on, which isn't helping matters at all, believe me.

Did anyone happen to catch the Queer Eye Holiday Special last night? I enjoyed it, it was kind of fun to catch up with some of their former victims. I didn't stay up for the Queer Eye Music Video however, but I recorded it to watch tonight, so we'll see. I have my doubts about it, but could be it's just a major goof.

Gawd I'm tired this week. I really am. I've tried to be better about getting to bed and turning off my lights at a reasonable time, but it's still not usually before 11:30 or midnight. So here I struggle just to shake the cobwebs out and keep my eyes open this morning. Really looking forward to being able to sleep a little on Friday. Maybe I'll feel better after that.

My God. Now they're playing The Little Drummer Boy. Really. ACK!

So I listen to this lame rock station here at work. Basically, the reception here stinks, so I don't have a lot of choices. Anyway, I'm listening to it and they are playing Christmas hymns. Hymns! What is this??? ARGH!

Have I mentioned that I hate the title of my blog? I wonder if it's a pain in the butt to change it? Is it worth the bother? Don't even know what I would even change it to, I just don't like the name as it stands now. Gah!

Julia comments:

"I am going to my Company party on Thursday. It's huge. People hear about the Fidelity Christmas party even if they don't work here. It used to be much bigger until we moved a lot of people to remote offices. Anyway, I made sure I came back from India in time to catch it. I wouldn't miss it. Free food, free wine and beer, cab rides home... it's terrific."

Well, we used to have really great Christmas parties here too. I've been to formal parties at: The Plaza, The Pierre (very chichi), The Rainbow Room, Tavern on the Green, Cipriani's, to name just a few. It was always a total blast. Everyone got very dressed up and there was open bar and great food and it was always on a Friday night so you didn't have to worry about going to work the next day. That all ended a few years ago however, when they started laying people off. Now the company shells out $25 a head per department so that each group can go do something. $25 is never enough though, so you end up haven't to chip in some for it. Don't even think I'm going to bother this year.

ARGH! The chick who sits in the cubicle behind me eats this crap that smells (strongly) of a cross between curry and maple syrup. Every. Damn. Day. It's disgusting (and so rude).

Thursday afternoon is our departmental holiday lunch. Reservations have been made at some restaurant that I am not very interested in (one of the menu items is "fried okra" for cripes sake) and I am not feeling particularly festive nor social. Especially in light of the fact that we won't be receiving raises for the third year in a row. And also there are some politics around here lately that make me uncomfortable and not really up for all the phoney chit chat. It exhausts me just thinking about it all, to be honest. I'm thinking of skipping it. On the plus side, there would be unlimited beer/wine for a couple of hours. sigh, what to do, what to do...

Well, I spent some time tonight putting stuff away, cleaning a bit, sorting through a lot of my crap and trying to organize things somewhat. I feel a little better now.

Put in for a personal day this Friday. The Season, NYC, my job and my life are all getting me down. I need a day off.

I hate to be a cliche, but...

The Christmas season always gets me down and this year is no exception. Between the financial and guilty pressure of obligation and having no one special to be with, the whole thing just sucks all around. Add to that the looming New Year (again with no one special to share it with) and the natural inclination to review the past year and think about what's not working in my life (which is quite a lot, I must say). I just have this overwhelming feeling of dread and hopelessness and unhappiness.

Looks like the snow storm turned out to be a bit of a bust. It looked promising when it was snowing heavily until 3 pm or so, but then the snow changed to rain -- and it's raining out there still. Looks like all the snow will wash away in the end. I wonder what this will do to my LIRR commute tomorrow?

Apparently I am still living under that rock because I didn't really have a clue about this morning's snow storm either. Went outside with Lola at 9:30 and there was already about 2 inches and it was coming down hard. Ran into a neighbor who said that the snow hadn't even started yet at 7:30 when he was out with his dog. 2 inches in 2 hours and counting. This is so bizarre for our area. We rarely get snow in December, and if we do, it's usually not a significant amount. To have two big snow storms like this is very unusual. I don't even think it's offcially Winter yet.

Oh and they caught Saddam Hussein -- that's the other big news I didn't know about. But at least that appears to be breaking news this morning, so I'm not too far behind on that one. I've got to think they've been predicting this storm for a while.

Told Carolina & Janos that I would help them with their apartment renovations again today (because I have no life). Now I'm waiting for them to call. While my own apartment is a complete disaster. Need a bulldozer or something for this place. Ugh.

I finally saw Pirates of the Caribbean tonight at Carolina & Janos's. I really enjoyed it, but feel that Johnny Dep really made the movie move beyond being just yet another action picture. Orlando Bloom had his moments too, but Johnny Dep provided a character that gave the film significant humor and a personality that made the movie stand out, for me anyway. It was just a fun movie that was perfect for a Friday night. Enjoyed the characters and the action and didn't have to think too hard. Nor were my emotions manipulated and twisted into a knot. Good, clean fun. Yeah, that's it.

So disappointing: I got a hair cut last night. Lopped off a good bit too. It was a number of inches below my shoulders and I had it cut to a couple of inches above. So a relatively significant haircut. However, no one in my office has noticed. Not one person. Ergh!

Email to the LIRR:

subj: Horrible Service -- Trains Constantly Delayed -- Poor Communication

What gives? My morning train has been late (significantly late, over 10 minutes and as much as 20 minutes or more) EVERY single day this week. Every day. Some mornings there are announcements and some mornings (like today) there are not. I rush madly around my apartment in the morning to be on time for the train, yet I invariably end up standing on the platform amongst other equally frustrated and pissed off passengers waiting for a train that doesn't show. I end up at work late as a result, I end up having to work later at night. The service of your organization just seems to become worse and worse, yet the prices continue to rise. Your latest price increase has me paying around $130 for a monthly ticket -- to go 8 miles. 8 miles! Yet the service is despicable. Additionally, we have to endure surly staff (ticket clerk at the Kew Gardens station) and completely over-crowded trains (I think for $130 a month, I should at least be able to sit down). What are the LIRR plans to improve service? Currently the situation is completely unacceptable.

-Frustrated Passenger

Yesterday I went over to the desk of our department javascript/HTML/Web-stuff "expert" to get some help with my javascript issues. He's a pretty cute guy and our paths don't cross often, so I'm usually a little shy around him (he has a GF, so it's not like I am "after" him or anything, it's just one of those things that gets me flustered). Anyway, I spent almost an hour with him and afterwards I went into the Ladies room where, lo and behold, when I looked into the mirror, I noticed that I had somehow sprouted a zit. Right in between my eyes. And I hardly ever break-out. Additionally, I had somehow developed some kind of red heat rash on my forehead. Our office area is so hot and it was particularly so yesterday. So, nice, attractive picture I must have presented. Sheesh!

I know this is completely redundant, but... delays again this morning on the LIRR. 20 minutes this time, with no announcements to the poor slobs waiting anxiously on the platform (of course, that's what I said they should do yesterday -- just didn't know I was going to be taken literally). At first when we had only been waiting for a couple of minutes, I thought to myself, 'no, it just can't happen again. No matter how much I complain about the LIRR, it would be ridiculous to be late (significantly late -- over 10 or 15 minutes) every single day this week. Even for them.' But sure enough, 20 minutes late. And of course the train was horrendously over-crowded (no seats available at all and limited standing room) AND it made an additional stop in Woodside. I just find this whole state of affairs maddening and frustrating. I feel so completely helpless, there is nothing I can do, I just have to continue to pay their exorbitant fees and take the service they provide, for good or for bad (mostly for bad, as it seems).

Since I brought my lunch to work today (as I'm proud of myself to have been doing all week), I didn't have a chance to run any errands, since I never left the building. So I ran down to Duane Reade for a couple of minutes just now. On my way back to work, coming through the mezzanine at the back entrance, I couldn't help but notice all the smokers socializing and laughing it up out there like it was a good old cocktail party. All that was missing were the cosmos, martinis and finger foods. I don't understand how hard-core smokers get away with it these days. To have to constantly run downstairs and outside to smoke. And then they all seem to run into their smoking buddies, so I would think they tend to hang out for longer than it takes to smoke one cigarette. I just don't get it.

Nothing like banging your head on a wall trying to figure out how to code in javascript when you've had no training in it at all and rarely need to use it. I hate feeling stupid.

So, I gave up two hours of my life to watch Ryan & Trista's wedding last night. Why? I have no idea. I didn't even watch the Bachelorette! So it's not as if these people even have any meaning for me. But watch it I did. The whole two hours. While commenting out loud to myself and Lola about what a load of schlock it really was. But still watching. They staged it like the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. One commenter in the main "booth" while occasionally shooting to ground reporters staged in different places. It just amazes me that these two "average" people are somehow now super-celebrities. Like these beautiful people couldn't get a date before ABC stepped in. Please. I would like to see programming for a show called, "Old Maid" (in addition to the "Average Jane" show I suggested earlier this week). You get some past her prime, 40 or 50-something year old woman who has to wade through a crowd of 40 or 50-something year old guys. Many who have real intimacy issues. Some are divorced and have lots of baggage, are paying alimony and have evil children who don't like the idea of a step mother. All have completely twisted expectations, wanting to date a 23-year old blond, hard-body cheerleader (and not the 40-50 year old woman).

What is with the Reality phenomenon anyway? I think this is the end of civilization as we know it. Certainly I feel my meager intelligence seeping away as a result of watching the small amount of reality programming I have over the last month or so.

Of course there were delays this morning on the LIRR. It's raining afterall. At this point, I think there have been more morning delays than not (over the last few weeks anyway). I think the railroad should forget about making PA anouncements when there is a delay and instead just announce when the trains are on time. Along those same lines, perhaps I should also only remark when the LIRR is on time.

I just got a piece of spam mail that is advertising, "Get TOTALLY Free Condoms on the Internet!". Uh maybe it's just me but, I'm not sure this is an area where one should be looking to getting something for nothing.

The girl in the next cubicle is eating something incredibly stinky AGAIN! ARGH!

Open-air office plans suck.

Everyone knows how much I love The Fab 5, but during the course of the show last night, Bravo was promoting the up and coming "Queer Eye music video" (to be previewed after next week's episode). Is this an example of the media over-exposing and turning a good thing into a pop culture joke? Over-saturating the public with something just because the image in question was well-received in its original form? I hope not, but time will tell.

Oh, and there were delays on the LIRR yet again this morning. Bastards.

Geez, I just re-read the two entries below. Think I'm in a bad mood or something? I blame the LIRR...

Thought I'd try to save some money this morning and drink the free coffee in the pantry here, rather than buying it from Dunkin' Donuts (those soulless bastards) or Primo Cappuccino or similar. However, I don't think this is quite going to work -- ecccccch!

Delays again this morning on the #$@!@&*)$%#$ ass-sucking LIRR. Bastards.

I have a guilty secret to confess. I've been watching Average Joe. Tonight was the finale when the beauty had to choose between "Average Joe" Adam and "hottie" Jason. Personally, I was rooting for Adam, the "average" guy and no, not just because he was the underdog. He just seemed sincere and sweet and there seemed to be a great chemistry between the two. And by the way, he actually was cute, just not a model-y type. I guess a huge part of it was based upon who I would have picked (I guess that's what you end up doing with these shows) and for me having someone who makes me laugh is just such a huge thing. The guy who won, Jason, seemed nice enough and sincere as well, I just thought Adam was such a great guy all around. But what do I know, my romantic history is certainly fraught with way more failure than success. But there you have it, I found the ending very disappointing. I would actually find it extremely interesting if they broadcast an "Average Jane". Of course the average girls would be immediately voted off once the models all showed up, so I guess it wouldn't end up being much of a show afterall.

A week or so ago I bought these "buffalo wings" from the freezer section of my local health food store. They're made with soy and "stone-ground wheat gluten" and are completely vegan -- sounds revolting, yes? I finally decided to give them a try tonight and I have to say they were surprisingly good. Certainly not as good as real buffalo wings, but not a bad facsimile -- good tabasco taste too. And all for under 300 calories. Woo! Too bad I didn't have some beer to go with them though, buffalo wings just aren't the same without beer. But then, I guess that would sort of be defeating the purpose of the healthy "wings" now, wouldn't it?

I have no idea why there should have been delays on the LIRR this morning when the storm ended well over 24 hours ago (and has been brilliant and sunny ever since). They've had plenty of time to get things sorted out, I would think. Bastards.

Wow, we got a lot of snow this weekend. Storm 1 blew through on Friday dumping, I don't know, maybe 5" or 6". Woke up on Saturday morning to storm number 2 (the news channels called it a "blizzard") which continued all day and into the night. I spent the day helping Carolina and Janos with their apartment (they are pretty much down to the wire with time and there is still a significant amount of renovation to be done, so they're taking help wherever they can get it). Carolina's mother kindly made dinner for us afterwards. When we walked from their building back to our's at around 8 PM, we noticed that the snow had finally stopped, and we figured that the storm was finished. However, when I took Lola out at 11:30 it was snowing again quite significantly. Was still snowing when I went to bed (I guess around midnight or so). Who knows when it ever stopped? But it was sunny this morning. Things are kind of messy out there now. But traffic seems to be moving okay and everything is open, etc. So I guess it's back to normal here in NYC.

I've been thinking long and hard about quitting NYC, leaving my job and moving somewhere cheaper to live, work and go back to school. I've been having a lot of dreams lately, my subconscious is really working over time. I think I'm having a mid-life crisis and don't know what to do. I think I need another beer...

drat. I left all the beer at Carolina & Janos's...

It's snowing like crazy out there. It's actually kind of exciting. Wait until Lola sees this tonight, she'll go nuts. On an unrelated note: Penn Station was insane when I ran down there at lunchtime. Children and senior citizens swarming everywhere. I think the Christmas Shows at the Garden have started. And of course all these kids were with school groups and all were linked together, holding hands, so trying to get past was like waiting for a freight train to end. Hordes of people also stood outside my office building blocking the entrances, making a quick errand to pop down and grab lunch an unexpected ordeal. But the snow sure was pretty.

Julia notes that I should have the Weather Bug on my system. Well, I used to have it installed on my computer at work (which is where I really need it because I sit far from a window and never have a clue about what's happening outside) and it drove me bonkers. So I uninstalled it. So there. heh.

I must be living under a rock or something. Apparently there is some huge snow/nor'easter-style storm bearing down on the NYC area -- just in time for the weekend, or so I hear, but not, unfortunately, in time for a snow day tomorrow (boo). They were going on about it on the News like it's something that's been talked about for days. And maybe it has, like I said, I appear to be living under a rock.

Cher is having W&B for dinner tonight. I'm jealous.

So. Busy. Today. But, it's a good kind of busy, so I'm not complaining (believe it or not).

Julia is in India now. So weird to think that it's already tomorrow for her. And she is probably in the middle of her day or something while I sit here falling asleep in front of The West Wing. Anyway, I know that she was not looking forward to this trip, but it sounds pretty exciting nonetheless.

I wanted to blog about some more stuff, but I am so tired tonight that I feel brain damaged. It's all there somewhere in the far reaches of my mind, but I think that's where it's going to stay. At least for tonight.

I've had a problem with the LIRR every day so far this week. Monday were delays that got me to work about half an hour late. Yesterday was the debacle coming home that left me in Jamaica. This morning there were vague announcements of delays again. As we stood, helpless, on the platform watching train after train just fly through the station (while we all froze, I might add). Got to work twenty minutes late. Must be because it is cold. Yeah, that's it. Bastards.

The first scene in Queer Eye (the one when they're in the Suburban, pulling up to the straight guy's office) was right across the street from my office. I mean, my building was in the shot. Damn, should get out at lunch more. Could have maybe met the Fab 5. I think I enjoy the episodes that involve Manhattan straight guys the most (like tonight). Certainly, I relate more to the tiny apartment do-over. I just can't relate as much to some Mc'Mansion make-over in Jersey (as nice as it might be).

The LIRR strikes again. Train decides that it's not going to stop in Forest Hills or Kew Gardens tonight, so it dumps us all in Jamaica (after sitting outside the station and not moving for fifteen minutes). Then it was a mad dash to the end of the platform, down the stairs, find the right set of stairs back up to the correct platform, dash to the other end of that platform and jump on the train moving west. Argh! Damn them!

Asinine thing at lunch today: Hot & Crusty (sandwich & pastry place) markets this lunchtime thing, cup of soup and half a sandwich for $4.50. Yet when you go to the place and try to buy this combination, they make you wait on two lines. First you wait on one line to order your soup. They give you your soup in a bag. Then you have to go to another line and order your half-sandwich. AND then you have to sort of jockey yourself into the register line to pay. Additionally, because of this method, I ended up with three bags for my lunch (one for the soup. one for the sand. and one for my soda). I'd like to meet the brainiac who came up with this new system. Argh!

I was just in my manager's office and I'm standing there talking to him and I look over his head and out the window and... it's snowing outside! I can't even believe it! (I love snow). I must have somehow missed the weather report this morning. kewl.

Seen at the train station this morning: Woman desperate to park, pulls into a spot (on the other side of the tracks) in the skanky muck "pond" that has formed from all the rain we've had. This water smells, I have to hold my breath when I get off the train at night and walk past this stagnant water on my way home. Anyway, she pulls in and gets out of her car wearing long, woolen pants and back-less mule shoes. Steps into that skanky water (deeper than her ankles) like it was nothing. I was completely flabbergasted. People are crazy.

Greedy @$$&*^#$ Dunkin' Donuts just raised their prices again! As if I wasn't already in a bad enough mood this morning. bastards.