Working Whirlwind

Things have been crazy for me at work for the last couple of months, crazy in mostly a good way. I have basically gotten (without exaggeration) about six months worth of work done in about two months. I had a status meeting late yesterday afternoon with two users on one of my projects and they were thrilled with the progress, so that was a big relief. My other huge project that wrapped up on May 13th was a big success and those users were very happy as well. All of a sudden after my meeting yesterday, I looked in my project queue and realized that I've basically finished all of my work, there is nothing much staged to be next. Nothing very interesting anyway. It's sort of a weird feeling. I know that there will be plenty of new things to come my way shortly, but in the interim I have a little window of a breather. I actually don't really like it much, I prefer to be busy and feel like I'm making a solid contribution. This would have been a good time to schedule a vacation. Oh well.

Related to the work thing... Luminita called me the other day with information about various head hunters who have been calling people in her group looking for people who have experience in Business Intelligence using our products. Basically what I have years of experience in and what I've lately been spending probably 90% of my time on and what is, really, my forte. The one specific position she mentioned is working for a major bank/financial corporation and the salary was in the neighborhood of 40K more than I am making here. That's $40,000. More. Yikes. Maybe it really is time to brush up the resume and buy some interviewing clothes.

Yikes!

I was just in line behind someone at the Duane Reade who was buying $120 worth of cigarettes. One Hundred and Twenty Dollars. Yikes!

More on Idiots and Stupidity

I forgot the very best part from the story of the police catching the moronic rapist in my town. Apparently, they located the house where he was living and were let into the illegal basement apartment. The house was surrounded with every flavor of cop (remember, the victim had connections) and so here they all come into the room with all their riot gear, etc. The guy is in the room and hiding. On his bed. Under the sheet on top. It just cracks me up, I can picture this guy hiding under a sheet on his bed like a child thinking no one is going to see him! You'd think he would at least have crawled under the bed.


Another idiot last Saturday. I was walking my dog down the street and there is someone walking behind me that I could hear crunching voraciously away on some potato chips. He passes me and shortly afterward tosses his potato chip bag on the ground. GRRRRRRRRRR!
So, sick of issues like this affecting the quality of life around here, I call out to him, "Hey! You dropped something! Pick it up!"
And so he starts yelling, "It's just Goddamn Garbage!"
me (at this point practically screeching): "Yeah, and that's what garbage cans are for! Look there is one right there" (gesturing to one a mere few feet away)
The kid is grumbling, but picks it up and does throw it away. Of course, by now I'm ranting away -- "I mean, look at this place! " (gesturing around the trash littering the ground) "people live here, who wants to look at everyone's trash everywhere... " and on and on. I'll bet that moron will think twice before littering again. If for no other reason than for fear of invoking the rantings of another crazy person like me.

And The Good News Is...

They caught the guy who brutally attacked my neighbor in the basement of my building. Unfortunately for him, this woman's husband is a homicide detective with the NYPD and this case was given a top priority. The idiot had taken her cell phone and kept it, and so they were able to trace him through that (it was found on a table next to the guy's bed). The scary thing is, this guy lived a couple of streets away and admitted to doing 7 other similar attacks in the area. When asked why, he said, "I had had a bad day. My boss had been yelling at me all day. I saw her and wanted her." Unbelievable. He also admitted to strangling her almost to death. Buncha sickos in this World.

AWOL

I know that I've been missing in action. I've been utterly swamped at work. I haven't even had a moment to come up for air. I haven't even had time during the week to just run outside for 10 mins and breathe and see some daylight. I've had no time for personal email and forget about blogging. The urgent project I've been busting my ass to accomplish is wrapping up now however, so I should have a little more wiggle room next week. It's been crazy and stressful, but also oddly satisfying. I've accomplished quite a lot in the last two months at work, but I fear my physical, psychological and emotional life has perhaps taken a hit. Ever since the Big Shake-Up at Work, I have felt on edge and unsettled and not valued and just generally stressed out and insecure. I haven't been sleeping well at all. Adding the urgency of this project to my load has just put me in the redline for the last couple of months. As a result I've been sleeping like crap, eating like crap, and I've been uninspired and unmotivated and emotionally volatile in my personal time. So as this particular assignment starts to wrap up, I need to re-commit myself to taking care of me. That means eating better, sleeping more and working out -- if anyone has any words or stories of inspiration, please let me know, I could really use it now.

On an Unrelated Note:

(Actually, in a weird way it is related because it is just another thing that will add to my current state of mind.)

There was an attempted rape in my apartment building last night. This woman I know was coming into the building through the back door at around 8:30 last night and some punk apparently managed to get in behind her (I am unsure whether she just didn't notice him or if he pushed her in). She was screaming and he started trying to rape her. Apparently the woman's mother was up in her apartment and happened to somehow to have heard her (maybe she started screaming before the door closed). Also, luckily, this woman owns a large (and loud) dog (one of very few in our building and the only big one). The woman's mother came down to the basement with the dog and the dog chased the rapist out of the building. He had managed to already have this her pants off. This all just makes me so upset and angry, and for some reason, even more so after coming off a gut-busting couple of months at work. I just so resent that I work my heart out, that I've been working for half my life, that I pay a huge amount of taxes, mind my own business am a productive and responsible member of the community and yet I live in a 2-room apartment struggling to pay my bills (with not much left over for vacations or many "luxuries") and the place is not even safe. I know this sort of thing can happen anywhere at all, but when it happens inside your own building (not in some alley or somewhere) it just makes you feel even more vulnerable. Anyway, like I've said, I've really been kind of an emotional mess lately. Oh, and the other thing is... I also resent that our Co-op rules state that people are not allowed to own pets, particularly dogs (yes, I own an illegal dog). Well, pets can greatly increase your quality of life, especially if you live alone. And if this woman last night had not owned her dog, there is a very good chance that she would have been raped. I think I'll look into buying a Rottweiler.

I Just Don't Get It

I'll just never understand the sort of person who gets on a crowded, standing-room-only, commuter train with 1 minute to spare, carrying a huge, dripping ice cream cone. I mean, I won't even bring a coffee on the train with me if I think it's going to be crowded. People are weird.

Going to be a BAD Day

ARGH! It's Bring-Your-Freaking-Spawn-from-Hell-to-Work-so-that-They-can-Annoy-Anyone-Actually-Trying-to-Accomplish-Some-Blasted-Productive-Work-Day -- I have a headache already.

Things that Annoy Me

The (freaking) Giggler (aka: "Stinky Lunch Girl") on the other side of my cubicle wall yapping away on the phone and giggling incessantly. When does she freaking work? ARGH!

Sundry

My friend Lares was in town for the weekend and so I joined him for some drinks after work on Friday. He moved way upstate over a year ago and is enjoying his life up there. It was nice to do a Happy Hour for a change, even if it was just in some Penn Station bar.

Walking Lola down the street on Sunday -- a bunch of people walking with strollers and small children ahead of us. One woman keeps looking anxiously over her shoulder at Lola and me, finally stops and stands way over to the side and lets us pass, all while eyeing Lola suspiciously. As we pass I say, "she's not going to hurt ya." Sheesh.

Going for a long walk with the dog tonight, I walk down this footpath down the backside of the small park, on the way to the big park. I see a woman with two dachshunds rooting around in the ground, once hunched in a suspicious "humped" position. Woman sees me noticing, so she tugs the dog and plays innocent, like I didn't almost catch her allowing her dog to poop in a place where she was obviously not going to pick up after it. It crossed my mind to say something, but then decided that one confrontation with a stranger a day is enough. I've met my quota for the day.

Nightmare Neighbors above me finally moved out and the new guy moved in last Tuesday. So far the new guy appears to be unbelievably quiet. So much so that I can't believe my luck and have been holding my breath waiting for the other shoe to drop. Maybe the mondo-stereo-unit-with-sub-woofer is on back-order.

Low & Blue

I've been feeling particularly low lately, and I'm not really sure how to get out of my funk. Part of this might be a result of the changes at work, but I don't think my mood can so easily be explained away. The politics and attitudes that surround the atmosphere in my department are demoralizing, to be sure. However, I am in the midst of a busy, interesting project and feel like I've gotten a lot done, that my work on all accounts has been appreciated by the users involved and I have plenty of this work still on my plate, so I know that this productive streak can continue for a while yet. I do feel a slight anxiety that I should be also involved in other projects looming in the department, but I can only do so much at a time and must force myself to relax a bit (the politics are making me tense, I guess). But anyway, I think my blue mood extends beyond work. I just feel like I've got nothing really to look forward to these days. I come home and yes, I can take a walk in the park with the dog (although even that has been hard with the added hours I've been working), but that's all that I have going on. I feel like most of my friends have moved on in their lives, people moving, having babies, otherwise growing and living life and that I'm just stuck in the same old rut I've been in for years and years and years. Most of my local friends now have kids and good for them. But it's hard being a childfree person amidst all the family stuff -- I start to feel like a second-class citizen. My friends also know that I really am not all that interested in kids, so it is easy for me to be excluded from the few social things that do come up. I like the kids and like hearing about the kids, as long as that is not your only topic of conversation (and in the case of my friends, all certainly can and will talk on a myriad of subjects, so no one has really descended into that child-centric moronic sensibility that you see over-take so many parents these days). I guess it's situational, I'm not really all that into going to a child's birthday party, and they're not really all that into finding a babysitter and going out for drinks or for dinner or brunch, etc. In addition to this, Queens depresses me, I walk around outside and there is just so much garbage everywhere. There is a Chinese restaurant on the corner across the street from my apartment and punk kids stand there at all hours of the day and night yelling and cursing. I hate not having a car here, I feel like I am trapped by miles of urban mediocrity with no method to escape. This morning I was on a train coming to work, I was with my neighbor Jerry, and we wanted to sit down in a couple of seats where a woman was resting her feet. On the seat. So we both make a comment about how rude it is to put her feet on the seat when someone is going to have to sit in her filth. Well, she starts going at me (I don't know why she set her sights on me alone) and starts calling me "passive aggressive" etc. And I say, "Well, I'm sorry but it is rude to put your feet on the seat like that -- you've walked around stepped in dog crap and whatever and now someone has to sit in that" She goes off on me and screeching about how she has not stepped in dog crap, etc. (aside: I'm sorry, but I own a dog and even the most conscientious dog owner cleaning up after their dog can't get every bit of it off the street, there is still going to be some residue left behind) -- and besides dog crap, the streets are filthy, I don't care where you live. Even if you've driven yourself in your nice, clean car through your nice, clean suburb, you still have to park that car and walk through a parking lot where there is sure to be all kinds of oil, etc. on the ground. And I'm sorry you're obviously commuting into NYC, I mean, hello? Do you honestly think the streets of NYC are clean? And if you commute with any regularity, your shoes are dirty. Period. Anyway, she starts screeching, "SHUT UP!!!! JUST SHUT UP!!!" Every time I even try to open my mouth to defend my position, "SHUT UP!!!" yet again. Maybe I shouldn't have opened my mouth, but I just find this sort of thing so ultimately inconsiderate and a good illustration of how people are around here (maybe it's like this everywhere, I don't know). It just all made me even more depressed about my life, I just seem to see a neverending stream of examples of this kind of soul-lessness. Maybe it's just me, I don't know, but it really set a cap on my already low mood. I sat down at my desk when I finally got in and just wanted to put my head down and cry.

Why Is It?

Why is it, every year the first time I wear sandals I get blisters? Doesn't matter how old the damn shoes are either. Sheesh!

The Pros and Cons of Working Out in the Morning

Cons

* I hate getting up early in the morning (who doesn't?)
* It takes me longer to wake up and warm up.
* I have to seriously watch the clock during the workout.
* I may have to cut the work-out short if I run out of time.
* It takes forever to cool down.
* I can't just relax after the exertion, but must then rush around and prepare for work.
* My fingers swelling so much that I can't even put my rings on.
* I'm still sweating even after my shower.
* I'm still sweating even after my commute.
* I always feel like I'm rushing.


Pros

* After the initial pain of getting up very early, realizing that it's actually not that bad.
* Having the gym to myself.
* Since I'm starting cold and it takes me a while to warm up, my heartrate is working harder from the very start.
* If at the gym, watching more morning News than I usually get to see.
* That smug feeling of finishing the workout and knowing that it's only about 7 AM.
* Knowing that I don't have to try and squeeze a workout in for the rest of the day.
* Knowing that if I do, I get bonus points (and can feel very smug).
* Starting the day off in a good mood. Well, the jury is still out on this last one.

Nothing like being the first one to arrive to work and the last one to leave

and I'm not getting a raise this year because... why???

and the Good News is...

...the Neighbors-from-Hell are moving on Friday! Yay, it's finally official. Don't know what the person moving in will be like, but she told me that she thinks he's a single guy, so at least that's just one person stomping around instead of two + one hellspawn. On the other hand, it's been my experience living in apartments that single guys tend to be of the loud-stereo-playing-variety of neighbor, but let's just wait and see shall we? Maybe this one will put down a rug or two anyway.

Other People's Noise

So, here it is a beautiful, sunny, 70-degree day and I have to keep my windows shut because some asshole thinks that his right to blast crap music out the open windows, doors and hatch of his parked car is more important than the right of everyone else in the vicinity to quiet enjoyment of their homes. Rat Bastard.

What a Long, Depressing Winter it's been...

I can't ever remember being this affected by a Winter before. I think it was less the bad weather and more the long, dark days that got to me. I've been having a tough time at work too for the last few months so there really hasn't been much in my life that has been any kind of a release from all the various stresses. Even not working out becomes a bonus stress as I worry about what I'm not doing and worry & fret about getting back into it. When I took Lola out this morning around 7:30 I could see that already it was a beautiful day. Moderate but crisp temps, brilliant skies, I knew that I would be a complete asshole if I didn't take at least some advantage of it. I puttered around for part of the day, but finally put on light workout pants, sportsbra, t-shirt, windbreaker and running shoes, leashed up the dog and went off to Forest Park. What a gorgeous day -- the sky was this brilliant blue, this shade that seemed almost a cross between cobalt and periwinkle or something. Lola and I had a good time walking and running on the bridle path trails and meeting the various dogs we happened to pass (including two English Bulldogs, one French Bulldog and a Pug puppy named "Precious"). It was really a very pleasant way to spend part of the afternoon, and, even though my workout effort was completely pathetic (it's very depressing to realize how out of shape I really am), it feels good to have gotten out and done something. I think Lola was happy to move some as well.

The Curse of Coming in Early

I was STARVING by about 10:30. Had to finally run downstairs around 11:15 and get a bagel. Sheesh!

Heart-Broken

I don't think I'm adjusting to the changes at work very well. I've been working hard. I've been coming in early and staying late. But still somehow I feel unsettled and out of sync around here all of a sudden. If this was all merely about shouldering my burden and getting a bunch of work done it would be one thing, but the unsettling feeling is coming all from politics. I kind of feel a bit like a pariah, like it's high school all over again. I was very awkward and unpopular in school. My social pain was so much that I just held on and counted it as limbo time until my real life could begin. I figured that once I became an adult, everything would change. Well, that is and is not true. I certainly became a lot more poised. I learned how to find people in life that I could count on (for the most part). I figured out what was important and what wasn't and if someone didn't like you, well, who needs them anyway? But still, I find the parallels in real life to that horrible time in school all the time. It's particularly disconcerting when I come up against it in my work environment because then there is really no escaping it. I can't just shrug it off and go play elsewhere. I've always felt like my department here was a good team, but lately and more and more I feel like it's become a popularity contest. Just little things make me feel snubbed. For instance: a colleague who moved to Seattle a few months ago is in NYC this week and so an email was sent around about people going out after work with her. No problem. I wasn't sure if I was going to go, it being a Tuesday and all, but it was nice to have the option. No more word was said about where and when, etc. But I was here working away around 5:30 - 6:00 PM or so -- I had been in the same spot, the same position literally since 8 AM. And I hear the Director of my department come around to the cube across from me and ask the guy who sits there (Mark) if he was going to come out with them. I heard her mumble where they were going to be and that they were leaving then. Do you think she popped her head into my cube? I was sitting right there and I know that she knew it too. I hate this shit. I feel like it doesn't matter how hard I work, if I'm not on some arbitrary "A" list then I am just a working-slug-piece-of-shit-nobody. It wouldn't be as a big a deal if this snubbing was coming from a colleague, but this is the Director of my department. This is the person who determines whether I get a raise, what projects I get to do, and even whether I have a job!It's like high school all over again and I can't stand it.

So. Stressed. Out.

MY GOD

The radio station I'm listening to is playing "Y.M.C.A." by The Village People. I mean. My God.