Frustrating Week

I seem to be having the most frustrating week. Constantly being pulled into meetings, or having long, drawn-out phone and email conversations about one problem or issue or another, I am not getting a whole lot of work done. I mean, all of this stuff is making me incredibly busy, while at the same time, not terribly productive. And, for the love of GOD, will the manager (you know who you are) who keeps warning me about the "high profile" (shit detail, data clean-up) project that is supposed to come my way just shut up about it and give me the actual assignment (complete with specs) already??? I mean, all of these hints and "heads-ups" are just infusing me with urgency and nervousness and I don't even have the damn thing to work on yet! Sheesh!

I know this may be Earth shattering news to some, but...

...I actually worked out yesterday.

20 minutes on the Elliptical and 20 minutes on the treadmill (mostly walking, but with spurts of 1-minute running intervals, all at 1 % incline) in my apartment building gym. Had the place to myself too, since there is no A/C down there and it is ungodly hot. Actually wasn't horrible if I had two fans blowing directly on me. Sort of. Followed the workout with a completely sleepless night. ARGH!

Why is Shoe Shopping meant to be "Every" Woman's Fantasy?

For me it's always a nightmare-ish ordeal.

I went to the shoe department at Macy's last week in the hope of finding a pair of brown shoes for Fall. As I wandered aimlessly amongst the different "boutique" shoe areas, I was overwhelmed by the lack of abundance of mid-heel brown shoes that were not a mule or a sandal. Don't get me wrong, I like both mules and sandals, but I don't really want a sandal for Fall, and I still cannot figure out how a mule is meant to be worn in the colder months. I think they would be a bit funny with stockings or socks (plus, I would think your feet would slip out of them) and there is just a point in the year when I am no longer willing to go "sockless". But the main thrust of my rant is really about being waited on in a shoe store. Or more specifically, not being waited on. As I wandered about the huge shoe floor at Macy's I was struck with a shoe here or there that I may have wanted to try on, but which I was too overwhelmed to even attempt. First of all, you pretty much have to shop in each section of the shoe floor as if it was a separate store. So, if I was to find a nice brown shoe in, say, "Joan & David" and then I wandered about and found another likely shoe in "Bandolino", I couldn't just plop down in, say, "Nine West" and ask to see each shoe. You have to pick a designer and try to get waited on in each section. And then trying to get a salesperson to stop for you -- yeah, good luck. As I wandered around the store I witnessed a lot of very lost-looking, potential customers either wandering vacant-eyed in the aisles clutching examples of shoes they hoped to try, or sitting on the edge of the random stool or chair or cube looking like they were about to grow cobwebs. The few salespeople to be seen seemed to move at the speed of light with heads held high and eyes focused on some distant, inanimate point far out of range so as not to inadvertently catch the eye of some hopeful shoe shopper. Maybe it's just that I don't have the patience to sit around and wait to be helped, or that I'm not aggressive enough to tackle a shoe salesperson as they flit past, but for me, shoe shopping is always unbelievably stressful. No wonder I wear all of my shoes into the ground and they always look completely like shit. I've been known to wear the same pair of shoes every day for months on end. Seriously.

You Gotta Love NYC

Well, maybe not. This afternoon I was at one of the Duane Reades in Penn Station to pick up a prescription and on my way out through the front I passed a woman who was ranting loudly to the store manager about one of the cashiers who (apparently) had not treated her well. Loud-Ranting-Woman exclaimed, "I swear, next time I'm going to reach across the counter and slap the shit out of the bitch!" Well, okay then. I did not stick around to hear what the manager's response was.

Another Week Flies By

And I haven't done much about blogging. Been kind of in the doldrums this week and I'm not exactly sure why. I spoke to my sister over the weekend and she was bubbling over with enthusiasm and happiness with their move to Bend, Oregon. She couldn't say enough about how wonderful the area is, the community, the scenery, the climate, the outdoorsy nature of the inhabitants and all the bike & running, etc. trails that are available all over the place. She kept saying to me, "and tell me why you're living where you are again?" I know, I know, the quality of life here sucks (unless you make a lot of money), but my job is here, you know? And she kept reminding me that I'm not getting any younger, if I'm going to make a change, I should do it. I KNOW!!! Sheesh! It's so easy to become complacent in life, making a huge change is very hard. It's both harder and easier (at the same time, if that makes any sense) when you are all on your own. Granted, I don't have kids, so I wouldn't be uprooting anything much, but I am my only resource -- financially, emotionally, whatever. I think my biggest worry is being able to find good employment, earning enough money to pay my bills, save for retirement, have a home and have a life, while actually liking what I do, hopefully even (at least most of the time) looking forward to coming to work every day. I actually have that here, as much as I complain about it in my blog, I actually (usually) like my job. I've worked for this company for sixteen years, so looking for a position outside of it is hugely daunting to me. But when I lay everything out, this job is really the main thing that is keeping me here. I have friends here too, yes, but most of my friends nowadays are busy with children or other endeavors, so my social life has really fallen to the wayside in recent years. So, that is not holding me here. Everything else is just logistics, I would need a car, I'd have to sell my apartment, I would have to transition smoothly enough so that I could continue to pay my debt without interruption. Anyway, lately I've just had this feeling of time running out. People all around me are making big changes in their lives, moving on. I feel like I am stuck in limbo and my window to make a change won't be open for forever. This is what has been keeping me awake at night.

Yet another example of rudeness...

This morning I am at a Dunkin' Donuts counter ordering coffee. Woman beside me who already has her coffee or whatever decides that she needs something from a container on the other side of me. So, rather than walking around me to get it, she reaches across behind me, in the process pushing me up against the glass counter and wacking me repeatedly in the back with her backpack. No apologies or even an acknowledgement that I was actually there. Even the woman waiting on me gave a little incredulous laugh, like she couldn't believe it.

Amazing what some people consider "Business Casual"

Seen today on my floor at work :

Chick (who works in the Accounting Department at my company) wearing... skin-tight (so tight she must have had to lie down to put them on), neon-bright fushia pink, cropped pants with a crocheted, neon-bright fushia pink (complete with glitter!) poncho thing on top (and a white tank top underneath). I literally did a double-take.

is it just this city, or are people getting ruder?

Examples of rudeness from today alone:

- Chick sits next to me on the train, flops the jacket she is holding onto my lap and leaves it there. For the entire ride.

- Train chick repeatedly flips her (long) hair into my face. I mean, she did see me sitting there, right?

- Go to give blood in our office building today and the blood guy repeatedly orders me around (sit here, sit there, get up, move turn this way, do this, no NOT like that, etc.) with no please, thank you or even just a friendly tone. Er, he did realize that I was donating my bodily fluids and asking for nothing in return, right?

- Get on crowded elevator this afternoon and the chick behind me can not move even one inch (even when she clearly has a lot of space behind her) so that I can comfortably stand.

- At the Au Bon Pain where I buy my wrap sandwich for lunch, I am at the register, cashier is in the process of ringing me up, while one man to my left is trying to push me out of the way, while waving his money at the cashier for his damn danish, while one woman on my right is waving her sandwich and trying to shove her money in front of the man's. Can't they see that I am currently in between them and being waited on????

- I'm second in line at the Duane Reade when they open up another register, new cashier speaks up to call over the next customer and the chick on line behind me jumps out of line and runs over there. I speak up and say, "Uh, I was next!" She looks over at me and says, "Oh, do you want to go?" "Well, YES!!!" dumb ass.

Maybe it's just my tolerance for this crap that has changed, but it is wearing me out. Gotta get out of NYC.

And Sometimes there is Vindication...

I had a nice compliment yesterday from (of all people) the director of my department. I happened to be over by the admin's desk to get a bandaid and she heard my voice and so asked me to stop in. She told me that she had met with the director of another department for whom I'm spear-heading this big business intelligence project and she said that this director made a point of telling her how happy they've been with me and with my work for them. Apparently she feels that the quality of the work has been excellent, as has been my communication and responsiveness to them. Cool, nice to have your efforts recognized once in a while anyway.

LIRR Strikes Again!

I know plenty of people who can run 8 miles in an hour or under, and so I am so NOT impressed that it took the LIRR just that long to take me that distance this evening. Bastards.

Highlight of the Summer

It's pretty sad when the highlight of one's Summer is having root canal. Ech. I got the bad news about a month ago, had appointment #1 at the end of July -- had a lot of jaw pain the first day, but had some vicadin knockoff to take the edge off and make me feel all sleepy, dizzy and loopey. Followed by a couple of days of headaches, but nothing too severe. Had my second appointment at the end of the day last Thursday. Dentist gave me the same prescription for the same vicadin knockoff after the procedure and I took my (un-air-conditioned-on-a-100-degree-90-something-percent-humidity-day) subway home. Got home, popped the pain pill, ate some pudding and tried to cool off and recover from the subway ride from hell (and subsequent 3/4 mile walk). Around 10 PM or so it hit. Violent puking ill. UGH!!! Driving the porcelain bus like the worst drunk. My mouth didn't even hurt at all, I was just a complete mess from all the drugs (I assume the injections I had during the procedure must have contributed, one little pill could not have made me that sick). Anyway, sick night, red swollen face with broken blood vessels around eyes and mouth and an uncomfortable night lying on my bathroom floor, I decided to call in sick to work on Friday. I think it was the right thing to do. I don't know how bulemics function on a day-to-day basis. One episode and I was a couple mess. Anyway, I feel better now.

Oh, I do have one thing to say...

Best Summer Breakfast Ever:

"Natural" peanut butter on 9-grain toast, with a drizzle of honey. And, lowfat yogurt with fresh strawberries and blueberries. (oh, and coffee of course!)

Almost makes it worth getting up in the morning. I like it so much, I may just continue with this breakfast once the weather becomes cooler. Screw the damn oatmeal.

Alright, Already!

People have been giving me crap because I haven't been blogging. I really have no excuse other than that I really have had very little to say. I suppose I could bitch endlessly about the soul-sucking heat we've been enduring in the North East all Summer. Or there is always my old fall back, complaining about the LIRR. But just the thought of continuing to write on these subjects even bore me, so I haven't bothered.

I think this has been the dullest Summer I have had in years. Even the dullest year, really. It's been so unrelentingly hot day after day, week after week, month after month, that being outside for any length of time is just a miserable experience. I haven't been anywhere, or done anything much at all. Work has been the same, I'm busy, but working on the same projects I've been working on for awhile, so nothing has changed there. I just seem to spend my time shuttling back and forth between the air-conditioning of my apartment to the air-conditioning of work. So, I apologize to any who were looking for something interesting, or at least mildly entertaining, to read. There is nothing to see here, just move along. Will try to be better about updating this blog about the daily minutiae of my life. If I don't fall over from boredom in the process, that is.

I Just Can't Take This Weather, I Just Can't!!!

One more day of this impossible heat & humidity and they're going to have to lock me away in some padded (and, hopefully, air-conditioned) room. I can't do anything in this weather. Even rushing around in the morning getting ready for work is a miserable experience. Just standing outside on the train platform is worthy of suicidal thoughts. GAH! Luckily the weather is supposed to break for tomorrow.

this weather is DISGUSTING!

Nothing like a 95% humidity, 90+ degree Monday morning to start me off for the week in the worst possible spirits. The air is so thick in NYC today that I swear you can see it and, no, it is not from pollution! And it seems like it's been like this for weeks. The last reasonably comfortable day I can remember was over Fourth of July weekend. This must be what it's like to live in Louisiana or Mississippi or some such place, it's like constantly trying to move through a swamp. This morning I was standing in the street waiting for Lola to pee while mopping my face with a papertowel and this random woman pulling away from the curb in her car rolls down her window and says to me, "You KNOW it's bad when you're standing still and can't even stop sweating!" Yeah, thanks for pointing that out for me.

This weather makes my fingers blow up like sausages.

On a positive note: I saw a pug puppy on the train into work this morning. Her name is Olivia and she's adorable.

The Forgotten Gift(s)

I've written before about losing my mother to cancer a few years ago, and I've mentioned here and there about what it's now like to deal with a father who seems to have generally eschewed what is left of his family, in favor of his "new" wife's family. Being a grown adult with my own life and issues, I should be able to just "get over it", but sometimes it still hurts. Last Christmas I remember sitting in his living room while his wife's daughter opened gift after gift, many of which were items of jewelry that had been purchased on the various trips my father and his wife had taken that year. I remember feeling very forgotten and sad that the same consideration had not been made for me (or for my sister) while they were on those trips. All especially in light of the fact that I used to receive gifts (usually of jewelry) purchased while he and my mother had traveled (usually the gift would be saved throughout the year until Christmas). It was hard, cold reality to realize that those days are over. I guess it wouldn't have been so obvious or painful had I not had to sit there and watch another open the types of gifts I used to enjoy. Anyway, recently I discovered a couple of pieces of jewelry among my possessions, items that, for one reason or another, I had forgotten that I had. One is a long necklace of alternating silver and lapis beads and the other a small silver cuff bracelet with a sliver of turquoise inset across the top. I don't believe I had ever worn either piece much, which is probably why I didn't remember them. The necklace maybe was longer than the way I usually like to wear a necklace and the bracelet, well working on computers all day, I tend not to wear bracelets much. However, recently discovered, I was flooded with memories of receiving these two as Christmas gifts from my mother. Gifts of the type that I regularly used to receive and of which I shall most likely never receive again. All of a sudden I love these pieces and I've been wearing them both quite a bit. The length of the necklace now seems to make it more unique. And the bracelet I love the most, it's of the cuff variety and wears very close to the wrist and thus does not interfere with a computer keyboard at all. It's almost like I've received an unexpected gift from my mother. Each time I wear one or the other, I remember her and realize that there once was someone out there who cared quite a bit about me.

What is it with People and Free Food Anyway?

This morning there was some kind of meeting or conference on my floor where breakfast had been catered. Well, they must have ordered way too much food and have finished early because there was a feeding frenzy on the floor at around 11:10 or so. All of a sudden there was this stampede to this conference room, like a pack of desert camels catching a whiff of a watering hole or something, and people came filing en masse back through the hallways with plates laden with tons of crap. French toast, sausages, bacon, etc. It was both amusing and sad at the same time. You just have to assume that most of these people had already eaten breakfast by 11:00 AM, and I can guarantee you that most were planning on keeping their lunch plans. There is just something about free food in an office that creates this almost frenzied desired to eat it, with no thought as to why. Now, if it had been an open bar, that might have been different story as far as I'm concerned.

What is it with Dogs Anyway?

Coming in through the basement this morning after Lola's trip outside, I am hitting the button for the elevator and look over and notice her snuffling with her nose and mouth on top of something on the floor. I call her away and see that it was a water bug, on its back, still alive, legs kicking in the air. I just stare at it in horror, practically gagging and shuddering. The dog had her nose and mouth on that thing! I try reasoning with her, "Now, why would you want to touch that gross thing?" (Lola, just looks at me). I'm still shuddering over it. Why is it that something so repulsive to humans, always seems so appealing to a dog??? Dogs are weird. Well, at least she didn't eat it (GAG).

I Can't BELIEVE This!

Major grocery store drama and checking account angst.

So, I stop off at the grocery store on my way home tonight to pick up a few things. My total comes to $24.06 which is about $2 more than I happen to have in my pocket, so I pay with my debit card. Well, as I'm standing there, I see the (teenage) clerk typing on the credit card machine furiously and slip after slip appears to be spitting out of the top. Finally she hands me the receipt to sign and says, "I entered in the wrong amount, so I had to void it first." So, okay, I sign the thing and then say, "oh, show me what you voided so I know what to look for on my account". So she hands me a wad of papers and points to the amount that she charged first. $240.66!!! Yikes! So I feel a bit unsettled about it and come home and go online to check my bank account and sure enough, these funds are now subtracted from my balance! Now, usually this wouldn't really be the end of the World, except that we are at the end of a pay period, the first half of the month is when my mortgage and my co-op maintenance is paid, along with a good number of other bills and then there is the little bit of excess that is siphoned off into savings. So, basically, my checking is pretty much down to bare bones until payday on Friday. I am sitting here still waiting for my co-op maintenance check to be debited from my account (they haven't cashed the check yet), so I need to make sure there is enough left to cover that. Still, not a problem with only a few days to get through, I have enough left as a buffer for groceries and incidentals. That is I did, until afore-mentioned grocery clerk screwed up my CHARGE!!! So, I call the bank and (this it the other thing) I have to rush through my explanation of what happened because the battery on my home phone is dying and I only have a few minutes before the phone drops the call (not being one to talk much on the phone, I haven't gotten around to getting a new battery for it since it means taking the handset and finding a radio shack or similar) and so the guy I'm talking to is "ummming" and "hmmmmming" and I am tapping my foot and desperately thinking to myself 'hurry the F*** UP!!! For all that is good & HOLY!!!' The guy finally, basically, tells me that usually it takes up to seven (7!!!) days for a voided charge to clear because they have to get some invoice or paperwork back from the merchant. Now I am really freaking out because I know that maintenance check is going to come through in a day or so and now it's going to bounce. And I am very upset because this is all clearly not my fault (unless you can fault me for not having a raise in over four years and not making enough money to keep thousands of $$$ in my checking account as a buffer against such a happening) and there is nothing at all that I can do about it -- I have plenty of money that could cover it in my emergency fund savings account, but it would take a few days to move that money over, and by then I would have been paid anyway AND the check would already have bounced. Am ready to scream and cry. The unhelpful bank guy then says that the only other thing that I can do is go back to the merchant and have them contact the bank to verify the void and they'll see what they can do from there. However, even this approach will most likely still tie up my funds for over 24 hours. ARGH!!!! So I go ripping out of my apartment and back to the grocery store. Where I stand there by the checkout and babble (hysterically) my pathetic tale while waving the wads of receipts illustrating my charges and voids. All the clerks listen, as do all the people on the checkout line, all rubber-necking to catch a glimpse of my sad state like I'm the local freak show. Manager is not there, so I have to stand at the front of the store and wait, all the shoppers filing past me, while I stand there on display like I've stolen something. The manager finally shows and I explain the situation to him. I am a little unclear on what needs to be done on his end since I had to rush off the phone with the bank rep before my phone died and so I am basically an incomprehensive mess. Finally after I explain it a couple of times and he reviews my receipts and the credit card machine records, he understands and so agrees to call the bank. He does so and talks to a rep, he comes back and hands me the phone so I can verify to the rep what happened, and who I am, etc. He speaks to the rep again and finally, I talk to the rep for a final time. This time I appear to have a very helpful person who says that he is going to go ahead in the system and delete the charge from my account and that the funds will now be available for charges or checks against it. I sag with relief and profusely thank the bank rep and the grocery store supervisor and apologize all over the store for freaking out. What a nightmare! What a relief! Such drama. I have to say this about my bank. This is the second time a customer service rep has helped me out of a jam (last year I had made an online payment for a bill that had gone to the wrong place, it was my mistake, but the rep that helped me had fixed everything and the bank had not charged me a cent). It is really a level of service I don't usually expect from such a large and (supposedly) impersonal company, but the second time that they have really come to my rescue. Although, the first guy I spoke to this evening was not very helpful at all, so it may depend on who you get on the phone. Now, I'm going to feel embarrassed to show my face in that store again, but there aren't too many options in my town for food shopping, so I'll just have to bite the bullet and hang my head in shame. Anyway, so that is my sad, pathetic tale for this evening. At least it has a happy ending. I made the evening even happier by stopping and buying myself a couple of beers on my way home. You know, for the stress and all.

It is SO hot Outside...

I don't know what possessed me to take a walk at lunchtime today. I pretty much never leave my desk at lunch, but today, when there is a heat advisory in effect for the entire afternoon, where the heat index is right up around 100, where I am admittedly one of the biggest hot-weather wimps going, I think to myself, 'Hey? Why don't I take a nice walk of (almost) a mile (and almost a mile back) to that paint store to grab some paint chips? It's only 12:30 in the afternoon, how bad could it be?' How bad? Bad. It is so unrelentingly hot on the asphalt of Manhattan today. I was torn between trying to walk as slowly as possible in an attempt to ward off overheating and hurrying and dodging all the slow pokes to try and get back into air-conditioning as quickly as possible. This is one of those ugly Summer days when I absolutely hate living and working in the City. This is also one of those days when the Weather Newsmen like to say, "the best place to be on a day like today is at the beach!" (complete with smarmy smile and fake cheer). Gee, thanks for the damn tip.