Holiday Blahs

I seem to dislike the holidays a little bit more each year. Each season I just feel little bit more alienated, a little bit more removed. No longer having a mother really hit home this year. I sat in my father's living room after having opened my one gift, watching Lori's daughter opening gift after gift with her mother's comment on each, "oh we were in Seattle and I saw these earrings, I knew you'd love them." "We were in" (someplace else) "and saw those earrings, and I knew that you would love them too." "Oh I saw this sweater" (book, necklace, whatever) "and knew it would be perfect for you." I sat there and became more and more depressed. It wasn't about material things, or who got more gifts, but about having someone who knows you well, who thinks of you throughout the year and gets excited finding something that is right for just you. I think the thing about Christmas is that it amplifies your feelings. If you are happy with your personal life, you feel happier. If not, you feel even crummier about everything. I also find that when I feel that my life isn't the greatest, it is sometimes hard to be around people who are happy, and my father and Lori are that. Deliriously happy.

I know, I know, I sound like an ungrateful, sullen teenager. But it's my blog and I'll cry if I want to.