Thursday, March 31, 2005

I Take It Back, So Far This Year Sucks

Between my sister having to leave her wonderful town, my job woes, the on-going issues with asshole neighbors, my inability to commit to any kind of consistent workout, my dwindling desire (and the dwindling opportunities) for social events & encounters... and now (this just in) I just heard a rumor from a neighbor that my building has just sold the apartment beneath me -- which has always been used as a Sales Office and thus has always been empty (except for the occasional Board meeting or whatever). Having no one living underneath me has been the saving grace of living here, the one thing that is keeping me sane at the moment. I can't even imagine how my quality of life is going to sink once I've got a whole set of new noise to deal with! I'm sitting here freaking out just thinking about it -- ARGH!!!!

Wednesday, March 30, 2005

So Far, So Good

Well, so far the little reorg in my department at work seems to be going well. I've had a lot of work dumped on me, but I've handled it and have gotten a shitload done which has been pretty satisfying, and I've been enjoying the communication I seem to have with the new manager and I also feel like he's been on top of relaying my efforts to upper management, so that's a good thing as well. I'm feeling a little better this week too, not quite as fragile as I've felt for the past week or so. My old manager is acting so weird around me though, almost as if he's tip-toeing around me. Like he's afraid of me or something. Or feels sort of guilty about what happened. And he's been uber-nice. Scary nice. Oh well, I might as well enjoy it while I can, before he goes back to his crotchedly old self again. I'm sure this will just be a short-lived little interlude.

Monday, March 28, 2005

Laundry and "Family" Buildings

When I lived in Manhattan my building was mostly comprised of single people. We had a miserable little laundry room in the far reaches of the basement -- two old, clunky washers and one dryer. I would sometimes stay up late at night just to use these "facilities" without having to fight with someone over it. If I had a day off during the week laundry was always the first thing on the agenda. Blissfully, I could pretty much count on having everything to myself. Now that I live in Queens I have a much better laundry room. Slipping in to throw a load into the wash is rarely a problem at all. Although, interestingly, the weekends tend to be very quiet in the laundry room, yet the weekdays (especially mornings and afternoons) are completely crazy. I have today off and since I put off doing my laundry all weekend long (for no good reason), I figured that I would do it today. Well, the facilities were packed. I never knew there were so many people home during the day around here. I've noticed the laundry situation on other weekdays that I've been home too. Interesting how the demographics of a building can change these dynamics. The other strange thing is, I run into people in the laundry and in the elevator and in the halls whom I have never, ever even seen before. Okay, maybe one or two could be a cleaning lady or a nanny, but I was just on the elevator with some woman who was wearing a royal blue velour housecoat. Never seen her before. Ever. It's like the people who live here live in strange shifts or something. You throw your schedule off a little bit and you run into other people you never knew existed. Like they're living on the swing shift or something.

Sunday, March 27, 2005


Easter Sunday and it's pretty quiet around here. The kid upstairs was doing a whole lot of (top of the lungs style) screaming and running around a little while ago, but even that seems to have quieted down now. I'm not religious, I certainly eschew organized religion anyway, so I have no real affiliation with this particular day. However there is that mild sense in the back of my mind that I should be doing something today, that I should be with someone. It's certainly not the blatant-in-your-face loneliness I usually face on Christmas, but it is there lurking in the shadows somewhere.

Friday, March 25, 2005


Well, it's been a very busy and emotionally draining week at work for me. Last Thursday I was informed that the person who has been my manager for YEARS was no longer going to be my manager and that I was now going to be reporting to the manager of our frontline application support area. This in and of itself isn't horrible news and has the potential to actually be a good change, but there are some roiling politics at hand here too that has me very nervous and somewhat upset. Additionally, and probably somewhat as a result of this change, my workload has increased to a point where I'm pretty swamped. Today I was informed by my former manager that the suite of web reports that were recently just thrown at me to do are a "hot" issue and to "be careful". WTF is that supposed to mean??? He went on to say that everything I've done so far is "perfect", blah, blah, blah. Well, how am I supposed to come away from a meeting like that? Is someone out to get me? I frankly like having a lot of work to do. I like sitting down at my desk in the morning and looking at my watch in shock to see that it's 3 PM and I haven't even thought about lunch yet. I like going home in the evening satisfied that I put in a really good days work. I just hate, hate, HATE office politics. I can't stand the feeling that I am being undermined in some way. I've been on the verge of hyper-ventilation all week long and it hasn't had a thing to do with my workload.

I'm pretty happy that I have another long weekend, that's for damn sure.

Tuesday, March 22, 2005

On Being a Responsible Dog Owner

Someone actually thanked me last night for cleaning up after my dog. Made my whole weekend. Seriously.

Sunday, March 20, 2005


My DVR is not working!!!! It's all #@$%&*ed up. I just can't go back to watching commercials now. I just can't. *sob*

Friday, March 18, 2005

Ah... Spinning

Finally got back to a Spinning class last night and it felt very good indeed. I especially needed it yesterday as I had a horribly bad day at work. Terrible, terrible day. The beer after Spinning was a welcome bonus as well. Of course, yesterday being St. Patrick's Day, I had to contend with all the drunks coming home on the crowded trains. I found a place to sit on a 3-seater with a bunch of people who had obviously been partying all day long. They kept asking me questions and engaging me in conversation and I was just not in the mood at all. Finally, the one guy (drunkest of the lot) put his head on my shoulder, presumably because he could no longer hold it upright. If I hadn't been in such a bad mood I might have found all of this amusing, however as it was, I was very happy to only have to be on that train for fifteen minutes or so. At least no one threw up on me, so that's a plus.

Thursday, March 17, 2005

I HATE Noise!

I don't care if it's a car alarm, the loud-incessant giggling of the chick next to me at work, the screaming of the freaking hellspawn upstairs, or someone's loud-ass, head-banger music played so freaking loud that it creeps into the space of everyone around them, I just hate it. It stresses me out and makes me completely crazy. The chick who lives across the hall from me does this. Her loud music can be heard at all hours (this morning it started sometime before 8 -- I could hear it from where I was standing brushing my teeth in my bathroom -- an external hallway, my entranceway, my hallway and a dressing room away). Sometimes she cranks it up starting around 11 PM. I'll take Lola out for the final pee of the night, wincing at the noise. I'll be out on the street and can still hear the music blasting, even though her windows don't face where I am on the street and it's Winter, so her windows are closed. I just don't understand why it has to be so loud? Why does it have to be so LOUD??? If I shared a wall or a floor/ceiling with her, I would need to be locked up. Seriously. It just worries me about what my new hell will be, once the Hellspawn Family moves out. With my luck some head-banger will move in up there.

Wednesday, March 16, 2005


So-ever-fricking-busy! At least it's mostly a good kind of busy. Except for that being-pulled-in-10-different-directions part. On that note, a mini-rant:

if I've given you a bunch of brand-spanking-new-complicated-and-involved reports to take a look at. DO. NOT. start contacting me about when I'll have the next one ready before you've even taken 15-freaking-minutes to look at these new ones. And some feedback would be nice too. GAH!


Saturday, March 12, 2005

100 Things About Me

1 ) I was a competitive equestrian (hunters, jumpers and eventing) as a kid & teenager.
2 ) I never imagined my adulthood without a horse in it somehow.
3 ) I have a good sense of direction.
4 ) I love to read so much that sometimes I'll stay up all night to finish a book -- even if I have to be somewhere in the morning.
5 ) I'm bad with money (but am getting better).
6 ) I once lived in Key West for a few months when I was in between jobs and didn't know what to do with my life. I was a cocktail waitress there and lived on tips and had the mother of all tans.
7 ) I usually like animals (especially dogs and horses) more than most people.
9 ) I had a hobby when I was a teenager showing our labrador retriever (who I had trained) in obedience shows.
10 ) I like raw clams.
11 ) James Cagney patted me on the head in a super-market when I was a baby. My father thought he was a dirty old man.
12 ) I once dated a married man. It was a mistake.
13 ) I never went to my High School prom.
14 ) I used to fantasize about writing a novel or working in publishing.
15 ) I'm beginning to suspect that I am destined to be alone.
16 ) I ran a marathon once.
17 ) I worry that I will never run another one, or get back to running in any serious or consistent way.
18 ) I have always had trouble with my weight -- even when I was an active kid.
19 ) I never played with dolls -- in fact, as a kid I always loathed babydolls.
20 ) I never want to have children. I used to think I would have them, just because that's what you're "supposed" to do, but anytime I ever really thought about it, I would be filled with complete panic. One day I woke up and realized that I actually don't have to do this. Instant relief.
21 ) I suspect that people think I hate children. I don't. I do, however, hate indulgent and overly-permissive parents.
22 ) I've had a breast reduction.
23 ) I was brilliant in Geometry in High School. For some reason, it just came completely naturally to me. I sometimes wonder what I could have become if there had been readily available advanced Geometry courses I could have taken from there.
24 ) I worry that I haven't found my true "calling" or "passion" in life (even though I like what I do, I don't consider it a "calling").
25 ) Looking back at my childhood and teenage years, I really feel like I was mostly invisible in my family. I am not really very close to my family now.
26 ) My parents never hugged (us) or said, "I love you". Since my mother died (in 2002) my father will end a voice mail message with "I love you", but he never says it in person.
27 ) I'm worried that I'm too attached to my dog.
28 ) I used to hardly ever get angry, but as I get older, everything seems to make me mad.
29 ) I hate to cook.
30 ) I wore braces when I was in Junior High School. The old-fashioned, rail-road kind.
31 ) I used to know how to sail a boat.
32 ) One Summer during my college years, I used to go to the nude (public) beach and lie out topless.
33 ) I don't currently have a driver's license.
34 ) I used to despise cheese in any form (I'm still picky about it).
35 ) I'm jealous of my father's attachment to his wife's family.
36 ) I usually really like my job and am thankful that I've made it to where I am. I am insecure about my abilities sometimes however, and hate office politics.
37 ) I worry that I'll never have enough money.
38 ) I really am very shy. I self-describe myself as socially awkward.
39 ) Most of my male friends in college were gay. I went to a lot of gay bars.
40 ) Noise stresses me out.
41 ) My evil grandmother (my mother's mother) moved in with us when I was about 13. She once told me to my face that I'd never amount to anything.
42 ) I lost my room (and had to share with my sister) after Evil Grandmother moved in. I've been fiercely protective of my privacy ever since.
43 ) Sometimes I think that I'm not a very good friend.
44 ) I secretly like being short.
45 ) I dislike sub-titled movies.
46 ) I've been jealous of my sister my entire life.
47 ) I was the last person to see my mother alive.
48 ) I can have a very sharp & quick wit.
49 ) I wish I knew more about politics.
50 ) I honestly don't think there is a color that looks terrible on me.
51 ) I love maps & atlases.
52 ) There is nothing I enjoy more than a cold beer.
53 ) I hated living with roommates.
54 ) I dislike having my picture taken.
55 ) I used to love to shop. Now I hate it.
56 ) I haven't worn a skirt in months.
57 ) I had my appendix taken out when I was in Sixth Grade and got a massive infection afterwards and had to have a second operation months later. I almost died. I still have a really ugly scar.
58 ) I have trouble trusting people.
59 ) Monkeys creep me out.
60 ) I broke up a Woody Allen movie set once. I was on my way to work, and they were filming a scene around the corner from my apartment on Broadway and West 78th Street (obviously, when I still lived in Manhattan). They were ready to roll and the production assistant stopped me and asked me to either wait, or cross over to the other side of the street (4-lanes of traffic). I said, "F* That! I have to get to work, you have no right to block the sidewalk and refuse to let me through". I pushed him aside and stomped through the set, all the while various people on mega phones had to announce "hold on! We've got someone coming through!" That PA was pissed, but I was even more pissed by being told that I couldn't walk along a public sidewalk. Especially at rush hour. I later watched that movie and enjoyed a secret laugh when "my" scene came on.
61 ) One of my secret pleasures is watching "Queer As Folk" and "The L Word" on Showtime. I am not gay.
62 ) I fantasize almost every day about living somewhere else.
63 ) I like to stay up late, and sleep late on the weekends. I am also not adverse to taking the occasional nap.
64 ) Another guilty TV pleasure: I've watched every "Real World" season (not necessarily every episode) from the very first season on.
65 ) I sometimes suspect that the fact that no one has ever asked me to marry them (whether or not I wanted to marry him back) means that I'm a loser.
66 ) I have a low thyroid (hypo-thyroid). I take medication for it everyday.
67 ) Lately, I've been thinking about death a lot. As in, what happens after?
68 ) I have very strong and muscular legs -- I also build muscle easily.
69 ) I'm trying to pay off my debt. I have a long way to go, but I'm making progress.
70 ) I saw a scene of Jaws being filmed when I was a kid. We got to walk through and explore the set (Quint's house/shack) beforehand and, as we walked through the set, the director (Steven Speilberg) who was sitting there asked me what had happened to my arm (it was broken and in a sling from a fall from a horse). My father told me later that I should have told him that I was bitten by a shark.
71 ) I love the ocean.
72 ) I don't like board games (or any kind of party game).
73 ) I'm really, really glad to have had the opportunity to live on the Upper Westside of Manhattan, even if I couldn't afford to stay any longer.
74 ) I miss having a car.
75 ) I miss having a morning running partner/friend.
76 ) My "good" grandmother (father's mother) was an alcoholic. She told me a number of times that I was her "favorite". Turns out she told both my brother and my sister the same thing.
77 ) I once danced on the bar at Automatic Slims (a bar in the Meat Packing district of Manhattan).
78 ) I have to wash my hair everyday or I go insane.
79 ) I'm really scared about the conservative, righteous and moralistic direction this country has moved (and continues to move) in.
80 ) On 09/11/2001 when walking North through Manhattan through the crowds of people, listening to the Air Force jets flying overhead, I was walking with a few friends who were all coming up to my apartment, since there was no way out of the City at the time. All of us were trying to reach our families through inconsistent cell phone lines. All of my friends' families were hysterical and desperate to hear that they were okay and desperate to know they were not going to be anywhere near danger. When I finally reached my parents, my father said, "oh hi Deb, what's new?" What's NEW? and I said, "well, I just thought you might like to know that I'm okay." My father answered, "yeah, your sister was worried about you when she called." And people wonder why I'm not close to my family.
81 ) I've made a lot of really great friends (life-long friends) through the Internet.
82 ) Sometimes I get lonely, but I'd still rather be alone than in a bad relationship, or with the wrong person.
83 ) I enjoy social occasions, but they drain me. I need some alone time afterwards to recover.
84 ) I once jumped off a sailboat and went skinny dipping in Edgartown Harbor, Martha's Vineyard.
85 ) I used to like to fish when I was a kid.
86 ) I haven't traveled much, but I have been to London, Paris, Amsterdam, Mexico and the Caribbean.
87 ) I wish I could work from home once or twice a week.
88 ) I worry that I've worked at my company too long and have diminished my marketability as a result.
89 ) I feel a lot of loyalty to my company because I was given opportunities there that I wasn't seeing in the working world otherwise.
90 ) I have cousins that feel more like brothers to me, than my actual brother does. I wish I saw them more often.
91 ) When I was a teenager, through college age, I used to hitch-hike to get around during the Summer.
92 ) I love to body-surf in ocean waves.
93 ) I learned to ski on weekly Junior High School trips to a local ski place. I saved up babysitting money when I was about 15 and bought myself my own ski equipment. I joined ski clubs with the "Y" and the High School and managed to learn how to ski relatively competently.
94 ) I once rode a mechanical bull at a college dance party.
95 ) I hate to say "no" to any assignment at work, even if I'm swamped with other projects. I'm afraid to let anything go to someone else to do.
96 ) Years & years ago when I worked for a different company, I told a boss that he was being an "asshole" (he was). He backed down. We actually had a good working relationship, and he had a very bad track record with assistants.
97 ) I love home decorating shows.
98 ) I feel self-conscious in social situations and have trouble flirting. Probably explains why I have trouble meeting men.
99 ) My freshman year in college I was having trouble writing well, even though in my literature classes I did very well in class, always had the analysis right, etc. I never could seem to get my thoughts competently down on paper. I made it my mission to learn to write well and so spent many after-class hours with a sympathetic professor my first semester in school. I never had trouble writing well after that.
100) I love to write and I enjoy blogging, but I feel that I perhaps don't reveal enough of myself in my posts. Perhaps the "100 Things" will help loosen me up more.

Friday, March 11, 2005

Fashion Sense

so, I'm watching The Contender (which is surprisingly awesome, btw) and I see an ad for The Tonight Show and see that Ewan McGregor is going to be on (whom I love) so I figure, what the Hell, I'll watch a bit, even though I'm really more of a Letterman fan. And so Jay comes out for the monologue, tagging Drew Carey for some Michael Jackson bits because of some legal issue I don't really care to know about. Anyway, I really enjoy Drew Carey, so that's fine. But. WTF was Jay wearing??? He comes out in a blue blazer (with some kind of subtle plaid) and is wearing: A) a red tie with white polka-dots and, B) brown trousers with (I'm not 100% sure about this, but I swear) pleats. Um, I could be wrong, but doesn't this guy make like a bazillion dollars per episode or something? I mean, I think NBC can afford a stylist and, if not, then if ever there was a case for an intervention of the Fab 5 then here it is (AND! Conveniently, NBC owns THEM as well). Not that I'm such a fashion plate myself, but sheesh! I sit in my little hole listening to The Giggler and smelling curry at lunch-time, he's on National TV every night. But, whatever.

Thursday, March 10, 2005

Another Reason to Look Forward to My Long Weekend

To get a break from The (freaking) Stinky Lunch Giggler Girl and her (freaking) stinky lunch and incessant giggling -- ARGH!!!

Long Weekend

It's sad when I have a 4-day weekend coming up and the only thing I'm really looking forward to is being able to get some good sleep and not having to deal with the LIRR for a few days. Then again, after the last two weeks I've had at work, that should actually be enough. If I get some energy later, I might blog about what has done me in this week. I need a vacation.

Wednesday, March 09, 2005

I Hate You LIRR!!!!

Tuesday, March 08, 2005

One More Snowstorm

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Weird. It was 50-something yesterday and sunny. It was mid-40s and pouring rain this morning and it started snowing at some point (mid-morning or something) and is now around 15 degrees and blowing like mad out. Crazy.

Monday, March 07, 2005

Couple of Pictures of my Living Room

Since I de-cluttered a bit, thought I would post a couple of pictures of my living room. I still have some decluttering to do and it desperately needs to be painted, and the rug is all runched up in the picture (didn't feel like going back and taking the damn pictures again), but you get the basic idea:

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Beautiful Weather, Sucky Attitude

It was finally a beee-you-tee-fil day here in NYC, around 50 and sunny. So I decided to go out at lunchtime for the first time in many months and take a walk and get some fresh air. I especially needed it as I had been buried in my putty-colored cubicle all morning ironing out the little quirks on the web report that called my ass into work on my vacation day, after a weekend of cleaning out closets and de-cluttering my apartment while being held captive by the raging-pounding-running-stomping-jumping hellspawn I live beneath all weekend. So a brisk walk was in order. I made it (all the way) to 38th Street (from 32nd). Finally overcome by the pushing and shoving and after being hit in the head by the third bag-hip-shoulder-whatever I decided to turn around in defeat. The neighborhood I work in is just not conducive to the relaxing lunchtime walk. I can see all the craziness converging in this area, but to this day I just can not understand the tourists who have to stop on the corner of 34th & Seventh (or 34th & Sixth), drop all their bags, frantically scramble for their cameras, to take a picture of... Macys! Don't they have a Macys (or similar department store) at the mall they've just come from? I'll just never, ever figure that one out. So, after ducking into the nearest "gourmet deli" and purchasing my $7-three-pieces-of-chicken-and-lettuce-in-a-wrap sandwich, I slunk back to my dismal corner of the cube farm. At least there I was free from bags and appendages swung at my head, wheelie suitcases rammed into my shins and strollers used as battering rams to gain sidewalk and crossing advantage. Sheesh.

Friday, March 04, 2005

But I'm Not Bitter... Okay, Maybe I Am

So irritated. Was supposed to have Monday off (using up leftover vacation time) and now my manager wants me to come in for these last minute emergency web reports he just assigned to me. Even though they were relatively simple and I managed to get them done this afternoon. But, you know, I have to be here in case someone wants to change something. Even though they don't need it until Tuesday afternoon. So. Freaking. Annoying. I was really looking forward to not dealing with the damn LIRR for one day and without having the Sunday night blues for once in my life. But I'll come in, of course I'll come in. Just don't shoot me if I'm bitter about it.

My Humiliation is Complete

After a quick meeting with my boss about a new web report request that I have to drop everything and do, I followed him up to the pantry to get some water. As I turned away from him to retrieve a water jug to replace the empty one on the water cooler, he clears his throat and says, "uh, Deb? Not to embarrass you or anything, but you have a hole in the back of your pants. In fact they're actually shredded up the backside". I feel around to my ass and, sure enough, my jeans are shredded all the way up my fat ass like a huge run in a stocking. Cheap ASS Old Navy jeans! And of COURSE I'm wearing PINK underwear today! I think I'm just going to go crawl under a rock somewhere now. Sob.


I never thought I'd say this but... I really can't wait for this Winter to be over, I've had enough. I hate the heat & humidity of this area so much that I usually start to get a little anxious and depressed as the weather warms up, because I know that Summer is coming. But I've really had enough of Winter this year. And the dark days. I can't ever remember really feeling this way before. Yesterday, all of a sudden there was a little daylight left when I got home from work. I had gotten home around the same time the day before and it had been dark, yesterday, all of a sudden, there was daylight, before the sky quickly turned to a dark, teal blue. It was a little encouraging to see that the days really are getting longer. Finally.

Wednesday, March 02, 2005


Okay, the week has gotten much better after it's less-than-stellar start on Monday. I've managed to make great strides on one of my BI projects and am almost ready to move it over for the client to access. That is until the PM decides to change something else that is a crucial element. But I'm not going to worry about that just now.

In related news, we had an All-Company meeting today. We rent out the big auditorium at FIT to hold everybody and then the various mucky mucks speak about where we've been and where we're headed. This is the 30th Anniversary of my company (pretty long history for a software company, actually). For the 20th anniversay, they threw this huge shindig at the Pierre Hotel. Open bar, incredible food, everyone dressed to the nines. This year we had a two-hour meeting in a stuffy auditorium where we were all (all 800+ physically there, as well as field people watching via Web-X) admonished to work hard so that the company can reach it's goals. Somehow I feel like we got gypped this year. hmmmmm. Maybe I'm being a little sensitive, but I think it's insulting to tell people who already work hard and perform that they are expected to work hard. Whatever.

Tuesday, March 01, 2005

LIRR Sucks!

One hour and fifteen minutes to get to work today (normally should take a little less than 20 minutes). Oh and our fares went up today too. Rat Bastards.