Saturday, October 15, 2011

Life & Depression

I know that I haven't updated this blog in about a year. I keep meaning to get back to it, but life intervenes and I feel like I have so much to write to catch up, that updating everything here becomes pretty overwhelming.

I am just dropping a line to say that I am going through a very rough time right now. I've recently accepted that I have been struggling with depression for most of my life and this year it just seems to have gotten markedly worse. I am sure the stress I have been under has contributed considerably to this, but can't really be blamed for all of my feelings. If I look back I can recognize that I have felt this way to varying degrees for most of my life. I recently started counseling and so I have begun to try and deal with it, but in the meantime I am just struggling with daily feelings of self-loathing, inadequacy, panic & anxiety and a whole host of related feelings that are making me fairly miserable (and, not to mention, weepy).

I am thankful for my dogs and for my horse. The animals in my life make me smile and help me to relax and find enjoyable moments everyday. Riding in particular helps me to forget everything else for awhile. I have never found anything else that allows me to do this, so I am grateful to have a horse in my life! It may have taken me decades to be able to achieve a horsey life, and I may not be able to ride nearly as much as I want to, but I am thankful for what I have.

After a year's hiatus, I would be surprised if anyone reads this, but that's okay. I feel a little bit better for having written it.