Better...

Okay, the week has gotten much better after it's less-than-stellar start on Monday. I've managed to make great strides on one of my BI projects and am almost ready to move it over for the client to access. That is until the PM decides to change something else that is a crucial element. But I'm not going to worry about that just now.

In related news, we had an All-Company meeting today. We rent out the big auditorium at FIT to hold everybody and then the various mucky mucks speak about where we've been and where we're headed. This is the 30th Anniversary of my company (pretty long history for a software company, actually). For the 20th anniversay, they threw this huge shindig at the Pierre Hotel. Open bar, incredible food, everyone dressed to the nines. This year we had a two-hour meeting in a stuffy auditorium where we were all (all 800+ physically there, as well as field people watching via Web-X) admonished to work hard so that the company can reach it's goals. Somehow I feel like we got gypped this year. hmmmmm. Maybe I'm being a little sensitive, but I think it's insulting to tell people who already work hard and perform that they are expected to work hard. Whatever.

LIRR Sucks!

One hour and fifteen minutes to get to work today (normally should take a little less than 20 minutes). Oh and our fares went up today too. Rat Bastards.

Yet Another Snow Storm

Damn. Lola looks pretty tubby in this picture.

One of those Days

I'm just having the most frustrating day. I had lots of trouble sleeping last night, so that put me near exhaustion by the time the early morning hours hit. As a result, I completely over-slept (one of the few mornings when the stomping and running of the brat upstairs was welcome as that was what finally woke me up today). Rushed around like crazy to catch the later train, which sucks because that one is always uncomfortably crowded (and today was no exception). And then this of course puts me at a later exit time from work, which normally is no big deal, but today some huge snow storm is supposed to hit, so who knows what that will do to the LIRR by the end of the day! But the most frustrating thing of all today (so far) is this project I'm working on at work. I have a shitload of web reports to do for this project. It's actually interesting work and something I enjoy, but the volume of work that needs to be done makes everything somewhat stressful. That's still okay. What's making my life miserable with this project however, is that the Project Manager keeps changing the SQL tables (the databases) and the business rules, so that I keep having to go back to completed work, rip everything apart and change it all. I had a report that was completed, I had put all the final touches on it, the users were happy with it and now this morning I have to convert it to use the NEW-NEW table which, by the way, eliminated one of the really important columns I needed to use for this report. The PM said that he had to "demote" that field. Which means that I now have to go through about three or four additional steps to retrieve this one bit of information. And that's even if I can get it to work, so far I've only been rewarded with the return of "null" data. ARGH!!!! I'm. So. Damn. Frustrated. What a month to give up drinking, ARGH!. I went over to the PM a little earlier and vented my wrath. At least I didn't cry. Anyway, I just had to share, I feel a little better, I think I'll just go nurse my headache now.

The Curse of Living Somewhere Great, Part II

Property available in Taos (area), NM:





The town is actually Des Montes, a rural suburb of Taos. Julia Roberts is their neighbor.

As can be seen above, my sister's house is officially on the market, the full listing can be seen here. Weird. I don't know why they're listing it as a three bedroom, when it really has four. The fourth BR is on the other side of the greenhouse (they use it as a guestroom, it's kind of nice, you have some amount of privacy being separated from the rest of the house this way). In NYC real estate anything that involves a space you can merely turn around in will try to be marketed as an additional room. I've seen pantries and hallways and little galley kitchens (with a stove and a fridge and a tiny counter, where one person can stand up in, but no table or any other furniture would ever fit) be described as an additional room here. You'd think they would want to exploit all the assets of the house.

So? anyone interested? It's a nice house.

What is this World Coming To?

I've decided to cut back on my alcohol intake. Actually, I haven't really been drinking a whole bunch lately in general anyway (usually I'll just have a few beers once a week, on a Friday or a Saturday night) -- but I've decided to make a rule for myself that I will only drink alcohol during social occasions. Now, a mere few years ago this would probably still have had me out drinking a few times a week, but with the current sad state of my personal life, social occasions are few and far between. Maybe a couple of times a month, and that's only if sitting around a friend's living room counts. Anyway, last night I went over to Carolina & Janos's to watch a movie and so, technically, this counts as a social encounter, but I decided that I really didn't need to drink beer to watch a movie, even though both C and J were indulging. So, when Janos offered to get me one, I declined -- I'm so proud of myself! Anyone who knows me, knows how much I do enjoy a cold beer or three. After declining, I heard Janos in the kitchen mutter out loud to himself, "what is this World coming to?" What indeed?

Weak-Ass Snow

So the snow storm was a bit of a bust, despite all the dire warnings continuously interrupting Network TV last night. There was not enough snow to make it impossible to get to work, but just enough to fsck up commuting. Phhhffffftttt. And while we're talking about commuting, what is it about riding a train that brings out the strangest behavior in people? This morning, man seated across from me (facing me, our feet touching): man sneezes, violently, three times into his hat (knit, winter, skull-cap variety) and then proceeds to put the hat back on his head. My eyes were watering from trying not to laugh.

Today's Snow Storm

Good Tips

Check out Chris Brogan's site today for tips on combating emotional eating. I find it always helps to reinforce these ideas. For the most part, we all know how to work out, we generally know what we should be eating. We know the behavior required to become (or remain) healthy, fit people. It's the emotional aspect of eating inappropriately that most of us find is the hardest key to conquer. So I welcome any new way to look at the issue. Or even a reiteration of the stuff I already know. It's all good.

Rant of the Day

If you're at work and you've got your radio blasting so loudly that it can be heard through a firewall and into the cube of the person on the other side of the wall, then (HELLO???) maybe you're listening to your (crappy disco) music far too loud. I mean, you have to think to yourself what volume level is perhaps appropriate for the office. Oh, and guess whose cubicle is the delightful recipient of the above (crappy disco) music? Yep. Happy Tuesday.

Late Night Walk in the Snow

Conversation On A Train

This morning:

Michelle has new boots.

me: The only problem with high-heels is they get really wrecked walking around here.
me: My new boots? I had to replace the heel lift after only wearing them a few times.
Paul: Your problem is, you're not walking right. You need to prance more.
me: Oh yeah? You want to give me some lessons? You being such an expert and all.

Parallel Universe

Ever have one of those mornings where you're on your regular schedule, yet nothing and no one looks at all familiar? Stopping for your regular coffee, waiting for and riding your regular train, walking through your regular train station, up the same escalators, in through the same doors, into the usual lobby, up the same elevator at the same time of day and down that familiar gray-brown hallway -- yet you don't see one recognizable face and all the landmarks seem familiar, yet different all at the same time? No? Okay, well then nevermind.

The New Peer Pressure

I was watching the Today Show this morning as I was frantically trying to get ready for work and I happened to catch this little segment about how all the kids these days are drinking coffee and hanging out in coffee cafes because they think it makes them look cool and sophisticated. Way back when, when I was in high school, the way to look cool was to smoke cigarettes, drink alcohol and do drugs. I was so seriously un-cool as a kid, that even now I can't look back without a little shudder, but at least today I am not a smoker or drug taker (alcohol, well, that's another story. I did go to college after all). A little coffee addiction looks pretty harmless in comparison, wish this had been an option towards coolness back then. On the other hand, I can't imagine that any amount of coffee could have made a cool kid out of me -- I might have gotten more homework done though.

Todays Dilbert

I really wish I could say this the next time I am solicited at work for (yet another) damn baby shower.




Copywrite: Scott Adams

Happy Valentines Day

You would think being the caustic, bitter person that I am, that I would just despise Valentine's Day, but I really don't. It's a "holiday" that first of all is pretty low on my radar, especially nowadays when I rarely have to sit through a commercial on TV (thank you DVR!). I'm not really going out of my way trying to make a dinner reservation on a Monday night so it's not screwing with any plans I might have, and really, it is one of those things that is fun for those who wish to participate, but you don't have to feel like a freak for not wishing to celebrate. Unlike Christmas where I am always subject to every "bah humbug" type comment imaginable. Lastly, any holiday that does not revolve the celebration of children is pretty much okay with me. Even when I have been in a relationship for VD (a rare occurance, but it has happened a few times), I always took it as a light, not serious thing. Sweet, inexpensive gifts exchanged and maybe a dinner out and I've been satisfied. So, to those who value today -- Happy Valentines Day! To the rest of us, uh, Happy Monday! Actually a neghbor of mine wished me a happy VD and then gave me a hug this morning. I thought that was rather sweet.

Lip Gloss Makes Me Happy

It really does. Sometimes I am such a girl.

Political Games

There is this woman in my group at work who I don't trust. Maybe because some of our work overlaps, but I just don't trust her motives sometimes. She is also one of those falsely friendly people -- it always seems like she is trying to recruit supporters or something. Anyway, recently she was assigned a small project here that called for an enhancement to a current web report. It wasn't really a major thing, just adding an additional option and maybe another column of information to an already fully developed report. I was on the distribution list of the set of emails that went back and forth about this request because it is an area where I normally do a lot of work. The Project Manager assigned it to her because apparently she "needed something to do" and I am currently busy on a bunch of other stuff. Anyway, that was last week. Yesterday I received an email from her as part of a big distribution list about the completed enhancements to this report. All stated in varying colors and bolded text. CC:ing various Mucky Mucks in the company's Corporate Marketing group as well as the Director of our department. I read this and was like, "WTF???" I mean, I did this HUGE project over the Summer for the Corporate Marketing's Operations Manager. These reports were literally for the President of the company and various other important staff, and involved creating active server pages, building databases, writing the web reports and various drilldowns from start to finish. Not to mention ongoing enhancements and accompanying reports. Anyway, it was a big and important project, and never once did I send around an email about it declaring to everyone that I could think of that I am the greatest in the entire WORLD. All my correspondence went only to the people directly involved, basically the Operations Manager and the manager of our helpdesk, and once in a while another Project Manager. Never once did I feel the need to tout my accomplishments to the Director of my department, or any other sundry big wigs. I can't help but think this chick is making a big point of patting herself on the back. Kind of a form of ego masturbation. Pisses me off.

The Curse of Living Somewhere Great

So my sister and her family live in this fabulous place. They ski every possible free moment in the Winter (not to mention most of the Fall & Spring too), the kids belong to ski teams, ski clubs, etc. In the Summer they mountain bike and camp. There is culture and beauty and beautiful outdoor spaces. The sun shines all the time. People want to live there, but there is not much in the way of employment. Plenty of very smart and very educated people move there, only to end up waiting tables or growing organic fruit and selling it on the side of the road or whatever. My Brother-in-Law (B-i-L) was lucky. Eccentric multi-millionaire (EM-M) who owned the engineering company he used to work for in VT took a shine to him, so when EM-M closed the VT office, he moved B-i-L and family out to Taos -- including a big raise, subsidized mortgage and school tuition for the kids. That was about five years or so ago -- they have a GREAT life out there. An enviable life. Every time I look at the garbage and dog crap strewn around my own neighborhood, or listen to car alarms or punk teenagers screaming in the streets, I think wistfully of my sister and her family living this idyllic life in the New Mexican Rockies. I admit it, I've been jealous for years. Anyway, my father called me on Monday to tell me that B-i-L was laid-off last Friday. Apparently EM-M has a cash-flow problem and is folding B-i-L's company. Yikes. So, now unless B-i-L wants to be (and can make enough money as) a ski instructor up at the ski valley, they're probably going to have to move. And move far away. I just can't imagine it, having the best life and having to give it up like that. At least living as I do in misery, things have pretty much always been this way, so I can only really imagine what I'm missing. In their case, I just can't imagine them being very happy in, say, New Jersey.

Ahhhh, Life in NYC...

This morning, Michelle and I invented a new game to play as we hurry through Penn Station trying to get to work -- Dodge the Hobo. Which way is he going to go? Can you anticipate his movements, out-witting him and skid on by without catching a whiff or (worse) without catching his eye, while still maintaining your trajectory towards your target? It's not as easy to do as you might think, as the movements of Penn Station bums can be erratic and unpredictable at best. Michelle and I can confirm this after this morning's effort. The hobo almost won today.

Secret Rooms

I grew up in the suburbs, so I was used to relatively large houses and big backyards. There were always a number of choices indoors, big den, living room, bedrooms, kitchen -- even a basement. As an adult living in the city, the space issue has been an adjustment. Living in a small NYC apartment is not unlike living on a ship, you really must evaluate how necessary something is that you're bringing into the apartment and must constantly edit the contents of your space. Everything must have it's place, or it becomes utter chaos. One of my recurring dreams features discovering secret rooms and spaces in my current apartment. I'll open a door or something that I never noticed before and all of a sudden realize that I have another room, or series of rooms that I never knew I had, doubling, or tripling my space. Well, the new computer has allowed me, in reality, to discover a new room in my apartment -- my kitchen. I have the computer set up there because I have an unused counter area that doubles for a desk. Having a computer with a DVD drive and high-resolution monitor, I can now watch movies with it. I have a little loveseat in my kitchen and I've been reclining on it this weekend and watching this weeks Netflix picks. It truly is as if I've discovered a room I never knew that I had.

Irish Charm

I had a bit of nostalgia today, first with another IM from a former boyfriend, someone I dated a few years ago. I really liked this guy at the time, but he was less interested in me (but at least honest about it) and I have always been proud of the fact that I was able to hear what he was saying (both in action and words) and move on without too much angst or drama. Still, not having really had much in the way of relationships since then, I sometimes wax a little wistful for him. He was a guy that had interested me more than any guy had in quite a while, and I haven't come across another that has interested me quite as much since (not that I've been looking). He had just the right combination of smarts, silliness, humor (including caustic humor) and seriousness. And he was handsome without being too much so. But he wanted to date a lot of other women and didn't want to see me nearly as often as I wanted to see him. And, quite frankly, I just didn't want to play that game. Been there, done that -- it's no picnic, trust me. So I cut my losses, but felt the better of him for his honesty at least. Anyway, lately, every few weeks or so he will IM me, which is oddly comforting for some reason. I kind of like knowing that he is out and about in the World somewhere, even if I'm not in his orbit.

The other nostalgic thing that happened to me today was that my friend Sandra called me from Ireland. She actually called me about ten minutes before I was to leave for Spinning class, so Spinning got blown off and I ended up talking to her for about an hour. I miss her so much! She is truly one of my best friends for life, we may not talk often, but we fall right back like old times whenever we do. She and her husband are thinking of renting out their house in Ireland and moving to France for a year. I told her that I would definitely find a way to come visit her if she manages to make that happen!

Snarky

On the elevator this morning: Michelle and I get on and then this big group of people get on behind us, all chattering up a storm. I whisper to Michelle that I do not recognize any of them, which is unusual because I've worked here for a very long time, long enough for most people riding the elevators to look familiar anyway. Michelle gets off on the 24th Floor. And then the elevator stops on 25, and the big group is still chattering away and one guy goes, "after you", someone else says, "no after you" and it goes round and round in this manner until I (lurking all the way in the back corner) finally pipe up, "well, someone get off already!" and they all get the hint and shuffle off. One guy left on the elevator with me says, "yeah. REALLY." And I reply, "I mean, what is this anyway, a cocktail party or something??? Sheesh."

Site Meters and Truncating Posts

Alright, I used to have a site meter and I got rid of it because I found that having it on my blog truncated the page of posts (in other words, you couldn't scroll down past a certain point to read the entire page). So, I installed a new (different) site meter the other day (which will explain why there are only 300-someodd hits after a couple of years of blogging) and the same thing appears to be happening with this one. Can some technical person please explain to me why? And what I can do to fix it? THANKS.

ugh! why am I up so early and WHY (for all that's good and holy) is there no coffee in this apartment???!!! ARGH!!!

Generous Friends

So I have this very generous friend. We've been friends for years, and years, and years -- in fact we dated on and off for years in another lifetime, but somewhere along the line we figured out that we make far better friends than lovers (this tends to be the story of my life, but we can save this subject for another day). Anyway, one day in December or thereabouts he IMed me about an iPod. As in, did I want one? (Presumably as a Christmas gift, even though we really haven't exchanged gifts in years). So, I explained to him that I couldn't use an iPod with my system at home because my laptop was too old, limited, not enough space or memory, etc. to run XP. And thus started a month-long IM conversation -- he would send me articles about the iPod, or send me a link about someone who wrote some software to get around the XP thing and I would just say that I didn't want to further tax my already over-burdened system or something. So then one day a few weeks ago he IMs me and asks if something was delivered to my apartment, would I get it. Well, I would most likely have to go to the post office to pick it up (if it was bigger than, say, a magazine) or you could send something to me at work. His reply: What if it was something BIG? Well? I guess you can send it to Janos & Carolina (they have a daytime doorman). About a week after that he IMs me and asks me, which would I rather have: A) New laptop (I get my own iPod), B) New desktop (I get my own iPod), or C) A Dell Jukebox. I say, I guess a desktop (I've been trying to figure out how I can afford one anyway, I already have a laptop, that is old and slow and limited, but will work for email and surfing, etc. I don't have the space issue with desktops anymore now that flat screens are more ubiquitous). And so he says, okay, he's going shopping over the weekend. All this time I'm thinking, "WTF???" Okay, so fast-forward to last week and he IMs me again and says, "here are your UPS tracking numbers... " rattles off three numbers and then goes on about how much fun he had shopping and that he liked it so much, he bought one for himself too, but doesn't go into much more detail. So, it was delivered to Janos & Carolina's on Tuesday and Janos helped me bring it over and install it last night... he bought me a brand new, Dell 4700 desktop with flat screen monitor! I just can't believe it. I was years away from being able to comfortably afford a new computer. I still can't figure out why he did it. Perhaps he read this blog about what a crummy Christmas I had, or maybe he just was feeling generous and had some extra cash this year, I don't know, but I am thrilled at being the recipient of such generosity. Don't know what I did to deserve it and have no clue about how to reciprocate (and no, providing sexual favors is not an option -- don't even go there).

YAY! I've Finally Figured Out How to Post Pictures!

This is a picture that I took of Lola and me over the Summer:



I usually hate having my picture taken, but this actually came out pretty well. Lola cracks me up, she looks like a cartoon character.

Overheard in New York

This is fabulous!

Sunday Morning: So Far, So Good

Well, I dropped the letter off on Obnoxious Neighbor's doorstep last night after midnight (because, despite what my experiences of the last couple of days illustrate, I'm a non-confrontational chickenshit) and so far this morning things have been relatively quiet. I can hear them up there, and once in a while there is a short burst of running from the kid, but there has been no kind of retaliation noise that I can tell. Perhaps my letter will help smooth things over, only time will tell.

Neighbor Issues

Neighbors Part I

There has been this weird, loud buzzing sound coming from the apartment of the guy who lives next door to me. Luckily, the wall we share is in my kitchen, so it hasn't bothered me terribly, but it's driven me a bit crazy just trying to identify it. It almost sounds like an old amp that has been plugged in before any music comes through it. In any case, I noticed that his front door was ajar this afternoon and I could hear the buzzing noise coming through it then, so I knocked in curiousity. This guy is a little scary, he's had some knockdown fights with other people in the building, and he is also a Board member, so I wanted to be careful of how I handled him. First I apologized for bothering him, but explained that I had noticed this loud buzzing noise coming through the wall into my apartment lately, maybe for the past week or so. I said that I thought it was perhaps coming from his apartment, but wasn't sure (even though I was sure), and just wanted to identify what it possibly could be -- not knowing was making me a little nuts. Anyway, he acted like he didn't know what I was talking about. I said, "I hear it right now, can you hear it?" and he just sort of ignored my question not admitting or denying that he heard it and then said something like, "maybe it's the lights or something" and then pretty much shut the door in my face. Of course he heard it, how could he not? I wasn't really angry about the noise, just curious. I noticed that he had some buckets of plaster and/or paint in the corner by his door, so perhaps he's doing some work on his apartment and had some kind of machine plugged in near the wall we share. Fine, I just don't know why he wouldn't mention it, I really don't feel as if I was being confrontational. If anything, I would have been happy to hear that it was going to be a temporary thing. Oh well, he's a strange one anyway. So, I came back to my apartment and back into the kitchen and could still hear the buzzing. I then put my ear to the wall to listen and shortly afterward I heard (someone) pull a plug and the noise stopped. So weird.

Neighbors Part II

I've mentioned before about my obnoxious upstairs neighbors who live in a studio apartment with a toddler with no rugs or floor coverings at all. Well, tonight things just escalated to an insane level because they apparently had guests over who brought another kid. So, starting around 8:00 PM, I received the full playground treatment -- complete with multiple kids running back & forth, stomping, jumping up & down, throwing things, banging things, dragging things, screaming, adults chasing them and yelling too -- I finally couldn't take it anymore and went running up there. I was so mad that my knees were literally buckling. Very loud and harsh words were exchanged, finally with my threatening to complain to the Co-Op board and the Management Company -- her screeching that I have to put up with it because it's a child (so I guess having a child entitles you to more rights than everyone else) and the husband yelling after me that the rules state that there can be noise until 10 PM. Not quite actually, there is such a law that states that one apartment dweller can not encroach on the "quiet enjoyment" of another's home. But anyway. I went downstairs and the noise continued, but I had at least vented so I finally started to calm down. I have now written a letter that I am going to slip under their door at some point. I really don't want to be at odds with these people. I just feel so alone and helpless. Especially with it being two (or three, if you count the kid) against one. Anyway, this is the letter I've written:

January 29, 2005

DS
Apartment 2A


Dear Neighbor,

I wish to apologize for my harsh words and raised voice this evening, I found myself compelled to vent the frustration that I have been feeling for many months. I feel like the situation continues to worsen and I find myself alone in my apartment and feeling quite helpless. I do appreciate that you have taken some steps to ensure that the majority of the noise coming from your apartment happens during daylight hours, but I feel that you perhaps just do not realize what all the running, stomping screaming, rolling & dropping & dragging of hard objects across the bare floors sound like to me. When the child runs simply across the floor, it is as if someone is running across a drum over my head. When this continues back and forth incessantly it quite frankly becomes torturous to be stuck beneath. If you add to that the screaming, adults sometimes chasing, throwing of hard objects to the floor, jumping up & down, etc. you may start to understand why I reached the end of my rope this evening. Tonight the volume escalated to an insane level by adding another child (or children – I really don’t know how many were up there) to the mix. I feel that on my end I have made every effort I can to make sure that my own noise does not encroach on your lives. I watch TV/listen to music using headphones whenever possible and I never have guests over to visit. It is just frustrating and demoralizing to be trapped in two rooms beneath a lot of pounding from which there is absolutely no escape. I’ve said it a number of times, and will say it again, if you were moved to place adequate carpeting on your floors, much of this issue could be resolved. I’m sure there would still be some amount of sound, but it would hopefully be contained to more acceptable level. I have friends who live in apartments with children the age of your child who are successful in containing the noise of play in this manner.

With that all said, I really do not wish to make a war out of this. I really am a reasonable person, no matter what my emotions of this evening may have portrayed. Rather than throwing threats and complaints around and completely alienating each other, I would prefer to try and continue to work this through ourselves. This evening it truly sounded like there was a NFL Football game being played above my head – maybe you can see why I was driven to run up there, shaking knees and all.

Again, I apologize if I put a damper on your evening, and I hope we can continue to try and work our differences out in a friendly manner.

Best Regards,

DS / Apartment 2A


I just don't want to end up in a war with neighbors, it's an ugly, ugly business, I don't need the stress and I really can't afford to move at the moment. Ahhhh, life in The Big City.

Faux Paus

A colleague was visiting me in my cubicle this morning and he commented on how quiet it was back here because no one across from me appeared to be in yet. I went on to explain how it always seems to be one extreme or the other over here. Either it's silent (like it was then) or it's so ridiculously loud. The girl who sits in the cube beside me is SO LOUD, it's crazy. Loud, incessant giggling. ALL the time (I call her "The Giggler"). Loud talking. ALL the time. Yelling across the aisle to the guy who sits across from me and conducting entire conversations in this manner. Sometimes I get so frustrated that I have to put on headphones just to zone her out -- even then, it doesn't really entirely work. Anyway, I felt free to tell him all this because she's been on vacation for a while, presumably a trip back to India which always means weeks of time. And no one else in this area really gets in before 10 or 10:30. Well. Apparently she's back from vacation as of today. I've been treated to loud giggling and conversing most of the later morning. I just wonder if she was here sitting in her cubicle listening to my rant this morning. She's usually here by 9 (I don't always hear her right away because her colleagues aren't here that early). I'm such a social moron.

Drivers in Queens SUCK

So this morning I am waiting at an intersection for the light to change so that I can cross. Light changes to red and of course Brainiac tries to blow through it and realizes he can't make it at the last second, so he stops full in the cross walk. Now I have to cross by walking around behind his (crappy-old-nova-or-whatever-with-after-market-really-badly-tinted-windows-and-stupid-looking-fin-thing-off-the-back) car. So as I cross behind the car, Brainiac backs up catching my arm with his stupid, crappy fin (can't remember what these are called, spoilers maybe?) I slam my hand on his trunk a couple of times and start screaming at him, "hey ASSHOLE! Do you even look behind you before backing up???!!! Idiot!" Brainiac just looks at me with this dull, stupid cow gaze. This is why I'm afraid to run in the streets in Queens. There are too many idiots like this one around.

#$%&*@#! Spinning

For clarity, a Spinning Class consists of 3 basic positions. 1st: seated on the bike with hands together directly in front of you. 2nd: standing straight up, butt out of and hovering over saddle (supported entirely by quads and abs.), hands about shoulder-width apart on the handle bars in front of you. 3rd: squat position -- hands forward on the extended part of the handle bars, upper-body, low to the handle bars, your butt out of the saddle but supported by quads, abs and glutes.

I think last night was probably the most frustrating and annoying spinning class ever. First, Iris the Evil was fifteen minutes late and then, supposedly in an effort to make up for it, she tried to kill us. I think the most ridiculous aspect of her class last night was the exercise where she had us jumping from one position to another with no real rhythm or without any identifiable sequence. So we would be in 1st position and she would hold up 3 fingers and yell "3", and then before you were even fully in 3rd, she would yell "2!" and then "1!" all over and over and all in no real order. Not knowing what position was coming next and not even being able to remain in any given position for even a full beat was completely chaotic and pointless, if you ask me. It just led to frustration and anxiety. I couldn't maintain any kind of good form and I spent so much time just spazzing out on the bike that I wondered what I was even doing there. I mean, one of the reasons why I really like spinning is that it's a kick-ass workout, but it is also very simple. I was never the dance aerobics/jazzercise type -- I can't stand anything that involves complicated, coordinated moves like that. I used to take a spinning class at my old gym where the instructor really liked to do jumps. That was fine. We would jump from 1st position to 2nd position in a decreasing cadence. First to a count of 8, then 6, then 4, and then finally 1. But because you knew what position you were meant to be in and he counted it out in a very measured beat, it was doable. The beat of 1 was very much like posting to a trot on a horse (something that I have some experience with). This was just crazy -- we were all, all over the place. It was like she wanted to reinvent spinning. Spinning by Iris (The Evil). Then she did this sprinting exercise, which I grudgingly admit was a good workout, but it was so without focus and so frustrating because I just didn't know what she wanted half the time. We would be doing double-time in 1st position and then she would call for a breakaway in 3rd position (presumably a breakaway is meant to be faster than double-time) and then she would call for a "run" in 2nd position (presumably faster still). But then she would say, "1st position, but do NOT decrease any speed" (in other words stay at our running speed). Okay, but for how long??? So then she would call for "Breakaway in 3rd" and then "Run in 2nd" AGAIN, but we had already been running at full speed, so how are we supposed to speed up? And with no idea of how long we're supposed to be sprinting, or how many intervals are coming and the length of each interval -- I just had no idea of how to pace myself. I was limp at the end of that, I can tell you, but it was just so damn frustrating. If her class wasn't such a good workout in general, and didn't fit so well into my schedule, I truly would be considering dropping it. So annoying.

Always the Bad Guy

Yesterday, as I was coming through the vestibule of my apartment building, I noticed a woman standing there talking on her cell phone. When she saw me putting my key into the security door, she moved to piggy-back in behind me. I stopped and asked, "uh, do you live here?" she said, "yes. Do you?" and I answered, "yes. I have a key." She said, "well, I've lived here for 10 years". Gee. You'd think someone would have given her a key after 10 years.

This afternoon at work I got on an elevator to go downstairs. A woman from my floor came out into the elevator hall and jumped towards the elevator just as the doors were closing. I, being the closest one to the control console, in a panic flailed at the buttons that are marked by arrows either pointing in or out and in my flustered state hesitated too long before punching the correct button, thus allowing the doors to close pretty much in her face. So of course now it looks like I, A) allowed the doors to close on her without making any effort at all to hold them or, B) (worse) actually hit the "Close" button in an effort to make them close faster before she could get there.

Do you ever get the feeling that you're always being portrayed as the bad guy?

Survival in Queens

I have to laugh when, here in NYC we get a forecast for blizzard, and we get a lot of snow dumped on us (they're predicting around 20") that people freak out and all run to the grocery store to "stock up". I walked in this afternoon, saw the lines of people across the store, each person clutching stacks and stacks of packages of meat, like they expected to have to survive the entire Winter in a sod hut on the prairie or something, and turned around and walked right back out, forget that. I mean, the Chinese restaurant across the street from my apartment is still open, for chrissakes. The delivery guy is running out takeout on his little scooter. Sheesh.

Maybe it's just me, but that's funky...

Spinning class tonight and it was a really good, solid workout -- I really enjoy Thursday night's class. AND there wasn't even any beer involved this time. But the one thing that bugged me tonight (other than the guy who stole my usual bike -- I'll give him a break though because he was new)... there were four different guys in there wearing undershirt tee-shirts, in lieu of a real shirt. I mean, ewww. What's up with that??? Cheap asses. Kinda grossed me out. Maybe it's just me, but it just seemed wrong.

Marathon Anyone?

This morning when I booted up my computer at work, the Weather Bug said that the temperature was 26.2. Interesting. Maybe the universe is trying to tell me something -- of course it's hard to even consider a marathon when you can't even run 2 miles (at a 11 or 12 minute per mile pace) without having to walk some.

A Better Week

Things seem to be picking up at work again, a little too much maybe, but at least I am finished with all the year-end craziness and can get back to real project work. Today flew by and I feel like I got a lot done, some new or newish projects on the horizon and some older, ongoing projects have become active again. It's all good.

I managed to drag myself to Iris the Evil for spinning last night and, as much as I dreaded her class going in, I felt the better for it afterwards. Tonight I just came home and ran on the treadmill and then did the elliptical for a while. My eating habits of late have been so-so. I do pretty well during the week -- eat healthfully, stay away from sweets, manage to get in some amount of fish and vegetables, take my vitamins, drink a ton of water, etc. only to completely fall apart on the weekend. I think it's boredom and lonliness and depression, truth be told. At least I'm not hitting the bottle (or the six-pack, in my case) so I guess that's something. Well, and with the weekend eating... it's not as if I really binge. I'm not eating boxes of cookies or donuts or bags of potato chips, it's just the order of dumplings here, the side of fries there. But it adds up. I think if I can just motivate myself to workout on the weekends, then my eating habits will fall better in line.

Ahhhhh... Spinning Again

In Spinning class last night, between the banter before class about the various "cruise factors" of the Chelsea NYSC locations, the beer with Ellen & Ken after class (btw, I think Ellen & I may have convinced Ken that he needs to apply to Queer Eye for a makeover right NOW) and the awesome, sweat-flinging exercise itself, I had to wonder to myself, 'why don't I do this everyday? It's... fun!' Well, granted, we did not have Iris the Evil (whom I am convinced is a dominatrix in her private life) for an instructor last night and I can't say that beer can be a reward every day. But it sure all was enjoyable last night. And I feel all smug and sore in just the right way today too.

Owning a Pug is like being a Rockstar

Okay, not really, but this is something that a neighbor of mine in Manhattan used to say -- because when you own a pug, everyone wants to stop and talk to you. Last night I took Lola on a bit of a walk from Kew Gardens through Forest Hills and back again. We were back in Kew Gardens and on a residential street when I noticed a van slowing down next to me. Someone calls out, "Hey, I like your dog!" I respond, "Thanks" and keep on walking. And then he calls out, "I have one just like it here" and I look over and sure enough there are these two tough plumber-type guys with this pug leaning out of the window. It was freakishly similar to this scenario that happened to me about a month ago. So, of course I have to go over there to talk to them and hold Lola up to meet their dog (Hazy) -- I can see this now as a new ploy for abduction, stalking pug owners and catching them off guard on the guise of introducing pugs.

After leaving the Plumber Pug, I was walking through the main area of Kew Gardens through a bunch of commuters who had just gotten off the train. There was a woman walking up the street with whom I exchange "hellos" and chat with sometimes on the platform in the morning. Anyway, she saw Lola and practically fell on top of her -- "YOU have a PUG!!!" Well, yes, I do. I always wanted to be popular. If only I found out early in life that it only took owning the right kind of dog.

I've decided to start updating my Workout Log again. I'm hoping that it will help to motivate me to keep going.

Just not my Day All Around

When reaching into my backpack around 5:40 this evening to check if I remembered to bring socks for Spinning Class, I realized that those bike shorts I had thrown into my bag during my mad rush to get out of the apartment this morning, weren't black shorts at all, but a black shirt. ARGH! And, no, I had not remembered to bring socks either. So I came home and ran on the treadmill (2 miles) and did the elliptical instead -- in some ways this was better anyway.

One of Those Days

Ever have one of those days where just nothing seems to get done? I'm having one of those today. The day seems to stretch on endlessly, as my butt grows numb and I just can't seem to get anything accomplished -- stuck on a problem and unable to move on from it, gone are my pre-holiday days of productivity and enthusiasm. After a while, my whole life here seems to be in limbo. Hopefully tomorrow will be a bit better because I don't know if I can take another day of being trapped in my cube like like a veal (as Julia would say). Days like these make me want to quit my job and NYC and move to Colorado to become a horse groomer or something. ARGH!

Twisted Humor

So, I'm down in Penn Station and it is as crowded and as crazy as ever. And there is this blind guy with a white stick walking through the area, tapping his cane from side to side. Only, his cane is huge, like six feet long -- literally. So he is sweeping it in these huge arcs from right to left, left to right, only Penn Station is so crowded that people can't get out of the way of his stick -- he's hitting people from every angle. People are leaping over his cane women in skirts and heels, men in business suits, people with luggage, all jumping this way and that to avoid the large range of this white stick. And what to I do? Crack up, of course.

For NYC Residents Who Care About Animals

There is a bill in NY legislation right now that, if passed, will make it easier to own a pet in NYC. Owning a pet is one of the great joys in life and denying a person this right is, in my mind, just like denying a person the right to have a child. Currently, a building in NYC can deny a tenant pet ownership. If tenants have a pet, and it dies, they are in many cases banned of being able to adopt a new one. If you have an interest in pet ownership, in the welfare of animals and in basic human freedom to choose your life-style, I urge you to go to the ASPCA website and fill out this form letter. NYC Residents only. Thank you.

Sick

I am sick, sick, SICK and miserable and pissed off because this turn of events is totally interfering with my Fresh Start program. At least I managed to drag my carcass to work today. That's something, I guess.

Start Fresh

There is just something so bleak and depressing about a Winter Monday morning after a long holiday weekend. Especially after a weekend where one has accomplished, basically, nothing at all. Oh well, it's a new week, month, year, time to shake off the holiday doldrums and start fresh, I say. Julia has announced that she and Joe have decided that they will come up to Utica and run the Boilermaker this year, so that means that I need to get cracking and get serious and consistent about running. Again. So, now I need to let the depression of December roll off, dig in, roll up my sleeves and get to work. Of course, it's going to be rough today because I was up late, late, late (like 4 AM late) reading this book that I just can't put down and now, not only am I exhausted, but I have a sore throat to boot. But whatever, I don't have to do much, I just have to do something, even if that just means getting on the elliptical for fifteen minutes. Time for a New Attitude. Dammit.

Year-End Craziness

I'm having a crazy week at work with all the end of the year stuff that comes up with my job. This is generally a good thing as it makes the time, in what might otherwise be an incredibly dull week, go quickly.

Made the mistake of stopping in at Macy's on my lunch hour the other day in the hope of maybe finding some shoes I might like on sale. Well, I did, but when I asked harried salesperson if they might have them in my size, she looked at me incredulously and said "NO!" in the most distainful, scoffing tone imaginable. As if I must be the most stupid person on Earth for even thinking such a thing. Well, I have to admit, even attempting to go to Macy's this week was a pretty stupid endeavor.

Best Comments Ever

This weekend:

Friends of my father's who came to Christmas Dinner. They were just back from a trip to London and a transatlantic crossing on the QE2. When asked what they liked to do for fun, they said, "we like cocktails."

Tanya, Lori's daugher, explaiming over her kitschy oven timer (one of her many gifts), "Apple Man": "I love Apple Man! I don't need a man as long as I have Apple Man!" My response: "Well, in that case, I hope Apple Man comes with some special attachments."

Holiday Blahs

I seem to dislike the holidays a little bit more each year. Each season I just feel little bit more alienated, a little bit more removed. No longer having a mother really hit home this year. I sat in my father's living room after having opened my one gift, watching Lori's daughter opening gift after gift with her mother's comment on each, "oh we were in Seattle and I saw these earrings, I knew you'd love them." "We were in" (someplace else) "and saw those earrings, and I knew that you would love them too." "Oh I saw this sweater" (book, necklace, whatever) "and knew it would be perfect for you." I sat there and became more and more depressed. It wasn't about material things, or who got more gifts, but about having someone who knows you well, who thinks of you throughout the year and gets excited finding something that is right for just you. I think the thing about Christmas is that it amplifies your feelings. If you are happy with your personal life, you feel happier. If not, you feel even crummier about everything. I also find that when I feel that my life isn't the greatest, it is sometimes hard to be around people who are happy, and my father and Lori are that. Deliriously happy.

I know, I know, I sound like an ungrateful, sullen teenager. But it's my blog and I'll cry if I want to.

The Legend of the Chair

Luminita was down here visiting yesterday and she made a comment on the fact that I have two office chairs jammed into my cube. So, I had to tell her about The Hardest Chair on Earth and how when they finally replaced it (after months of requesting a replacement) they brought the oldest, most beat-up and stained chair they could find and so (since I was on vacation when this occured) they left the old, hard, chair too, in case I thought the replacement was the worse option of the two. Well, it's not, however, I've been reluctant to get rid of the Hardest Chair on Earth, just because I want people who visit me to experience it for themselves. Anyway, I told Luminita all this and then she told me about how she got really lucky with her chair upstairs. Someone had left the company and a rumor got out that there was a good chair somewhere and she was the lucky person who found it. I said that there has to be something wrong with this scenario when a "good" (comfortable) chair is just a legend in the company. It's like a search for the Holy Grail or something around here.

Don't Look Back

An ex-boyfriend IMed me today, one who I really liked and always regretted things not working out with. It took every bit of will-power I possess not be more than just friendly and neutral with him. I so much wanted to ask how he was, what is new, and let's get together for a drink, etc. But I held strong, was courteous, friendly, but not encouraging. As hard as it was at the time, I'm really proud that I didn't cave and become the gushing wimp oozing the unspoken desperate plea, "lovemelovemeloveme" that I would have been with him just a couple or years ago.

No Holiday Season is Complete...

...without some drunken stumbling around the City.

The Good:

- Unlimited Chicken Tikka Marsala
- Free beer
- Sitting with and talking to a couple of Project Managers I don't usually have much interaction with.
- Sitting with and talking to my Department Director, who I don't get to interact much with on a daily basis.
- Going to Rancho for margaritas after lunch.
- Watching my manager, drunk off his ass (lightweight that he is) from said margaritas.

The Bad:

- Somehow realizing too late that our Department Director was buying margaritas for everyone, after I had already paid for mine.
- Trying to have deep, meaningful conversations about politics, religion, working mothers, my choice to be child-free, while under the influence of too much tequila.
- Somehow spending $30.

The Ugly:

- Stumbling down Amsterdam Avenue at 6:30 PM with Department Director, a Project Manager and Lou (colleague) drinking Heinikens from a straw, hidden inside a paper bag. What a class act. My how we have fallen from the years of Christmas parties at The Plaza, The Pierre, Ciprianis, The Rainbow Room, etc. Sheesh! I'm too old for this shit.

Indian, for Christmas?

So today my group here at work has our little holiday outing lunch thingie at an Indian restaurant, all the way up on West 100th Street. Somehow Indian food does not conjure up a festive Christmas-y kind of feeling for me. And I guess there were no suitable restaurants in any of the 60 or so blocks that would have been a more appropriate distance from/to our office? But at least there will be some free beer and we get the afternoon off, that's really all I care about at this point. I've alread canceled Scary Spinning for tonight. It's scary enough stone cold sober, can't imagine what that class would be like after drinking beer all afternoon.

A Better Mood

Well, I was pretty much in a crappy Monday-mood today, but I came home and ran on the treadmill for half an hour and then did the elliptical machine for another 20 minutes. Had the apartment gym to myself the whole time too. I feel a lot better now. Ahhhhhh.

Now I'm going to eat asparagus for the second time today. Good thing I love asparagus.

I Hate Commuting

Especially this time of year. When you're just dealing with other commuters, it's not so bad, since you're all usually somewhat sympathetic to each other. But this time of year, you get the holiday trippers, people dragging their kids in for whatever Christmas show, people traveling, housewives schlepping in for shopping, etc. and the attitude that some have is beyond belief. This morning there were delays on the LIRR system-wide because (of course) it was cold. Typical. As a result, the train that finally stopped this morning was packed. Michelle and I shuffle through looking for individual seats. She finds one, I move on, spying one a little farther along. 4-seats in the section, one inside one which is empty. I ask to sit there, and this woman, who has one those duffel bags on wheels on the floor wedged in front of her making the empty seat somewhat inaccessible says, "there is no room". But I don't back down, I say, "I'm sorry, but you can put that in the over-head rack. This is a commuter train, it's crowded." So she hoists this thing up on her lap and hides her face behind it. I snuggle in cozy and comfortable with my book and enjoy the ride. Every single seat was taken, people were standing in the aisles, yet this woman thinks that her bag is entitled to a seat. People!

I Suck

So, I ran a 4-mile race today. In the chilly, but sunny NYC morning. Got up at some ungodly hour, rode the LIRR in. Walked up the Herald Square, took the N train to 59th, switched for the 6 train and took that to 86th and from there, walked to 89th to the NY Road Runner's Clubhouse and picked up my chip and number and t-shirt and then I walked (the equivalent of) 13 more blocks north to the race start. I was early, of course. Milled around for almost an hour to try and keep warm and then it was shuffle to line up amoungst the hordes joustling for a spot. Found Harriet a couple of moments before the race too. I always find Harriet. Anyway, and then we start. I initially left Harriet behind me and things went well for, oh, about the first mile. Managed to pretty much keep going. Managed the hills alright. Had my new MP3 player on and so the music managed to inspire me a bit. At some point around here, Ken and our friend, Ron, who is visiting NYC for the weekend, caught up and ran with and around me for a a little while until they pulled away. After the hills on the West side drive, the side stitches started. Ellen passed me somewhere in the downhill before our turn East. Somewhere in the 72nd Street Transverse, Harriet passed me. I managed to stay semi-close to her for a little bit, but then she too was gone, gone, gone. I walked, I ran, I tried to pace myself behind people. But all along I was just thinking, I suck, I suck, I suck. As bad as my running was this Summer and in the early Fall, I've actually gotten worse, which is (really) no wonder given my sloth-like behavior lately. It sure was depressing. Demoralizing. It was a relief to finally finish that damn race. No euphoria for me, just self-loathing and relief.

I need to turn this trend around. I'm horribly out of shape. Fat. Not only do I feel icky, can't run or do the other things I want to be able to do, but emotionally, I don't want to do many things now. My sister wants me to come out to Taos in January to ski when my father comes out and a big part of the reason why I really don't want to (in addition to the fact that it would cost a fortune) is that I'm just. Too. Damn. Fat. It's humiliating. I have no ski clothes that currently fit, not even my ski jacket! I would have to rent equipment where you have to rattle off your weight for all to note, I just can't do it.

I. Suck.

I guess I know what my biggest New Year Resolution is, sheesh!

Naughty

So, I couldn't resist. My father had wanted to know what I wanted for Christmas, and so I told him where to find my Amazon Wish List so that he would get an idea of what kinds of things I might want. We did this last year and it took a lot of the stress out of holiday shopping for him -- my mother used to do all the Christmas shopping, so he is definitely out of his element there. Anyway, I couldn't restrain myself and had to go look up my list without the holiday filter. The default (filter on) will show your list regardless of status (whether something has been purchased or not). Well, I turned off the filter and now see that I am getting a pair of running shoes and the new George Foreman Next Generation Grill with Removable Plates for Christmas. I guess he didn't go for a Flat Screen TV (I want one for my kitchen) or the Dyson Animal Vacuum. Drat. It was worth a shot anyway.

Popcorn for Breakfast

Okay, it is 10 AM and there is already someone in the pantry here at work microwaving popcorn. I mean, blech!

Good News

I ran into my neighbor, Jerry, this evening and he told me that he heard that my upstairs neighbors are moving. I said that I knew that they were trying to sell their apartment, and he said that they told him that they think they've found a buyer. Wahoo!!! I just don't think I can take much more of the incessant stomping, pounding, running and screaming from up there. Hopefully, whomever moves in next will be lot quieter and more respectful. Well, and hopefully not have a 2-yearold hellspawn to wreck havoc on the peace of their neighbors.

Fair Warning

Anyone who is even thinking of having a child should read this essay.

Sub-Culture

The other night I was walking Lola in the rain and I noticed that this big, black SUV with tinted windows was stalking me. I was putting my key into the back gate when one of the car windows rolled down and this woman calls out to me, "excuse me, excuse me! Can your pug come over and say hello to my pug?" I turned around and there was this enormous, fat pug hanging out of the window. So of course I had to turn around, drag Lola over there and lift her up so that she could say hello to this fellow.

Pug owners are strange. Once you own a pug, you literally freak if you see another one. It's like this bizarre sub-culture or something.

Rants

This should be enough ranting for a week:

Rant: Business Wear

I've ruined no less than 6 shirts & sweaters sitting at this damn cube desk because of the angle you have sit at to use the computer which has be positioned in the corner because the monitor takes up so much damn room. Somehow my elbow on my right arm rests on the desk in such a way that rubs right through the arms of every shirt and sweater I wear to work. We better get raises this year or I'm not going to be able to afford to keep coming to work!

Rant: Personal Space.

What is it with people invading your personal space anyway? This morning on a gloriously empty train, I have a whole 3-seater to myself. Chick gets on, and sits, not on the other end of the 3-seater, but in the middle seat, right up against me! What's up with that??? And then she proceeds to powder and paint herself with make-up for the entire trip (if I had ended up wearing any of her blush, there would have been hell to pay).

Rant: People Who Litter

Seriously dude. Is it really necessary to throw your damn trash on the ground with no regard whatsoever? Especially when there is a trash can about 5 feet away?

Rant: Holiday Music

Okay, I can handle a seasonal song here or there, but the rock/pop station I listen to at work has suddenly (without exaggeration) turned into the "All-Holiday-Music-ALL-the-Time" radio station. Literally. I don't think I've heard one non-holiday song since Thanksgiving. Can't change the station because it's the only real thing that will come in on my radio and I don't want to turn it off because I really like the "white noise".

Rant: My Father

Having dinner with my father and Lori (his wife) tonight. It is Hanukkah after all.

Rant: Money

Waiting for my stupid, little company bonus that I get this year for having worked here for fifteen years. All $300 of it. I know it's pathetic, but it's better than nothing and I want to know when I'll have it.

Rant: My Damn Self-Evaluation

Which I finished yesterday, thankfully.

Rant: Queer Eye

So, I watched the Queer Eye Christmas Special the other night and I have to say that I was not impressed. So you helped a couple of rich yuppies decorate their mansion for Christmas and then threw a fancy brunch for their rich friends & family. All the while their bratty kids screamed their demands for what they wanted (I mean one kid, when asked, said she wanted a "real" American Express card -- WTF???) I think surely, they could have found a family far more deserving to help out.

Rant: My Computer

Which is so old that I couldn't even load an upgrade version of XP (TG Staples took the software back -- they were very nice).

Rant: the LIRR

Just because no rant is ever complete without a complaint about the LIRR.

Cheesecake

I just had a memory from Thanksgiving. It was after dinner, some people were still eating desert or whatever, and Julia and I were sitting over on the couch. Joe's mom comes up to me with a sad look on her face and starts talking about Lola and how sad she is and how she's watching everyone and on and on and I have no idea what she is getting at. Finally she asks if she can give Lola a piece of cheesecake! Cheesecake! To a dog! Boy, did Lola have her completely snowed. I laughed out loud and said, no, I didn't really think that was a good idea. My dog is good, I'll have to say that for her. Of course, she knew just who to test her wiles on too. Although, based upon our experience with The Incredible Farting Pug on the trip home, I wouldn't be surprised if she had ended up having some cheesecake after all.

Head Fog

I've been up late the past few nights trying to figure out how I can make this MP3 player (that I got for my birthday) work. My machine at home is a relatively old laptop running Windows 98, and most of the applicable software for dealing with audio files really wants Windows XP. One of the reasons why I decided on this particular MP3 player is because it is Win98 compatible. The problem is, every site that I can find where you can purchase downloadable music only provides the files in .WMA format -- which is not compatible with this player. Apparently you can encode .WMA files to MP3 if you use Windows Media 10 -- which is only compatible with Windows XP!!!! It's so. Damn. Frustrating. I just wanted a little, light player that I can run and work-out with. So now I've been searching high & low for a site that will allow me to download music in MP3 format. I thought I found one last night, but the music ended up being by some bullshit cover band of popular songs. Grrrrrrrr. So I've been up late every night between installing and uninstalling of various software, web searches, music downloads, my machine crashing, etc. and I'm exhausted and frustrated and cranky and pissed off. Computers are so cheap right now, that I'm thinking maybe I should just buy a desktop, network it with the laptop, set up a wireless network so that I can browse with the laptop from wherever in my apartment and be done with it. Anyway, now at work I have to convert some of my data extraction applications to SQL, it's a big, complicated job and I can't concentrate because I am in a brain fog due to the exhaustion of dealing with this every night. So irritated. ARGH!

It's Self-Eval Time Again...

...and what can I really say that I haven't said every year for the past (who even knows) how many years? My job has not really changed that much. I've already told my manager that he's getting the same damn document I wrote last year (which is probably the same damn document I wrote the year before). I'll just list out all the new projects I worked on over the year. If I can even remember them all at this point. I hate doing this kind of crap so much.

Also...

ARGH! Okay, and so they apparently live in a brownstone and not a row house -- although, in NYC, brownstones are actually built with brown stones (thus the term) and their house is brick. But WHATEVER!!! GAH!!!

Just to Clarify

Julia & Joe live in the South End of Boston. Not in South Boston. Sheesh!

Thanksgiving Weekend

I had a wonderful Thanksgiving Holiday for a change. After my father dissed me about the holiday, Julia graciously stepped in and invited me to come up to Boston (with Lola) to join her and Joe and Joe's entire family for Thanksgiving. Our friend Harriet, who was also coming, was nice enough to even pick me up in Queens (something my own family won't even do) and let me ride along with her.

The traffic on Wednesday was truly terrible. Bumper-to-bumper in the pouring rain, it took us 3.5 hours to get to Danbury, CT (not even halfway). After that it somehow, miraculously, cleared up and it was smooth sailing all the way into Boston. We finally made it to Julia & Joe's and I could finally see the wonderful Boston Row House with all the renovations that Julia has been blogging about for over a year now. What a incredible house, and what a wonderful place to live. I've always loved South Boston, ever since I was in college and used to visit friends who lived there. After some hair-raising introductions, Lola & Cassidy (J&J's dog) started to get along and play, er rather enthusiastically (much to Julia's chagrin) -- around and under the table already set for Thanksgivng. There was some amusement as we tried to introduce Lola to the doggie door, but she was not having it -- so I basically had to push her through to illustrate that it was harmless (I don't think she ever ended up being fully convinced). After a lot of catching up we finally went to bed because we planned to be up early in the morning to participate in a local 5K race.

I slept very poorly because Lola was jumpy, excited that there was another person in the room (Harriet) and also aware of the different sounds that come with being in a strange place. Finally got up at 7 AM to accompany Joe and Cassidy to the doggie park. A little later, we dragged Harriet to the race, she tried to weasel out of it by saying that she preferred to go to the gym, but we weren't having it. We picked up a local running friend of Joe's, fast-Josh (he came in third in the race -- recovering from a marathon no less, ah, Hello! sheesh!) Anyway, it turned out to be an agreeable morning, the rain had stopped (at least until later that day) and it was relatively warm, upper 50s-low 60s. Humid though, but nice for milling around at the start and at the finish. My performance was pretty pathetic and discouraging, but it was great to get out there and to be doing something so positive before the glutton-fest.

After the race it was a rush home to shower and be ready for the arrival of Joe's family. It was all slightly overwhelming, but Harriet is always so calm and self-assured in any situation and Joe's family are so incredibly nice, that I was quickly able to relax. Julia slaved away in the kitchen turning away all offers to help, but she was also able to relax after Joe handed her a generous snifter of scotch. Luckily, they've designed the kitchen so that it is all open to the rest of the living area, so she was still able to participate.

Let me just say that the food was unbelievably delicious, as predicted. Of course I had to have two helpings of the "fully-fatted mashed potatoes" and "drunken stuffing", yum! There goes whatever burned calories I had banked from running the race (and then some), but oh well. Lola even had some turkey (with my permission) fed to her by Joe's six-year-old nephew (she's not stupid, she knew just who to sit next to).

Finally around 6 PM, Harriet and I had to say our goodbyes and head back to NYC. On our trip home, it soon became apparent that something more than turkey had been fed to Lola over the course of the day, as we had to endure the Incredible Farting Pug for four or so hours. Fabulous.

Friday was devoted to major loafage and relaxing and recovering from traveling and eating. Even Lola could barely be roused all day long.

On Saturday morning, Harriet called me to say that she and Daniel were meeting in Central Park for a run, so I decided to join them. After my shower, I checked the train schedule and realized that I had to catch a train in the next 15 minutes, because the one after that would make me late for our arranged meeting time. So it was a rush to get dressed and out the door with my hair soaking wet, and then up to Central Park around 45 minutes early. It was a beautiful day and a perfect one for running (cool, sunny and breezy), but not the best day to stand around in running clothes, so I decided to do some running on my own before I was due to meet them. I ran the lower loop of the Park, and then ran partway up the West Drive, and then back down and then up my hill on the access road out of the Park to W. 72nd Street. I then looked at my watch and realized that I still had about 15 minutes. So I meandered down to the bridle path and did some additional running down there. Finally hooked up with Harriet & Daniel -- we ran up to the Reservoir from 72nd street. That route is all uphill, for over half a mile, and we ran it entirely without walking -- woo! Then we went once around the reservoir (1.6 miles) without walking a step, and then around again, this time I had to walk a couple of times due to side stitches. And then back down the West Drive and back up my access road hill (for the 2nd time that day). Total run with H&D (by Harriet's GPS): 4.5 miles. I did about 2 or so miles before meeting them, so I'm going to call it 6.5 miles for me. Yeah me! After the run, we all retired to the City Grill for some well-deserved lunch.

I had made plans to meet Ellen on Sunday for lunch, after first running or working out. I was glad that we had the plans in place because Sunday morning dawned with horrific weather. Torrential rain and heavy winds, just the sort of weather that makes you want to stay inside all day. But because I had the plans, I forced myself up and out and to the gym in Chelsea where I completed a workout of elliptical, stairmaster and rowing machine, after which Ellen and I enjoyed a nice lunch at a local diner.

So, all-in-all a pretty excellent weekend. I'm feeling a bit tired from it all now however. Somehow I have to drum up some enthusiasm for work. Ugh.

Thanks again to Julia & Joe for including me in their wonderful family Thanksgiving and to Harriet for chauffeuring me to/from Boston from Queens.

Streets of NYC

In this neighborhood where I work, there are always people on the streets and sidewalks trying to give shit away. Anything from samples of Pepto Bismal or gum to coupons for strip clubs. Today there were a bunch of people stopping passerby and asking, "Do you like comedy?" I've seen these people before around here and in other parts of the City. I think they're giving out tickets to some comedy club or something, but I always just brush by with a, "no thank you." Anyway, today this guy tries to stop me with that line, "Do you like comedy?" I said, "no thank you" and kept walking. Then he said, "Do you like skinny white guys?" WTF? That's a new one, but I still just kept moving along. They'd be better off targeting tourists, I would say, rather than my own cranky self.

Annoying Spinning

My Tuesday night spinning class is becoming increasingly annoying. I don't know what it is, but this instructor just irritates the crap out of me, and, no, it's not just because she's hard. I think the thing that bugs me the most is how she revs up the speed on the music she's playing when she wants us to go faster. Rather than trying to coordinate the intervals with the natural tempo change in a song, or play a song that is appropriate to what she wants us to do. This is particularly annoying if you like the song. I hate the way she has us doing some hard intervals -- sprinting or hill climbing or something, how she has to talk through it constantly reminding us of form or speed or whatever. It would be one thing if it was mentioned sporadically through the interval as a reminder, but to talk constantly through it I find distracting. She has also started doing this new thing where we do an interval of upper-body movements on the bike. This pisses me off! It is not a spinning position -- I find it utter bullshit and refuse to do it. Also, one of the things I really like about spinning is that it is very simple, there are no complicated choreographed movements or gymnastics and this new crap compromises that attitude of the class. Additionally, she always goes over on class time and she never tells us how long, or how many sprints we'll be doing in any given time period -- thus I never know how to pace myself. I'm thinking of dumping her class, it all annoys me so much.

ARGH!

There is one thing I hate to do, and that is clean up someone else's shitty code. This annoys the crap out of me. Grrrrrrr.

4:31 PM: I've been cursing and muttering to myself all day as I work on this damn thing -- ARGH! This has got to be the first time ever that I'm actually looking forward to Scary Spinning Class.

Training

I'm toying with the idea of training for the Utica Boilermaker - 15K race. I think perhaps having a goal may help to keep me on target and this race isn't until July, so that gives me some time to get my mileage up there. This is also a fun, fun, FUN race. The entire town comes out for it, you feel like you're running a marathon -- that's how enthusiastic the crowd-support is. And (most importantly) there are beer wagons at the end! There is nothing like finishing a 9.3 mile race early on a Summer morning and right away pounding beer at the finish line. You gotta love it.

A Run

I had a nice run in Central Park tonight -- it was a gorgeous evening. I walked down the very dark path through Strawberry Fields vowing to never do that again, it was really creepy! At one point it was so dark, I couldn't even see the path I was on. Scary. Anyway, once on the Park Loop, everything was fine. Ran counter-clockwise down around the lower loop until I was back around and about parallel with the Bethesda Fountain where I turned around and ran the loop again in reverse. This ensured that I hit every hill possible on the course. Ran past the 72nd street exit on my return trip to get to the access road the winds up a hill, exiting at 72nd street. I always find this a good hill to finish up with. Wasn't a great run, as is pretty much par for the course for me these days, but it was a wonderful evening to be out in Central Park for a run, so I enjoyed it very much, nonetheless. All-in-all, it was a little over three miles.

Thanks

I wanted to thank everyone for all the birthday wishes last week -- both online and off, it was much appreciated. I always find my birthday rather depressing, especially with my not having much in the way of family. Knowing that I have friends who wish me well helps quite a bit, so thank you.

Open House

Last weekend while I was in Manhattan for one of the many marathon-related activities, my upstairs neighbors apparently had an Open House. I came home and saw all the signs and saw the woman and her hellspawn sitting on the stairs waiting for the last person to be finished looking. I would take this to mean that they are actually serious about moving -- which I am thrilled about (of course, I should be careful what I wish for, someone worse could move in, afterall). Anyway, last night when I came in, there was an official-looking memo from the Co-op management company that had been slipped under my door proclaiming that open houses are not allowed in our building (with a bunch of BS about how it is out of consideration for one's neighbors, etc. But having three people, including a two-year-old brat in a studio apartment with no rugs is apparently okay -- no need to worry about the neighbors on that one -- argh!) My first thought on seeing the note was that now these people are going to think that I complained about it. I am, afterall, the one who would be most directly effected by an open house going on over my head (luckily I was not home that entire day). But how much worse could it really be than the brat constantly running, screaming, throwing and scattering hard objects across their bare, hard-wood floors? I mean, really.

For what it's worth, this is the apartment listing.

More on my Father

So today is my birthday (ugh). I received a card from my father on Wednesday with a check enclosed and a note that said, "we'll have to put off dinner" (my birthday dinner) "until sometime around Hanukkah" (Hanukkah???!!! We're Catholic!) "because Lori's sister is visiting now." What-ever. If he really wanted to take me out for my birthday, he could do so without Lori and her damn sister.

I feel like I have no family at all.

Conversation with my Father

This morning on the phone:

Him: "You weren't expecting to be invited out here for Thanksgiving, were you?"
Me : "Er, I guess not."
Him: "Oh good, because we're going to Lori's daughter's place in PA."

It's a good thing I've learned to have zero expectations from my family.

Running

I ended up having a lovely run in Central Park this evening. It was so dark and quiet and cold and, while there were runners out there, there were far fewer than before the marathon. It was quite nice, actually. And I felt that I ran much, much better & stronger than I did on Saturday, even though I did the same route -- the inner 4-mile loop. Only tonight I did it in the clockwise direction, Saturday was counter-clockwise, I wonder if that has anything to do with it? Hmmm, three runs in less than a week, I must be on some kind of a roll or something. Woo!

NYC Marathon Weekend

So, people have been giving me a hard time about not updating my blog much lately -- I'm sorry, but I've been busy! Anyway, so I thought I'd post a bit about NYC Marathon Weekend (this weekend just past).

My excitement for the Marathon weekend waxes and wanes in direct proportion to the amount of running I've been doing that year. This year has seen me become interested in running again, I'm not running as much as I want to, or as much as I "should" be running, but my interest in running and in the running community is pretty strong right now -- so I wanted this weekend to reflect that as much as is possible.

Thursday night was the annual W&B (wings & beer) gathering of my local running friends. We started this tradition five years ago as a way to get together, catch up and regroup before all the marathon craziness started. It's always been a way for us define our group and to tell our "war stories" from the year. Also, it's a chance for those running the marathon to blow off a little steam, since we usually hold it a few days before the marathon (and so it's still safe to party a little bit). This year we were lucky to have Julia and Joe join us who were visiting NYC for a week for a conference and for the marathon. It was a rainy, rainy night but spirits were high and the beer was flowing. Everyone seemed to have an excellent time and most were reluctant to let go of the evening. I enjoyed so much being a part of the old group again that I started to regret my running limitations at the moment as I can only currently participate in short running events. We all finally said our goodbyes however and went our separate ways.

Friday night Julia, Joe, Ellen, Ken and I planned an impromptu dinner at Carmine's (Uptown). I got there early and was able to impress the bartender with my tip, so he passed me a bit of apple martini and, later, a free beer. Woo! I always appreciate free alcohol. Dinner was stuffed artichoke, penne a'la vodka and very thin (scallopini prepared) chicken marsala and a nice chianti. Yum! For desert and spiked coffees we continued down Broadway to French Roast. My friend Stephen joined us as we were finishing up, everyone was pretty much done for the night by then and Stephen wanted to see a movie, so I decided at the last minute to join him. After checking 777-film and discovering that "The Incredibles" was playing near Lincoln Center, about a mile away, in about 5 minutes, we jumped in a cab and raced there where we discovered an enormous and packed theater with practically no available seats (this is why I never go to see a movie the weekend it opens). We finally ended up sitting in the 2nd or 3rd row which was a rather bizarre experience. I think it would have bothered me more if the movie hadn't been a cartoon. I also found myself somewhat irritated listening to the laughter and comments of the people around us. Not that anyone was particularly obnoxious, it's just that it's been so long since I've actually been to a movie (particularly in a packed theater) that I am used to solitude or the company of friends only. Anyway, after the movie, with a few minutes to go, I managed to bolt and catch a subway and make it to the 12:35 LIRR train home literally at 12:35 on the dot. I still don't really know how I managed to catch it -- especially slipping and sliding across Penn Station, down the stairs and across the platform in my high-heeled boots, but I did.

Saturday I had planned a last-minute brunch/lunch gathering on Columbus Avenue. I managed somehow to get myself up and showed and dressed and up to Central Park early enough to get in a four-mile run before our meeting time. It was a wonderful day in the Park. Beautiful, sparkling, cloudless skies. Crisp Fall temperatures. Runners from dozens of different countries everywhere. My run pretty much sucked, but I enjoyed it nonetheless. Finished my run and met everyone for our walk to the restaurant where we were joined by more last-minute people. We ended up with 11 or 12 people or thereabouts. After lunch, I took a long walk with Julia, Joe and some NYC friends of theirs' down Columbus into various stores, and then through Columbus Circle, across Central Park South and then into various chi-chi stores on Fifth & Madison Avenues. Finally, exhausted from my late night the night before and all the activity, I begged off and took the F Train home.

Sunday was the Marathon. I woke up and took Lola for a short walk to the Bagel Store and was appalled at how warm I was. I immediately re-thought my planned clothes for the day and emailed Ellen to comment on the weather. I turned on the NYC Marathon coverage to watch the pre-race stuff and to see the start and the first part of the race until it was finally time to head into Manhattan. Met Ellen at her apartment and then we both negotiated the subway system to get to the Upper East Side for our volunteer station at the Powergel stop (Mile 18). Somewhere along the line we picked up an older lady who turned out to be the mother of the president of one of our running clubs. She was nice enough, but wouldn't stop chattering away and moved rather slowly. We couldn't shake her. And since it turned out that she was going to the same place we were, it would have been rude to try to. Volunteering turned out to be rather fun. After a harrowing dash across First Avenue through a bunch of 3-hour-paced marathoners, we were given the task of holding out powergels for the runners. This ended up being a surprisingly satisfying activity and it also gave us a great vantage point to spectate as well, since everyone else was corralled behind police barricades. About half an hour or so into our volunteer stint, we were joined by Joe and Julia who just jumped in and started volunteering as well. It was actually a lot of fun. We managed to see some of our friends running, but once we completely ran out of Powergels, there was nothing left for us to do but move on. We walked West up the HUGE hill up 93rd Street to Fifth Avenue a little bit down the hill before the runners turn into the Park. We stayed here for a good while and cheered for the masses of marathoners. We saw everything from people barely able to move or even stopped in their tracks with cramps to people smiling and looking strong. It made no difference the pace of the runner, we saw the same variations for the people in the back as for the people running a faster pace. You also just knew that the unexpected and unseasonably hot day was a factor for many of these runners. I know it would have been a factor for me, had I been running. I was actually too warm standing on the side of the road with no jacket. We managed to catch Ken just before his turn into the Park and he was smiling and feeling good. The stream of runners had thinned out a good bit when Ellen and I decided that we had finally had enough. We did a good bit of meandering West through the Park, hoping to get somewhat close to or parallel to the Finish area or, at least the baggage truck, where we hoped we might run into Ken, but our progress was stopped at some point by Park officials and we were made to walk North up to 85th Street to exit. From there we wandered down Central Park West and through the family reunion areas, but we never did find Ken, who probably just jumped on a subway anyway, once he was able to get out of there. Finally admitting we were completely exhausted, Ellen and I grabbed a subway at West 72nd Street and I was able to get on a LIRR train home after a very short wait in Penn Station. It sure did feel good to finally sit down. My legs were sore from my run the day before and walking and standing around for six hours or so on Sunday didn't help that much. The marathon and the beautiful day was a nice cap off to a wonderful weekend however, and I was glad I had been able to take full advantage of it all.

I had wisely taken a vacation day for Monday, correctly assuming that I would be tired. I spent part of the day loafing and then went for a run in Forest Park in the afternoon. I had a nice run on the bridle trails, which were mostly deserted on this chilly Fall day. The fallen leaves covered the ground so thickly that in places, you couldn't even see the trail. I had brought Lola with me and was able to leave her off of the leash for most of the run as we really did have most of the Park to ourselves. It was an amazing contrast to the hot temperature of the day before, to have to keep running to keep myself warm that afternoon.

Anyway, all in all it was an excellent and busy weekend. Now back to my regularly scheduled, dull life.

A Day without Roe

This (no registration necessary) is a very real and scary issue with the current administration.

Highlights:

"Now that President George W. Bush has been elected to a second term, he may appoint new Supreme Court justices who fundamentally disagree with the premises of Roe v. Wade, the 1973 Supreme Court decision that provides U.S. women the right to legal abortion."

-snip-

"For the past four years, Williams and her group's 13 other members have explored the post-Roe challenge on many fronts.

Among other options, they've looked at maintaining services by strengthening state laws and the possibility of providing abortions in places where federal laws don't apply.

To prepare for what would likely be a health epidemic, they've urged physicians to get special training so they know how to treat infections, uncontrolled bleeding and other life-threatening complications caused by botched abortions"

-snip-

"Immediately after Bush took office four years ago, we realized he would try to revoke Roe vs. Wade," says Williams. "Since three Supreme Court justices are nearing retirement and since Bush is likely to appoint anti-choice justices, we knew we had to be prepared."

Abortion services have already been curtailed, with only 13 percent of U.S. counties offering an abortion provider, according to Medical Students for Choice, based in Oakland, Calif. State legislatures have enacted more than 380 measures to restrict abortion since 1994, according to the New York-based Center for Reproductive Rights.

-snip-

"We are absolutely delighted to have four more years with pro-life President Bush," says Carol Tobias, political director of the Washington, D.C.-based National Right to Life Committee."

-snip-

"If Roe v. Wade is revoked, task force members say their biggest concern will be treating women harmed by botched abortions. "Just as they did before Roe v. Wade, women with unwanted pregnancies will take desperate measures," says Wilson. "They will have back-alley abortions. They will insert sharp objects like coat hangers into their uteruses. And they will douche with toxic chemicals like lye or Clorox."

To prevent such a potential health crisis, task force members are urging doctors to get special training so they know how to treat the complications of botched abortions, which include infection, cervical tearing, uterine perforation and blood in the uterus."

Bush-appointed Supreme Court Justices will be with us for decades.

please, Please, PLEASE remember to vote today!

I was up by 5 AM and was showered, made-up, Lola walked, etc. and at the polls by 6:01 AM. And there was already a line. Not a long one, but enough to not bode well for people who planned to come a little later. By the time I exited, about 10 or so minutes later, there was already a line out the door and halfway up the block. I'm glad to see that there appears to be a good voter turnout, but am I ever glad I decided to get up and to the polls right when they opened. I've done the waiting on line for an hour or more to vote and it is NOT pretty. But regardless of your polling situation, PLEASE VOTE TODAY! Thank you.