Work Rant

(this is a picture of my office building that I took this afternoon).

So, I've been really busy at work lately. Lots of project work, and more & more various and sundry stuff to come my way, whether it be a real project, debugging and fixing stuff, helping someone out, it pretty much runs the gamut. And I'm happy to do it, especially if it means exposure to an area that haven't previously been involved in, or if I am a contributing member of team or someone honestly needs my help. What I do resent however, is having work foisted off on me by people who just don't feel like doing something.

There is this guy I work with, let's just call him J. He is senior to me, he's been with the company in general and my department in particular for something like 20 years. He built many of the old, legacy mainframe applications that we still, to some extent, deal with today. Additionally, he heads a number of business intelligence projects. Our work overlaps quite bit, I am basically the lead contact for our main company Sales d/b and apps, an application that he was the architect of. Many of the business intelligence projects that I've worked on have been sister projects to some of his. I am basically the expert in my various areas and he is the uber-last-say expert (if I ever have a doubt or a question, I come to him for clarification). So he is essentially senior to me, but he is not my boss. I generally get along with him very well. Nice easy-going guy, very approachable, I always come away from a meeting with him completely enlightened, etc.

Historically he has come to me for quite a lot too. Whenever there is an enhancement needed for the Sales app, some data to be fixed or a reporting project that he is not going to have time to do, I am his first choice. Fine, I am happy to do it. I drop stuff all the time to help him whenever I can. But, what drives me crazy is that it is never reciprocated. A couple of examples:

* Every month/quarter there are always some tricky scenarios with commission points that need to fixed and re-loaded into our points d/b. 9 times out of 10 it is a relatively simple data fix, but you have to know what you're doing because you're changing Sales data and also deleting bad commission records. Sometimes it takes more debugging work to really figure out what is going on, so all-in-all, it's generally not work that just anyone can do. Anyway, I get a lot of this work and he is pretty much the only other person who can do it. One day not too long ago I was taking some vacation time, but being at home, I always check my email anyway. So I see I have an email from the marketing staff about a commissions problem that needs to be fixed. So, I forward the call to our help desk and J and ask if someone can help this person out, to please get back to her either way (I mean, we're talking commissions here) and if J can't fix the problem, then I will do it the following Monday. Lo and Behold I come back in on the Monday and contact the user. User says the help desk contacted her initially, but never heard anything back from J (yay or nay) that he could work on it, or anything about the issue from him. While I am in this conversation with the user, J forwards the original email to me with the note, "sorry, I didn't have time to do this". First of all, it would have taken him a total of 15 minutes. TOPS. Secondly, you don't get back to the user and say, hey can this wait til Monday when Debbie will be back??? At the very least, he could have responded right away to ME and I would have followed up from HOME. But no, he waits until X amount of days when he knows I'm back in the office. It just pissed me off because this would have been nothing for him to fix and I am always dropping stuff to help him out with far more involved stuff.

* We had a call about a week ago about a Sales exception report that needed some product category changes. The note was sent to our help desk and J and I was cc:ed. It was J's report. Help desk tries to assign it to J, J tells them to assign it to me. Because he didn't *feel* like doing it. Without even checking with me first to see what my workload is, or even just sending me an email, nothing. Normally it's not a huge deal, but A) it's not my report, so it takes some more debugging on my part to become familiar with it, and B) he really hit me on a day that I was completely swamped. Anyway So, I make all the fixes, but things are not sorting out the way expected. I end up spending additional time debugging to finally determine that a database value actually also needs to be changed. A fact that (I'm sure) J was aware of (but never mentioned). Whatever.

* I do this monthly/quarterly sales rep new hire training demo on how to use the various web reports and other apps my department has designed to help the field people both service their customers and prospect for new business. It's a little harrowing for me because I end up having to present on a lot of stuff I haven't worked on, or been involved with, in addition to the stuff that I have (I always feel a bit insecure about the stuff I haven't actually written). Anyway, J is just finishing up on this big project to build these role-based dashboards that will load default templates onto each rep's homepage. So, they want to present this to the new hire reps instead of my traditional demo. Great. So, rather than presenting his own project himself and letting me observe so that I can have the salient points for the next time this comes up, he decides that he just doesn't want to do it, so it's going to be completely my responsibility. Even though I had not even SEEN this thing before this past Friday. And the demo is TOMORROW. Of course I'll do the best job I possibly can, but seriously. Wouldn't you think he would want to present his own work in the best possible light? Particularly when it's (basically) for the first time to this community? I mean, really. So, it pisses me off.

I have no problem taking on more work and responsibilities, pitching in, helping someone who is over-loaded, or who isn't making progress on something. What angers me is when I feel that someone is just trying to take advantage. Surprisingly, I have a really, really great working relationship with J. I am always pleasant and willing to do whatever. And I'm (as I said before) always his first choice for any tricky problem or issue. But still, GAH! Anyway, nice that I have this blog on which to rant, so I won't explode at work -- ha!

Lola Likes TV

These pictures are a few months old, but they illustrate how Lola likes to watch TV.

This is just wrong!

It's November 5th and it's 70 degrees in NYC. It just ain't right.

Things are Crazy Here...

Since I haven't had any time at all to really blog and since I just wrote Lou a letter, I thought I would post that instead of a traditional blog post.


ETCFBR = Edited to clarify for blog readers


Friday, November 4, 2005

Dear Lou,

I’ve been meaning and meaning to write you a letter and have been extremely remiss. A few years ago I probably would have had a ton of gossip to tell you (since my life outside of work was so much more active than it is now), but these days things are pretty dull. Still, I think a letter might be more entertaining to you than a simple “Get Well” card.

Let me start first by saying that everyone here is pulling for your recovery. Carolina and I have been talking about trying to come visit you, but at the moment visitors are being dissuaded. Certainly, once we get the okay, we’ll have Janos drive us over. In the meantime Carol (ETCFBR: Director of our deparment) has been sending periodic updates about you to people in our group and I have been forwarding information on as I have it to Carolina, Chrissy, Paul, Luminita, Julian, Chris O*, Lares, Sandra and Craig B*. All are concerned for your speedy recovery.

Carol had John (ETCFBR: work colleague) & me laughing this morning with stories of a roommate you had (or maybe still have) in the hospital. Some old guy who wanted to throw himself out the window? I said, “Wow, I’ll bet Spiro (ETCFBR: former colleague) isn’t looking so bad as a roomie right now, naked ironing and all”. Apparently Carol and your dad get along very well too, she keeps telling us about what a character he is.

Nothing major is new here at work. Things are incredibly busy for me at the moment, but mostly in a good way. TJ (ETCFBR: Consultant, sometimes from Hell, with whom I've been working on this crazy project for far too long), for the most part has been “behaving” and there has been some very good and continued communication with the Education people, so that’s all working out well. Of course, sometimes the communication is too good – yesterday I got stuck in a two-hour meeting in Bob D*’s office while Bob & Maria argued about how branches were being defined. This was all while TJ and I just sat there and looked at each other helplessly. It was like a surreal version of “Who’s On First”. I’ve had a lot of other work come my way recently and it’s all good. The project with Tim (ETCFBR: VP of our division) finally got kicked off, so I’ve been working with him on that as we move forward. Event Marketing is also a project that has been heating up, but it’s all good stuff and I’ve been enjoying the work. Also, now that Maitri (ETCFBR: The Giggler) is on maternity leave (btw, she had a boy the other day), I’ve been asked to pick up some of the Cosmos reporting effort, which I gladly said that I would do. Carol sent me a note the other day that said that she wants me to know that she really appreciates my level of effort, that I’ve been doing a good job and that she has noticed. Dare I hope for a raise this year? We’ll see.

What else is new around here? Scott is the same, harried and running around like usual, you know how he is. I think he’s been trying to monitor your stuff as much as possible and has been helping Will (ETCFBR: Lou manages Will, who also dispatches our Help Desk) figure out how to distribute the work. Poor Will I feel is (between you & I) a little lost without you around. I’ve been trying to help him out as much as I can and I know Fanny does as well, but I’m sure it’s not the same for him.

At home I’ve made a project for myself to try and clean up and organize my apartment somewhat. Painting it has really lit a fire under my behind to make my space as serene as possible. I’ve gotten rid of boxes of crap and old clothes, bought a shredder and have been getting rid of old papers, I had a poster that had been rolling around under my sofa for the past three years framed (finally) and hung that on the wall. I’ve got a couple more to do, but things are getting there. I find that it really does make a difference to come home to a nice space. It helps take away some of the stress. Once I have some money saved (when that will be, I have no idea), I plan to replace my bed with a low, platform-style one. Since I live in a studio, I feel that it will streamline things a bit. Isn’t this just The. Most. Exciting. News. EVER??? Sheesh! This is how boring my life is.

I’ve decided to take Thanksgiving Week off, even though I have no plans at all. I figure that it’s a great way to have a block of time off, without the investment of a lot of vacation days (more bang for the buck, if you will). Three vacation days for nine days away from here, what’s not to love? I’ve never looked forward so much to doing absolutely nothing in my life. My father and his wife plan to be out in Oregon at my sister’s, so I’ll be going to Carolina’s for T-day. Just happy not to have to travel.

Carolina & Janos brought their kid (Roland, he’s two) over to my place on Halloween. He was dressed as a purple dragon and it was absolutely hysterical. He spent the half-hour or so that he was there chasing Lola around. At one point they were both running around and around my round coffee table so fast that I couldn’t even tell who was chasing whom. I was laughing so hard, I was crying. Lola basically collapsed once they left (need to have that Roland over more often),

My father closed on this stupid, dilapidated farm house in Wyckoff (I know I told you about this, not sure if you’ll remember). Why a 75 yro man wants this falling down piece of crap is beyond me, but I ran around in the weeks before his closing to make sure he had all the notarized signatures he needed from me to make it happen anyway (he needed this because I am the trustee of the estate). Anyway, his wife is so ditzy, I called the day before the closing to make sure that he had everything from me that he needed for the next day. He was not home, but his wife (Lori) answered. This is how the conversation went:

Me: “Oh, hi Lori. It’s Debbie”
Lori: “Betty? Oh, hi Betty!!!”
Me: “No, Debbie!”
Lori: “BETTY???”
Me: “No, Debbie!!! DEBBIE!!!”
Lori: “Oh, dddddddeeeeeeebbbbbbbbiiiiiieeeeeee!!!”

Sheesh.

I’m supposed to have dinner with them in Manhattan one night next week for my birthday. I wonder if there is some why I can get out of it.

The NYC Marathon is this weekend and last night I had my annual gathering of running friends for our Wings & Beer Night at Blondies on West 79th Street. It was a lot of fun, but I was out far too late and am just not used to that kind of drinking anymore. I was also a bit sad listening to all the running war stories and everyone’s speculation of their race expectations for this Sunday. I really miss having running a part of my life. I’ve just found it so much harder to keep up with it in Kew Gardens. When I lived in Manhattan I was close to Central Park. In KG I have Forest Park, but it’s not safe after dark. Additionally, I recently gave up my gym membership because I really just can’t afford it at the moment. It’s frustrating, I’m so tired every night that I end up just sitting on the couch watching whatever I have T-Fauxed, but then I stay up too late reading or putzing around that I just can’t get up early enough to work out before work. This lifestyle is making me old and I need to shake it off somehow, find a balance. With me it always seems like I am either kicking ass at work, or I’m kicking ass working out (running, whatever), but both worlds just don’t seem to be able to coexist in my life. I need to figure this out.

Anyway, I’ll just bet you’re SO happy that I wrote you this long-ass letter all about all this bullshit in my life. Aren’t you glad I did??? Hahahahaha! I just wish I had more interesting stuff to tell you. Maybe for the next time I’ll make some shit up, just to make it more entertaining.

Listen, if there is anything at all you want or need, please let me know. I would be happy to get it for you. Carolina & I were talking about maybe putting together a care package or something for you, maybe with magazines, cross-word puzzles, that sort of thing. Just get word to me – someone in you family can call me or whatever. In case you don’t remember offhand, my extension here at -my company- is xMyExtension (MyWorkPhoneNumber xMyExtension), or anyone can call me at home: MyHomePhoneNumber or email me: MyEmail@MyOffice.com I am happy to help in any way I can.

I want you to know that I am thinking of you constantly and hope (I’m not really the praying type) for your return to good health. Please let me know if there is anything at all I can do for you or for your family.

With Best Wishes,

-Debbie

Things That Make Me Cringe

Sitting in a meeting at work and colleague next to me says, "irregardlessly... ". ACK!

I Just LOVE this Time of Year!

Fall is my favorite time of year: the crisp weather, the long, slanting sunlight, the changing leaves, apples, root vegetables, wearing a sweater and a light jacket... I love it all. Yesterday I was in a particularly Autumn-y mood so I went to the grocery store and bought some Macintosh apples and an Acorn squash. I also picked up some cinnamon but, alas, the store did not have any nutmeg (rant: what kind of grocery store does not carry nutmeg?!). Baked me up a delicious Acorn squash along with a chicken breast for my dinner. I really missed my mother for a few critical minutes when I wished I could call her to find out exactly how to cook the thing, but I made do with my "Joy of Cooking" cookbook. It got the job done alright, however, and it was delicious (and my apartment smelled great afterwards too). Maybe I'll have the left-over half for dinner tonight, yum!

Breederific

Finally a sane (and amusing) response to copious breeding couple.

So This is What Has Been Going On...

My friend Kellee came to NYC to visit me for a whirlwind trip in mid-September. The plan was to paint my apartment and try to get Kellee around to see some of NYC (she had never been here before). But we really only had about three days to do everything! Believe it or not, we actually managed to get the painting done, and while she maybe didn't get a chance to see everything she would have liked to in Manhattan, there was some amount of sight-seeing done as well as a couple of dinners out & about in the City. And now, I have to say, my apartment looks FABULOUS! Between the paint job, finally organizing some of the cluttered corners, having the Neighbors-from-Hell move out and New-Dream-of-a-Neighbor-Guy move in upstairs, my apartment is now actually a pleasant place to in which to live. I still wish I had a bedroom though, on the other hand, I'm happy enough not to have to pay the added maintenance and mortgage costs having a bedroom would bring. My housing costs are pretty reasonable by NYC standards. I will have to post some pictures of my refreshed place at some point.

Anyway, so I had a call recently from my father regarding this old, decrepit farmhouse he's buying. Apparently, he was "illegally" named trustee of the estate that he shares with my brother, sister and I. It turns out that my sister and I are actually co-trustees. This screws up all the logistics to him selling his condo and buying this disaster, I mean, property. So, I had to take a day off of work last month and go running out to the county courthouse in NJ to sign all this legal paperwork and have been shuffling paperwork regarding powers of attorneys and bridge loans, etc. back and forth via Fedex and Express Mail for the past week or so. I've probably signed away all my rights to any inheritance at this point. But, dammit! My 75 yro father is going to buy this falling-down piece o' crap. I also have to laugh at the irony of a bridge loan for over 500K being taken out in my name, when I can barely afford to pay the electric bill in my two-room studio apartment. But whatever.

Horrible thing happened here to my very good friend and manager at work. This was actually the day I was out of the office signing paperwork for my father. I get home from NJ, log into work and am checking email and I see an email from my former manager that just says, "Call Me!" So, of course my immediate thought is, I'm getting laid off and he wants me to call him so he can give me a heads up (because it is, after all, ALL about me!). Anyway, so I call and he says, hold on and I hear him get up and shut the door to his office, and I'm thinking, "oh shit!" He starts with, "I don't know how to tell you this but... " and then launches into the story of what happened to Lou (friend/manager). Apparently he went into the hospital over the weekend that had just passed because he hadn't been feeling well. He left a voice mail message for our department director to say that he had to go into the hospital, but that he expected to be back at work by that Wednesday. Well, the department director next gets a call on Monday afternoon from his family to say that things went very badly in the hospital. Somehow he had become septic and the infection had spread very fast throughout his entire body, causing all his organs to fail. He was in ICU on full life-support (as well as dialysis) and they didn't even know if he was going to make it. As of this weekend, this all happened four weeks ago. He's made some slow progress and was finally let out of ICU this past week, but they still don't know what kind of permanent damage might have been done (I know that he is still on dialysis). It's been a very surreal time, these past four weeks. I feel as if I've been kind of walking around in a sort of state of shock. In the meantime, work, which was crazy to begin with, has gotten even more so as we all try to pick up the pieces and cover work that would normally fall to Lou. So, it's been crazy-busy at work and emotionally taxing at the same time. All I've wanted to do at the end of each week is crawl home and have a beer and watch some silly movies or TV shows with the Pug draped across my lap. So, that's been the past month for me.

I've decided to take the entire Thanksgiving Week off to have some good quality relaxation time. It will be especially nice knowing that I don't have to travel anywhere!

The Abandoned Blog

I know that I've basically abandoned my blog. Work has been crazy and my computer at home died and I just haven't really been inspired at the times when I maybe could have scraped together a few minutes to write something. Maybe when I have a little more time I will write about the comedy of errors it has been dealing with Dell to fix my computer. It's been an ordeal and it still is not fixed yet. But anyway, if there still are people out there, hang in there, I hope to get back to updating this space shortly...

No Blogging...

Yet another long period of time goes by with no blogging.

Work has been picking up for me in the past couple of weeks, getting busier and busier with more projects falling my way. It seems that even projects that are assigned to other people are falling into my lap. It's all good, I need to be busy at work, but it's also beginning to get a little crazy. And now, today's development: I received a voice mail this morning that apparently everyone on our help desk is out today. So now, in addition to all this project work I have to do, I also have to check for, and respond to, help desk messages. I've already fielded one call about this old mainframe system that I haven't worked on in probably 10 years. Sheesh!

Let's see, what else is new? I have a friend coming to visit this weekend (and into next week) who is going to help me paint my apartment. I'm not really looking forward to the work and the PITA of physically painting and dealing with it all in a small apartment (while trying to live on top of it all), but it otherwise should be fun. I want to make sure we leave enough time to take her around and enjoy NYC somewhat -- she's never been here before.

On a related note, Carolina ran into the president of my co-op board recently and she was telling her how one bedroom apartments in my building are now going for around 240K. Yikes! I live in a studio and have been wondering how much mine is worth lately, I know the people above me got 140K for theirs this past Spring. I paid something like 65K for mine and now have about 48K left on my mortgage. Which means that theoretically I could walk away with around 100K if I were to sell and leave the area. It seems just inconceivable to me, but that just illustrates the state of the real estate market in NYC right now. Great if you want to take the money and run, leaving the area. But if you're looking to live here, you had better be ready to spend some money. Anyway, $100,000 would sure go a long way towards paying off my debt, buying a car and providing a down payment on something in another state somewhere (or being invested somewhere in a retirement plan, or whatever). As much as I complain about Queens, buying this apartment was probably the smartest financial decision I've ever made. Of course, I haven't made too many smart financial decisions otherwise, but whatever.

I've been watching the Katrina aftermath with horror since last week. It all just makes me feel incredibly helpless. I sent some money to the Red Cross, but it seems so minor, compared to the masses of homeless and suffering people who need to be assisted. I will at least continue to send money as I can. The lack of response of our government has been one of the more disturbing aspects of this disaster. To me, it illustrates the greed and out-of-touch mentality of the present administration. Certainly Bush's decision to continue his vacation while people were suffering and dying in the streets sums up his attitude for me, such disregard of the well-being of the citizens for whom he is responsible shows him to be the soul-less, scum-sucking, monkey-faced, smirking bastard I always knew that he was. And I'm not even going to go into the diverting funds during his administration from FEMA and into that bullshit Homeland Security program. It all just makes me SO. DAMN. MAD! ARGH!!!!

Frustrating Week

I seem to be having the most frustrating week. Constantly being pulled into meetings, or having long, drawn-out phone and email conversations about one problem or issue or another, I am not getting a whole lot of work done. I mean, all of this stuff is making me incredibly busy, while at the same time, not terribly productive. And, for the love of GOD, will the manager (you know who you are) who keeps warning me about the "high profile" (shit detail, data clean-up) project that is supposed to come my way just shut up about it and give me the actual assignment (complete with specs) already??? I mean, all of these hints and "heads-ups" are just infusing me with urgency and nervousness and I don't even have the damn thing to work on yet! Sheesh!

I know this may be Earth shattering news to some, but...

...I actually worked out yesterday.

20 minutes on the Elliptical and 20 minutes on the treadmill (mostly walking, but with spurts of 1-minute running intervals, all at 1 % incline) in my apartment building gym. Had the place to myself too, since there is no A/C down there and it is ungodly hot. Actually wasn't horrible if I had two fans blowing directly on me. Sort of. Followed the workout with a completely sleepless night. ARGH!

Why is Shoe Shopping meant to be "Every" Woman's Fantasy?

For me it's always a nightmare-ish ordeal.

I went to the shoe department at Macy's last week in the hope of finding a pair of brown shoes for Fall. As I wandered aimlessly amongst the different "boutique" shoe areas, I was overwhelmed by the lack of abundance of mid-heel brown shoes that were not a mule or a sandal. Don't get me wrong, I like both mules and sandals, but I don't really want a sandal for Fall, and I still cannot figure out how a mule is meant to be worn in the colder months. I think they would be a bit funny with stockings or socks (plus, I would think your feet would slip out of them) and there is just a point in the year when I am no longer willing to go "sockless". But the main thrust of my rant is really about being waited on in a shoe store. Or more specifically, not being waited on. As I wandered about the huge shoe floor at Macy's I was struck with a shoe here or there that I may have wanted to try on, but which I was too overwhelmed to even attempt. First of all, you pretty much have to shop in each section of the shoe floor as if it was a separate store. So, if I was to find a nice brown shoe in, say, "Joan & David" and then I wandered about and found another likely shoe in "Bandolino", I couldn't just plop down in, say, "Nine West" and ask to see each shoe. You have to pick a designer and try to get waited on in each section. And then trying to get a salesperson to stop for you -- yeah, good luck. As I wandered around the store I witnessed a lot of very lost-looking, potential customers either wandering vacant-eyed in the aisles clutching examples of shoes they hoped to try, or sitting on the edge of the random stool or chair or cube looking like they were about to grow cobwebs. The few salespeople to be seen seemed to move at the speed of light with heads held high and eyes focused on some distant, inanimate point far out of range so as not to inadvertently catch the eye of some hopeful shoe shopper. Maybe it's just that I don't have the patience to sit around and wait to be helped, or that I'm not aggressive enough to tackle a shoe salesperson as they flit past, but for me, shoe shopping is always unbelievably stressful. No wonder I wear all of my shoes into the ground and they always look completely like shit. I've been known to wear the same pair of shoes every day for months on end. Seriously.

You Gotta Love NYC

Well, maybe not. This afternoon I was at one of the Duane Reades in Penn Station to pick up a prescription and on my way out through the front I passed a woman who was ranting loudly to the store manager about one of the cashiers who (apparently) had not treated her well. Loud-Ranting-Woman exclaimed, "I swear, next time I'm going to reach across the counter and slap the shit out of the bitch!" Well, okay then. I did not stick around to hear what the manager's response was.

Another Week Flies By

And I haven't done much about blogging. Been kind of in the doldrums this week and I'm not exactly sure why. I spoke to my sister over the weekend and she was bubbling over with enthusiasm and happiness with their move to Bend, Oregon. She couldn't say enough about how wonderful the area is, the community, the scenery, the climate, the outdoorsy nature of the inhabitants and all the bike & running, etc. trails that are available all over the place. She kept saying to me, "and tell me why you're living where you are again?" I know, I know, the quality of life here sucks (unless you make a lot of money), but my job is here, you know? And she kept reminding me that I'm not getting any younger, if I'm going to make a change, I should do it. I KNOW!!! Sheesh! It's so easy to become complacent in life, making a huge change is very hard. It's both harder and easier (at the same time, if that makes any sense) when you are all on your own. Granted, I don't have kids, so I wouldn't be uprooting anything much, but I am my only resource -- financially, emotionally, whatever. I think my biggest worry is being able to find good employment, earning enough money to pay my bills, save for retirement, have a home and have a life, while actually liking what I do, hopefully even (at least most of the time) looking forward to coming to work every day. I actually have that here, as much as I complain about it in my blog, I actually (usually) like my job. I've worked for this company for sixteen years, so looking for a position outside of it is hugely daunting to me. But when I lay everything out, this job is really the main thing that is keeping me here. I have friends here too, yes, but most of my friends nowadays are busy with children or other endeavors, so my social life has really fallen to the wayside in recent years. So, that is not holding me here. Everything else is just logistics, I would need a car, I'd have to sell my apartment, I would have to transition smoothly enough so that I could continue to pay my debt without interruption. Anyway, lately I've just had this feeling of time running out. People all around me are making big changes in their lives, moving on. I feel like I am stuck in limbo and my window to make a change won't be open for forever. This is what has been keeping me awake at night.

Yet another example of rudeness...

This morning I am at a Dunkin' Donuts counter ordering coffee. Woman beside me who already has her coffee or whatever decides that she needs something from a container on the other side of me. So, rather than walking around me to get it, she reaches across behind me, in the process pushing me up against the glass counter and wacking me repeatedly in the back with her backpack. No apologies or even an acknowledgement that I was actually there. Even the woman waiting on me gave a little incredulous laugh, like she couldn't believe it.

Amazing what some people consider "Business Casual"

Seen today on my floor at work :

Chick (who works in the Accounting Department at my company) wearing... skin-tight (so tight she must have had to lie down to put them on), neon-bright fushia pink, cropped pants with a crocheted, neon-bright fushia pink (complete with glitter!) poncho thing on top (and a white tank top underneath). I literally did a double-take.

is it just this city, or are people getting ruder?

Examples of rudeness from today alone:

- Chick sits next to me on the train, flops the jacket she is holding onto my lap and leaves it there. For the entire ride.

- Train chick repeatedly flips her (long) hair into my face. I mean, she did see me sitting there, right?

- Go to give blood in our office building today and the blood guy repeatedly orders me around (sit here, sit there, get up, move turn this way, do this, no NOT like that, etc.) with no please, thank you or even just a friendly tone. Er, he did realize that I was donating my bodily fluids and asking for nothing in return, right?

- Get on crowded elevator this afternoon and the chick behind me can not move even one inch (even when she clearly has a lot of space behind her) so that I can comfortably stand.

- At the Au Bon Pain where I buy my wrap sandwich for lunch, I am at the register, cashier is in the process of ringing me up, while one man to my left is trying to push me out of the way, while waving his money at the cashier for his damn danish, while one woman on my right is waving her sandwich and trying to shove her money in front of the man's. Can't they see that I am currently in between them and being waited on????

- I'm second in line at the Duane Reade when they open up another register, new cashier speaks up to call over the next customer and the chick on line behind me jumps out of line and runs over there. I speak up and say, "Uh, I was next!" She looks over at me and says, "Oh, do you want to go?" "Well, YES!!!" dumb ass.

Maybe it's just my tolerance for this crap that has changed, but it is wearing me out. Gotta get out of NYC.

And Sometimes there is Vindication...

I had a nice compliment yesterday from (of all people) the director of my department. I happened to be over by the admin's desk to get a bandaid and she heard my voice and so asked me to stop in. She told me that she had met with the director of another department for whom I'm spear-heading this big business intelligence project and she said that this director made a point of telling her how happy they've been with me and with my work for them. Apparently she feels that the quality of the work has been excellent, as has been my communication and responsiveness to them. Cool, nice to have your efforts recognized once in a while anyway.

LIRR Strikes Again!

I know plenty of people who can run 8 miles in an hour or under, and so I am so NOT impressed that it took the LIRR just that long to take me that distance this evening. Bastards.

Highlight of the Summer

It's pretty sad when the highlight of one's Summer is having root canal. Ech. I got the bad news about a month ago, had appointment #1 at the end of July -- had a lot of jaw pain the first day, but had some vicadin knockoff to take the edge off and make me feel all sleepy, dizzy and loopey. Followed by a couple of days of headaches, but nothing too severe. Had my second appointment at the end of the day last Thursday. Dentist gave me the same prescription for the same vicadin knockoff after the procedure and I took my (un-air-conditioned-on-a-100-degree-90-something-percent-humidity-day) subway home. Got home, popped the pain pill, ate some pudding and tried to cool off and recover from the subway ride from hell (and subsequent 3/4 mile walk). Around 10 PM or so it hit. Violent puking ill. UGH!!! Driving the porcelain bus like the worst drunk. My mouth didn't even hurt at all, I was just a complete mess from all the drugs (I assume the injections I had during the procedure must have contributed, one little pill could not have made me that sick). Anyway, sick night, red swollen face with broken blood vessels around eyes and mouth and an uncomfortable night lying on my bathroom floor, I decided to call in sick to work on Friday. I think it was the right thing to do. I don't know how bulemics function on a day-to-day basis. One episode and I was a couple mess. Anyway, I feel better now.

Oh, I do have one thing to say...

Best Summer Breakfast Ever:

"Natural" peanut butter on 9-grain toast, with a drizzle of honey. And, lowfat yogurt with fresh strawberries and blueberries. (oh, and coffee of course!)

Almost makes it worth getting up in the morning. I like it so much, I may just continue with this breakfast once the weather becomes cooler. Screw the damn oatmeal.

Alright, Already!

People have been giving me crap because I haven't been blogging. I really have no excuse other than that I really have had very little to say. I suppose I could bitch endlessly about the soul-sucking heat we've been enduring in the North East all Summer. Or there is always my old fall back, complaining about the LIRR. But just the thought of continuing to write on these subjects even bore me, so I haven't bothered.

I think this has been the dullest Summer I have had in years. Even the dullest year, really. It's been so unrelentingly hot day after day, week after week, month after month, that being outside for any length of time is just a miserable experience. I haven't been anywhere, or done anything much at all. Work has been the same, I'm busy, but working on the same projects I've been working on for awhile, so nothing has changed there. I just seem to spend my time shuttling back and forth between the air-conditioning of my apartment to the air-conditioning of work. So, I apologize to any who were looking for something interesting, or at least mildly entertaining, to read. There is nothing to see here, just move along. Will try to be better about updating this blog about the daily minutiae of my life. If I don't fall over from boredom in the process, that is.

I Just Can't Take This Weather, I Just Can't!!!

One more day of this impossible heat & humidity and they're going to have to lock me away in some padded (and, hopefully, air-conditioned) room. I can't do anything in this weather. Even rushing around in the morning getting ready for work is a miserable experience. Just standing outside on the train platform is worthy of suicidal thoughts. GAH! Luckily the weather is supposed to break for tomorrow.

this weather is DISGUSTING!

Nothing like a 95% humidity, 90+ degree Monday morning to start me off for the week in the worst possible spirits. The air is so thick in NYC today that I swear you can see it and, no, it is not from pollution! And it seems like it's been like this for weeks. The last reasonably comfortable day I can remember was over Fourth of July weekend. This must be what it's like to live in Louisiana or Mississippi or some such place, it's like constantly trying to move through a swamp. This morning I was standing in the street waiting for Lola to pee while mopping my face with a papertowel and this random woman pulling away from the curb in her car rolls down her window and says to me, "You KNOW it's bad when you're standing still and can't even stop sweating!" Yeah, thanks for pointing that out for me.

This weather makes my fingers blow up like sausages.

On a positive note: I saw a pug puppy on the train into work this morning. Her name is Olivia and she's adorable.

The Forgotten Gift(s)

I've written before about losing my mother to cancer a few years ago, and I've mentioned here and there about what it's now like to deal with a father who seems to have generally eschewed what is left of his family, in favor of his "new" wife's family. Being a grown adult with my own life and issues, I should be able to just "get over it", but sometimes it still hurts. Last Christmas I remember sitting in his living room while his wife's daughter opened gift after gift, many of which were items of jewelry that had been purchased on the various trips my father and his wife had taken that year. I remember feeling very forgotten and sad that the same consideration had not been made for me (or for my sister) while they were on those trips. All especially in light of the fact that I used to receive gifts (usually of jewelry) purchased while he and my mother had traveled (usually the gift would be saved throughout the year until Christmas). It was hard, cold reality to realize that those days are over. I guess it wouldn't have been so obvious or painful had I not had to sit there and watch another open the types of gifts I used to enjoy. Anyway, recently I discovered a couple of pieces of jewelry among my possessions, items that, for one reason or another, I had forgotten that I had. One is a long necklace of alternating silver and lapis beads and the other a small silver cuff bracelet with a sliver of turquoise inset across the top. I don't believe I had ever worn either piece much, which is probably why I didn't remember them. The necklace maybe was longer than the way I usually like to wear a necklace and the bracelet, well working on computers all day, I tend not to wear bracelets much. However, recently discovered, I was flooded with memories of receiving these two as Christmas gifts from my mother. Gifts of the type that I regularly used to receive and of which I shall most likely never receive again. All of a sudden I love these pieces and I've been wearing them both quite a bit. The length of the necklace now seems to make it more unique. And the bracelet I love the most, it's of the cuff variety and wears very close to the wrist and thus does not interfere with a computer keyboard at all. It's almost like I've received an unexpected gift from my mother. Each time I wear one or the other, I remember her and realize that there once was someone out there who cared quite a bit about me.

What is it with People and Free Food Anyway?

This morning there was some kind of meeting or conference on my floor where breakfast had been catered. Well, they must have ordered way too much food and have finished early because there was a feeding frenzy on the floor at around 11:10 or so. All of a sudden there was this stampede to this conference room, like a pack of desert camels catching a whiff of a watering hole or something, and people came filing en masse back through the hallways with plates laden with tons of crap. French toast, sausages, bacon, etc. It was both amusing and sad at the same time. You just have to assume that most of these people had already eaten breakfast by 11:00 AM, and I can guarantee you that most were planning on keeping their lunch plans. There is just something about free food in an office that creates this almost frenzied desired to eat it, with no thought as to why. Now, if it had been an open bar, that might have been different story as far as I'm concerned.

What is it with Dogs Anyway?

Coming in through the basement this morning after Lola's trip outside, I am hitting the button for the elevator and look over and notice her snuffling with her nose and mouth on top of something on the floor. I call her away and see that it was a water bug, on its back, still alive, legs kicking in the air. I just stare at it in horror, practically gagging and shuddering. The dog had her nose and mouth on that thing! I try reasoning with her, "Now, why would you want to touch that gross thing?" (Lola, just looks at me). I'm still shuddering over it. Why is it that something so repulsive to humans, always seems so appealing to a dog??? Dogs are weird. Well, at least she didn't eat it (GAG).

I Can't BELIEVE This!

Major grocery store drama and checking account angst.

So, I stop off at the grocery store on my way home tonight to pick up a few things. My total comes to $24.06 which is about $2 more than I happen to have in my pocket, so I pay with my debit card. Well, as I'm standing there, I see the (teenage) clerk typing on the credit card machine furiously and slip after slip appears to be spitting out of the top. Finally she hands me the receipt to sign and says, "I entered in the wrong amount, so I had to void it first." So, okay, I sign the thing and then say, "oh, show me what you voided so I know what to look for on my account". So she hands me a wad of papers and points to the amount that she charged first. $240.66!!! Yikes! So I feel a bit unsettled about it and come home and go online to check my bank account and sure enough, these funds are now subtracted from my balance! Now, usually this wouldn't really be the end of the World, except that we are at the end of a pay period, the first half of the month is when my mortgage and my co-op maintenance is paid, along with a good number of other bills and then there is the little bit of excess that is siphoned off into savings. So, basically, my checking is pretty much down to bare bones until payday on Friday. I am sitting here still waiting for my co-op maintenance check to be debited from my account (they haven't cashed the check yet), so I need to make sure there is enough left to cover that. Still, not a problem with only a few days to get through, I have enough left as a buffer for groceries and incidentals. That is I did, until afore-mentioned grocery clerk screwed up my CHARGE!!! So, I call the bank and (this it the other thing) I have to rush through my explanation of what happened because the battery on my home phone is dying and I only have a few minutes before the phone drops the call (not being one to talk much on the phone, I haven't gotten around to getting a new battery for it since it means taking the handset and finding a radio shack or similar) and so the guy I'm talking to is "ummming" and "hmmmmming" and I am tapping my foot and desperately thinking to myself 'hurry the F*** UP!!! For all that is good & HOLY!!!' The guy finally, basically, tells me that usually it takes up to seven (7!!!) days for a voided charge to clear because they have to get some invoice or paperwork back from the merchant. Now I am really freaking out because I know that maintenance check is going to come through in a day or so and now it's going to bounce. And I am very upset because this is all clearly not my fault (unless you can fault me for not having a raise in over four years and not making enough money to keep thousands of $$$ in my checking account as a buffer against such a happening) and there is nothing at all that I can do about it -- I have plenty of money that could cover it in my emergency fund savings account, but it would take a few days to move that money over, and by then I would have been paid anyway AND the check would already have bounced. Am ready to scream and cry. The unhelpful bank guy then says that the only other thing that I can do is go back to the merchant and have them contact the bank to verify the void and they'll see what they can do from there. However, even this approach will most likely still tie up my funds for over 24 hours. ARGH!!!! So I go ripping out of my apartment and back to the grocery store. Where I stand there by the checkout and babble (hysterically) my pathetic tale while waving the wads of receipts illustrating my charges and voids. All the clerks listen, as do all the people on the checkout line, all rubber-necking to catch a glimpse of my sad state like I'm the local freak show. Manager is not there, so I have to stand at the front of the store and wait, all the shoppers filing past me, while I stand there on display like I've stolen something. The manager finally shows and I explain the situation to him. I am a little unclear on what needs to be done on his end since I had to rush off the phone with the bank rep before my phone died and so I am basically an incomprehensive mess. Finally after I explain it a couple of times and he reviews my receipts and the credit card machine records, he understands and so agrees to call the bank. He does so and talks to a rep, he comes back and hands me the phone so I can verify to the rep what happened, and who I am, etc. He speaks to the rep again and finally, I talk to the rep for a final time. This time I appear to have a very helpful person who says that he is going to go ahead in the system and delete the charge from my account and that the funds will now be available for charges or checks against it. I sag with relief and profusely thank the bank rep and the grocery store supervisor and apologize all over the store for freaking out. What a nightmare! What a relief! Such drama. I have to say this about my bank. This is the second time a customer service rep has helped me out of a jam (last year I had made an online payment for a bill that had gone to the wrong place, it was my mistake, but the rep that helped me had fixed everything and the bank had not charged me a cent). It is really a level of service I don't usually expect from such a large and (supposedly) impersonal company, but the second time that they have really come to my rescue. Although, the first guy I spoke to this evening was not very helpful at all, so it may depend on who you get on the phone. Now, I'm going to feel embarrassed to show my face in that store again, but there aren't too many options in my town for food shopping, so I'll just have to bite the bullet and hang my head in shame. Anyway, so that is my sad, pathetic tale for this evening. At least it has a happy ending. I made the evening even happier by stopping and buying myself a couple of beers on my way home. You know, for the stress and all.

It is SO hot Outside...

I don't know what possessed me to take a walk at lunchtime today. I pretty much never leave my desk at lunch, but today, when there is a heat advisory in effect for the entire afternoon, where the heat index is right up around 100, where I am admittedly one of the biggest hot-weather wimps going, I think to myself, 'Hey? Why don't I take a nice walk of (almost) a mile (and almost a mile back) to that paint store to grab some paint chips? It's only 12:30 in the afternoon, how bad could it be?' How bad? Bad. It is so unrelentingly hot on the asphalt of Manhattan today. I was torn between trying to walk as slowly as possible in an attempt to ward off overheating and hurrying and dodging all the slow pokes to try and get back into air-conditioning as quickly as possible. This is one of those ugly Summer days when I absolutely hate living and working in the City. This is also one of those days when the Weather Newsmen like to say, "the best place to be on a day like today is at the beach!" (complete with smarmy smile and fake cheer). Gee, thanks for the damn tip.

RANT

You know what really annoys me? People who share a common space who cannot clean up after themselves! Here at work we have common pantries on each floor. It's kind of nice because, in addition to coffee, tea and water, they provide microwaves and refrigerators (and sometimes toaster ovens). Because of this (and because it is so expensive to buy your lunch around here) many people bring their lunch to work. What pisses me off, however, is that every. single. afternoon, there will be at least a couple of dirty tupperware containers sitting in the sink in the pantry on our floor. I just don't understand the selfishness of some people. You are sharing this space was scores of your co-workers, yet you think it's your right to dominate the one sink that we all have to use with your dirty, food-encrusted containers and utensils. ARGH!!!!!! Makes me wonder what their homes look like. Sometimes I just hate people.

Just the BEST Way to Start a Day...

Over-sleep because I've been waking up during the night all week and I'm just plumb exhausted and it's one of those stormy days best spent indoors, preferably in bed. Run the dog out in the pouring, torrential rain. Drag dog around in the rain because she wants nothing to do with it. Plead with dog to puh-leeze (at least) PEE! Get back home and make coffee (after first spilling yesterday's coffee grinds all over kitchen counter), rush through a shower, only to come out into the living room to find that the dog has puked all over the bright, red rug. Run around like a complete maniac while: trying to clean it up, get dressed and keep afore-mentioned dog out of afore-mentioned puke. Realize that there is no way I'm going to make my train. Take a deep breath and "decide" that I'm going to be late. Call in work and leave a message in case anyone cares that I'm going to be late. Try to relax and drink some coffee while getting ready, when dog starts to puke again -- this time I manage to direct her off of the rug and onto the bare floor. Clean up massive amounts of puke and realize that now I have to rush again to make my late train. Run through the rain to the train station only to hear the announcements that the train is delayed because of a medical emergency (yeah, right, I'm sure it was delayed because of rain. It always is). Wait in the rain on the platform for about twenty minutes or so until the train finally arrives. After all that, make it to my desk just to realize that my manager, who I had sent a message to, to report my lateness is not even here yet. Also realize that I am so hungry that I'm just about ready to pass out. All I can say is, TG it's Friday. Sheesh!

Wow, this past week has flown by without seeing me post anything. Anyway, I just wanted to comment with shock, horror and utter sadness on the happenings in London this morning. It brought 9/11 crashing right back to me, like it was happening all over again. I guess it should really come as no surprise that this has happened again, but who can ever get used to the images and the idea of such senseless horror. Not a day goes by for me that I don't think of how vulnerable we all are here in NYC. 9/11 certainly took that innocence away and the London bombings just made those feelings all the more raw this morning. My heart goes out to the people injured and killed, to the families who have been affected, and to the people of London who will now live with the images and memories of this horrible day.

So much for a slow, quiet day before the start of a holiday weekend

In by 8:30 and right away have to sit down and recover three days of transactions for our company Sales file (God only knows what happened). Write a procedure to flip the statuses and then create a new procedure to re-load all the data over.

Meeting with users on one of my big projects to go over a big reporting request they have. Also go over how we're going to handle what people see on some of these reports (such as back-office users v. general field staff).

Upstairs to my desk to do some more data recovery work on the Sales file and some snooping around the data that I moved over this morning.

Big, last minute reporting project dropped in my lap at around 1 PM -- high priority revenue/points web report needed for High-Falutin'-Mucky-Muck-VP-Marketing-Guy. Oh and btw, we should have that for him today. Oh, and btw, he leaves early on Fridays. Oh, and btw, especially on a holiday weekend. Turn around last-minute-high-priority project in about two hours and so actually have time to start my other new, big reporting request.

So much for having a quiet day. I think the rest of the company went home early. Sheesh!

So, I'm just wondering...

...how Julia slept last night. I, for one, had a lousy nights sleep.

Freaking Strange People I Work With

There is this guy who works in my department. He's very nice, but he is practically certifiable. I used to sit near him, but finally had to move because all of the crazy noise that constantly comes out of his work space. Anyway, he just now went running down the hall past my cubicle slapping and hitting himself as he went. This is the kind of thing I deal with every day here. Sheesh!

Is There Such a Thing as a "Fast" Keyboard?

I swear there is. I just got a "new" monitor and keyboard and, call me crazy, but I'm convinced that I'm typing faster on this thing. Weird.

Spoke too Soon

My weather bug this morning says that the humidity is 100%. That's, ONE. HUNDRED. PERCENT. HUMIDITY. And it's not even raining. ACK! So, of course the train is late this morning. We stand there in the soaking humidity waiting and waiting and waiting. And, of course, I had been over five minutes early for the train, which means that I get to wait even longer in the miserable conditions. As we wait I get more and more agitated and pissed off. To make conversation, I turn to Michelle and say, "you know, the first Summer that I was riding the LIRR, I used to encounter lots of un-air-conditioned trains. In the past couple of years, it seems as if it hasn't been nearly as bad. I don't know if they've fixed the problem, or if it's because they now have so many more of the newer trains (that everyone hates, but at least the a/c usually works), but it's been better." Train finally comes and it's PACKED, there is no room in the first car. Go into the next car and settle in and there is NO AIR-CONDITIONING. At all. And very little space. And the car smells like sewage. Of course there was no A/C, I had just gotten through commenting about how the A/C situation on the LIRR hasn't been so bad lately. Sheesh. What a miserable, freaking experience. Also, a nice way to start the day in a completely horrible and pissed off mood.

Walking to the Train Station this Morning...

...was like walking through a swamp. ICK!

NYC Summer Weather

I guess it's just going to be one of those Summers where it is constantly and unbearably hot & humid. Certainly it is, if this month of June is any indication. Yesterday was terribly hot and uncomfortable, but the weather reports had predicted that today was going to be a lot more pleasant. Well, I don't think that is going to happen, I was just outside and it is already over 80 with the humidity level over 70%. Oh the humanity!

Snoring...

Heh. I'm sitting in my kitchen, drinking coffee and blogging away, and I can hear Lola the Pug in the other room snoring. LOUDLY. What's she got to be so tired about? Sheesh!

Blogging, Blogging...

So, it's been a few days and I haven't blogged. But I'm up pretty early this morning, and the dog is not yet clambering to go out, so maybe it's time for a few words.

Legs Like Wet Noodles...

Thursday night I took this killer spinning class. We had a sub and she announced at the start that the class was actually going to be an "Interval Spin". Now, if you don't know quite what that means, let me tell you (and you really have to trust me on this) it is really, really tough! I used to take Interval Spin classes about six years ago when I was in great shape and, even then, the class would kick my ass. I could go out and run 13/15/or 20 miles or whatever, but that spinning class would kill me. So I usually took two of those a week (along with 2 other regular spinning classes). Anyway, an interval class focuses on very specific and timed periods of intensity, followed by very short and measured recoveries. Usually with escalating intensity, followed by decreasing periods of recovery. And the recovery is an "active" recovery, not complete rest, mind you. So, for instance, you might start out in 3rd position (which is a standing climb out of the seat) with the resistance at a 7 out of 10, and then you might double-time in the saddle for 30 seconds, then up in standing (second position, out of the saddle) at double-time pace for 30 seconds, and the full-out sprint in third position (standing climb, out of the saddle). And then at the end of that, you're gasping at around 85+% of heartrate max, you are "given" 30 seconds of "recovery" before you have to repeat the cycle. Only this recovery occurs while you are still in your standing climb position, at the same resistance -- you're just not sprinting or double-timing. Anyway, repeat this series of invervals a few times and throw in some extra resistance as you go along, some longer sprints and maybe a shorter recovery allotment at some point and different and creative intervals of a similar vein and, well, it becomes a gasping, sweat-flinging fest. Also add to that the fact that I am in terrible shape and you can maybe start to get the picture. I did it though, I did not sit out even one of the intervals, and I felt great afterwards.

Reward (and the Price to be Paid)

We all felt so great after spinning, in fact, that we decided that we would forgo our usual beer or two at a local bar and head on up to Ellen & Ken's roofdeck to drink some beer there. Ken had just that day made a beer run (the latest special was Alexsander Petrouvski Russian beer) and so we were able to sit outside and enjoy the beautiful night while drinking Russian beer, while Ken served us various selections of BBQ that he was cooking right there on their Webber. Ah, it was heaven. Well, heaven until I looked at my watch at some point and realized that it was 11:30 PM. Yikes! So, it was a mad dash to Penn Station and I was lucky enough to be just in time for the next train (it could have been a bit of a wait, if I had hit it wrong) and so I was home by around midnight. Of course, I can never go straight to bed in these circumstances, so I had to putter around at home for an hour or so. Needless-to-say, I was exhausted and not at 100% capacity on Friday at work. Still, I managed to get a surprising amount of work done. I think plunging myself into my work and keeping myself busy all day helped to stave off total exhaustion. Once I finished what I was working on, I basically crashed. So, yesterday was about catching up with sleep, milling about the apartment and doing some simple tasks, like laundry. It was a good day for that sort of thing anyway, it was really far too hot to get out and do much.

Changes on the Horizon... ?

So, I've had a lot on my mind lately. Dissatisfaction with the way things have been going at work recently, unease with my future in my current situation and my growth potential, complacency with my job and responsibilities, unhappiness with where I'm living and the lack of life quality it offers. I mention all of these things here from time-to-time. Anyway, I don't want to say too much here because you never know who is listening but... it is possible that I will have the opportunity to apply for an incredible job, working for this fabulous company, located in a place where I would just love to live (and where I actually have more family than I do in the NYC area). The position would be a big step up from what I am currently doing, but using a lot of the skills, knowledge and experience that I've earned in my current job. It would be a lot more money. Enough that my money worries would basically be no more. My debt could be paid off relatively quickly, I could save some real money, I could take decent vacations and probably buy a house (if I wanted to go that route), I could actually hope to retire someday (in the vague, distant future). The thing is, the job would be a HUGE step up for me. A truckload more of responsibility, far more diversity in the scope of things I would have to know and have my hands on. The expectations of me would be presumably very high. I have varying degrees of experience in most of the areas that it has been laid out to me that the position would cover, I just don't know if my experience and knowledge is enough, and that is a scary thing. Although, I have to remind myself, when you get to a certain level in the job market, your knowledge and experience is, of course, very important, however a company is also just as interested in who you are and what your potential is, and how that all fits in with the company and the specific group that would be taking you on. People can be trained afterall, but you can't really change personality and attitude can usually only be changed marginally (or at least change can be elusive). Another problem for me is the fact that I have worked for my current company for sixteen years. Just typing that amazes me, I can hardly believe it. Anyway, having worked for a company for so long (especially a quirky, privately-held, software company) you become comfortable with the corporate structure, the culture and internal politics, who the players are, the expectations and where you fit into it all. Thinking about stepping out into a whole new environment after so long is frightening. Yet also very exciting. I guess, my biggest question to myself is, "could I do this job?", "Could I thrive in this situation?" I don't know, but very little is ever gained by playing it safe and never taking chances. I certainly wouldn't even be in the position to even consider this job had I not taken the chance, oh, about 10 or 12 years ago and moved to a technical department on the faith that I was going to be able to become technical. I could have crashed and burned there, that's for sure. Anyway, it's not as if anyone has offered the job to me yet, I am just, possibly, going to be given the opportunity to apply. There will be a long road of (presumably intense) interviewing before The Job even became a possibility. I mean, I haven't even updated my resume yet. But anyway, this is all on my mind. Heavily on my mind. Scared and excited and worried and hopeful and lots of other emotions swirling around. Anyway, LOTS to think about.

News Flash!

The train this morning was… ON TIME! It’s like some kind of miracle or something. That damn LIRR sure does keep you guessing.

hmmmmmm, fresh strawberries are gooooood…

what's not so good is dropping said fresh strawberries in your lap (especially while wearing light-colored pants). Sheesh!

and for the second day in a row...

…where the fuck was the fucking train???? ARGH!!!!!! #$@*&%^#$$#@!%^ LIRR!!!

Back-Handed Compliment

On my way back through town after a long walk/run with Lola-the-Pug, a group of people are on their way into a restaurant. One guy has to pause as his party continues on in and stop me to exclaim, "'He' looks just like you!" Uh, thanks. I guess.

And the Question for this Morning Is...

…Where the FUCK is(was) the FUCKING train! ARGH!!!!!!!! Rat Bastard LIRR!

 

 

You Know When...

…You’ve been spending too much time at work and/or not enough time at the gym when you repeatedly try to show your work id to gain access to the gym, while not understanding why the gym receptionist is looking at your id blankly and at you strangely. Monday spinning was good though, the really tough instructor was absent so we had a substitute – a nice reprieve, I didn’t know how I was going to handle her class last night, had she been there.

Note to Self

Why can't you remember that wine is not your friend? Stick to beer, you know what to expect from beer. Feeling really special today.

Can Someone Tell Me Why

While sitting on a nicely air-conditioned train this evening (on a relatively mild, low-70s, day) I all of a sudden became so unrelentingly hot that I felt that I would surely burst into flames at any second? Don't tell me it's hormones, please don't tell me it's hormones. I know, I know, it's probably hormones. UGH!

I don't know why I can't make myself remember how good I feel after exercising

Had a very pleasant Spinning class last night -- I really like the Thursday night class. Thursdays instructor really does a very well-rounded class (there is a little bit of everything), I always come out of there feeling like I've had a great workout, yet her class is not so overwhelming that I dread it. I wish she taught on some other nights at that location. Spinning was followed by two cold beers at a local bar. I think we showed incredible restraint.

On an unrelated note:

I have been struggling for months writing SQL queries to pull data for many of these reports I've been writing for one of my Business Intelligence projects -- I have had no class in SQL query writing, nor do I even have a book, so it's been a real struggle, especially as the table structure for this one project is very complicated (and more complicated than it needs to be, I might add -- and I'm not the only one who thinks so, but now we're getting into politics so whatever). Anyway, I've been trying to write some SQL functions not even knowing the syntax (and I've been doing okay considering) but this morning, finally, in desperation I went to a director in my group and asking if anyone here has a "freaking SQL book on query writing?????" and he says, no, but everyone just uses this great online book that comes with the Query Analyzer. Uh, huh??? Now I don't know if I should feel incredibly stupid for not discovering this great tool that has been at my disposal for all these months, or angry & bitter that no one has told me about it (because, believe me, I've been complaining about not even being allowed to take a class in this stuff). And here I am doing random Google searches every day trying to sniff out examples of what I need and I had this resource on my desktop here all along. Anyway, either way I feel like a total idiot. Duh!!!

Finally

The oppressive, stifling heat in the North East has finally broken! I feel like a new person. Seriously.

Putting Things into Perspective

After my whiney post last week about being snubbed by some women in my department at work, I received a phone call from a former friend of mine (S) who wanted to let me know about some parties that were happening over the weekend out in the suburban NJ town where I grew up. The parties were all surrounding my high school reunion which she assumed that I already knew about. I didn't (nor did I care to know).

So, S and I used to be pretty good friends, but over the years we have drifted apart because of our different lifestyles and circumstances. She is a stay-at-home mom living in the suburban town where we grew up and I, well, am not. S was also the type of overly-dramatic friend that used to gravitate to me (or did I gravitate to these kinds of friends? I've never been able to figure it out). I'm the quiet, shy, introverted sort. I tend to be somewhat socially retarded. However, I have found myself many times in my life with these extremely extroverted friends. The kind of people who must have major drama going on in their lives or they're not happy. S was probably the most extreme example of this. She couldn't just have a boyfriend, but would have to have an abusive, jealous boyfriend who she was sneaking around on. She didn't just have a job, but a job where her boss was hitting on her, and where she was being sabotaged by everyone else in the place. She didn't just have a husband, she had a husband with Mafia ties who would kill her (literally) if she tried to leave. I could tell stories about visiting her in NJ at the house she shared with her former (Mafiosi-wannabe) husband and having to sneak out of the house, rolling the car down the driveway to meet some other guy at a club, she ditching me there as soon as she hooked up with the guy. Even up until a few years ago I could have a conversation with her on the phone for over an hour and hang up realizing that I had never even said one word about myself or about what was going on with me (not that it was ever much in comparison to her drama). It was an exhausting friendship and one that I just did not have the energy to cultivate, finally. We never had a falling out, but I just allowed things to fade. I handled it very immaturely by not returning phone calls, not letting her know when I was going to be in the area, etc. Kind of the way you allow a romantic relationship that is not clicking to fade away. I've found in my friendships like this (and there have been others) that it becomes very one-sided, that it is all about the one person. I look up one day and realize that I don't have a life, that I'm living vicariously through the drama of the other person. Anyway, I decided at some point that these kinds of friendships generally aren't healthy for me and so, I just decided to gently let go of my friendship with S. We still will talk on the phone from time to time, and I feel no need to hurt her by declaring that I no longer want to be friends. I think by now she's realized that we live completely different lives.

Anyway, a couple of years ago she called me after a long period of time of no communication at all. In the couple of years since I had last spoken with her, she had been through a breast cancer diagnosis, chemotherapy, radiation, masectomy. Basically, she had been through Hell. Her life had become a real drama of the kind no one ever wants to experience. In our conversation on Friday she revealed to me that she had recently been to the Mayo clinic to consult about possibly having some reconstructive surgery done, but that it turned out to be impossible because her masectomy was so radical (basically there is no muscle at all left on the chest wall). She remained (always) very upbeat about it all, thankful that she is here. That is one thing I have to say about S, she always was very upbeat and energetic. That call from her on Friday really put my petty little problems with the personalities at work into perspective. So, there are people who don't like me here, there are far worse things in life. They can have their clique, I enjoy my work here and have a good working relationship with the people who matter. More importantly, I'm healthy and have options in what directions I can go in life. Life could be far, far worse.

ARGH!

So Sick of This High School Shit!

 

My group at work used to be such a congenial bunch. Everyone was friendly and helpful, we routinely all went out to lunch together or out for drinks after work. My best-friend-for-life Sandra worked here and there were a couple of other female colleagues with whom I was pretty friendly. The rest of the group was men and we all got along and functioned well as a team. Well, more and more the dynamics of this group has deteriorated. I blog about it a little bit from time to time. I’ve finally gotten to the point where I just put my head down and work with as little interaction with the people around here as possible. I talk to a couple of people in the group when I need to for work-related stuff, but that’s about it. There is a new generation of women in this department now who are some combination of bitchy and silly. They group together and spend a lot of time at each others’ desks whispering and gossiping and bullshitting and they band together like a high school clique. I hate these kinds of games and pretty much refuse to play, plus I think it’s completely unprofessional (you don’t see men doing that kind of crap around here). When presented with this cliquish attitude I tend to retreat even more into my introverted nature. This morning I was in the pantry on our floor making my cereal. A couple of these chicks came in and no one said a word to me. A third one joined them who did say hello to me and chit-chatted for a second (she is also one from the “old” generation when the group still operated as a team). The Giggler came in and joined the clutch of tittering and BSing. Then the one chick pulls out some Tupperware and starts cutting up some cheesecake that she brought in to share and starts offering it around to everyone. To everyone except me. It was so glaringly obvious that I was being completely snubbed. I don’t really care about the stupid cheesecake, but it’s just the principle of being so blatantly excluded that really gets under my skin. I feel so demoralized by it all, I feel like I’m invisible around here sometimes.

 

 

Yeowch!

Went Spinning tonight and I mustn't have ever worn the shorts I brought with me spinning before because they caused me to chafe in places you don't ever want to chafe -- GAH! Sadly, there was no beer after spinning tonight either. Good workout anyway.

Wistful

 

Chrissy has been regaling me for the past week or so with stories of a couple with whom she is friends who are moving to the Upper Westside of Manhattan next month. They found an apartment, were approved and are now all excited with anticipation. It all just makes me so incredibly jealous and wistful for my old Upper Westside life. Since she’s told me about this, I find myself in my free time scouring both the NYTimes.com Real Estate section and my own personal finances hoping to see something that would make such a move possible. It’s a pipe-dream of course. I just don’t know if I could ever justify that amount of money spent on an apartment (a rental, no less) even if all of my debt was completely paid off. Maybe if I was making significantly more money. I do know that I could not go back to living in the same broke-ass, desperate state I was in the last time I lived in Manhattan. It sure would be nice to live close to Central Park again though.

Testing my Blog-by-Email set up. Weee!!!!

HEAT!!!

After a great nights sleep, I got up a little early and took Lola the Pug for a bit of a walk this morning. I didn't really know what to expect for the weather since I had had my air-conditioning on all night and had not turned on the news, prior to leaving, but once we were outside, the heat and swampy humidity hit me like a ton of bricks. UGH! This is The Most dreaded weather for me. Still, I took Lola on a nice, brisk walk up to Forest Park and up and down a couple of the hills inside the park, before turning around and coming home. All together we probably did around two miles (all just walking, no running). Once we stopped walking, my pores opened up and the sweat just started pouring out of me. I took a lukewarm shower, blasted my A/C, took my time getting ready and gave myself some extra time to walk to the train station in an effort not to aggravate that over-heated feeling too much. Luckily the train was nice and cool and I don't have to walk anywhere from Penn Station. Now I'm going to sip cold water for awhile and try to cool down. I hate this stinking heat.

Spinning Again -- yeah

Ellen, Ken and I, by consensus, have decided to eschew
Evil Spinning Instructor (the Tuesday night class we used to go to) and so I decided to meet them for a spin tonight. Ellen had taken this class last week and said that it was good and I felt like it was a good way to start off the week, especially on such a muggy day where I was going to be hard pressed to talk myself into schlepping around outside for any length of time after work. Well. I couldn't believe how tough this class was! There was literally no break at all. We just kept climbing and increasing pace, and increasing pace and climbing. You could have wrung me out like a wet rag by the end of the class. It was oddly satisfying. Ellen said afterwards (when I commented on the "no break" thing), "oh yeah. I forgot to tell you about that." Sheesh!

The Summer Lovers

This morning I was in the pantry at work making my cereal and I was talking to a co-worker. There was also this chick in the room cutting up her grapefruit. This is the conversation that ensued:

C-W (to me): "Hi Deb, how are you?"
Me: "Hi, I'm okay and you? Oh you're probably loving life, this is your weather!" (I know that he loves Summer -- he's also originally from one of the Caribbean islands).
C-W: "Yep, I love it, and I know you hate it."
Me: "Yeah, I hate Summer."
Chick: (pipes up, completely incredulous) "You HATE it? How can anyone hate this weather???!!!
Me: "Well, I just hate being hot. It's the humidity that gets to me, if it wasn't for that, I wouldn't mind so much. Besides, in New York, there's no escaping the heat, with all the pavement everywhere, etc."
C-W: "Well, maybe (Summer in) NY is not for you." No kidding.

The chick then just goes on & on ranting to my co-worker about how she can't believe that anyone wouldn't just love this weather. I could hear her going on about it as I walked down the hallway away from the pantry. What is the big, freaking deal? I prefer Fall and Spring in NYC, so sue me. Why does everyone have to be just. like. you. Besides, if I were tall and statuesque (like her) and looked great in a tank top and short, ruffly skirt (what she was wearing) I might just love Summer too. As it is, I'm short and tubby and have horrible arms that I can't stand to show and I sweat a lot. I do like the long days and hours of sunlight, however.

Hot Summer Saturday

I was supposed to get up this morning, get myself together, get on a train and meet Ellen in Chelsea for a spinning class. Well, that didn't happen -- tossed & turned for a long time last night and woke up with a horrific, pounding headache (and, no, I was not drinking last night -- not one drop). So, in lieu of the spinning class, I waited until this afternoon and brought Lola to Forest Park for a long walk/jog. It was very hot today, mid to upper 80s with some amount of humidity, probably the hottest day so far this year. I wore my heartrate monitor and brought an ice cold bottle of water for Lola. We went for a few miles (somewhere in the neighborhood of 3 to 4) on the hiking and bridle trails of the Park. I allowed Lola off the leash for the parts on the hiking trails and she was very good and stayed right on my heels, regardless of whether the leash was on or not. For the portion of our outing that we were in the Park (the walk up there & back was warm-up & cool-down) I concentrated on keeping my heartrate between 135 and 155. When I was at 134/136 I would run, when I got up to 155 or so, I would walk. Of course, even just walking at a good clip up some of the steeper hills caused the HR to spike. Anyway, all in all, it actually felt like a good workout. Lola seems pretty tired now too, and a tired dog is a happy dog.

Getting Old

Okay so after spinning last night, Ellen, Ken and I went for a beer at this divey bar near Penn Station where we like to go. We haven't all seen each other in a while and we wanted to catch up, so we ended up having three pints each. I came home and sat around and drank this huge bottle of water before going to bed. So, why do I now feel like I was out drinking for half the night? Three light beers would have been like water to me a few years ago -- gah! Seriously getting old.

It's a Miracle

I actually went spinning tonight. And, yes, there was beer afterwards. heh.

I know that this will sound weird but...

I am almost glad to be back to work today. After three days of laziness and lonliness, it's actually kind of nice to be back to a schedule and some good productive work. I must be nuts.

Old Busybody

There is this old woman who lives in my building who is always in everyones' business. She has lived in this building since the 40s (yes, since WWII) and thinks she knows everyone and everything. I can't stand her. Every year she shows up at our co-op meeting (because some owner or another decides not to come and has given their proxy to her to vote) and, even though she's a renter (rent-controlled, three-bedroom apartment, probably paying half what I pay to live in a two-room studio), she has to speak up throughout the entire meeting with her opinions, suggestions and complaints. Many times bringing up her own apartment issues (sorry, this is an owner's meeting, we are not here for your stupid agenda, so shut the F up). Anyway, so I was taking Lola out for a walk this afternoon and she was standing by the side of the building talking to Sam, our super. Lola always likes to stop and say "hi" to Sam, since she loves him (and he, her), so of course we stop. Well then the old witch has to start exclaiming about how fat Lola is. Loudly and animatedly. Then she has to argue with me that I must be feeding her too much and also feeding her scraps from the table. First of all, it's none of your damn business what I do with my own damn dog. Secondly, how dare you practically accuse me of something that A) I don't do, and B) it's none of your business, if I did. And lastly, I know that my dog could use to lose a few pounds, but the last time we were at the vet (a few weeks ago) she was actually the same weight that she had been a year ago, so she actually is not any heavier at all. What she probably wanted to say was that I had gotten fat. The freaking old, nosy, bitch. I should have said, "wow, it really looks like you got very old this Winter". This is one of the reasons why I prefer dogs to most people. Stupid old crone.

Working Whirlwind

Things have been crazy for me at work for the last couple of months, crazy in mostly a good way. I have basically gotten (without exaggeration) about six months worth of work done in about two months. I had a status meeting late yesterday afternoon with two users on one of my projects and they were thrilled with the progress, so that was a big relief. My other huge project that wrapped up on May 13th was a big success and those users were very happy as well. All of a sudden after my meeting yesterday, I looked in my project queue and realized that I've basically finished all of my work, there is nothing much staged to be next. Nothing very interesting anyway. It's sort of a weird feeling. I know that there will be plenty of new things to come my way shortly, but in the interim I have a little window of a breather. I actually don't really like it much, I prefer to be busy and feel like I'm making a solid contribution. This would have been a good time to schedule a vacation. Oh well.

Related to the work thing... Luminita called me the other day with information about various head hunters who have been calling people in her group looking for people who have experience in Business Intelligence using our products. Basically what I have years of experience in and what I've lately been spending probably 90% of my time on and what is, really, my forte. The one specific position she mentioned is working for a major bank/financial corporation and the salary was in the neighborhood of 40K more than I am making here. That's $40,000. More. Yikes. Maybe it really is time to brush up the resume and buy some interviewing clothes.

Yikes!

I was just in line behind someone at the Duane Reade who was buying $120 worth of cigarettes. One Hundred and Twenty Dollars. Yikes!

More on Idiots and Stupidity

I forgot the very best part from the story of the police catching the moronic rapist in my town. Apparently, they located the house where he was living and were let into the illegal basement apartment. The house was surrounded with every flavor of cop (remember, the victim had connections) and so here they all come into the room with all their riot gear, etc. The guy is in the room and hiding. On his bed. Under the sheet on top. It just cracks me up, I can picture this guy hiding under a sheet on his bed like a child thinking no one is going to see him! You'd think he would at least have crawled under the bed.


Another idiot last Saturday. I was walking my dog down the street and there is someone walking behind me that I could hear crunching voraciously away on some potato chips. He passes me and shortly afterward tosses his potato chip bag on the ground. GRRRRRRRRRR!
So, sick of issues like this affecting the quality of life around here, I call out to him, "Hey! You dropped something! Pick it up!"
And so he starts yelling, "It's just Goddamn Garbage!"
me (at this point practically screeching): "Yeah, and that's what garbage cans are for! Look there is one right there" (gesturing to one a mere few feet away)
The kid is grumbling, but picks it up and does throw it away. Of course, by now I'm ranting away -- "I mean, look at this place! " (gesturing around the trash littering the ground) "people live here, who wants to look at everyone's trash everywhere... " and on and on. I'll bet that moron will think twice before littering again. If for no other reason than for fear of invoking the rantings of another crazy person like me.

And The Good News Is...

They caught the guy who brutally attacked my neighbor in the basement of my building. Unfortunately for him, this woman's husband is a homicide detective with the NYPD and this case was given a top priority. The idiot had taken her cell phone and kept it, and so they were able to trace him through that (it was found on a table next to the guy's bed). The scary thing is, this guy lived a couple of streets away and admitted to doing 7 other similar attacks in the area. When asked why, he said, "I had had a bad day. My boss had been yelling at me all day. I saw her and wanted her." Unbelievable. He also admitted to strangling her almost to death. Buncha sickos in this World.

AWOL

I know that I've been missing in action. I've been utterly swamped at work. I haven't even had a moment to come up for air. I haven't even had time during the week to just run outside for 10 mins and breathe and see some daylight. I've had no time for personal email and forget about blogging. The urgent project I've been busting my ass to accomplish is wrapping up now however, so I should have a little more wiggle room next week. It's been crazy and stressful, but also oddly satisfying. I've accomplished quite a lot in the last two months at work, but I fear my physical, psychological and emotional life has perhaps taken a hit. Ever since the Big Shake-Up at Work, I have felt on edge and unsettled and not valued and just generally stressed out and insecure. I haven't been sleeping well at all. Adding the urgency of this project to my load has just put me in the redline for the last couple of months. As a result I've been sleeping like crap, eating like crap, and I've been uninspired and unmotivated and emotionally volatile in my personal time. So as this particular assignment starts to wrap up, I need to re-commit myself to taking care of me. That means eating better, sleeping more and working out -- if anyone has any words or stories of inspiration, please let me know, I could really use it now.

On an Unrelated Note:

(Actually, in a weird way it is related because it is just another thing that will add to my current state of mind.)

There was an attempted rape in my apartment building last night. This woman I know was coming into the building through the back door at around 8:30 last night and some punk apparently managed to get in behind her (I am unsure whether she just didn't notice him or if he pushed her in). She was screaming and he started trying to rape her. Apparently the woman's mother was up in her apartment and happened to somehow to have heard her (maybe she started screaming before the door closed). Also, luckily, this woman owns a large (and loud) dog (one of very few in our building and the only big one). The woman's mother came down to the basement with the dog and the dog chased the rapist out of the building. He had managed to already have this her pants off. This all just makes me so upset and angry, and for some reason, even more so after coming off a gut-busting couple of months at work. I just so resent that I work my heart out, that I've been working for half my life, that I pay a huge amount of taxes, mind my own business am a productive and responsible member of the community and yet I live in a 2-room apartment struggling to pay my bills (with not much left over for vacations or many "luxuries") and the place is not even safe. I know this sort of thing can happen anywhere at all, but when it happens inside your own building (not in some alley or somewhere) it just makes you feel even more vulnerable. Anyway, like I've said, I've really been kind of an emotional mess lately. Oh, and the other thing is... I also resent that our Co-op rules state that people are not allowed to own pets, particularly dogs (yes, I own an illegal dog). Well, pets can greatly increase your quality of life, especially if you live alone. And if this woman last night had not owned her dog, there is a very good chance that she would have been raped. I think I'll look into buying a Rottweiler.