#$%&*@#! Spinning

For clarity, a Spinning Class consists of 3 basic positions. 1st: seated on the bike with hands together directly in front of you. 2nd: standing straight up, butt out of and hovering over saddle (supported entirely by quads and abs.), hands about shoulder-width apart on the handle bars in front of you. 3rd: squat position -- hands forward on the extended part of the handle bars, upper-body, low to the handle bars, your butt out of the saddle but supported by quads, abs and glutes.

I think last night was probably the most frustrating and annoying spinning class ever. First, Iris the Evil was fifteen minutes late and then, supposedly in an effort to make up for it, she tried to kill us. I think the most ridiculous aspect of her class last night was the exercise where she had us jumping from one position to another with no real rhythm or without any identifiable sequence. So we would be in 1st position and she would hold up 3 fingers and yell "3", and then before you were even fully in 3rd, she would yell "2!" and then "1!" all over and over and all in no real order. Not knowing what position was coming next and not even being able to remain in any given position for even a full beat was completely chaotic and pointless, if you ask me. It just led to frustration and anxiety. I couldn't maintain any kind of good form and I spent so much time just spazzing out on the bike that I wondered what I was even doing there. I mean, one of the reasons why I really like spinning is that it's a kick-ass workout, but it is also very simple. I was never the dance aerobics/jazzercise type -- I can't stand anything that involves complicated, coordinated moves like that. I used to take a spinning class at my old gym where the instructor really liked to do jumps. That was fine. We would jump from 1st position to 2nd position in a decreasing cadence. First to a count of 8, then 6, then 4, and then finally 1. But because you knew what position you were meant to be in and he counted it out in a very measured beat, it was doable. The beat of 1 was very much like posting to a trot on a horse (something that I have some experience with). This was just crazy -- we were all, all over the place. It was like she wanted to reinvent spinning. Spinning by Iris (The Evil). Then she did this sprinting exercise, which I grudgingly admit was a good workout, but it was so without focus and so frustrating because I just didn't know what she wanted half the time. We would be doing double-time in 1st position and then she would call for a breakaway in 3rd position (presumably a breakaway is meant to be faster than double-time) and then she would call for a "run" in 2nd position (presumably faster still). But then she would say, "1st position, but do NOT decrease any speed" (in other words stay at our running speed). Okay, but for how long??? So then she would call for "Breakaway in 3rd" and then "Run in 2nd" AGAIN, but we had already been running at full speed, so how are we supposed to speed up? And with no idea of how long we're supposed to be sprinting, or how many intervals are coming and the length of each interval -- I just had no idea of how to pace myself. I was limp at the end of that, I can tell you, but it was just so damn frustrating. If her class wasn't such a good workout in general, and didn't fit so well into my schedule, I truly would be considering dropping it. So annoying.