I've been very bad

about keeping up with my blog lately.

Anyway, I haven't had a ton of stuff to say. I like my new job, it can be difficult and stressful, but no one can say it isn't challenging anyway. Now that I am settling down into a weekly routine, I am trying to carve out specific blocks of time during the week where I can get real, practical work done. There are so many meetings and conference calls and detailed emailing and otherwise conversations about the project and strategizing, etc. that I find these specified blocks of time essential for actually accomplishing some concrete work. Now that there seems to be a certain routine to the week, this has become a little easier. We have a weekly "working meeting" on Thursday afternoons where we meet with our "client" and with the business (our end users) to review what has been done that week, where the project is headed, action items, concerns, requirements, problems, etc. And the spotlight is really on me here because I have to drive a good portion of the meeting and also demo reporting changes and updates that I've done. Sometimes the meeting can be fun, if the users start to get excited and they kick off a round of brain storming that really gets my creative juices flowing. But sometimes the meeting is just painful. This past Thursday was one of those such meetings. The conference room was stuffed to the gills with something like 15-18 people (some of whom I didn't even know) and I was trying to demo a bunch of stuff, but I was dealing with a wireless keyboard and mouse, was logged onto my machine through the conference room PC and my screen kept getting frozen, so I was never able to really accomplish my demo. In the meantime, the natives were restless so I just talked through what was supposed to be my demo while becoming more and more nervous with every word. It was horrible. But I got through it somehow. My manager said to me afterwards, "good job" and I just laughed out loud. He's just so nice and always positive, but I knew it was a disaster. Oh well. It was a relief once it was over anyway.

So, I joined the company gym a week ago. For $190/year I can go to any gym location (they're all over Boston, and other locations, in addition to having a gym in each of the buildings here). I didn't go at all last week, but I finally did go for the first time yesterday. I actually blocked out the time on my calendar here, set the time as "busy" and worked out in the middle of the afternoon when the gym was pretty empty. I then stayed later at work in the evening to make up for it. I only did a half an hour on the elliptical, but it was surprisingly hard for me(or maybe not so surprisingly). It's been that long since I did any kind of consistent working out. Anyway, I'm thinking that if I can do this a few times a week, and then get myself walking more on the weekends, that this will at least be a start. I was thinking if I can continue to do the afternoon workouts, I can maybe do an additional workout after work, either at one of the gyms here, or at the apartment complex. Even just a half an hour a shot will add up quickly enough. And can I say how wonderful it is to have a gym actually in the building where your office is? Used to be I would run out to the gym on my lunch hour in NYC and it would be this harrowing sprint across Seventh Avenue, up the long, sleazy, urine-soaked block on 33rd street and across all the craziness of Herald Square. Now I can just walk downstairs without even putting a coat on, with my ipod and blackberry in hand (and can thus answer emails while I'm down there too -- gotta love technology).

Over this past weekend I got to see all my cousins for dinner. Two of my cousins live close to me here and my third cousin (who lives near Albany, NY) was down visiting his brothers. I first met two of my cousins at a local bike shop. One of them is thinking of getting into bicycling because he's having some knee trouble from running and his brother has a lot of experience and so was helping figure out what bike would be good for him and what equipment he would need. Of course, it's never a good idea for me to spend an afternoon in such as place as I start getting fancy ideas of what new toy I can buy for myself. (Must. Buy. A. Condo.) Afterwards we then drove on to the restaurant where we met both of their families and my other cousin and his family. It was a big, old, happy family reunion, the likes of which I haven't had since my mother passed away four years ago. All of my cousins wanted to know when my father plans to visit. In a way, they feel particularly connected to him because amongst us all, he is the one remaining parent. I hated to tell them that even when he lived one state away he never visited me. They shouldn't be holding their breath for a NH visit from him.

My cousins were all also very impressed with my decision to make this huge life change and move up here. All were completely amazed when I said that I don't miss NYC at all. I really don't (at least not yet), I miss the friends I have there, yes. I even miss my apartment a bit. And I miss my own furniture and my books, etc. But the city, not really. I will always have a deep love for NYC, but I sure as ass don't want to live there any more. I think the only way I could tolerate living in NYC is if I had A LOT of money, could afford a big and solid (i.e. not hearing your neighbors) apartment on the Upper Westside near Central Park and could also afford a weekend/vacation home AND still have enough money left over for traveling AND investing and for restaurants and toys and whatever. Those are the circumstances in which I could live in NYC again. Not bloody likely in my lifetime, but there it is.

Anyway, speaking of NYC, I've decided to drive down there this weekend. I'll see some people, retrieve some stuff, return my cable equipment, find some technical manuals that I need that are stashed in my apartment somewhere, etc. I'm looking forward to it.

Oh Yeah

I bought an ice scraper/snow brush thingie today. Finally. Stop & Shop had them.

Things About Driving that are Different since the Last Time I was a Driver

* SUVs (like, everywhere)
* Air Bags ("10" and "2" is no longer the "ideal" hand position)
* iPod/iTune technology (sweet!)
* Mapquest (still want a GPS someday though)
* Cell Phones: it's amazing how many people I see driving around with a phone held up to their ear. Although, there is one positive to the ubiquitousness of cell phones, I can sing along to the iPod and people can assume I'm just talking on a hands-free cell phone call (you just have to watch that head bobbing, etc.)

Things I had forgotten:

* How much tail-gaters annoy the crap out of me.
* Constantly amazed at how few people actual signal to turn or switch lanes.
* How easy it is to speed (and people were telling me to buy a turbo, have enough trouble keeping to the speed limit as it is)
* How much fun driving a stick is (except in Boston bumper-to-bumper traffic)

And Today...

Is one of those days where I want to run screaming from the building (while tearing my hair out). STRESS and confusion. ARGH!

Today...

I signed up for the gym at New Company today. Now let's see if I can make myself go and use it. No spinning there though, although they told me that it's coming soon.

Weird weather tonight, coming home it was sort of raining, sort of snowing, sort of icing. Between the weird globs of falling ice/snow/rain, the headlights and the reflective surfaces, it was really hard to tell where I was in the road. It was a strangely stressful drive home, I almost felt a little drunk & disoriented.

I still haven't bought an ice scraper thingie for the car, so I went outside just now and drove the car around to the back to put it in the car port since the weather is kind of weird and I'm not sure how much snow or ice is supposed to fall tonight. I usually just leave it in a parking place outside my apartment, the car port is all the way around the back and on the other side of the building, so I don't usually like to park it back there. Anyway, I took Lola with me for a "ride", she was such a freak shaking in the back like she's thinking we're about to move again or something. In the meantime, the "drive" was literally 1 or 2 minutes long. Freak. Walking back to the building from the car port, I almost fell on the asphalt four times (in all of about 50 feet). Totally black ice everywhere, I'm so glad I don't have to drive anywhere tonight.

At work they've migrated our reporting software over to a new release and now a bunch of stuff is really screwed up. The front-end html interface tool is now completely different from how it worked with the older release. Not only am I now going to have to learn how this new interface works, but it seems that I can't even open the html files we've created with the older release without changing some fundamental properties. I have no idea of what the impact is going to be on this work and I can anticipate that there will now be a new complicated element to my job that I'm going to have to deal with. Ugh. So right now I'm dealing with two different development environments and I'm beginning to feel a bit crazed about it all. It's always something.

Ahhhh... So Glad It's Friday

Things are going along well, but I really am so glad it's Friday. And, a long weekend to boot! (at least I think it's a long weekend, I've got to check and make sure we have Monday off here). I'm just so tired by the time I reach this end of the week, and I think I'm also a little mentally over-taxed by Friday too. Yesterday we had a meeting with our client on this project that I am working on and we were going over all the enhancements and progress that has been made during the week. I can talk about all the reporting and functionality, etc. 'til the cows come home, but when bond traders and various money people start shooting questions at me about data and calculations, etc. I kind of get this deer in the headlights thing going on. I mean, I take the input I get from the business and from the datamart people and what's been done so far and go from there. But I don't know enough about the business and the data yet to feel really confident and it the scares beejezus out of me.

ARGH!!!!

Some... dude is pacing back & forth by my desk talking (loudly!) on his damn cell phone! So freaking rude. TG I have my iPod with me.

It's So Weird

It feels so weird to drive my car around, I went so long without a license that I now have this strange, guilty feeling that I'm doing something illegal.

Getting There

Yesterday morning I was working away and making some progress on this reporting program that I'm writing. I had been responding and contributing to various team members consistently, my new car was sitting outside in New Company's parking lot and I realized all of a sudden that, wow, I'm actually happy. Or at least getting there. I feel like I'm getting a bit of a handle on the job, I'm getting along well with the team, I'm speaking up in meetings, I have my license and a car now and my money situation is not desperate (for a change) and I really like this area that I'm living in. So I feel that things are beginning to come together nicely.

I should say that I was happy until I found out that the chick who supposedly was buying my apartment in NYC has been jerking me along for the past five weeks and it turns out that she doesn't have the required deposit after all! ARGH! So now I've lost a lot of critical time in this process. The good news is that I already have another offer for the same price, but who knows when this closing will ever freaking happen? Dealing with the management company and co-op board alone can take forever. Seriously.

Okay, this is just... In.Sane.

After having my little loaner Suburu for the past 24 hours (sidebar: I even drove myself to a Target, the first time I had ever been in one!) I drove it back to the dealership and ended up leaving with a brand new car. A 2006 5-speed "steel gray metallic" Forester. I didn't really think this was going to happen so fast, but there you go, yikes! We're supposed to be getting this gi-normous snow storm tonight and I don't even own so much as an ice scraper! (Guess I should have picked one up at Target). Oh well, at least there is a car port that I can use around the corner. Anyway, so now that I'm home I can sit here and start to freak out about the money and second guess my decision to get a new car. Well, at least I won't have to rely on the Taxi Guy any more (although I really should give him a call and thank him for all of their assistance to me over the past few weeks).

Oh and my stick-driving skills are pretty damn rusty (after all, it has been at least 10 years, and I think actually it's more, since I've driven a stick), so I need some practice. I'm pretty rough at the moment (at least I didn't stall or back-slide anywhere on the way home, so I guess that's something).

Speaking of Taxi Driver, a couple of the taxi guys at various times have invited me to join them for karokee night at a local chinese restaurant! Can you just see me hanging out with the taxi guys doing karokee??? Too funny.

So, two of my immediate goals have now been accomplished:

* Get driver's license -- check
* Get a car -- check

Now on to the next thing.

What a Week

I'm so glad it's Friday, I'm just exhausted. Each week I seem to be a little bit busier in my new job. This is a good thing as it means that I am getting more and more involved. So, the highlights of my week:

Got my NH license! (as stated previously) This was such a huge relief. The whole process was a whole lot more pleasant (I'm sure) than the experience would have been in NYC. First, I didn't have to get a learner's permit. In NH (if you're over 15 and 1/2) you can just go ahead and drive, as long as you are accompanied by a license NH driver over the age of 25. Weird. So, I was able to drive around with Driving School Lady right from the start. When you go to take your test, you take the eye, written and driving test all in one shot. The guy who gave me my driving test was so nice, he just sat there and chatted with me the whole time while I just tooled around on some of the surrounding streets. He didn't even bother to write anything down while I drove and when I was finished, he handed me a piece of paper and said that he didn't even mark off any demerits for anything. Such a jubilant feeling to know that I now once again have a license.

Went to Boston for meetings. My group had this all-day meeting/seminar/class in Boston on Wednesday, so Julia & Joe kindly invited me (and Lola) to stay at their place in the South End. So, that was very nice of them and it made the trip easier on me (and Lola got to play with their dog, Cassidy). I just love Boston.

Meet the Team. Having the meeting in Boston gave me the opportunity to meet and interact with the team that I am now a part of. A lot of these people I had not even met yet, so it was great opportunity. All of them just seem really great and I feel very lucky to be a part of the group.

Lots o' Meetings. Lots & lots of meetings this week. There are generally a lot of meetings anyway, but there were even more so this week. I think I'm getting used to it. A couple of the regular meetings I have to be a significant player in, so I am making an effort to be a strong contributor, I hope I'm doing okay (I'm speaking up a lot anyway).

Take a Drive. So, as I mentioned earlier, I picked up a car from a local Suburu dealer to have for overnight. It was such a great feeling to just drive around by myself in a car. I felt... normal. I didn't even really go anywhere, stopped at a pet store on the way home to pick up some things for Lola, stopped at home to take her out and then I went to the grocery store and home again. But it was wonderful. The Suburu guys said that I can bring the car back anytime tomorrow, so I have to think about where I really want to drive around here before I do so.

Oh yeah, and I now (finally!) have internet access at home!!! Thank GOD

Anyway, things here are settling down and I'm settling in. Work is still scary, but I'm getting used to things and am hopefully becoming more of a contributing member. I have that license, now the next step is to get a car. Then I can start concentrating on getting a home. So things are a little bit more comfortable. Little by little I'm making progress here.

A Car to Borrow

This local Suburu dealer is giving me a car to use overnight and I am so unbelievably excited about it, that it's actually kind of pathetic. What a freak I am!

I Have a License, I HAVE a License, I FINALLY Have a LICENSE!

I can't believe that after all these years & years, I finally have a driver's license again. I can't tell you how great it feels. And it will feel even better once I have a car to go with it. At least this past decade or so of drama can finally be put to rest (and I now no longer have to go through the whole damn long story to people on why I don't have a license. That certainly is a story I am completely sick of telling.)

Oh and Another Thing

My father called me last night and asked me if I had "made any friends yet". What is this, summer camp??? I felt that same old guilty feeling that I had when I felt that I had to lie to my "parents" (to protect them or me, I'm not sure) about what a good time I was having when I first went off to college. Yeah sure Dad, there's a party every night.

This & That

Not having a car is beginning to wear me down. This weekend I started to get really depressed about it. I know that it is a temporary situation and that it should change (for the better) relatively soon, but the longer this situation goes on, the more depressed I'm going to be. This morning I was in the cab almost all the way to work when I realized that I had forgotten my corporate id badge. So, we had to turn around and go all the way home for me to pick it up and then all the way back. It cost me a total of $40. Sucks.

I received an electric bill for my NY apartment over the weekend and, even though I hadn't even been there for three of the four weeks the billing period was for, the bill was $64. Sixty four dollars for my little two-room apartment to sit there in the dark! The only thing that should really be running is the refrigerator! I mean, WTF??? So, I called Con Ed and they said, "well, our rates just went up 30% because of hurricanes this year and stuff." Yeah, but. Thirty percent??? Sheesh!

On a lighter note, I went to see a bunch of condos yesterday. I saw a lot of them, some I didn't like at all, a few that I kind of liked, a couple that I liked and one in particular that I really liked. It's probably a little too early for me to be looking at places and getting excited about what I see since I do not even have a signed contract on my NY apartment yet. And we can expect the whole process of closing on the co-op to take another few months at least (damn blasted co-op bastards). But still, I really liked that condo! It was in this nice complex that was spread out over these hills, the back on the unit overlooked woods (so you're not looking into someone else's bedroom or something), there are all kinds of walking/running trails over the property AND it has three bedrooms. I liked it a lot. I'm not sure if I'll even qualify for a loan though and, if I do, how much of a mortgage I can get. Plus there is this stupid business of waiting for the co-op to close. ARGH! I guess I started looking too soon. I just wanted to start to get a feeling for what is out there, for what money, and what I like, what I want and what I definitely don't want. Plus, I don't have a whole helluva lot of stuff to do on the weekend anyway and I can get the real estate lady to come pick me up.

Lastly, the consultant who is working on this project with us here at New Company told me this morning that he is being reassigned next week. I am kind of freaking out because he knows what he is doing here, he knows the data and the environment and the project and I'm still learning all this stuff. AND I met the guy who is taking his place this morning and I'm just not sure what kind of replacement he'll be. I haven't really had any time to talk to him, so he may be fine, but I'm worried. Apparently he not only has never worked on a project at New Company, but he is also new to the vendor company as well. He is here to work on a couple of concurrent projects, I think, my stuff is only a piece of what he is here for, so it's not like I could have any influence anyway, but I'm a bit worried. I don't mind saying.

No Internet

So, I was hoping to have internet access at my apartment by tonight, but the part the management company left for me to hook the modem up with the cable is not going to work - ARGH!!! So frustrating (I'm writing this via BlackBerry).

Anyway, I otherwise had a pretty good day. Had an appointment w/ Driving School Lady and, in addition to all the driving around and practice parking, she took me to the local DMV so that I could talk to them about what I need to show them to prove NH residency. So, we then also took a trip all the way up to a Town Hall a few towns away to get a letter of residency. With this now in hand, I should at least be all set in that regard. We're going to shoot for next Tuesday for me to take the test.

Managed to also get some work done this afternoon. Each day I feel a little more comfortable in my new job, in my new position. I'm still out of my comfort zone, that's for sure, but I'm beginning to feel a little more comfortable in my new role.

You Know You're In New England When...

The lead story on the evening news is about the Red Sox. And it's not even baseball season yet! Sheesh!

Some Thoughts

Eddie Bauer Wrinkle Resistant shirts rock.

Apparently all the taxi drivers with the cab company I've been using love me (or so I was told this morning).

I hate to wear thong underwear (I refuse to wear it), but recently discovered, "boy shorts" (especially in lycra). What a wonderful invention! Solves the panty line issue and are very comfortable all at the same time. I may never wear anything else. (Perhaps this is TMI).

Wore my mother's pearls for my first day of work here. I'm hoping that they will bring me some luck.

Looking out the Company cafeteria (floor to ceiling) windows yesterday at all the trees still covered in snow from the storm the day before made me feel like I was in a ski lodge.

I'm working with a consultant here who works for Old Company. I used to work with him years ago when I worked for the NY Consulting & Education branch (I did operations, I was not technical in those days, he was a consultant). He knows his stuff, technically, so I am very happy to have him here, especially as I know that I can talk to him and he will help me out. But, I can see how they need someone like me on this project. I'll speak up in meetings, come up with ideas and am far bossier and more outspoken than he could ever be. I had a revelation about this in a meeting yesterday.

I've been to two meetings now (New Company Orientation on Monday and a team meeting hosted by my boss's "boss" yesterday) where the participants were told that we are "the best and the brightest" and that's why we are here (at the company, on the team, whatever). My response both times has been, "huh?" Wondering how I managed to sneak into such esteemed company.

Big Differences

So far there are lots of differences between Old Company v. New Company and Old Job v. New Job, and one of those is that I seem to write a lot more email with New Job, even this early in the game. I love to write email, I do some of my best thinking while writing email (or while writing, in general), so this could be a very good thing.

On the Road to Acquiring My Driver's License...

I actually drove an actual car for two hours yesterday. I even drove on the highway and everything. Woo.

This is Going to be a Problem

So, when I was working for Old Company, my routine in the morning was to pick up a Dunkin' Donuts large coffee on the way to the office, because the free coffee provided in the company pantries was just dreadful. I would then nurse it for most of the morning and that would be my coffee ration for the day. Now with New Company, it's a whole new ball of wax. On my first morning here I was introduced to the Company Cafeteria (which in and of itself is a wonderful thing) and the vats of Free Coffee. Wonderful Coffee, there is even a daily flavored option (if I went for that sort of thing, which I don't). So now I find myself helping myself to Wonderful Free Coffee multiple times throughout the morning. I can just see a real coffee addiction in my future.

One Other Thing

Was talking with Taxi Driver this morning and when I commented that I had been with my former company for almost 17 years, he whipped around so fast, I thought he was going to crash the car. He said, "you don't look like someone who could have worked anywhere for 17 years. I thought you were maybe in your late-20s!"

I think I love Taxi Driver.

I Went to Bed at 9 O'Clock Last Night...

I really wanted to go to bed at 7:00 (I was falling asleep watching stupid TV), but it seemed too ridiculous.

It's been a crazy few months. The last two weeks have been particularly nuts, finishing up at my old company, trying to get my stuff and myself in order enough to make the move up to New Hampshire. Not sleeping (at all!), partying, worrying, anxiety, stress, blah blah blah. So, I started yesterday at New Company and what do you know, I'm sick. Today I'm even sicker (coughing, chest congestion, etc.) Just the way you want to start a new career at a new company. Just. Fantastic.

Other than that, everyone here has been very welcoming and friendly. So far I feel pretty comfortable, although I will feel more so once I start working on the project and get a feel that I know what I'm doing and can get the job done (competently).

The corporate apartment is okay, although it's weird not to be surrounded by my own furniture and books and plates and pictures and STUFF. It makes me feel a little lonely, even though I would no more be going around and socializing after work on a work night in NYC than I am here. It's just that feeling of limbo, I think. I'll feel much better once I get the car thing straightened out. I really hate having to rely on taxis (not to mention the fact that it's also fantastically expensive).

So, the transition is going well. I had just worked for so long at my previous company that it is a foreign concept to come to work and not immediately know what I should be jumping in and working on. And once I have a car I'll be able to take myself to the (wonderful!) grocery store. Not to mention being able to explore the area.

Unreal

After being unable to sleep for most of the night, I finally get up and turn on the news this morning only to hear a report that there is a tornado warning in effect for all of the NYC boroughs (until 9 AM). Tornado. In New York City. Are they kidding??? The rain and horrendous weather is then supposed to be followed immediately by a severe drop in temperature, snow, sleet and whatever. This is, like, wrath of God sort of weather! Wonderful day for moving to New England. Such is my life. Sheesh.

Last Day

Today was my last day at my old company and it was just incredibly sad. I managed to keep pretty busy for most of the day, but then when it was winding down and getting to that time I needed to leave, I started getting a bit emotional. My friend Chris came by my desk to say goodbye while I was shutting down my computer for the last time and so I was saying goodbye to her, with Scott (Former-currently-temporary-maybe-permanent manager) hovering just outside of my cube. I know Scott wanted to say a proper goodbye to me, but I just couldn't, I was going to completely lose it any second, so I practically ran down the hall with Chris to leave. I couldn't even look at either of them. And I'm sure Scott was disappointed. I just don't do public emotion well.

Some Pictures from Last Night
(my goodbye party)

Billy, George, Maria.



Bob, Carol.



Janos, Eugene, Paul, Luminita.



Michelle, Luminita, Carolina.



Richie, Carolina.



Scott, Charon.

Unfortunately, I missed taking pictures of a bunch of people.

Up Early and Panicking

The real panicking is starting. I slept pretty well for most of the night and then at about 4 AM my eyes just sprang open and I started thinking of all the things I still have to do. Stuff that needs to get packed, personal business that I need to sort out, bills that need to be addressed, stuff at work that I still need to do, papers and books and stuff I still need to drag home. And then I start thinking about the New Job and worrying about if I can do this, can I perform, will I be the Right Person, CAN I DO THIS???

Lola at least is pretty much squared away. I dragged her into Manhattan last night for an appointment with her old vet. We used to go to him when we lived on the Upper Westside, but we switched to a local Queens vet when we moved here. I always preferred him and his office however, so I brought her back to him for her last NYC vet visit. She had an update on all her shots and I have a health certificate for her. At least I won't have to worry about finding another vet right away.

I decided to take the offer on my apartment. It was pointed out to me by a couple of people that perhaps my apartment had been listed too low, or that it was so early in the game that it was possible that I could still generate some additional interest and thus perhaps generating some more bids. But, on the other hand, I'm not going to be here to monitor what's happening so there is a lot of comfort in knowing that that ball is already rolling (and even with the immediate offer, that ball will continue to roll for months since we're dealing with a co-op here and my co-op is even more ineffectual than most) and also I am more than doubling what I paid for the place a few years ago, so I don't think there is any need to be really greedy about it. Plus the broker pointed out that it's possible that trying to get that much more money might throw a bit of a wrench into things when a buyer deals with appraisals, etc. Just because it's possible that a buyer might come forward to pay more, doesn't mean the bank will back that, particularly when my current offer is already the highest paid for a studio in this building. Whatever. I decided to just take it and be done with it. Now I hope it all goes as smoothly and as quickly as possible. I'm sad though, I've come to like this quirky little apartment of mine. Particularly since the Neighbors from Hell moved out (along with their Hellspawn). It's actually been rather pleasant here lately (punk kids in the street outside my apartment yelling and screaming and setting off fireworks not withstanding).

Lastly, the Director of my department at my current job is taking my resignation personally and it's stressing me out. Apparently one of the first things she said when told that I had resigned was, "how can she do this to me???" She then became really pissed off that I was only giving two weeks notice. Since then she has not said one word to me, other than one cryptic little email response to my resignation letter (most of which was comprised of how stressed out she is). She got pissed at my friend Chrissy who is trying to plan a little goodbye party for me. Chrissy checked first with former-currently-temporary-maybe-permanent manager to make sure that they weren't also planning to do something and to make sure that she wasn't stepping on any toes and to find out who in the group he thought she should invite. Former-currently-temporary-maybe-permanent manager said just to send the note to the entire group (this was last Tuesday, I think). Well, Department Director went into a tail spin because she hadn't sent a note to the group yet telling them that I was leaving. She then scrambled to respond on top of Chrissy's note to the group to say she had asked someone in the group to write this note the day before and that it hadn't been done and then someone had said that they weren't sure if I even definitely had the job (I had just mentioned that New Company had to do background checks) and oh btw, Debbie is leaving so congratulations. Gee thanks (thanks also for airing my dirty laundry for the entire department to see). Since then there has been no communication from her. Lou forwared me a note yesterday that she had written to him that said something like, "make sure she shows you how to run this (refering to a quarterly report for Marketing) before she leaves." She doesn't even mention my name. It all makes me feel so... icky. I've worked for her for about ten years. I just feel so sad and hurt by this attitude. It really is making my tenure here end on a bit of a sour note.

AAAAAAACCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!

My apartment has been on the market for a few hours and I already have a full price offer!!!! This is all freaking me out!

Things I'll Miss About NYC...

* Central Park!



Of course, I've been missing Central Park ever since I moved to Queens four years ago.



So, it's really been like a 4-year long goodbye.





Ah, but I love you Central Park, there is not another place like you in the World. *sob*

You Know You're Getting Old When...

...You can't even remember how old you actually are! Sheesh!

Things That I Won't Miss About Commuting In NYC

* Rush Hour in Penn Station.

Things That I WON'T Miss About NYC

* Running out at lunchtime and having to dodge plume after plume of cigarette smoke. ICK!

Well, The Cat Is Out Of The Bag!

Everyone at my company knows. ACK!

Things I Won't Miss About NYC, My Job (or Company) or Commuting or Whatever

I should start a list of things I will and won't miss about my life here, as I think of them. From today:

* I won't miss standing on the LIRR train platform in the morning in the cold, Winter rain while train after (half-empty) train blasts by. Especially when there is no explanation of why no trains are stopping (other than the obvious fact that it is a cold, rainy, Winter morning, because why would there be decent train service on such a day?)

Edited to Add...

...to the list below:

* Sort through current closets and see what I have (that fits) that will be appropriate work wear for New Company.

* Perhaps have a couple of things (previously hemmed by self -- the HORROR) re-tailored professionally. Sort through sweaters, etc. that have worn through at an elbow, or anything stained or whatever and chuck.

* Figure out if there is anything I need to buy right away to fill in the above.

* Buy boots that will get me through a NH Winter (because those Merrell Mocks with the holes really are just not going to cut it).

Happy New Year!

I know that I really should put some goals together for 2006, but with all the recent developments, I have so freaking much on my mind and on my plate right now that I think a bunch of scary goals could just put me over the edge. So, I think instead, the actual goals for this year are going to all be centered around this huge life change. Here is a short list to start with:

1) Work my ass off at my current company for the next two weeks to tie up as many ends as possible, train as many people as needed, create automated procedures for some to the work I do, so that I can leave my job with the peace of mind that no one has been left in the lurch.

1a) Find a way to see, spend time with, talk to as many people that I've worked with and known over the years as I possibly can.

1b) Try not to get too emotional about leaving.

2) Get in one more dental and one more Dr's appointment on my current insurance, before leaving NYC.

3) One dinner out with my Father.

4) Maybe buy a cell phone so that I will have a method for communication during this settling in period.

5) Figure out how and where various bills will be sent to me.

6) Sort out how various bills will be paid and how I need to handle old & new checking accounts.

6a) Figure out if I'll need some interim money to cover the period of time between paychecks and the clearing period for manual checks, etc.

7) Figure out how I'm getting up to New Hampshire (and exactly when) and where exactly I'm going.

8) Figure out how Lola is getting up there and where she will be staying (hopefully with me).

9) Figure out how I'm getting back & forth to the new company at first.

10) First plan of action: Figure out what I need to do to immediately get a driver's license (might need to enlist a cousin to take me to Concord or something).

11) Put all of this transitional stress and complications out of my mind and immediately focus on the new position and what I need to do to literally hit the ground running and do a fantastic job.

11a) Instill confidence with New Company that will make them see that they made the right decision in hiring me, despite all the difficulties with relocation, etc.

12) Once I am a bit settled in, re-start some kind of exercise program.

13) Finalize whatever needs to be finalized with sale of the Queens apartment.

13a) Receive (hopefully) nice profit from sale of apartment and pay off every cent of debt.

13b) Also with apartment sale money, buy a car.

13c) Put the rest away to be used for home or condo purchase in a year or so.

14) Rent a place to live.

Once the above is all sorted out and things settle down and I'm not hyperventilating hourly, re-evaluate and come up with some normal goals. Probably in two or three months (of course the apartment sale will probably take longer than that, but whatever).

The Perfect Antidote to Stress...

Lots and lots of beer. Planned to go out with Ellen & Ken tonight, but somehow we had a great time and never really managed to actually go out (still not even sure how it ended up being 3 AM or whatever). And can anyone explain why my jeans are falling off of my ass? It's not like I've been exercising or dieting or watching what I'm eating or whatever. I guess we can chalk that up to stress too...

btw, I really love my ipod. And Lola must be the most patient dog in existence. Sheesh! oooofffff!

ARGH!!!!

I wish I could stop freaking out!!!

Heh! Something Else from Today

Sometime during the morning J stopped by my cube to assign yet another project to me that he doesn't feel like working on (he really must think he's my boss). I looked at him without saying anything for a beat or two and then said, "I honestly don't know when I'll be able to work on that." He just looked back at me. I resigned a couple of hours later. Heh!

So... I Quit My Job Today

ACK!!!!!

I've had a fantastic job offer, from a fabulous company to work for their Southern New Hampshire office. This is really something that just fell into my lap, it's been this thing that has been quietly progressing in the background of my life. There were spurts of time when there would be little or no updated information and I just figured it wasn't going to pan out, but it always seemed to come back up to the fore-front. Still, it's an opportunity that I never seriously thought would come to fruition, that is until about a month or two ago. All of a sudden everything heated up, I had a conference call with the project manager for the client side of project I would be working on and all of a sudden they really wanted me. Information flew back and forth, HR got involved and this morning I had the actual offer letter. It's almost surreal. The job represents about a 50% salary increase for me, I will be living in a lower cost-of-living state (in a place where there will be a higher quality of life for me) with lower taxes (no income taxes) AND the company will pay relocation costs and put me up while I'm selling my apartment down here. And one of the best things is, the company is a customer of my current company -- I will be stepping into a role that is similar to what I do here, only it is higher-end, more growth potential, etc. Very, very exciting. Very, very scary.

My friend and sometime manager Lou is back in the office this week after months on disability for a devastating illness and I had drop this bomb. I apologized over and over for the timing (when is the timing ever good for this sort of thing) but he was just incredibly gracious and really, sincerely, thrilled for me. When I described the opportunity to him, he basically said, "oh you HAVE to take it!" He later beeped my former-currently-temporary-maybe-permanent manager (who was my former manager until this past Spring and who had been my interim manager again while Lou was on disability) and told him that he should call me (I had originally really wanted to tell them both together, but former-currently-temporary-maybe-permanent manager was unexpectedly out of the office for a few days). And so he then called and I told him and he was also unbelievably thrilled and supportive. He basically said that he was really sad to see me go because I've done a fantastic job for him for
years and that he would really miss me and there was no way he was going to be able to replace me. Awwwwwwwwww. We had a really good, long talk about the opportunity and the logistics and various other related stuff. I felt really good about everything after speaking to both these guys. Lou thinks that my current company will try to counter-offer, but I doubt they can come up with the money that the new company is offering. Besides, a big part of this is the opportunity to relocate out of NYC and also about the job itself. This is not an opportunity I would be likely to have at my company. Time to move on. Of course you never know what last minute thing could throw a monkey wrench into the works, but so far it's full steam ahead (and it's wonderful to know that my company would try to jump through some hoops to keep me).

Now I have to worry about all the logistics (getting up there, getting my driver's license, packing my stuff, dealing with mail and bills, figuring out what to do with Lola, selling my apartment, finding a place to live etc. etc. etc.) And I'll have to buy some stuff, like proper footwear and a car. At least life will be pretty interesting for awhile.

To Christmas, Or Not To Christmas...

Every year I go through this big dilemma with Christmas, just ignore the holiday, or make some desperate attempt to celebrate and enjoy it. Even though, at this point, I have pretty low expectations, I still somehow end up disappointed each year.
Last year was a pretty depressing affair and I vowed to myself that this year I wouldn't be going out to my father's place, yet here I sit with plans for my father to pick me up in Manhattan tomorrow afternoon. I've already received my Christmas gift from him -- a check signed by him inserted in a Christmas card written & signed by his wife, along with a picture of their new house. It just all seems so, I don't know, anti-climatic. Certainly, realistically speaking, a check really is the best thing he could have given me (and I'll probably put it towards a purchase of this, just as soon as I can come up with the balance), but it just seems so... I can't quite put my finger on it... depressing, I guess. Like I was an obligation that could be easily resolved by taking two seconds to write out a check. And (I realize that this is really petty but) couldn't he have seen fit to write out and sign the card himself? I don't know, I just hate Christmas, every year a little bit more. I have friends who get impatient with my bah humbug attitude, but they also usually have wonderful holiday seasons to look forward to. I just have this sense of unease until it's all over.

Anyway, before I had decided what I was going to be going for Christmas Day, I had bought a chicken to roast, so that Lola and I would have something special for that day. Since I'll be out in Jersey tomorrow, I'm cooking it now. I even stuffed it, which is all very ambitious of me considering that I pretty much never cook. I'll post about how it comes out, should be okay (I'll have lots of leftovers, but I don't mind).

The Cost of Things

Every morning I buy a large coffee at Dunkin' Donuts. Last month the cost for this was $1.75. And then earlier this month the cost went up to $1.80. This morning it cost me $1.90. What gives? The price goes up twice in one month? It's almost like they just make up what the price is going to be for today or something. Sheesh.

Transit Strike: Day 3

Well, it looks as if the strike may come to an end shortly, although, at this stage, I think much damage will have been done to the NYC economy. I'm sure it's no mistake that this was timed for the most important week in the month that most retailers (not to mention restaurants, etc.) basically need to make their year. Watching the local news here and hearing some of the individual stories really brings the enormous scope of people and services and businesses affected by this strike to light. Along with it, the mind boggling selfishness of the TWU really hit home for me. My own minor inconveniences are nothing in comparison. A few highlights:

* Saw an interview with a representative for the Red Cross who said that because of this strike, they have had to cancel every blood drive they had had scheduled for this week. Basically, the NYC blood supply is currently nil. I wonder how many people in hospitals, or with life-threatening illnesses have suffered or died as a direct result of this.

* Saw an interview with this low-income man suffering from cancer and some other illnesses who relies on the City transportation system to get to various medical appointments. He of course has not been able to see the much-needed medical professionals during this time. Additionally, he relies on a volunteer organization to bring him his meals. This organization has been shut down by the strike, and as a result the man (as of last night when his interview aired) had not eaten in two days. I'm sure there are dozens, if not hundreds of similar stories out there.

* Saw a news report that highlighted this man who works as a waiter for a diner in Brooklyn. He (unfortunately) lives all the way up in Westchester and relies heavily on Mass Transit to get to work. He had to walk to a Metro North station up in Yonkers and then take a train to Grand Central Station, from there he had to walk from midtown Manhattan to downtown Brooklyn. He said that his shifted ended at Midnight when he would do the reverse commute back home, he expected to get there sometime after 3 AM. I'm sure there are many, many other similar stories out there.

I can't imagine how any business that was perhaps on the fence about moving it's operations out of or into NYC wouldn't just throw in the towel and say forget it, it's not worth it. Certainly we lost businesses in a similar vein after 9/11. When I think of how much you have to pay for the "privilege" of running a business or living here, between the exorbitant taxes, through-the-roof insurance rates, transportation costs & complications, and a continuously rising cost of living and then the worry about this sort of thing that can really just completely wipe you out, you've got to say, "is it really worth it all?"

My personal experience with the strike actually hasn't been too bad. Penn Station can apparently get pretty dicey closing on the evening rush hour (apparently, especially if you were attempting to travel home from there around 4 - 7 PM on Tuesday), but yesterday I left in the mid-afternoon and just logged back into work from home and so had absolutely no trouble. As long as my company is willing to let me do that, I'm pretty happy about it. Otherwise, they've closed off a street next to Penn Station and have set up police barricades to corral people through a serpentine line into varying entrances, depending on the commuter's destination. Think of some massive line worthy of Universal Studios or Disney World on a NYC street. If I can avoid that (not matter how fast the line supposedly moves) I will be all the happier and more relaxed and stressfree. The morning commute hasn't been much of a big deal either, although yesterday was a bit stressful when the train I was on stopped at the Woodside, Queens station and about twice as many people as should have trying to shove their way on. The screaming and cursing and yelling was rather unsettling (and I used to take the Westside subway line during rush hour to work every morning, so I'm generally used to this sort of thing). I ended up being one of those people with their faces smooshed against the door window of the train. Lovely. But I got here, so it turned out okay in the end. Still, all things considered, I will finally be happy to sad goodbye to this gd-forsaken evil strike.

Transit Strike: News Reports

I've been watching dribs & drabs of the News to catch up on what they're saying about the strike and the commute and I have to laugh when the talking heads say that the LIRR is running "on or close to a normal schedule, but expect ridership to be up. Leave yourself extra time to get to where you're going". Yeah, okay, duly noted. I mean, I left my apartment at five thirty AM. The train station is one long block from where I live. How much extra time should I have given? "Ridership is up" HA! the understatement of the year. Bastards.

Oh and then the other thing! They keep talking about the traffic in Jersey and what's going on in Hoboken, etc. Well there are no subways or MTA buses from Jersey, so who gives a F? Yes, the traffic is heavier because of people driving out of Staten Island and the Bronx and coming around to Jersey to hop on a train or bus or ferry from there, but so what? It certainly seems like the lesser side of the story. They were just interviewing this Jersey woman who was coming in from Hoboken, NJ via Path (which is not affected) to Manhattan and was lamenting about what she would do once she reached the Manhattan side if she couldn't catch a cab. She sighed and said, "I might just have to walk the whole 25 blocks" and the news caster exclaims, "25 blocks??? WOW!!!!" Uh, hello??? 25 blocks in Manhattan = 1 mile. I think you can handle it (and if you can't, I really feel sorry for you). Sheesh! At least she can get into Manhattan in the first place! Amatuers.

Transit Strike Update: My Experience So Far

Since I knew pretty much right away that the transit strike was on, and since I literally did not have even one minute of sleep all night long, I finally gave up, turned on all the lights, took my shower, got ready, took care of Lola and was at the train station by 5:30 AM. I had double-checked the MTA website again and confirmed there that they did not expect to have their shuttle service in place until 24 hours after the start of the strike, I was shooting for a train scheduled to arrive in Kew Gardens headed for Penn Station at 5:37. Already the platform was packed with an unbelievable number of people. A train finally arrived, but it was so packed (before they even opened the doors) that peoples' faces were all smooshed up against all the windows and doors. The conductor stuck his head out of his little window to tell us that nobody was going to be able to get on (frankly, if getting on had even been an option, under those circumstances, I don't think I would have done it). I asked him about the shuttle service (on the chance that maybe they were getting it up and running early), but he didn't seem to know anything. There were 100s of people left on that platform with more people arriving to take a chance on getting on a train every minute. The next scheduled train wasn't for another hour (and it is about 20* outside). I turned around and came back to my warm apartment, where I was easily able to get a connection and am now ready to tackle some work. If my company wants to force me to use a vacation day for today, fine, so be it, but having to put up with a commuting situation like this when you are all set up at home is ridiculous.

Transit Strike!

Since I'm awake anyway with my usual insomnia, I decided to turn on the TV and see what happened with the transit negotiations, since this will affect my commute for tomorrow. Well it looks like
the strike is ON! I can't even believe this! Sometimes I just really hate living here. It's probably going to take me hours tomorrow to go about 8 miles (and you know I'm not getting up early if I'm sitting here still wide awake at 2 AM), and my guess is, getting home will be even worse. NYC, I used to love you, but I think the honeymoon is now over.

Odds & Ends

Moroccan for Christmas

Last Thursday we had our annual Holiday Christmas lunch thingie at a kosher Moroccan restaurant (only in NYC, I tell you). It was actually kind of fun and it sure was nice to have the afternoon off. Some highlights:

Lou came to the lunch and he looked really, really good! I was completely prepared to be shocked by his appearance (he has, afterall, been through Hell and back and it's not even over yet), but he looked just like himself, skinnier, but himself. That was a relief. I sat next to him for the whole afternoon and, God, was it great to just be able to talk and laugh with him like nothing had ever happened. He's still got a lot of recovery to do and most likely is looking at another surgery or two down the road when he's stronger, but he slowly seems to be getting there. Since company policy dictates that he would have to be back at work by the end of this month, he is going to start easing back in, rather than be terminated. I think he's probably going to start with working from home. I just hope he doesn't push himself too hard.

Got to sit across from Patrick & Mark, which I really enjoyed. Even though my cubicle is across from Patrick & Marks cubes, I don't usually end up talking to them much because we generally work on completely different projects. The three of us are pretty quiet at work, we all sit in our little holes working away with headphones on. Ever since The Giggler went on Maternity leave (and the chick who sits across from her has also been on Maternity leave for something like six months) it's been so nice and quiet and peaceful there. Anyway, it was very nice to talk to them, they're both great guys.

Carol, the director of my department, had somehow convinced one of the guys from the Event Marketing department (Terry) to show up at our lunch dressed in this jingle bell elf costume, complete with red & white striped tights and jester hat (all of which I'm sure was really appreciated at the kosher restaurant). Anyway, he ran a little trivia contest about various members of our department, it was kind of funny. Of course I committed the biggest faux paus when the question was asked, "who in the group has an '80s hair style?" I shouted out, "J!" because, believe me, he is the biggest '80s throwback you've ever seen, complete with the over-sized glasses, high-waisted, pleated pants, cheesy moustache and poufy hair (he really could use a makeover). Well it all gets a bit quiet and J, who, of course, happens to be sitting on the other side of me, turns to me, "whaaaaat?" and then someone, thank GOD, shouts out "Sean!" (who, in my opinion, doesn't really have an '80s hairstyle, he just lets his hair get too long sometimes) and everyone gets to move on. That was a squirm-worthy moment. I'm hoping J won't remember it too much, ack!

Transit Strike = Work from Home? Not so much

We, in NYC, are threatened with a transit strike this week. It actually was meant to happen first last Friday, but the deadline for the negotiations were pushed back to tonight. I didn't think that the LIRR was going to be too affected until I received a pamphlet on the train that explained the contingency plans. It's going to be a complete nightmare. I then assumed, well, I can just work from home, surely if ever there was a good reason, this is it. Not so much. Talking to my Former-currently-temporary-maybe-permanent manager about it and he said that I was expected to come in. I then went into a rant about our (whether it is the Company's or our Department's, I've never been able to quite understand) policy about working from home (or non-policy, I should say). He went on to say that well, there would be people who would take advantage, etc. And I said that, that is just BULLSHIT! First of all, it's up to the individual manager to determine whether he is being taken advantage of. Secondly, at least in our department, the work is pretty much project-based, so if a project is getting done, what difference does it make if it's happening on the premises, at home or whatever, and certainly that is the barometer whether staff is taking advantage, is the work freaking getting done??? It really insulted me, I had just spent every weekend for the past month working from home to take care of stuff for other people in my department. That week alone I had additional work I had done from home in the evenings on Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday. I was even checking and responding to work email during my vacation week, yet you're going to infer that I can not be trusted to work from home? I told Patrick and Mark about this conversation later and said, "what it really shows is a lack of respect for your staff." I mean, it's like we're little children or something. Pisses me off.

So, it looks like there's going to be a strike tomorrow. I'll try to get to work, I just hope it's not the complete nightmare it sounds like it's going to be. This is one of the things that I hate about living and working in NYC. Everything is so complicated.

Busy Day? Have a Heineken

On Friday I had a really, really swamped crazy day. It was the day after our department holiday thingie, so first of all, a lot of people weren't even in. And I was feeling very special after all the red wine I had consumed. Plus, I'm just generally busy these days anyway. So, at the end of a bad insomnia week, an afternoon of partying the day before and a stomach bug/flu on the way (not that I knew it at the time) I was pretty strung out. Frantically trying to get some work done and the Dept Director calling me multiple times during the day to handle special points reporting issues for field Sales VPs. I was stressed. Strung out and Stressed. Marketing was having a holiday party in a training room around the corner from our space and Former-currently-temporary-maybe-permanent manager did some reconnaissance work, as he always does when he finds out there is food for a meeting or such around. Next thing I know, he is in my cube and handing me a Heineken. "Whaaaa...? Can I just drink this here?" "sure". So it's sitting on my desk and a bit later I hear the Director's voice, so I hide the bottle around behind the monitor. They are outside my cube and Former-currently-temporary-maybe-permanent manager says, "I gave Debbie a Heineken", I pipe up and say, "I heard Carol's voice, so I hid it". She says, "You hid it? From me??? You should know better than that, if anything, I would give you a gold star!" heh.

Sick!

I've got some kind of stomach flu, of the sort you are prone to when you're a kid. You know the type, complete with prolonged periods of throwing up and other bodily functions you'll thank me not to go into detail about (I think all those sleepless nights have managed to catch up with me).

Here are some thoughts:

* Even a mild fever (100.4) makes you totally feel like crap.
* It is amazing how even the most innocuous food commercial or scene on TV can make you feel like hurling.
* It's almost inconceivable how the task of eating just one piece of dry toast seems insurmountable.
* No matter how much you plead and cajole, no, your dog is not going to go out and buy gingerale and Gatorade for you.
* The dog will still have to go out.
* That same dog knows to otherwise leave you alone.
* Nausea and stomach cramps take away most worries about work (but is not recommended as a cure for work stress).
* Where the F is the F'ing heat to my F'ing apartment??? Sheesh!
* I miss my mother.

Hormones

Why is it with men, they hear a woman mention "hormones", they automatically assume we're talking about pregnancy? The other day I was in the hall talking to a girl friend at work and we were both complaining about how much trouble we're having sleeping lately. I said, "I guess it's stress. Although, it could also be hormones." My friend laughs and says, "probably hormones." My former-currently-temporary-maybe-permanent manager a bit later said to me with a significant look and a smirk, "is there anything you're not telling us???" I said, "No, do
you have anything you're not saying???" I swear he was fishing around thinking I was pregnant (as IF!!!) He tends to do a lot of skulking around and probably overheard my conversation.

What a Day!!!

ARGH!!!! Came in this morning to major problems with our Commissions database. On the morning of a big, mucky-muck sales meeting too. What a complete nightmare, made even worse by the fact that I was the only one in the office that could even deal with it. I was able to restore Friday's file easily enough, but it was the re-running of all our reporting extracts that took all morning (and were very critical to all the various people who live or die daily on these numbers). Can you say stressed?

And then I had two completely separate client groups decide this morning that their projects needed to move into red-line emergency status and would be needed today. Somehow I managed to get it all done, although I have to do some further work with our Commissions d/b tonight (hopefully I won't come in to another major nightmare tomorrow morning). Oh yeah, and I didn't fall asleep last night until 4 AM. ACK! Four AM!!! Sheesh!

On a good note, I finally (FINALLY!) got my iPod today! It's charging up as we speak. No more Christmas music for me, yay!

Friday Night Movie Night

Was over to Carolina & Janos's last night for pomegranate martinis, which were delish, to watch the "Fantastic Four" which completely sucked. I don't much recommend the movie. It was perfect though, for talking throughout. Certainly there was a lot to mock in this flick.

My and My Big Mouth

This afternoon I was over in J's cubicle to ask him a question.

While we were talking, he says, "oh, actually, I'm glad you're here, I wanted to talk to you about our commission databases. I had to add a column to the files, so the files will have to be rebuilt and the programs compiled... "

I then opened my big mouth and say, "oh, if it's okay, I'd like to do it over the weekend. I usually prefer to rebuild production d/bs over weekends when I have more time, in case something doesn't work out right... "

J then pauses for a beat just looking at me and then says that oh, he was just telling me in case I happened to currently be working on a program that uses one of these files. But since I volunteered to take on this task, he thanked me very much and was happy to turn it over to me.

I freaking volunteered to do his work for him!

I just stood there gaping at him for a moment and then sighed and said, "just send me the updated files and an email noting the applications that will need to be recompiled."

I must be the biggest ass in NYC! What an idiot. ARGH!

Frustrated

I'm having a really frustrating, non-productive day. I've got so much to do and my lack of progress today is making me anxious. The director of my department has pulled me repeatedly this week to do super-special-year-end-regional-VP-reporting projects and the constant interruptions to do all this last-minute (and urgent) work have gotten me off-track of the regular projects that I need to be working on. GAH! And then, as I was saying to Carolina earlier, sometimes this cubicle gets to me and sucks my will to live, thus interfering with my creativity. I just wish I could cut my losses on a day like today and go home, perhaps the change of venue (and some natural light) would give me fresh eyes for my work and liven up my motivation.

Note to Self

When you own a light-colored dog that sheds, wearing a black fleece top perhaps isn't the smartest idea.

iPod Woes

So, I ordered an iPod for myself for my birthday and I am still waiting for the thing a month later. When I placed the order online I didn’t see the option to change the shipping address (I need to ship it to my office where there will be someone to sign for it), so after submitting, I right away called Apple. For some reason they couldn’t change the address at that point and told me that I would have to wait until I received the Fedex tracking number and have Fedex reroute the package to the new address (Apple would have to authorize). So the next day I get the tracking number and call Fedex only to be told that they don’t reroute Apple packages. I call back Apple and they confirm this (why someone the day before told me that they would authorize a reroute is beyond me). So, then the only option was to have the package sent all the way back to Apple (in China!) and then re-sent to the new address. Only, the package never again showed up on radar. So, after numerous calls to Apple and endless visits to the Order Status page, they finally decided to send me a replacement. That was last Thursday and I’m still waiting.

I was really sure it was going to come today (I spoke to Apple yet again yesterday and they said that it was leaving the warehouse then and was being sent overnight). I’ve been waiting for over four weeks now and am completely pissed off! What I don’t get is, when I originally ordered the iPod, it was out of that warehouse and at the Brooklyn fedex location within two days. I don’t understand why it’s taking so long this time.

I feel like the least they could have done was offer an upgrade or a credit for some accessories or something. Sheesh! Should have just gone to BestBuy. Rat Bastards.

Snow!

First snow of the season - Woo! Don't think it'll stick around too long though, it's awfully wet and sloppy out there.

Innocence has Many Meanings

I've been downloading many songs over this past year and have found myself somehow drawn to music from a time in my life when the possibilities seemed endless, when the vague future ahead of me was almost like an enticing new novel I was just about to read. I look back at that time as one both of boundless optimism and enthusiasm combined (contradictorily) with an absolute terror that nothing meaningful was ever going to happen, that I would never have a relationship with a man I could count on, that I would never manage to find a career that was fulfilling. Now, all these years later, I can hardly bear to look at pictures of myself (even though I was far more pleasing to the eye) from that time without bringing tears over the courageous, happy, yet vulnerable look in my eyes. My heart almost breaks for my former self with the knowledge of the things to come (both good and bad, but most unexpected). Some of the music that I have rediscovered from that time brings some of that innocent emotion rushing back to me, if even for just a moment.

Oh, and it's true. I never have been able to find that man that I can count on, but I guess two out of three isn't so bad.

War of the Worlds

(WARNING: Spoiler)



So, I saw "War of the Worlds" on DVD this weekend. It was an okay enough movie, for what it was. Sufficiently scary and suspenseful with decent special effects. But there are a couple of things that I just have to point out.

First of all, I'm damn sick of that Dakota Fanning kid, talk about over-exposed, ugh. Anyway, as far as the movie is concerned, I know that for this type of Science Fiction flick we're pretty much supposed to suspend reality and allow a certain amount of artistic license, but do they really expect us to believe that a huge jet could crash to the ground in a neighborhood, decimating all the surrounding houses, littering metal and debris everywhere in sight, yet the mini-van parked in the driveway would remain completely unscathed? As well as a clear path through all the scraps of metal and engine parts for the van to drive through? Additionally, throughout this entire movie all the people are forever talking about how all other parts of the World are currently also under attack, yet for some reason there seems to be this exodus to Boston. Once the main characters get to Boston, they see, that yes, the city has been attacked like everywhere else, yet they show up at the completely unscathed brownstone (in a more or less unscathed neighborhood, Back Bay, I think) of these kids' grand-parents. The grandparents and the kids' mother all step out of the brownstone all dressed up like they've been sitting around having brunch all weekend or something. I mean, WTF?

You Know You've Lost You Mind...

...When listening to a Lenny Kravitz song, you turn to your dog and say conversationally, "This song really has a '70s sound, don't you think?"

I think I've lived alone for far too long...

So Inspirational

Does anyone watch The Biggest Loser? As much as I hate to admit it, I was really hooked this season. I found that I could identify with most of the stories and just about all of the final results were completely inspirational. The results were basically almost crazy, in many cases 100+ lb weight loss. We're talking gastric-bypass style weightloss on diet and exercise alone. I realize that this is probably not realistic for the average person (I mean, how many people can sign out of their lives for 3+ months and go live on a ranch in a vacuum), but even half of these results would have been impressive. It just makes me both inspired and disgruntled with myself all at the same time.

this is getting rather ridiculous

After 1:30 AM and not anywhere closer to dropping off than I was when I went to bed around 11, I finally decided to just get up. I feel like a ghost that has been wandering around my apartment at night lately.

Maybe I'll just do some work. Or something.

(sidebar: wow, it is really pouring down rain outside)

Still No Sleep

Saturday Night/Sunday Morning: Up until 5 AM
Sunday Night/Monday Morning: Up until 3:30/4:00 AM
Monday Night/Tuesday Morning: Up until 2:30/3:00 AM

At least I'm headed in the right direction. By the end of the week I should almost be getting a normal nights sleep. I wonder if I should call my doctor and try to get a prescription to Ambien or something. Sheesh!

Unbelievably Hot

Okay, it's the butt-end of November and it's about 70 degrees in NYC tonight. I'm about ready to burst into flames!

and the stress starts again

Coming to the close of my week off and the stress of work is starting to build in my brain again. Last night I was up all night. Literally until 5 AM, thinking about all the work currently loaded on my plate. During my week off I received numerous emails from various different people in my group requesting my involvement in various unrelated projects. It's gotten to the point now where I almost feel like I'm reporting to about eight different people. Now that I'm due back to work tomorrow morning after a week off, I am anxious about all this stuff I now am responsible for. The list seems to grow with each day. Hopefully, I'll at least be able to sleep some tonight.

Mission Accomplished

The finished product. Don't know how it tastes yet, but it sure does smell great.

A Precious Commodity

So I told Carolina that I would bake an apple pie for Thanksgiving. I'm actually cheating and using that pre-made, uncooked, pie dough that you just have to unroll. I used to make my own crust many years ago. My mother loved to cook, and she was a particularly fine baker. I think this came from the influence of her Scottish grandmother. So I grew up enjoying home-baked from scratch apple pies. I was never much of a fan of cakes, but any kind of apple pastry has always been a weakness for me. So, I learned to make my own crust and used to bake a pie now and again, but that was all many years ago. This year I'm cheating, my mother would frown, but what can you do?

Anyway, I went to the store today to pick up most of the ingredients that I would need and once again I was confronted with a spice section in the grocery store with no nutmeg to be found anywhere.

I ended up at check-out and I happened to mention to the cashier, "You guys don't carry nutmeg?" English wasn't her first language, so it took me a couple of tries before she really understood what I was asking for. I finally said, "Nutmeg. It's a kind of spice." She then opens the drawer under her register and pulls out a tiny container of nutmeg and says, "You mean, like this?" DOH!!! "Exactly!!!"

So, they're hiding the nutmeg under the cash register like it's some precious commodity that is going to walk out of the store. Well, come to think of it, this tiny thing cost $5, so maybe it would after all. But, SHEESH!

Rant of the Day

People who litter.

Crossing the street in front of my apartment building this afternoon, there are two teenage boys in front of me. One throws an empty plastic juice bottle into the street. There is a trash can about five feet to their left and a dumpster a few feet in front of them. I am so mad, my blood practically boils.

Me: "Do you have throw trash in the street???!!!"
Punk Teenager: "What difference does it make?"
(Is he kidding? What difference does it make???)
Me: "What do you mean, what difference does it make? All this trash makes this a terrible place to live! Besides, there is a trash can right in front of you!" (how lazy can you possibly be?)
Punk Teenager: "So? there's already garbage on the street!"
Me: "so? You've got to add to it???"

Teenage punks go on grumbling about "who cares?" etc. I pick up discarded plastic bottle and toss it into the dumpster.

Punk Teenager: "Why don't you pick up the rest of the garbage around then? What are you, a Park Ranger?"
Me: "Damn lazy punks" (assholes).

These are among the same assholes who stand around on the street outside my apartment all the time whooping and yelling and playing bad, loud music that the entire neighborhood is forced to endure.

I just. don't. get. it. Any time I call someone on littering, they are always completely incredulous that anyone would even care. I can see catching someone in the act, and they then acting guilty or defensive about it, but everyone I've ever spoken up to around here has seemed to be completely convinced that they've done nothing at all wrong. What are the parents teaching these kids? Both of these punks were wearing nice, new and fashionable coats. Obviously someone is looking after them. So they're well-dressed, but are the parents nearly as concerned with their morals and their futures? Between the litter thing, the complete disregard for community and the fact that all these kids are regularly out on the street after 11 PM, regardless of the day of the week, I would think that the priorities are somehow screwed up.

Why is it?

Why is it that I always have a good hair day on a day that is basically spent at home? For some reason I had a terrific hair day today, not that I've encountered anyone to admire it in all it's glory. Except my dog, that is, not that she would notice (or care).

and I don't even mind doing a little work on Sundays...

I had a few things that I had to finish up for work this evening before I can enjoy my week off, but I don't even mind it really, not when I can sit here enjoying the music I've got playing on my iTunes, with a friendly pug snuffling around at my feet. There is something relaxing and satisfying about being able to work away in my own environment, playing my music and being able to get up and stretch, take a minute to pet the pug or even take a walk outside, if I need to.

Are They Kidding Me?

Stopped in the store on the corner tonight and they had a stereo in there blasting "Frosty the Snowman" and "Jingle Bell Rock". I mean, it's not even Thanksgiving yet! Every year the holiday season just becomes more & more annoying to me. Sheesh!

It's not a very comforting sight...

...to come home from work and find the street next to your building closed off to traffic while some guys jack hammer into the middle of the road next to a truck that declares they are from the "New York City Department of Environmental Protection". At least there weren't a bunch of guys in those EPA suits (that look like giant condoms) milling about. Now that would be a cause for concern.

Something Else...

Oh, I forgot to add this to yesterdays post...

Yesterday a colleague in my office was interviewing this guy for an open programming position in my group. Anyway, I guess after he had asked all the pertinent programming-related questions, the interview went this way:

Colleague: "so, let's say you've finished up with your current work, what do you do then?"
Job Applicant: "try to look busy in case your manager happens to walk by. er, I mean, because you really wouldn't want him to catch you playing games, etc. at your desk."

I thought that perhaps he was joking, but apparently he was serious. Can you imagine? And he comes up with this in an interview, no less? I guess there are all kinds of idiots out there these days. Mark my words, we'll probably end up hiring this guy...

bits & pieces

First, a picture of The Necklace:



Gawd, I just had the craziest day today. Yesterday most of my day was tied up with meetings and presentations (funny how I don't really get nearly as nervous when I'm presenting my own work), so today was a real mad scramble to get some actual work done. Most of my morning and part of my afternoon was spent assisting the director of my department with this reporting project for one of our regional sales managers. Actually, I did all of the actual work and she most of the liaisoning, but who wants to split hairs? Anyway, this all set me back for the day and made my afternoon a bit frantic to get the stuff done for today that I had wanted to get done. A little bit stressful, but it all worked out in the end.

Was speaking to my former-currently-temporary-maybe-permanent manager this afternoon and he kept going on & on about what a great job I'm doing. That's a great compliment, I guess, but I don't feel like I'm working any harder or better than I ever did before, it's just being noticed somewhat more because of a few factors:

A) A bunch of my projects have reached critical phases where they've graduated to the stage where higher-ups are more involved and the projects have thus become higher profile and I (as a result) have also become higher profile. Higher-ups are pretty quick to express their pleasure (or displeasure) to people who matter. And their input is taken more seriously too.

B) With the situation with Lou as it is, there is very little buffer between directors in my department and myself and my willingness to chip in and help out anywhere and everywhere (while it's always been there) is more noticeable because it is desperately needed, now more than ever.

So, I don't know whether to be complimented or insulted, so I'm a little bit of both. Mostly complimented though (but a small part of me can't help but be the tiniest bit peeved). I'm not one to honk my own horn at work, I really hate all that phony crap, so I guess it's nice that some of my honest good work is finally being recognized a bit without me having to jump up & down about it all. Former-currently-temporary-maybe-permanent manager told me this afternoon that they want to send me to our yearly User's Conference Summit thingie next year. I've always wanted to go and it is a bit of a perk, but not a fantastic one. You have to share a room and work all the time and proctor labs and since I've written all the business intelligence for the app that runs the event, I will mostly have to be on-site to trouble-shoot, do adhoc reporting and other last minute work as it comes up during the event. Frankly, I hope this is not my "reward" in lieu of a raise or something. Sheesh.

Unrelated comment: if someone "compliments" you by telling you, you look like Elizabeth Taylor, it's not really a compliment at all, but "nice" way of telling you that you look fat. Of course, it could be worse, I've been compared to A) Rosie O'Donnell and B) Roseanne in the past. But Whatever.

Lastly: I order an iPod today!



(Lola, staring at a cookie)

It Happens Once a Year

(Lori & my father in front of the restaurant last night)

Had my annual "Birthday" dinner with my father & Lori (his wife) last night (my birthday isn't actually until tomorrow, so there's still time to shop! heh!). This was the second year in a row that we've gone to this restaurant. Last year we were impressed with the food, service and the charming little place (and the fact that it's not a huge hardship for me to get there from work and back again to the train) that we decided to go again. So, I had my annual ration of Escargots and Duck ala Orange, which are some of my favorite things (all so rich and decadent, but oh so delicious).

Things were a little screwy, however, as my father & Lori were about an hour and fifteen minutes late. One. Hour. And. Fifteen. Minutes. As I sat there alone at the table reading (thank GOD I had a book) by candlelight and drinking glass after glass of Cabernet Sauvignon. But it all turned out okay in the end (except I could have done without the getting home at 11 PM on a "school" night part, but at least it's Friday now).

Additionally, the biggest surprise of all was that they gave me an actual gift. A beautiful silver & opal & aquamarine necklace (I just love necklaces), usually I just get a scarf, or something for Lola. It actually scares me a little bit to consider that they could have been reading my blog! My father also gave me a check (which he always does), with which I am going to buy THIS! Finally! heh.

Anyway, for once I had a meal with my father where I didn't feel like I was on a job interview. Maybe the four glasses of Cabernet Sauvignon had something to do with that.

Harriet Runs the New York Marathon (11.06.05)

Harriet has an affiliation with the Achilles Track Club (although I don't think she technically qualifies as an Achilles athlete) and was thus able to take the limited early start on Marathon Day. This allowed her to run next to the elite women for a brief few seconds when they passed her on the course a couple of hours later. Luckily someone had a camera.

Congratulations to Harriet and all the NYCM runners!

The Other Side

Well, I'm on the other side of the presentation that had my panties all in a twist and it went pretty well. I feel much better now. I think I'll have a beer...