Bitter and not getting over it

Last Monday was my birthday. I hate my birthday. I try not to have any expectations so that I won't be disappointed, but it's hard to expect absolutely nothing. This year my father topped his emotional distance by completely forgetting my birthday altogether, he's never done that before. I received nothing from him, not even a phone call. At some point afterward he finally did remember (frankly, I think my sister called to tell him) and he has left a couple of voice mail messages during the week, but has done nothing else to make up for it. He has had a week now to send me a card or a gift and I have to finally come to the realization that nothing is forthcoming. This is what my family relationship is reduced to now, I guess. I'm a little miffed at my sister too, to be honest. She did call me on the day, but would it have killed her to send a card? I spend $100s on her kids each year for their birthdays, and I make sure to at the very least send her a card for hers (sometimes a gift too), I feel that the least they could do is all get together and send me a card. The kids are old enough now (11 and 14) to do this too. It's not that I am going to stop sending birthday & Christmas greetings and gifts for my family, but I do feel pretty hurt and bitter about it all. I have a couple of very nice friends who sent me cards but, other than that, I got absolutely nothing at all and it just completely depresses me. I know, I know, I'm a grown adult and I shouldn't care. And it's not even about the gift or the materialism of it, certainly there is nothing that anyone could give me that I couldn't easily buy for myself these days, so that's not it at all. It's the fact that someone thought enough of you, to take the time to think about something small that you might like (even if it's an amazon gift certificate for $10).

So, I'm mad and bitter right now. I'll eventually get over being mad, but I think the hurt feelings are going to take longer to overcome.

Best Shoes EVER

And so incredibly comfortable (and I usually have trouble with shoes). I bought them in "shale" and like them so much, I think I'll buy a pair in "black". Gotta love a good pair of comfortable shoes.

Things that annoy Me

Women who wear copious amounts of perfume. Particularly, women who wear copious amounts of bad perfume. Particularly when I have to stand behind one in line for coffee. Particularly when I have to stand behind a string of women ALL wearing copious amounts of different bad perfume. Blech.

Shorter Days

I rushed home today to try and get there in time to catch enough remaining day light to take the dogs for a walk. That's the bummer with these shortening days (as much as I absolutely love the Fall) and the time change makes it even worse. Fitz decided to be squirrely about putting on his harness & leash (I'll never understand why he has a problem with it) so he got left behind (with a raging tantrum once he realized what was happening, of course) while Tig and Lola and I took a new-ish route across the way. We meandered through a church yard and then a school area and were going to try a road that would have taken us farther away from home, but it was getting dark fast and there was also a lot of ground fog making things murkier and I thought better of it. Instead, I found this trail through the woods, that was kind of creepy, but also kind of cool in the deepening gloom, that I correctly suspected would lead us into a neighborhood with which I was familiar where we finished up our walk. So, it only turned out to be about a half an hour or so for the walk, but at least it was semi-interesting. And there aren't going to many more opportunities for post-work dog walks now, unless I invest in some reflective gear for the dogs (especially Tig who is pretty dark) and a headlamp or something with myself.

When I got home since the walk was shorter than I had wanted, I decided to get on the treadmill for about twenty minutes -- I even threw in a couple of running intervals and kept the belt on an incline. I hadn't been on the treadmill in a long time as I had lost the magnetic/key thingie in my move last year and just got around to ordering a replacement (for $5, I might add). So, I feel a little better today and managed to forget my dental issues and work worries for a little while. And now that we're in my most favorite time of year, I really should be trying to get out and walk at lunch or something more. Hmmmm, maybe I should buy a pedometer.

The Cat

This is really funny and very cute:

The Cat

More Bad News from the Dentist

Went in yesterday to repair a fractured back tooth and prepare it for a crown, once into the process the dentist realized that the tooth is probably not going to be viable. He's sending me to a root canal specialist to see if they can save it (but he didn't sound too optimistic). If RC won't work, I'm looking at another extraction and implant, at about 5K+ a pop. So, just for those who haven't been paying attention, I've already spent about 5K out of pocket so far this year for dental work, with another 5K to be spent in January for the implant I've already got scheduled. Now if I need this additional extraction/implant (and it sounds like I will) that is about 5K more. Bringing the grand-total spent on dental work in less than a year to about 15K, not including what insurance covered! And I'm not even going to mention what a horror show the actual extraction was last time, I'm freaking out about the thought of having to go through anything like that again any time soon.

I had really hoped to start saving more aggressively now, wanted to start an additional IRA as well as a non-retirment investment fund. I also wanted to move forward and do some more painting and other home improvements on my house (window treatments, re-surface some textured walls, replace some damaged windows, etc.) and now it looks like I'm not going to be able to do any of it. I feel sick.

On a good note, I wasn't charged for yesterdays appointment. I think the dentist felt sorry for me.

A bit of a blow

Well, it looks like we are in for a bit of a blow for tomorrow. A good nor’easter is making its way up the coast and due to hit New England by Saturday. Happily it will be a weekend and I have no hair appointments, no pedicure scheduled, nowhere I have to be. So it will be lovely and cozy to be cocooned at home with the dogs while the weather rages outside. Most people pray for great weather weekends and that sure is nice, but once in a while it’s wonderful to have a weekend where it’s in your best interest to stay warm and safe inside. I’ve got stacks of movies and books around the house, and plenty of beer and beverages. One last stop at the grocery store tonight will ensure that I will be fully prepared to enjoy the time-out forced by the storm.

Dealing with Hardware

So, my laptop is broken. Again. This stupid thing has had the hard drive re-built two or three times (the last time was about a month ago) and had various other issues that have needed to be fixed. Every time the hard drive has to be dealt with, I also then have to go through the exercise of re-installing various needed software, re-establish all the various certificates or whatever needed for VPN and wireless access, etc. not to mention trying to re-find all of my bookmarks and whatever. It’s all an enormous pain in the ASS. Anyway, so last night it crashed yet again. I got a very ugly black screen (never even made it to the Blue Screen of Death) error about some missing or corrupted file. So, I dragged the machine in today and opened yet another tech problem ticket. The technician contacted me with the bad news that I would need a new hard drive – ARGH! And then he went on to say that I have the dubious distinction of being the most interesting problem ticket of the day by starting off my ticket description with, “I can’t believe this, but my laptop seems yet again to be broken.” (I guess those tech guys don’t get out much). He also asked if it would be problematic if I didn’t get the machine back today and I said that since I have a desktop supplied to me by The Business Group, I could luckily use that today. His response was to start to reply, “huh, well we handle The Technical Group … “ since I am used to this response, I had to patiently explain how I am working for The Business Group, but am really a member of The Technical Group, so my laptop is owned by The Technical Group, yet my desktop is a Business Group machine. Sigh. This always confuses them and I have to explain it carefully lest I be pawned off onto another support group. So he paused and then said, “Oh, so YOU’RE the one!” I hope I’m not on some support black list somewhere! Yikes!

I swear, I’m going to buy an Apple laptop for personal use after all this.

Things that PISS me off

People who decide to lean against your cubicle and have a whole meeting while standing over your head like you're not sitting there trying to work. Uh, hello???? Am I invisible??? FREAKING pisses me off. Bastards.

Happiness is ...

Butterscotch pudding. Yum!

It's the simple things in life.

That Time of Year

What is it about this time of year that makes me constantly feel like I am on the cusp of getting sick? I have the sore throat that waxes and wanes, slight achy-ness, constant sneezing and a prevailing, overwhelming exhaustion that doesn't seem to go away no matter how much sleep I manage to get. Of course it could possibly have something to do with the warm days and the cold nights. You know, it's probably never that good to go to bed with the windows wide open, only to wake up at 3 AM shivering to find that it's 30 degrees in my bedroom. Yeah, not good.

Make it Stop!

Seriously, is it almost over? Because, I swear that if I have to deal with one more day of hearing about the blasted Red Sox, I'm going to go stark, raving mad.

Families and hurt feelings

So, I am trying very hard not to feel bitter, but I've been struggling with this for a couple of weeks now and I still feel pretty wretched about it, so maybe it will help me to blog about the issue.

A few weeks ago I was talking to Cousin Greg (one of my cousins who live near me in New Hampshire) and he let me know that he is hosting Thanksgiving this year at his house, and he invited me for the event. He then asked if I thought that my father might come up from New Jersey for it, especially as he could stay with me. I told him that I didn't know what his plans are for the holiday, but that I would ask him.

I hadn't heard from my father in a few weeks anyway, so I gave him a call and during the course of the conversation I mentioned Greg's invitation. My father's response, "Well, we're going down to Lancaster to --Wifey's daughter #1's-- house. --Wifey's daughter #2-- is coming and everything". All said in a tone that seemed to say, 'Well, OF COURSE we're going to Lorie's daughter's house. How stupid!' Soorrrreeeee -- sheesh.

Then I asked him if he (they) wanted to come up here for a weekend sometime (anytime they wanted, didn't have to be a holiday). And he, in a very exasperated tone, said, "I don't know when I can find the time!" I responded and said that was fine, I wasn't requesting he come up, but more that he was welcome to at any time if he wanted to. SHEESH. He then went on to say that Lorie (wifey) is not going to want to come up when it's going to be cold and/or there is a chance of snow. WTF??? First of all, I really don't think we need to worry much about snow until January. Maybe we'll get a little in December, but we don't usually have much before the end of the year. And secondly, there really is only about a two degree difference in temperature between where I live and where they live. Seriously. Is she THAT sensitive that she can handle 54* in NJ, but not 52* in NH?. Thirdly, pretty much every weekend for the past MONTH (since this conversation) the temps have been in the 70s! I suspect that SHE does not want to come up here (the weather & temperature is an excuse) and he is not willing to come without her.

I've just been feeling so bitter and hurt and mad about his attitude in general. I don't even really know why I am mad specifically, other than because of his wish to constantly cater to "Wifey" and her family while completely ignoring or eschewing his own. The fact that it doesn't even cross his consciousness that any of his children or grandchildren might feel hurt or cast aside is particularly troubling.

So now it's been about another month since we've spoken. Doesn't seem that he's going to call me anytime soon, so I guess I had better call. I just hope that SHE doesn't answer the phone (and of course she always does).

Tig: Patiently waiting for dinner

Fitz: Patiently waiting for dinner.

Oh ... GOD Help me!

I somehow just volunteered myself to be put on the election list for my HOA board of directors. WTF was I thinking? Well, I probably won't "win" anyway as I've only been here a year and no one really knows me. But still, sheesh.

BFF

Pedicures are GOOD

Work has been insane lately. I mean, working 10, 11, 12 hours a day insane. Insane where I am logging in from home at 6:30 AM before I can even leave the house. Insane where I'm dreaming about it, which of course makes me feel like the workday never ends. I can't remember in recent history looking forward to a weekend more than I did this one. I just need two days to do basically nothing at all productive and try not to think about work. Well, as much as is possible anyway. Luckily I had a pedicure scheduled for this morning, which couldn't have come on a better day. Such a sweet, selfish indulgence -- it was lovely, as always. Complete with foot and leg massage, parafin dip, foot mask and a fantastic dark red nail color (that only I will see and admire now for the next couple of months). Also got my chronic in-grown toenails taken care of -- so I should no longer be howling with pain every time I bump them up against something innocuous (like a dog). At least they're taken care of for a little while. Added to the pleasure was being out and about on a crisp, perfect Autumn morning. D&D coffee in the console, windows down, leaves turning, breeze breezing, long, slanting sunlight ... ahhhhh, I just love this time of year. So now my feet are sweet and soft again. I'm reasonably relaxed and a little better rested. Hopefully I will be ready to again re-join the insanity back on Monday morning.

Pug Screen Cleaner

OMG, THIS cracks me up!