Dog Tired

I don't know what it is, but I am always exhausted on Tuesday nights, always. I mean, it's not even 9 PM nor is it fully dark out yet, yet I can barely keep my eyes open.

Catching Up

Ugh, it’s been so long since I last posted that I almost don’t even know where to start. I hate this, so much time goes by and I feel that I have so much to catch up on that I’m pretty overwhelmed. So anyway, let’s see, where to start, where to start …

Dogs, Dogs, Dogs

Well, Mojo is still with us and has become a much loved member of my canine family, at this point I just can’t imagine having to give him up. He is such a total love. Wants to be petted and loved and he’s happy just to have that human attention. He can get pretty riled up and plays very actively with Tig and Fitz, they all play so hard that they completely wear each other out. But when not playing, he is very mellow and happy to just hang out and be adored. The Boxer rescue group still has him up on their adoption page however, and I have heard nothing definitive back about my keeping him, so I really have no idea what is going to happen. But at this stage, he is part of my family now, so giving him up will just be horrible, if it comes to that. Still, I would like to know soon, I think, as I would like to sign him up for obedience school and get him his tags and micro-chipped, etc. make him official. Right now we’re too much in limbo and it makes me uncomfortable.

Health & Fitness

So, back in March I took a good look at my lack of fitness, general health (or where it would be trending soon, if I didn’t take some action) and my weight and didn’t like what I saw, so I decided to get a grip on things. I have known for a while now that I had to make some changes and it’s been some time coming, so I finally managed to get the ball rolling. I started with diet, cutting back on portions, getting used to more fruits & vegetables and cutting out junky stuff. And also … cutting out BEER (I think that hurt the most!)

Well, after about a month and a half of watching the eating as well as after losing some weight, I started to up the activity. I started using a pedometer (as I mentioned earlier in this blog) and I started taking walks at lunchtime at work. At first the walks were relatively tame, just around the various footpaths, but soon I started venturing out onto the wooded trails. And as I started going further & further and into the more technical trails, I more & more realized that I wanted to run. Badly. So, one day I brought gym clothes & running shoes to work with me, changed in the locker room and did just that. It wasn’t pretty, and I wasn’t able to run nearly as much as I wanted to, but I kept at it. Well, since then, I’ve developed a routine of running five to six times a week! I can’t even believe it, even at my most committed during my first running incarnation, I never managed to run that many days in a week, and particularly week after week. I alternate between running trails in the woods around work (I love living & working in New Hampshire!) with running intervals on the treadmill. So far I am extremely slow (not that I was ever very fast, even when I was in shape for it) and I still can only run for intervals of a couple of minutes at a time (at most), but I’m sticking with it and getting out there and hoping that eventually some of this training will kick in. (I’m still waiting for that).

Additionally, I decided to sign up for some personal training at the company gym. It’s a pretty good deal and I felt that if I have this to anchor my week, it will help motivate me and keep me on track. Plus, I tend to be the type that will blow off strength training and abs work, if left to my own devices, so having training appointments will help force me to do that stuff. The first couple of weeks I had one session per week, but starting last week I moved to two. My muscles are sore and sometimes it’s hard to work in those sessions around the various meetings and other commitments I have, but I think they’re valuable and I schedule them in on my calendar, just like any other meeting. I’m worried about building too much muscle as I tend to build it easily (and at 5’2”, I don’t want to be muscle-bound) but that’s another good reason to employ the trainer, hopefully he will know what he’s doing, where I have no clue.

I’ve even managed to get my bike fixed up and actually took it out for a ride this past weekend. That was fun and a pretty hard workout. I thought compared to the running that it was going to feel easy, but it was hard, just in a different way. It had been so long since I had been on a bike that I had completely forgotten what it was like.

With the diet changes and the exercise I’ve added, I’ve managed to so far drop over 30 lbs since March. Considering my age, my hypothyroidism and my general tendency towards a sluggish metabolism and other hormone challenges, I’m pretty impressed with myself so far – heh. I’m sure that this weight-loss will slow down or plateau eventually, but right now I’m feeling very happy and positive about it all. Also, with the addition of exercise and activity, I feel so much better in general, in a good mood almost every day, I’m sleeping better in general, am relatively energetic, and pretty happy overall. So if a plateau happens, I can concentrate on how great I feel and work myself through it that way, rather than get too discouraged (hopefully anyway).

All-in-all, I’ve had a pretty damn good Spring, I have to say. I can only hope that Summer goes as well. At some point I suppose I should set some concrete goals, but I don’t honestly know what those are going to be yet. I know that I am only looking at the weight-loss in increments of about 10 lbs, so I’m just looking towards the next ten right now. When I get closer to where I want to be, I will reevaluate and try to come up with a more specific number to zero in on. The running and working out too, I’m not sure what my goals are going to be yet. For now I’m aiming for general good fitness so that I can do whatever I want to do and maximize my quality of life. I would like to be able to go out my door and run five miles easily without it being a major effort, I’ll be happy if I can get to that stage. Doesn’t have to be fast, but if I can run all of it, I’ll be fairly pleased with myself. Eventually I might have some kind of race goal, like maybe to run a half-marathon or even a marathon again, but I don’t think that I will even start to think about that until I can bang out at least the five miles without too much trouble. Right now I am too far away from being able to do that, to really consider anything more ambitious yet.

So, that is the update on the major stuff anyway. I’ve been pretty boring really, keeping quiet, exercising, walking the dogs, going to work, sitting on my deck and reading a lot. Life is good.

Dog Foster

I volunteered recently to be a foster home for this New England Boxer rescue group that I have been dealing with. The dog that I was originally supposed to get last month fell through, but they contacted me last week with another dog who needed a place and I got to pick him up on Friday night. Mojo arrived on this rainy night right after his neutering and to much trepidation on all sides. The poor guy, I don't really know anything at all about his history except that he was in a shelter for some reason. I don't even know how old he is. Anyway ...

Can I say that I just LOVE this dog??? Mojo is unbelievably sweet. He’s gentle with my smaller dogs (he’s interested in them, but not too pushy or overwhelming to them), yet he gives the right amount of energetic horse play with Tig (my Boxer) that they both enjoy the experience and are able to fulfill that Boxer playfulness that they need, without it ever getting too aggressive. When not playing, he is completely mellow. He likes to stick close to me, always sticking his big head into my lap, or crawling on top of me to claim my lap for a nap. I don’t think anyone has ever taken the trouble to teach this guy much as the only command he seems to know is “sit”. But this makes me even more impressed with his wonderful good manners.

I had thought that bringing another dog into my home would make this place even more chaotic. But to be honest, I believe the opposite is true with Mojo here. He seems to be lending a nice, calm energy to the other dogs. Tig is no longer chasing Fitz (my boy Pug) in laps around the house, nor is he any longer baiting Lola (my girl Pug). He seems completely fulfilled by having another Boxer around, and the calm energy of Mojo seems to be rubbing off on him as well. I had worried that he might be a little jealous, but I really think he is whole-heartedly enjoying Mojo has a member of the pack. Even Lola seems happier as she now no longer becomes the focus of the other dogs when play escalates. Although, I suspect part of Fitz misses being chased a little bit.

I was of the mind that three dogs was my limit, but this happy circumstance is causing me to re-think that idea. I’m wondering if another Boxer (at least one with the same temperament and energy level as Mojo) might actually be a great situation for us after all. In any case, Mojo is doing wonderfully. He already seems quite happy and he has relaxed quite a bit from his first uneasy night. He is pretty skinny, so I’m hoping some good quality food (and plenty of it) and lots of treats will fill him out to where he should be.

Running Intervals

I'm actually a little bit excited. It's been a long time since running has been a part of my life and I kind of miss it. For me, however, I know that it takes quite a bit to get myself up to speed enough where I feel that I can really call myself a runner. So I've been rather overwhelmed and even a little bit depressed over what a task it will be to get myself to that place.

I've been trying to do more walking in general (thus, the pedometer) and I have also been throwing in some running intervals, where appropriate. And it's been terribly hard and daunting end even rather embarrassing (in public), but I've been trying anyway. And then tonight I got on the treadmill and started to do my intervals and I just decided to dial it down a bit. So, I brought it down to this horrifyingly slow pace and was able to run for intervals of 4 - 5 minutes at a time! (I had been doing 1-minute intervals) Color me amazed. Well, duh, I've been in this running game long enough to know that slowing down is the key to building mileage for a beginner (or re-starter, as I am). I've even advised newbies to do this myself. Duh, duh, duh. I think it's just that even my "too-fast" pace is itself an embarrassingly slow pace, that the slow-down from that is just almost ridiculous (at least if the treadmill display is to be believed). But at this stage in the process I really just have to forget about all that anyway. Forget about pace and speed, just get time / distance in. Get my time in on the road (or the TM belt) and the pace can come later. I know this, I guess I just forgot that I know it. Or something.

Pedometer = Motivation

So, I bought a pedometer after work on Tuesday after reading some personal stories on the 'Net somewhere about people who use them to help motivate themselves into walking more. I have also read somewhere that you should generally target about 10,000 steps per day for general good health and reasonable-average fitness. I figured that it couldn't hurt, they're cheap enough after all. And, while it might not train me for a marathon, it might at least get me started back down that old running road.

So I bought the pedometer on Tuesday. After 5 PM or so on Tuesday I managed to put about 8,000 steps on it. Yesterday I reached almost 13,000. And today I'm up to about 20,000. This sucker MOTIVATES. At least until the novelty wears off. Well, and the wonderful weather doesn't hurt either.

How to Feel Like an ASS

In the Ladies Room, run into a colleague who recently was out for several weeks for vacation to India. Mention to her that you had heard that she had been going to India to get married and how did that go? Deep silence (you can hear crickets). Colleague finally answers, “Oh, the marriage plans fell through”. DOH! (more crickets) Follow up with lame stumbled response, “ohhhhhh. Well. How did the rest of your trip go anyway?” (stupid stupid stupid – bangs head on sink).

Socially Awkward is my middle name.

You Think You're Having a Bad Day ...

When, on a Monday morning you are stuck in bumper-to-bumper traffic (on a road where that rarely happens). Until you pass: first a guy pulled over to the side of the road changing a tire. Then a car pulled over to the side of the road after an apparent fender bender. And, finally, an SUV that had flipped, finally coming to a rest on its side in the fast lane of the highway going the other direction. After all that, you somehow have to concede that there are people out there who are having a far worse start to their week.

Things that have annoyed me in the last few days:

Cleaning up after strangers. If you use the microwave and your CRAP spills all over the rotating plate thingie, don’t just slink away and leave it for the next person to have to mop up! Hello?! Why should I have to clean up YOUR slop before I can heat up my lunch? Could you BE more selfish? Sheesh.

People who don’t signal. Why is this so difficult for most people? I mean, what kind of effort does it really take to turn on a stupid blinker?

Tail-gaters. Yes, I see you latched there on my bumper. Can YOU see the string of cars in front of me? Just what, exactly, do you expect me to do?

Someone in my neighborhood each morning insists on driving her widdle pweshus to the end of our road (all of .2 of a mile long) and then sitting there idling at the bottom of the road so pweshus can sit inside in comfort and wait for the school bus. The problem is, anyone trying to exit the neighborhood (which is pretty much anyone who has to get to work in the morning) has to now swing around her stupid ginormous SUV while trying to merge onto a busy connecting road, making the maneuver all the more difficult and dangerous. But as long as pweshus doesn’t have to walk that grueling .2 mile and can sit and relax in comfort, it’s worth it. Right? Entitled cow.

Someone at work stole my guest chair and replaced it with a stained one. There are plenty of empty cubes around with spare chairs, couldn’t you have stolen one of those? SHEESH.

I don’t understand why my hair which was looking good and smooth and all going in the direction I wanted it to when I looked at it in the Ladies Room mirror in one hour, is suddenly all flippsidy-doodle and all going the wrong way and sticking out every which way in the next. All I’ve been doing for the hour that has passed is sitting at my desk! You’d think I had been through a wind tunnel or something. I. Just. Don’t. Understand. It.

My father. My sister called me yesterday to chat. And during the course of that conversation, she happened to mention that my father’s wife’s daughter (the one who can’t seem to exist without constant financial assistance from her mother) is finally buying a house. But because she is completely broke, “they” are buying her a brand new washer & dryer for the house! WTF?! I remember a year and a half ago when I moved into MY house, being all stressed out because I had to buy a washer & dryer right away. My father certainly didn’t offer to buy this for me. I just sucked it up and dug up the money to get it myself. I didn’t so much as get a house-warming gift from them! This really boils my piss. What also worries me is, I fear that they may have co-signed for Irresponsible Daughter’s mortgage. I don’t know if that is true (and hopefully it’s not), but I remember my father telling me that she had wanted to buy something for a good while, but that her credit was never good enough to qualify for a mortgage. And this was during the years when EVERYONE was qualifying for a mortgage! If you had a heartbeat, you could get 100% financing. Nowadays the requirements are more restrictive, so it makes me wonder.

I must be delirious

Seriously. I was just walking around the floor at work on my way to the Ladies Room and I passed one of the cleaning people dusting the wall separator for the pantry area with this floppy mop-type thing on a pole. Only when I first saw it, I swear that I thought it was one of those flopsy kinds of dogs, like a Lhasa Apso or a Maltese or Pomeranian or something. I had to do a double-take to understand what I was really seeing. My head is stuffy and congested today, but I think it’s affecting my brain too. Sheesh.

Mr. Tig Wiggle-Butt

I was trying out the video function of my new camera and so I took this video of Tig. I was actually trying to capture the "Boxer Bean", but by the time I got the camera out, he wasn't beaning as much as he had been earlier. Anyway, the video isn't the best quality, but you can watch it if you want:

Video here.

Dog Pictures

He actually lies down and rests sometimes.


Boxer - Pug Standoff


Snow!


More snow (WTF? It's going to be April in a few days!)

Fighting Demons

I somehow stumbled upon this book, I’m not even sure how or where I found it, to be honest. I sometimes will hear about a book, or see a description somewhere or someone mentions some book on a message board some place and I’ll order it, where it will sit amongst the piles of books sitting in queue around my house. And then, based upon my mood, I eventually get around to reading it, usually by then having long forgotten how the book came to be in my possession in the first place.

Anyway, I picked this book out of the pile a few days ago and I have to say that it immediately spoke to me (as many books do) but deeply, on an actual physical and psychological level, much as this book spoke to me on a spiritual level. You see, this story could easily have been a chronicle of my own life, or at least part of it anyway. Maybe not exactly or literally, and certainly I have not reached the levels of resolution (nor do I have the talents or the incredible insights and understanding) that the author has. Not yet at least, but her journey deeply moved me, it hit home for me on an intense gut level that I find hard to even describe. Even now, here late, late on a “school night” I find myself awake and weeping with the raw feelings that these writings have exposed in me. Awake with thoughts and ideas and frustrations and hopes and hurts and self-loathing as well as an anguish for the person I should have been and hope for the person that I could be, with my mind spinning with the regrets of lost opportunities, and feelings of worthlessness, unworthiness, uselessness and, yes, even the anger of the past & present and hopes for what could be in the future. Maybe.

You can say that people over-eat, or drink or take drugs or gamble or compulsively spend or whatever because of unhappiness or bad childhoods or abuse, but I think the reasons are far more complicated and myriad than those stale explanations. Unhappiness is just a trite and easy answer, a label or category that people want to slap on to explain something they really don’t understand. This chronicle is not all happy endings and pat answers and resolutions but a window into the deep and complex feelings of a person who went through the lows & highs of trying to conquer her demons.

Driving Me CRAZY!

My ears are ringing and it won't stop and I'm about to go. Stark. Raving. MAD! GAH!

I'm just saying ...

'Tis the time of year

for trying to fend off opportunistic viruses. Ugh. I've been feeling something coming on all week, I don't really feel horrible, but I've had this sore throat, general achiness, head achy and with an overwhelming fatigue and just this sense of a bug trying to take hold. I worked from home yesterday with the hope that I could head it off, but no such luck. I just hate this feeling, it's so hard to keep a clear head and concentrate on anything when all I want to do is just lay down for a while. And I suspect I'm not the only one around the office who feels this way. I've been hearing a lot of hacking and sneezing coming from neighboring cubicles.

Déjà vu

Wow. I heard a car alarm today in a parking lot for about three seconds and I suddenly realized that I hadn't heard one in a very long time. I very quickly had a flashback to living in NYC and being held hostage by that kind of noise pretty much on a constant basis. It's amazing how much lower my levels of stress and anxiety are these days. The funny thing is, I don't even think I realized how stressed and anxious I was all the time back then. But the constrast to how I feel now is astounding. And it's not just the way I feel either. The last time I had my blood pressure checked, it was on the low-end of normal. Back in NYC it was approaching "high". It's amazing what stress can do to you.

Sunday Night Dread

Used to be, with my job at Old Company, the dread for the coming Monday morning would always start setting in sometime around late afternoon on Sunday and just continue to grow throughout the night. Of course, Monday was never as bad as anticipated, but I think it was just this general dissatisfaction with my job that colored this feeling. I didn’t hate my job, not really, in fact I quite often rather liked it. But there came a time when things in my old group became political, there were some morale issues and along with some micro-managing that all coalesced to create a strong feeling for me of unease for any coming work week.

Well, it’s been so long since I’ve felt the Sunday Night Dreads that I was rather taken unaware by that old feeling today. But feel it I did, but for a different reason this time. It is nothing to do with my job in particular, but with the fact that I have to drive to Boston tomorrow morning for a two-day class. I’ve become so spoiled by my 12-minute commute here that the thought of a significant commute fills me with an almost horror. I occasionally have to drive down to Boston for a meeting or something, but I can generally avoid the major traffic hours on those occasions, so it’s usually not a big deal. But this is going to be a major pain in the ASS. I’m just saying (and venting).

Anyway, I sure am happy that the Sunday Night Dreads are history for me. For the most part.

On a note related to the subject of Old Company: I received a SPAM email from a former colleague the other day. I was a little shocked. It said something like, “Good News from < insert former colleague’s name > “ and then the body of the email went on to describe some great pre-paid legal BS that I could buy. I opened the email excited to hear some news from my former colleague, who left the company last Summer to (supposedly) get involved in real estate, only to be SPAMED. I was a little shocked, to say the least. I wonder if that real estate isn’t working out after all.

Home Improvement Fantasies

Lately I've been watching a lot of HGTV and I'm finding that, between all the home improvement TV and the work I'm currently having done in the hallways in my house (old, horrible-mustard-colored-textured-walls scraped down, new beautiful creamy-beigey paint going up, with crisp white trim) that I am becoming completely obsessed about things I want to do with here. Bathrooms to be renovated (and of course I keep changing my mind about what I want there), kitchen cabinets to be updated, new carpeting, new tile, doors and windows to be replaced, colors to be painted in this room or that, furniture to be bought, the list goes on & on and I just can't stop thinking about it all, I'm even dreaming about it now. And I have a very small, simple house! I can't even imagine how I would feel about this if I had a big and/or charming house with tons of potential. The mind boggles. I will say one thing though, I truly can see why people are so tempted to take out equity loans and Helocs and whatnot. Very tempting as I sit here trying to cash flow the bit of work that I'm having done. Must. Resist. Urge.

Of course, I'm also watching a lot of House Hunters as well, which makes the temptation to start real estate shopping also very tempting ... Someone, please save me from myself!

What?

I'm relaxing. So sue me.

Extreme Pug Close-Up

Things I Love

A Friday night, snow falling fast & furiously outside, fire going inside, dogs all cuddled up and piled on top of me. Nowhere I have to be for a couple of days, fridge is stocked, movies are queued ... ahhhhhh, life is good.