Excited About Riding Again!

(Ruby & I at a 2-Phase competition a couple of years ago)

I haven’t written about my riding in a while, but I did want to post an update before much more time passes. I have to say that I am having an excellent time riding this season. I decided at the beginning of the Summer that I wanted to add an additional lesson (a private) to my week, at least for a few months. I think this has worked out well for me as it has allowed me to have some great focus, has helped motivate me and I find that having that private lesson on Thursday, after my group lesson on Wednesday, gives me the opportunity to have some good scrutiny to work on things that maybe came up the day before, to zero in on stuff that needs more attention, or just to build on things that we worked on in the first lesson.

The other thing that I have made a commitment to with my riding is jumping on my own more. I posted this a couple of months ago about how I am regarded as a kind of a “jumping scrooge” at my barn. Well, in the interest of trying to make jumping more “been-there-done-that” / ho-hum / no-big-deal for myself, I have made some good steps towards banishing this image of myself as well. 

I have gotten pretty good about jumping at least one session per week on my own and have slowly been increasing the amount of jumping that I will make myself do. I started with jumping a couple of little fences at a time and then calling it “done”. I now will jump pretty much anything set up in the ring, as well as some stuff in the field (including the up & down banks). I have also been increasing the height of the fences that I do on my own. My attitude about jumping has improved to the point where it doesn’t faze me to jump around combinations of 3’ (or so) fences by myself. Of course, my trainer is also happy since, when it comes time for my jumping lessons, I’m no longer whining or giving her a hard time about jump height. It’s a work in progress, but the more I jump, the more I find that I want to jump! Funny how that works.

My Dressage work with Ruby continues to have its frustrations. About a month ago, I went through a very balky spell with her. Every flat session she would come up with a serious evasion where she would basically refuse to go forward, sometimes even at the walk. It has been especially frustrating because I felt (and still feel, believe it or not) that we had been making a ton of progress in our dressage work. Ruby’s trot in particular  has seemed to turn a major corner. Suddenly she gets the concept of what I’m asking for in the trot, becoming forward, actually on the aids and truly round (and with a correct bend!) When we went through this bad patch last month, it would take me almost an entire training session to boot her forward, to take her head out of llama status and get her out of her funk. The name of the game was transitions. Lots of transitions (basically my go-to tool, when all else fails). Walk, halt. Walk, trot. Trot, halt. Trot, canter. Canter, walk. Walk, canter. If you balk, you get booted forward and we get to do more of the same, endlessly. After going through this for forty-five minutes or so, I would usually, finally, end up with a soft and responsive horse, approaching the trot that I had been looking for. But, man! Was it frustrating. And exhausting. There were a few of those sessions where I questioned whether I should be selling Ruby and looking for another horse. There were a lot of times when I questioned whether I knew what I was doing (well, I still question that all the time). But, I have to say that it has gotten better. The canter still needs a lot of work and she is still pulling some of her balky maneuvers in our canter work, but her trot work has been lovely. She has also been offering this good trot work earlier and earlier in our rides too. Where it used to take me a lot of warm-up, suppling, transitions and other work to get her to a state where she started lifting her back, softening her jaw and reaching for the contact, I am finding that lately it has become more of a natural state with Ruby. It’s not immediate, but I am usually not jumping through a lot of hoops to get there either.

The thing with Dressage is: This is actually very hard for horses. There is a reason why there is a Dressage Training Scale. It’s not expected that you will achieve these things overnight. In addition to the training of the horse to gradually improve, there is also the gradual strength and muscling that is built in the horse as you progress in your work. It is not meant to happen all at once. A lot of the flat work asked of horses in Dressage training can be equated in humans to gymnastics, yoga and strength training, with a fair amount of endurance in there as well. It takes time to build on the work and your progress is usually measured in tiny steps. This year I feel like we’ve been “getting it”. And because we’ve been getting it, I’ve been asking more of Ruby. The balking thing is, I think, her reaction to my asking more of her – it’s hard! I just have to work through the rough patches and make her realize that defiance makes her life much harder.

With all that said about my dressage frustrations this Summer, even during the worst of it when I would be on the brink of giving up with Ruby, we would then have a jumping day in there where she would be awesome! Gallopy and loving life, even doing flying changes when I ask properly. And then there are the days when I get great flat work. It has been so hard-earned over the years that Ruby and I have been together that it is especially sweet when there is fluidity and harmony. It’s like the Dressage Gods have suddenly smiled on us. Because it hasn’t come easily, those great moments are now especially sweet.

To sum it up, these days I am truly excited about riding again. I was never actually “blah” about it, but I had reached a bit of a slump where flat work was always a fight, and it was also hard to watch others who have horses that make it easier. I dreaded jumping and just wanted to get through it and be done. I wanted to make improvements in all aspects of my riding and training of Ruby, but wasn’t really doing too much to get there and, as a result, wasn’t seeing much in the way of progress either. Now I feel like my riding world has opened up some. I look forward to even just a garden variety schooling session because I feel that I now have more of a partnership with my horse. Thanks to CrossFit, as well as more riding in general and some tweaking of my eating habits, I am also much more fit now than I was a few months ago, so this is definitely a contributing factor in my overall attitude and in my ability to ride better.

Eventing Goals

(Note: Picture taken from the Groton House website - this is not me!)

With the new-found confidence and focus that CrossFit and a more consistent riding program this season has given me, I've started thinking about some actual riding goals, beyond just the training goals I always have in mind for Ruby. This weekend is the Groton House Horse Trials, so it got me to thinking, 'wouldn't that be an awesome goal for next year?' The more I thought about it, the more I started to like the idea.

I talked to my trainer, Alison, about my idea on Thursday and she seemed to think that it was a good and, more importantly, reasonable goal. So it is starting to shape up into a plan. It gives me a year to really work towards something significant. The thing about Groton House is, it starts at Novice (2'11" jumps), so there is no falling back to BN if I'm not ready. I can do it, I did it at UNH a couple of years ago, I can do it at Groton House. Here are my goals to get there:

1. Continue in CrossFit, minimum 3x a week.
2. (Sub-goal to CF) Get fit, get strong, develop great endurance/stamina.
3. Continue our forward progress in Dressage. Reach next Spring able to put Ruby on the aids more consistently. More easily forward and quick off the leg, straighter with more harmony and relaxation. Balanced canter!
4. (Related to Dressage) Come up with a great warm-up plan to accomplish the above in any ride. 
5. Develop and stick to a conditioning plan. Ride hills, trot sets, canter sets, etc. with regularity. 
6. JUMP! Jump every week, one way or another. Jump what the trainer says. Don't crap out and say that you want to finish on that last course if your trainer wants you to jump some more. Don't complain. Don't whine about jump height. 
7. (Related to Jump) On your own, work on balance and "Dressage" in between the fences. Do your circle-jump-circle exercise. Try other exercises that will promote balance and better rhythm on jump courses. 
8. Start off the Season next year fit, fit, fit!
9. Have fun and have a great attitude. 

Post Script: Looking at the results from cross-country day at Groton House today, I wonder how smart this goal is after all. There are a LOT of rider falls and eliminations in all divisions. Yikes. 

A Gallop On A Thursday Night

Lately it seems that any serious flat / Dressage work with Ruby ends up being a real CTJ (Come To Jesus) session. She resists and evades, I insist, she resists and evades, I insist harder and eventually she gives in, softens and gives me what I want. But we seem to have to go through this struggle first, it's just part of the ride. I am asking a lot more of her these days and she is hoping that she can blow me off and just do what she wants. But I have her number now, so I'm not falling for it. Plus, CrossFit is making me stronger so I'm increasingly more physically capable of pushing for what I want as well.

Last night in a private lesson, after pushing for and getting the trot I wanted, we worked some on counter-canter. First some regular canter circles, then canter broken lines and finally some canter serpentines without lead changes, in other words, maintaining the counter-canter on each alternate loop. This is hard for Ruby right now, so we didn't do a lot of it, just a bit to start to introduce the exercise for this Summer. We can build on it and increase the duration as she gets stronger. And a strength-building exercise it is. It really does help promote strength in the canter as the way it requires the horse to carry themselves. So, I am increasingly looking for more strength, more balance, proper tempo, straightness. Hopefully this will allow the start of some baby collection at the canter too. All in time.

After our lesson, because the days are so long right now, I took Ruby on a gallop through the Hollis Town Forest trails and out to Silver Lake and back. It was probably a good seven minutes of uninterrupted gallop, plus some canter on the entry trail, walk and trot through the road and neighborhood to get to the trail and trot down the step hill on the way in. We should be doing more of these types of rides, if I want to take her hunting again at the end of the Summer. It was a good time and she was perfect. Haven't done a ride like that in a while.

The Jumping Scrooge

I've managed to get a reputation for myself at the barn as being someone who is extremely adverse to jumping. It's actually become a bit of a running joke. My nerve seems to wax and wane based on how much I'm riding and (of course) how much I'm jumping. The less I do, the less confident I am. Makes sense. In the past few years my riding has been somewhat inconsistent, so my enthusiasm to jump has mirrored that. The less fit I am, the less I want to jump too as I am less stable. Jumping can be dangerous, if you don't feel stable, you don't feel safe. And, let's be honest, it's very much a mental game. You don't do it much, you start to freak out. That is very much the case with me.

I think my trainer actually finds it a little bit funny at this point. It's a running joke whether she is going to make me jump in any given lesson. So, imagine her surprise last night when I started warming up over the fences before she even told me to get started! Over the past week I've: jumped while out hunting; jumped in a group lesson on Wednesday; and jumped in a private lesson last night. And not once did I complain or express distress. After warming up last night, before my trainer was ready to start my lesson, I started my own exercise of riding balanced cantered circles, working in a jump, down to another part of the ring, more balanced canter circles, work in another jump, to another part of the ring, and circle, jump, etc. My trainer liked what I was doing and so created a course for me where I was to work in my canter circles at different points. This is a great exercise for Ruby as she tends to get flat and fast and wants to both counter-bend and motorcycle around the turns and also for me as it slows my mind down and makes me think and even relax a bit. It also makes me insist on balance and a quality canter.

After all that we were rewarded by doing some jumping in the field, including my favorite "house" coop and the big panel. For some reason I don't get as nervous about jumping in the field as I do in the ring. One of the reasons is, well, it's fun! The other, I think it flows a little better. Ruby always seems to have a more natural forward, but rate-able, pace in the field and it just seems a little more natural. I guess if I were to be honest, I should say that you don't really have much in the way of related distances in our field either so the jumping is less complicated, so I'm sure that is part of it. You can kind of just go with the flow and you have more time to set yourself up for each jump as it comes. Well, for whatever reason, I prefer jumping in the field!

With all of this said, I believe I am experiencing a shift in my jumping attitude. No, my heart has not grown bigger, but I think my confidence has grown a bit. I have been riding a lot more this Spring and have been working harder on a lot of those rides too. Yes, I believe that working harder in Dressage does translate over to jumping. I am pushing for what I want from Ruby and am starting to get it. I am more & more a rider and less of a passenger these days. I also think that taking on CrossFit has given me more confidence overall. Suddenly I'm more willing to put myself out there more. I might still be nervous about jumping or going hunting, but I'm more willing to give it a try. I have to also say that the jumps are starting to look a little small. Perhaps I'll be asking my trainer to put them back up to my old height of 3-feet someday soon.

Fox Hunting!

Ruby and I hunting in November, 2010 (Ruby is the chestnut & white pinto in the middle).

A couple of friends at my barn belong to a local hunt and have been after me for a long time to join them for a hunt. I went once, and had a great time, but I hadn't gone again, mostly because I haven't felt that I have been in shape for it. And it's a bit daunting, so I'll admit to being nervous. This year they decided to add a Spring cubbing season and my friends were again asking me if I would like to go. I finally said yes!

I had a very tough and challenging CrossFit session on Friday night and then got up early on Saturday morning very nervous about what I had signed myself up for. We got to the hunt fixture with plenty of time, so it helped that I didn't feel rushed getting Ruby tacked up. We rode up a little trail to the field where we were gathering. Once we turned the corner and Ruby saw the hounds, her head went up and her ears pricked forward as if to say, 'oh, I know what THIS is!' She was pretty excited from the start. We got started walking down to the trail and she was jigging this way and that and suddenly the hounds let out a full cry and we were off, galloping full out!

The first galloping set was challenging to say the least. Ruby was very strong and full of herself and I spent most of it trying to have a conversation with her. She got so close up my friend's horse's butt that he actually kicked out at her in warning (Ruby didn't seem to care). We entered a field and almost committed the cardinal sin of passing hunt staff. Luckily I was able to pull her up before that happened. After that first mad gallop, however, she was great! The hunt field this time would gallop for a bit, then we would stop and re-group and collect the hounds up and then gallop on again. We spent most of the ride standing or galloping with very little between. I was happy with how adjustable Ruby really was after that first crazy sprint. She was right up there in the front, but listening and I found that I could easily check her down to a slower pace when needed. There weren't a ton a jumps at this fixture, but there were a few and we flew over them too fast for me to even register anything about them. Were they big? I don't even know.

After lots & lots of galloping we were walking through the field at the end and someone said, "oh look, a fawn!" I looked around and then down and literally at Ruby's feet all curled up and sleeping was a little fawn. He finally woke up and looked around and saw all these horses standing around him and skittered out of there. It was so cute and funny and random.

After the hunt we enjoyed the hunt "tea" under a tree in the field where we were parked. Many of the hunt members asked me if I would be back and I said that I would love to. They also asked why I hadn't been back since the first time and I said, "I don't know, I guess I've been nervous." Someone laughed and said, "Usually when someone is nervous, they want to ride in the back." Yeah, not Ruby & me, we were at the front of the field.

Dressage Is Hard Work

I've mentioned before how far Ruby has come in her Dressage work. Her trot work, in particular is leaps & bounds beyond where we were a couple of years ago. I actually can remember the very first time (a couple of summers ago) when I got a true forward, round trot on the aids where she lifted her back and reached for the contact. It almost seemed to happen so suddenly and even magically. I remember just going with it, reinforcing my inside leg from time-to-time, but just enjoying the ride. After that day, I struggled to reproduce that trot, but it didn't easily show up. But slowly, over the past year or so, it has shown up more & more consistently. It is usually hard work to get there, some days I can't get it at all. But it is a much more regular thing these days. The quality and power of the trot since that first day has improved as well. When it all comes together, it feels so organic and so right. Ruby will carry herself and power off her haunches and I'll sit on that beach ball feeling like she is truly and completely at my command.

But, as I like to say, Dressage is a tricky bastard. There are the days when I. Just. Can't. Get. It. Last Wednesday was one of those sessions. I had a flat lesson and, there was the rest of the group, cruising around with their horses round and forward and soft. And there I was stuck at a standstill with a horse with her head in the air doing anything she could to avoid moving forward and accepting any contact. I had a full-blown argument on my hands. I spent an hour booting her forward and making her do walk-canter and canter-lengthen-canter transitions. After an hour of the fight, I finally, for the last five minutes of the session, had a trot nearing what I wanted. I was a sodden, limp rag when it was over. Ruby, was just getting started and was raring to go.

So, the next day I came back for a private session with my trainer for some remedial Dressage work. We spent most of it on a figure-8 (10 meters per loop), walk-trot, halt-trot and then, trot-canter and halt-canter transitions, correcting every evasion she came up with. No breaks. Just solid work until she softened, came on the aids and started carrying herself. When it happened, it's like the sun finally shone and all was right with my world (and with hers!) I was once again a sodden, limp rag after this session, but I was a happy one!

After a weekend of hacking out, yesterday I ran to the barn on my lunch hour and ran Ruby through a Dressage school. After some warm-up on a long rein, she softened and came onto the contact much more quickly without any of the real fight we had last week. I was so happy with her. My trainer said last Thursday that she really tries everything to evade coming round and now that she is making progress in her Dressage development, I am asking more of her (and more consistently), rather than just taking what I can get. So, she is protesting some. It's hard for me to know when to push and when to back off because, the last thing I want to do is overface or sour her. But I think what the last few weeks, particularly the last week, has taught me is that she is more than capable and that what I really need to do is stick to my guns and insist.

Bottom-line, it is exhausting work! But so worth the fight.

Perhaps a Sign of Progress?

Ruby and I had a long hack today that was much more of a conditioning ride than yesterday's outing. During the ride we managed a very long trot session that is probably a good couple of miles. Just about two weeks ago I had to take a significant walk break about halfway through this section. Today I managed the whole thing without much trouble. My lower back didn't even get tired or sore, which is where I usually start to feel it first. Of course, it was more work for Ruby, but an energetic posting trot is actually pretty good exercise for the rider too.

I am happy that Ruby and I are both starting off this season in much better shape than we were last year. All the hacking is also beginning to pay off for Ruby in that her canter has gotten more balanced in the past couple of weeks too.

Just a Relaxing Sunday

I took a nice, laid back hack out with some friends through the local town forest today. The junior who has been riding Ruby had taken her to an overnight show Friday & Saturday, so I wanted just a low-key ride to have her moving and to loosen her up, but without any other goal. So it was a long walk with some trot thrown in here and there. We definitely got the best part of the weekend too. Until today it had been pretty rainy and stormy.

Later in the afternoon I took my dogs out for a trail walk. At this point it was about 78° and they were really feeling it, Fitz in particular. None of this has been very strenuous for me, fitness-wise, but it does feel great to do a number of active things throughout the day. I find that the more I do, the less I want to just sit around.

Time to Start Again

I think it is time I started using my blog again. I've recently started CrossFit and would like to write a bit about my experiences, as well as my continued riding and other experiences.

Just a short summary for now:

CrossFit: After a year or so of waffling, I recently signed up for a one-on-one ramp-up program with a CrossFit affiliate in my town. Yesterday I completed session 6 (of 6) and now will join the regular classes. I am overwhelmed and scared, but also excited. I think CrossFit is going be a great program for me if I can stick with it and get hooked. I have to say, after a good CF session, I feel much the way I used to feel after a hard Spinning class, depleted and noodle-y, but elated and strong. So I am very much encouraged by that.

Riding: I am still riding and I still own Ruby. I am not currently showing, however, for a few reasons. Probably the biggest is that it is such a big chunk out of any weekend and I just wasn't enjoying it much with my work schedule. I found worrying about and gearing up for a show just added more stress to my life than I really needed and then the show weekends never left me with enough down time. I am also terribly out of shape and have vowed to only do a show when I will not be horrified to see the pictures afterwards. Of course, more importantly, I need to be able to pilot my horse galloping around a cross-country course in good shape and without gasping for air.

With all that said, I continue to work very hard on my riding skills, as well as training and conditioning Ruby. Our Dressage work, in particular, has come a long, long way. Ruby is now capable of a powerful working trot pushing from behind and working over her back. Because her trot has gotten so much stronger and more powerful, we are now able to accomplish fair collection around the short end of the ring and corners which can result in an adequate lengthening. Sometimes. It's a work in progress.

Running: Well, I haven't been running. But now with the CrossFit program, many of the warm-ups and WODs (Workout of the Day) include running intervals, so I am thinking that I may want to introduce some running into the days I am not doing CF. I am thinking just sessions of thirty minutes three times a week for now. It's not going to train me any kind of running event, but that's okay.

So, that's the update, I will post more detail as it comes!

The Joys of Hacking

One of the things that I love about my barn is the access we have to a fabulous network of trails. A short ride through a neighborhood sub-division to the trail head and there is miles and miles of conservation land, with beautiful groomed trails that are maintained by a local snowmobile club. The trails are perfect for a relaxing, meandering ride, for a long sets of trotting, cantering over varying terrain, bits of gallop, a small stream to cross if you want to get your horse used to passing through water, plenty of up and down hills to build fitness and balance, there is even a vast orchard at the end of one trail with hills and open fields and sweeping 360° views ... We really do have access to a little bit of everything on our trails.

Living in New England, however, we do have to cope with quite a bug season during a good part of the Summer. Flies and gnats and mosquitos are one thing, the deer flies are another. When the deer flies are at their thickest, the only way to really negotiate the trails is at a canter and gallop. Anything slower and your horse is just completely swarmed. This has its own element of fun because, during this part of the season, I have to be a bit inventive about the route I take so that I can go at the right pace the whole way to escape the bugs.  There is a fair shot down to a hard-packed sand parking lot that is ideal for a good gallop. It usually takes me about 3-3.5 minutes of galloping on that part of the trail and then in the middle of the trip I would throw in 3-4 5-minute trot sets (with a couple of minutes of walking in between) in the sand lot. Between the walk up & back though the sub-division, the canter through the bit of trail at the trail head, trot down the steep trail to the "gallop" trail, 3-3.5 minutes down to the sand lot, my series of trot sets and the gallop back up the trail (and up the steep hill), it is a fair ride in a pinch. Ruby has certainly enjoyed it. (I did get a little tired of the tediousness of the parking lot trot sets though). And so I managed to make it work during the worst of the bug season while also very much enjoying the fact that I am comfortable enough with my horse to hack her out and gallop down the trail alone.

Happily, about a week or so ago I happened to go out for a trail ride and noticed that the deer flies were suddenly greatly, greatly reduced. Hallelujah! In the past week I have been able to: introduce a barn friend on his new horse to the trail system for quiet ride; a very energetic trot and canter set trail, just Ruby & me; and an exploring trail with another friend on Sunday when we had plenty of time. And so hack & trail season can begin again with a big variety of possible rides in any given week. I think it is so important to intersperse the hacking days with the schooling days in the ring. I find that after a hacking day Ruby is so relaxed and more naturally forward. Working with the terrain changes helps build fitness and encourages the horse to learn how to carry herself at different gaits over uneven footing, up hill and down hill, and teaches me how to ride it as well.

In addition to the usual hacking benefits, I'll also sometimes throw in a little leg yielding and shoulder-in on the trail, I'll do some within-canter transitions and other flat work that we're schooling back in the ring. But one of my favorite things to work on during hacks are trot lengthenings. There is just something about an energetic hack that seems to encourage a great trot lengthen to happen organically, where in the ring it is just ... Not. Happening. It's wonderfully refreshing to just suddenly feel Ruby lift her back, reach down even more for the contact, engage her haunches and just switch into this ground-covering version of trot that I just can't seem to get in the ring (at least not yet). When I get this trot, I just go with it and enjoy. Now to learn how to translate it into the ring!

The other thing I enjoy about hacking is that I can relax about my own riding. I stop thinking about all the stuff that I can't do, or can't seem to do right. I don't think about position or effectiveness or how I don't feel my hands are elastic enough, or how I feel that my leg aids are not subtle or precise enough ... I just ride, and manage to feel reasonably competent while doing it too.

I would never want to replace Dressage or Stadium or Cross-Country for just hacking out in the woods, but I definitely feel that it has a very important place in my riding life and in Ruby's program. I'm very happy to have such great hacking options.

Fear

I mentioned before that I am going through a cycle of fear with my riding. Specifically with jumping. There is no real reason for it (at least this time around). Nothing bad has happened, I have not had a fall, or even (really) a terrible jumping round. No, I just haven't been jumping a lot and the less I jump, the more my fear grows. It's unreasonable, and even a bit nuts, but fear is a hard emotion to get a handle on.



I think I have my trainer convinced now that I can't handle anything "big" and that I hate to jump. This is not really true, however. What I hate is the anticipation of jumping. Once we're on course, I'm usually okay. I'm also better if I go earlier in the rotation, rather than later (if there are three or four people in the class, my nerves are much better if I jump first. If I jump last, I tend to start freaking out more). Once I start a course, however, I'm fairly calm and able to function okay. When I'm looking at a jump course and the jumps are relatively big ("big" for me means around 3 feet), I'll start to freak out, but once we start jumping, I seem to settle into the work. Actually, the bigger ones tend to jump a little nicer, so I might even relax a bit on course with larger fences. Oddly, I am the most relaxed when jumping cross-country. Jumping stadium courses in the ring, I tend to think and worry too much and just want to "get it over-with". Send me out in the field and I'm up for a nice gallop, jumping anything that gets in the way. After a jumping session, I usually feel pretty exuberant, excited that I did it, happy that it went well, a bit of an adrenalin rush. It feels great.



I think the fear is partially physical fear and partially a fear of failure. The physical side of this tends to ebb & flow with how much I’m jumping in any given season and how well it’s going (and, typically, the more I’m jumping, the better it tends to go, things are funny that way). But something I struggle with in many other parts of my life, in addition to riding, is the fear of failure. I can intellectualize the logic of my resistance to starting down an unsure path where success is not assured, but I really struggle with the emotions around this and the resulting inertia. I worry about failure, and so I don’t even try. I worry about looking foolish or stupid. I doubt myself and self-loathing rears its head. It sounds so simple and stupid, just put yourself out there, you don’t have to be perfect! I know, I know, I agree, but it’s just not that simple. It’s an extremely complicated and layered emotional thing. It’s a little easier to see the illustration with something like riding, since the physicality of the activity makes it a little more simple, more black & white, but it’s still there and a very real feeling that paralyzes my willingness to take chances.



Because of my fear issues, in addition to being pretty resistant to jumping in general, I have not been willing to sign up for any competition this year (there is a logistical and time component to this too, but the fear is probably the biggest element). I chickened out on an invitation to go to fox hunting (the opening hunt) this past weekend and I have chickened out on multiple opportunities to go cross-country schooling this Summer. Oddly enough, I have had absolutely no problem with motivating myself to go out hacking alone, including galloping down the trail. Maybe it’s because no one is watching? My horse has been so good in general, that I have reached a point where I really do trust her. I just need to trust myself more. In the meantime, my peers at the barn are all competing and advancing and all doing very well and I am completely left in the dust.



If I am to be honest with myself (and, really, if you can’t be honest on your blog, why even bother?) I will also have to admit that there is another component to my current fear issues. Being significantly overweight and out of shape wreaks havoc on my ability to ride well -- my physical ability to actually do the activity (let’s face it, the tighter and more athletic you are, the more solid and balanced you are going to be careening around a stadium jumping course, and the more solid & balanced you are, the more confident you’re going to feel overall). It also affects my perception of myself, my willingness to take a chance and put myself out there and out of my comfort zone, my concern for looking silly or ridiculous. Hell, when I feel that I am even more porked out than normal, even my willingness to meet new people or interact with people I already know is affected. It’s a vicious circle too. The more self-conscious I am, the more self-loathing sets in, the less likely I am to expose myself to activity and situations where I could look silly or ridiculous or not competent. So, I hide and don’t try new things or put myself out there in general, and of course my activity level decreases. Add to that a 50+ hour a week desk job and any willingness to pursue enough activity to make a dent in my fitness level really suffers. Most weekdays are crazy and I am committed to riding at least three workdays out of five (and both weekend days). I used to be able to schedule gym or running time on my lunch hours at work, but I now have so many lunchtime meetings and commitments, that it hasn’t been realistic in a long time. I am generally at work by 7 and I ride after work, home around 7:30-8 PM and in bed by 9. So there isn’t a lot of wiggle room on these days for fitting something else in (especially something in the mid-day when I will need a shower afterwards). What I must do, however, is make a commitment to do some other activity (running, yoga, spinning, even just a long walk with the dogs) on the days where I don't have riding commitments. Thursdays are a good target (I have lessons on Tuesday & Wednesdays and usually plan to ride on Mondays as well). If could just get myself to run or take a yoga class or go to the gym on Thursdays & Fridays and one day (in addition to riding) on the weekend, I think that would be a great start. It would also really help if could sleep better during the week and not be so unbelievably exhausted by Thursday. Okay, I’m making excuses. I just need to suck it up and make a plan.





A long and rambling post to my conclusions … I absolutely know what some of these things are that are holding me back, in life, in general, but in riding in particular. But how do I overcome them? That is really the meat of the problem. I can blather about it all endlessly, I can self-analyze with the best of them, but what I really need is a concrete action plan. Hmmm, more on this in future posts, I think …

Inspiration

I was streaming some of the NBC Eventing Dressage coverage from the Olympics yesterday and found myself quite inspired for a different reason than the inspiration I normally will get out of watching coverage of (for lack of a better term) "pure" Dressage, or even Eventing cross-country or stadium jumping. The Eventing Dressage seemed almost ... in my grasp. At least many of the movements are movements that I am already schooling, or thinking about with my horse. "Pure" Dressage is a pleasure to watch. But, let's face it, the odds that I will ever accomplish anything even approaching tempi changes, piaffe, passage, pirouettes, etc. are pretty remote. But Eventing Dressage at the Olympic level? Counter-Canter? We're almost ready to school this. Shoulder-In? Check (maybe not well-done, but we're working on it). Extended Canter? We're working on Medium now. Extended Trot. Not sure if Ruby will do Extended, but we're working on Lengthen Trot, and Extended is not outside the realm of my experience. Flying changes? I'm beginning to believe that could happen. Half Pass? Side Pass, anyway. All the movements I watched on the streaming coverage seemed familiar and even somewhat reachable (at least to a degree).

Grand Prix Dressage is an absolute joy to watch. But from a "pie-in-the-sky", not in my wildest dreams-type of perspective. Advanced Level (and, well, let's face it, anything over Training Level) Eventing cross-country or stadium? Same thing, jaw-dropping to watch, but completely out of my reach, of course. Eventing Dressage, in comparison, was almost comforting in how feasible it actually seemed.

Thus inspired, I blew off Sunday Galloping Day and decided to do some dressage schooling instead (I'm sure if Ruby had had a calendar to consult, she would NOT have been pleased).  After her usual warm-up, some shoulder-in at the walk and then some spirals at the walk, trot and canter, I worked on some change in gait at the trot and then at the canter. Her working-medium-working canter transitions to the left were very nice, to the right is still a bit shaky, but she is trying. To the right we did some more walk-canter transitions as I feel this will really help to strengthen her in this direction, and then also some more spiraling in and out at the canter. Finally, I waited until we had the ring to ourselves and I worked on some big leg-yielding at the canter. When I say "big", I mean that we turned down the long side close to the center-line and leg yielded all the way to the track. We did this a few times very nicely to the left and then we tried the broken-line exercise that we had worked on with Trainer earlier in the week. This also went very nicely, so I decided to try for the right side (always our wonky side). First we did the leg yield exercise and that went fairly well. Not as great as it was to the left, but again, she was trying. I had to use all my strength to support her, and use my inside leg correctly, and to try not to just muscle her over with my upper body. That is my challenge to the right with Ruby. Less rein, more leg. Less rein, more leg. Support with the outside rein, inside rein needs to be MINIMAL. And then we tried the broken line exercise. And, SUCCESS! It was not as nice as it was to the left, but I have to say that it was a solid effort, especially considering that we had to be pretty precise to avoid all the jumps set up in the ring. I decided to call the schooling a success and end on that positive note (after a little walk on a loose rein). Ruby is such a trooper.

And so, I have found very concrete and actionable inspiration out of these Olympics so far. It is always exciting to watch an international competition and to see something that you can actually do (or "almost" do). I mean, watching gymnastics or figure skating is fun sometimes but, I might as well be watching Cirq de Soliel or something. It's entertainment, but not something I can even remotely relate to. Watching Eventing cross-country will be exciting and I can perhaps relate to it on a small scale (and it will be interesting to see how everyone handles what looks to be a very trappy course), but it is also so outside the realm of anything I will ever realistically ride myself. If I was to be honest with myself, I would admit that I will also watch the cross-country with some amount of relief that I will never have to attempt anything at that level.  I will also enjoy watching some of the Dressage event. Knowing how much I struggle at my low level will give me an even greater appreciation of the feats of the Dressage olympians, but I will also watch it with the knowledge that this too is far beyond my grasp. So, the Eventing Dressage phase has become somewhat inspirational for different reasons for me, and I will take whatever motivation I can, wherever I can get it.

Owning a Horse: The Antidote to a Bad Day

I was in a terrible, pissy mood yesterday. Just various irritations and problems at work all loaded on my head that added up to a foul, black temperament by the end of the day. I had a dressage lesson scheduled last night and, up until about 5:30, I wasn't even sure if I was going to be able to get out from under work stuff to be able to go, but I managed to get everything done in time and headed out.




It was hot and sticky with the threat of storms pretty much all day. I wasn't sure how much energy we'd be able to muster. I also had to strap my BlackBerry to my leg in case something came up with work, so I really wasn't starting off the ride on the best possible terms. Still, any day where I manage to ride is a good one, so already Tuesday was improving. After a warm-up on a loose rein, Ruby and I got to work and right away I felt that her stride was energetic and that there was a good swing to her back. I didn't need to do much warm-up or suppling to encourage this, it seemed to happen pretty freely. This was a great sign that we we were going to get some very good work done. Trainer had us do some significant lateral work at the trot in which Ruby was very responsive. We moved on to lateral work combined with transitions during which Ruby was very focused and engaged with the effort. Trainer took advantage of Ruby's willingness and by the fact that I seemed to have garnered enough energy to hold it all together (believe me, sometimes that strength is fleeting) and had us work very hard, first on leg-yielding across the ring at the canter combined with working-medium-working canter transitions, and then on riding a broken line at the canter. Now, this sounds simple enough, but Trainer stressed that this is our first exercise towards developing a counter canter. The broken line took a lot of concentration and focus from Ruby and a lot of concentration, focus and core engagement from me to hold it together, keep the correct bend, keep the quality of the canter, the roundness, the engagement from behind, and the connection through the bridle. It was a lot of moving parts all at once and just knowing what every muscle in my body was doing, while knowing what every muscle in Ruby's body was doing all at the same time was far more than enough to make my crappy work day float completely away. Our efforts to the left were quite nice and I feel that we did the exercise correctly. To the right? Well, that still needs work. Still, I am extremely encouraged when I think of where we were a few months ago when I could not get even a few strides of acceptable canter to save my life. Now we are working on fairly advanced work (advanced for Ruby, and, well, for me).



Just the fact that Trainer felt that we were ready for this and that we were able to pull off some very good moments left me very happy and almost glowing by the time the ride was done. Oh yeah and I was as limp as a rag by the time it was all done too.



My bad, stressful, irritating day at the office? A distant memory. There is plenty to be said for the peaceful hack on horseback and how it "soothes the soul" or some cliched sentiment, but I have to say that a very good, intensely focused session of work with a horse has an incredible amount of merit in my book too.

Another Catch-Up

I have not written in a very long time and for months have thought about abandoning this blog. However, I do miss writing longer posts about the happenings in my life and the brief status updates on Facebook are just not as satisfying to me. So, I am going to attempt to reclaim this space, if only for my own chronicle, irrespective of whether anyone out there is reading.


A big part of why I have not kept up with the blog is that the past year or so has been pretty crazy and overwhelming at work. A number of team members left or went on to other roles which meant that, for nine-ten months or so, another team member and I had to rotate on-call duties every other week. It was shear Hell for me and a lot of things fell out of my life last Summer as a result. Additionally, there have been a number of consuming projects at work that have also sucked up a lot of time and energy over the past year, all contributing to a lack of time and a change of focus. With all that said, however, my efforts over the past year have been noticed and rewarded (very, very good reviews, resulting raise, etc.) and I feel that I have also grown quite a bit in my professional expertise. As painful as the past year has been at work, I think it has also put me in a good place professionally. In other words, the end result was worth the pain.


Things have now quieted down some. Although, there is still plenty going on at work to cause me ongoing anxiety and worry, I think I just have to resign myself to the fact that this will most likely always be the case. I am a worrier. I also have major issues with confidence and self-esteem, so this is just something I have to fight on a daily basis. But work is not quite as “frantic” at the moment, which has given me more wiggle room to once again try to achieve balance in my life.


This winter (2012) was the first winter since I got Ruby that I did not send her south to SC. This was something that I really went back-and-forth on, but I finally decided that I wanted to re-establish my riding focus during the season (especially coming off of a long stretch of time where work interfered with my ability to get out and ride consistently) and I also felt that Ruby didn’t need to go down for more training. It was more important to get my momentum back, as well as to continue to build the bond and relationship between us. During the winter I was able to take a private lesson once a month with a FEI Dressage coach. I also attended two barn lessons each week, in addition to the schooling I did on my own. I probably averaged riding four times a week (sometimes five). It was not an intense schedule, but good enough to keep us both going. We had our struggles though. I really struggled with my own riding competence (basically, I went through a couple of months of sheer incompetence) and Ruby struggled through some very unbalanced flat work. It was almost as if we both were back at square one. I think a big part of this was due to a real slacking off on my part over the months leading up to the winter with my work schedule. There were large gaps in the work I did with Ruby over the second half of 2011. During that time, due to my crazy work schedule, the few times I did get out to ride I kept to mostly fun or casual rides. Very little actual schooling work was involved. The lack of real focused work really showed up as we entered the winter season and tried to get back to into the swing of regular riding.


Usually the first thing that falls apart with Ruby when not in regular work is the right lead canter, followed by the canter over all. Then we lose overall impulsion. There might be moments of round relaxed trotting, but most of the session would be fraught with long periods of tension and resistance. Add to this frustration and general incompetent flailing on my part and, well, we’re pretty much a mess. Ruby’s canter became somewhat hollow and we could not get in more than a couple of strides of right lead canter before she would switch behind to cross-canter. I also seemed to lose all confidence in myself to get around a jump course adequately. Any jump session was met with terrible nerves and hyperventilating.


It was not all bad. I got quite a lot out of each session with the Dressage coach. I would see significant improvement by the end of each ride and I had many takeaways from my time with her that stick in my mind even now. Ann, the assistance trainer who had me for Thursday night lessons, probably saw the worst of me during the winter. But I did have a major breakthrough with her one night too, and she may not even realize it. She talked me through establishing real contact with Ruby one night. Something that I think I probably used to do correctly (at least some of the time), but with all my slacking off had lost along the way. I think I had forgotten the real feel of it and needed to have it hammered back into my head. That one session, by the end of our lesson, I once again felt the connection through real contact and it was like a light bulb went on in my head. It did take me a while to be able to establish and keep it on my own again when riding after the lesson. First ride I was able to get it for a while, and then it faded on subsequent rides for a while. But that’s okay, now that I had the feel and knew what I was striving for, it was something I was able to once again work towards, even if I was only able to get it at first for a few strides here and there.


Mike, the Wednesday night trainer, also was able to help me quite a bit in some jumping exercises. One session in particular he had me for a private and we worked on jumping two jumps on a 20 meter circle, just establishing the rhythm and a good canter and pace to each jump. It was a simple exercise, but it calmed me down, steadied me, steadied Ruby and got me to think about jumping as more of an extension of flatwork, rather than something to just get done (and over with). I still think this is an exercise that I should be doing regularly on my own. If I could convince myself to jump more, that is.


In March I decided to take Ruby’s canter completely back to basics. I decided that for the canter, all we were going to work on were transitions and nothing else. This is what I did when I first got her and could not reliably get her to canter at all. During that time, I worked on transitions for my own purposes, to take the anxiety out of the movement to the point where I knew I would get a canter, ANY canter. Well, the transition was still established. In even our worst work over the winter, I could still always get a canter. The canter I would get just usually wasn’t one I wanted to keep. So that’s where we started. On a 20 meter circle, ask for canter, canter a couple of strides, downward transition, trot for a couple of strides, canter again. Rinse, repeat. Trot-canter-trot-canter, etc. And then walk-canter-walk-canter, etc. For the month of March and into April, I don’t believe I asked Ruby to canter more than a couple of strides in her flatwork at all.


She started getting stronger and able to hold her canter correctly to the right for longer periods of time. Her left lead canter started getting lovely and round. To the right she stopped swapping behind, the head-tossing lessened and we were able to string together more and more round, organized strides. I added in full circles of cantering and then spiraling in and out at the canter as things improved. Her transitions also became much sharper and cleaner, she would just jump right off of my leg, by the time this exercise was fully established.


About a month and a half ago or so, I noticed that our contact had greatly improved. The periods of tension had lessened, Ruby was more consistently even in the contact and reaching for the contact in all gaits. She seemed overall much more forward, fluid, rhythmic and relaxed. Offering more consistent forward impulsion at the trot meant that I could stop working so hard trying to establish the momentum and that I could now work more on elasticity and adjustment of stride and pace through my seat. Her canter was getting so nice that I started cycling halt-canter transitions into our regular work. I also came up with a warm-up script: after about 6-8 minutes of trot & canter on a loose rein, a few minutes of lateral work at the walk, then we do transitions. Walk-halt-walk-halt, etc. (with some side-pass and turns on the forehands thrown in at some of the halts). Then trot-walk-trot-halts, etc. (mixing it up so it’s not always the same pattern). And then trot-(almost)walk-trot (so, kind of a ¾ halt). And then we’ll move on to some walk-canter and halt-canter transitions. Once we get through all of this, Ruby is usually consistently and delightfully on the aids, even in the contact, round, willingly forward and very sharp with her transitions.


I am at this stage riding pretty consistently six days a week (sometimes we will go seven straight days and then take a day off). We’re now working on transitions within the gait. Her working-to-medium-to-working canter is coming along very, very nicely. I don’t seem to be able to establish as much adjustability in the trot work, surprisingly. However, we HAVE had some beautiful trot lengthenings on the trail, I just can’t seem to get the same quality in the ring. Anyway, it’s a work in progress and very satisfying work it is. I feel that we are finally at a pretty good place in our flatwork where I now have something to work with. We have our good days and our bad days, but I feel that the progress is so considerable that I am very, very happy with the work and encouraged overall. In addition to the flatwork, we have jumping days and hacking/gallop days, so Ruby’s program is pretty well-rounded right now.


My biggest stumbling block with the jumping side of my discipline is my own mind. I seem to go through cycles of bravery and fear and right now I am in a fear pattern. I believe it most directly relates to how much I have been jumping or, more accurately, NOT jumping within any period of time. Since I haven’t been jumping a ton, I am right now more fearful than I was about a year or so ago. The solution is to jump more. I know this, but I have to be coerced! I had a private stadium jumping lesson last week and it went very well. Ruby jumped beautifully, we were jumping almost up to our previous heights, we did full courses, including a two-stride and a triple bar, my position was great, I rode well and I actually thought about each part of the course as I came to it, rather than just trying to hurry through and get it over with. I need to now take that away and jump more often so I don’t become such a freak every time I have to jump in a lesson. Which means that I have to force myself to jump more on my own. Which means that I have to get over myself!


An additional note on jumping: As a side benefit to all the flat work we’ve been doing, Ruby’s course work has also improved. Jumping has always been her strong suit, however she also likes to motorcycle around a bit and blow off the rider’s aids in the corners and around turns. Last week in our jump courses, she was much more responsive on the turns, more willing to listen and bend into the corners and much more round, nicer canter overall.


About competing. Well, I decided to put that on hold for now. Last year I successfully moved up to the Novice division (for non-horse people, if you’re still reading, in the Eventing discipline, this is approximately 3-foot jumps). I eeked it out on very little riding in the month leading up to the event in July. Afterwards I was riding so little that competition was not something I would even consider. This year I have certainly been riding enough to participate in any competition, but my desire has not been there. I think that work has just been so busy and so stressful, and after putting in about fifty hours per week, I just dread the thought of adding the stress and unbelievably long, exhausting days of a competition into the mix. I need my down time on the weekends. Ruby DID, however, go to The Groton House Horse Trials with my trainer’s working student about four weeks ago. They finished on third on their dressage score of 28.5! Proof enough to me that all of our flat work really has paid off.


So the past year and a half has had many ups & downs for both my work life and my riding life. I feel like I have made a lot of progress though, and am happy for where I am. With the riding, I have been enjoying my horse even more than ever and really do feel like the journey is so incredibly satisfying. Just seeing the progress in dribs & drabs and then looking back to see where we were only a few months ago is exhilarating to me.

The Hunt Field

Ruby and I are the pinto (brown & white) horse smack dab in the middle of the field of bay horses. Stand out much?

A-Hunting We Will Go!

I was invited to go fox hunting on the day before Thanksgiving, something that I have wanted to do since I was probably, oh, about 12 or 13. Anyway, I've been meaning to write up a detailed report of the experience and haven't had time. Instead, I am cutting & pasting highlights that I wrote in an email that I sent to a couple of friends a couple of days afterwards.

(Disclaimer: This was a drag hunt, which means that a scent was dragged ahead of time for the hounds to follow. There were no live foxes involved).


This is what hunting was like:

• Pre-hunt announcements, instructions, etc. (meet our field master and so-on).
• Release the hounds -- watch them fly across the field (it was an awesome sight). Ruby, ears pricked & watching, you could almost see the wheels turning and her thinking, 'Well, I know what THIS is!' (At certain times in open country when you could see the hounds and the field of horses all spread out chasing, it was breath-taking and amazing to know you are a part of it).
• Next moment, you're just flat out galloping HARD. Like, tears-flowing-out-of-your-eyes-so-much-you-can-hardly-see, hard. Horse is galloping and passing everyone in the field. You have strong "conversation" with horse to gain control and not pass field master. Pass everyone in field but field master (thankfully).
• Gallop hard from field to field to woods to field again.
• Encounter jumps along the way and jump everything. Thought once in a while floats across brain, 'Wow, that looks a bit ... LARGE ... oh what the heck.' And jump it anyway. Try to get the coordination of giving the horse in front enough room to jump while not disrupting the flow of pace. Figure that out and move on.
• Fly though the woods and think, 'Wow if I was trail riding on my own, I'm not sure if I would even trot through this footing, no less gallop ... ' Gallop anyway.
• Gallop through field with a little ditch with water flowing. Other horses splash through, your horse jumps it (yes, those ditch issues are long gone).
• Realize about 20-30 minutes in that your quads are completely shredded and jell-o-like, like you had been skiing big moguls all day.
• Realize that without recent running program you would NOT have been able to do this. Be thankful for running program.
• Finally some trotting and a couple of check-points (where you stop and the fields re-group). Realize that your legs are now jelly.
• Reach area for stirrup cup, volunteers hand out lemonade. Some seasoned hunt members pull out flasks.
• Hack back to starting point and the riding part of the hunt is over.
• Go in for the hunt "tea" (which is really a big, potluck brunch). Eat good food and down two big glasses of wine.
• Wake up the next day incredibly sore from head-to-toe.

That was my hunt experience in a nutshell! And I can't wait to do it again (am considering becoming a member for next year).

Did I mention how wonderful my horse is?

Course Brook Farm HT 10.9.2010

It’s awesome to ride a bold horse who loves her job. A horse who, while galloping along on cross-country, is eagerly looking for the next thing. When you have that in an eventing horse, everything else seems to fade down the scale in importance. When you have that in an eventing horse, your enjoyment of the sport can be limitless.

My competition planning for this year was pretty random at best. After a relatively poor start to the season with my fall at Pine Top in March, my meltdown and resulting scratch from King Oak in May, other falls and mishaps around the May & June timeframe, I started out lacking a lot of confidence and with not a lot of desire to commit to anything much. We had a pretty successful showing at the Groton House Summer Classic in June, but I came away from that effort considerably disappointed in myself as I felt that I rode pretty horribly overall. Well, our dressage was nice, but I was terrible in the jumping phases, my brilliant horse basically saved my behind again & again on that day (it’s pretty telling that I’m having a bad day if my best ride ends up being the dressage phase!)

Alison (my trainer) had been nudging me all Summer about signing up for some events. I finally caved and signed up for Valinor at the very end of August, which turned out pretty well. I knew that I should sign up for at least something else, but I didn’t want to do UNH Fall because that is a two-day event (I did it last year) and stringing two of those marathon days together is just BRUTAL. I wasn’t too thrilled about King Oak either after my meltdown there in the Spring (although, at some point I’m going to have to face that boogeyman and do an event there again so that I can put any phobias to rest). The Course Brook Farm HT was an attractive option for a number of reasons: it was a one-day event. It was relatively close by. And other adults were going, plus there ended up being only three of us in the trailer, which made for a more relaxed experience overall.

Of course, as the date for the event approached, I began to dread it (as I always do). Added to the general stress of nerves and worry and dread for the long day, was the fact that the weather has cooled off considerably which has made Ruby naturally pretty fresh. The shorter days and some significant rain has also interfered with my being able to ride consistently (and also contributed to creating the fresh horse). I had a pretty bad ride the Sunday before the show where Ruby really was feeling her oats and wanted to leap, buck & bolt around the ring. I was ready to scratch from the show right then and there. I managed to ride a number of times during the week, although we missed Wednesday due to a torrential downpour. On Thursday in a lesson Ruby started in again with the fresh behavior and Alison had me spend most of the entire lesson cantering and galloping her around without a break – the only breaks came when we were required to ride a jump course. I was pretty freaking sore after that ride. All the way up until Friday afternoon I toyed with the idea of just scratching. But I finally decided to go. I figured even if there was some fresh behavior, I am almost always able to ride through it. And if something REALLY freaked me out, I could always just scratch at that point.


For a change, I had a really early ride time (usually we get there at the crack of dawn and I don’t ride until noon or later). So, because of this, we had to leave even earlier than normal (at 4:30 AM) in order to fit in a cross-country course walk with Alison before all the action started. We were basically the first horse trailer there and were out and on the course as the sun was coming up. In fact, I used my headlamp for most of the walk, it was still pretty dark, especially in the woodsy parts. Once we got back to the trailer I pretty much had to start getting ready for my dressage ride. This was a very welcome change for me. Usually my ride times are so late that I just find myself getting increasingly nervous as the day wears on. The time crunch made things a little bit stressful, but I appreciated being able to get going and get on with the show!

The dressage warm-up areas were pretty dicey at best. Held in paddocks with deep, soft footing, it was hard to really do much of anything. Added to that was the fact that Ruby was spooking, and doing some leaping about, well, let’s just say we really didn’t get much accomplished during our warm-up. When it was close to my ride time we were able to move up to a small grassy area beside the dressage ring, but this was not much better. We did a couple of very short canter transitions there, but that was all we were able to do for canter warm-up. Really insufficient for what we need. Even still, I was happy when it was my turn to head into the ring, I usually just reach a point where I need to do my ride and be done with it, and on Saturday, Ruby was very, very “up”. I didn’t think anything was going to get much better, to be honest. The test was BN Test B, which I actually think I prefer, it rides much nicer than it reads. I don’t like that canter before X business, but other than that, I like all the diagonal lines. It’s especially nice for someone who may have some trouble keeping their horse straight down the long sides of a dressage ring (ahem). So, the highlights of our test on Saturday: I felt that we were nicely forward. I felt that some of the trot parts were nice. I would have some nice bend, some nice round trot, but then there would be some head tossing and some resistance. She was spooky and very, very hyper-alert to her surroundings, so honestly, I was happy to just keep all four feet on the ground. The canter transitions were not very good, but, once going, we did get some nice roundness and bending, before resistance and head tossing started again. So really, as with most of my tests, there were some good moments and some bad moments. I don’t feel like I was fighting her the way I had been at Valinor. I think I rode the horse that I had that day and did my best. But I am still chasing that nice, rhythmic, flowy, harmonious test that we had at the Summer Classic. I wish that we could be more consistent in producing that. Anyway, as always, I was happy to be done with dressage and I was happy enough with our test, even if our score was terrible.

It was such a gorgeous Fall day that it was a pleasure to hang-out hand-grazing our horses in the sun and chatting between each phase. The timeline was rather tight, so I luckily did not have a ton of time to sit around and get super nervous like I usually do. About an hour and a half after my dressage test it was time to get ready for stadium. I think I get the most nervous for stadium and I really don’t know why, I don’t think we’ve ever really had much trouble with this phase. What I dislike the most, however, are the warm-ups. I HATE the warm-up. This warm-up didn’t prove to be too bad on this day, we did our cantering around and jumped a few fences in a nice, forward rhythm. The only real mishap were the two horses right in front of me who basically collided (uh, hello?! Don’t people know about the “pass left shoulder, to left shoulder” rule???) that sent Ruby into a bit of a freakout spin, but by then our basic warm-up was done at least. Very soon it was time to head into the stadium field.

I kept in mind what Alison had been drilling into my head recently about forward, forward, forward! So I very determinedly established that good forward pace on our way to the start flags. First fence rode well and then it was a slight bending line to #2 that I really planned very poorly -- we jumped it practically into the right jump standard! A couple of inches more to the right and we would have brought that jump down. Of course Ruby, being the brilliant & big-hearted jumper that she is, jumped it happily regardless of the crappy line I rode her to. After that it was a left turn back in the other direction to a 4-5 stride vertical to an oxer. I’m trying to remember but, I think the first jump in the line was fine, but I think we chipped in and had an awkward, sticky jump out. I must have dropped the ball a bit and not have had enough leg on through there. Oh well. #5 was another vertical along the edge of the field. Fine. And then it was a left turn up a hill to a two-stride combination. This I rode assertively and we got the two, it felt just right, so I was happy with that. #7 was a roll-top at the top of the field and then it was a turn down the hill to an oxer. That rode well, but after we jumped that, I realized that we were kind of charging down the hill, uh, can you say “whoa”? BIG WHOA. I actually almost took out one of the start flags that sort of appeared in our path very quickly. SHEESH! So, we whoa’ed, whoa’ed, whoa’ed and then it was a turn back up the hill to the last fence which we flew over and then it was gallop through the finish flags. To be honest, I had to ask Alison later if I had knocked anything down, I really wasn’t sure! I didn’t think we had, but the course was such a blur, that I really didn’t know for sure. I WAS sure, however, that we hadn’t incurred any time faults. That was a no-brainer.

Happily, my cross-country time wasn’t too long after stadium, so I did not have to do a whole lot of warm-up again. The time had been tight enough that I found that I almost had to sprint my second walk of the course, that was interesting (good thing I’ve been doing all that running!) So, we did a little canter in the warm-up, a fence or two and we were then able to pretty much head directly to the start box. I loved that, no real waiting around. Count-down, start the watch and we were off, no muss, no fuss.

Across a field and over the first fence, a simple log, and then it was through a fence line and down a galloping lane with a bunch of brush on one side, and woods on the other side. Ruby found this section pretty spooky so we kind of zig-zagged down the lane as she galloped and spooked, galloped and spooked. Then it was a 45* turn to the right across a little bridge and into the woods, jump #2 was a double log-vertical and then it was down the path, through the woods and out into a big field. A turn across the field and it was a combination log, maybe five strides and this fake ditch thing, a sharp turn and another bunch of strides (5?) and then another jump (I think another log). At this point I was fiddling with my stirrup. Somehow my foot was too far through the stirrup and I was trying to jiggle it back into the right spot, but then I lost it completely ARGH! I tried to get it back while galloping along. When I couldn’t, I had to bring it back down to a trot and then even to a walk. I am not in the right place now where I felt that I could have ridden the rest of the course with one stirrup!

Once I had the stirrup back, we were back to a gallop and it was over a log vertical thing (which I rode to a sticky spot, I will admit) and then it was back into the woods. Up the hill and a turn and then over this red house jump, which jumped nicely. From there was a very narrow & twisty path through the woods. I don’t think I had appreciated how twisty it was while walking the course, suddenly, at speed, I was thinking, ‘crap! These trees are REALLY close!’ It would have been easy to get hung up on one! Ruby at this point was really flowing along, happily galloping away and looking for the next jump. At the top of the path, it was a sharp turn to the right and up through this mogul-y little combination – up a sharp, short hill, a log on top, down the other side, and then up another sharp, short hill with a log on top, down the other side and then a short distance to a big stone wall with a log on top that we jumped out of the tree line and into a field. At this point Ruby was rolling! We had to do a 45* turn across the field to a down bank. Ruby was flowing at such a nice pace, but I brought her back to a trot for the bank. She can sometimes launch very enthusiastically off of down banks and I wasn’t too sure if I’m competent enough to handle that right now – it sure would have been a shame to fall off for such a stupid thing. So I was conservative and trotted. Kicked on to the next jump, a bright white coop thing with corn husks stuck into the top of it. As we rode for it, I could feel Ruby peeking at it, but a good, solid leg on and she jumped it nicely. A gallop all the way across the field, a turn, and over a bench that we got another sticky spot to. I probably did not push enough for pace after our turn. Another turn down the field and it was a gallop to the last jump, a big feeder, a fence that jumped beautifully, and then through the finish flags.

So, the thing with the watch, this was only my second time wearing it for an event and so I’m not really used to it yet. At the last event (Valinor) I remembered to look at the watch a couple of jumps before the end and so knew that I was on track, but I forgot to look at it as I crossed the finish line. This time I remembered to look at the watch as I crossed the finish, but had forgotten to check the watch at any other time on the course where I could have made an adjustment, had our time not have been on track. Luckily, we were about 20 seconds under optimum time, so we were in a very good spot. If I had not had that slow down on the middle of the course for my stirrup, I guess we probably would have been about 30 seconds under, which is a pretty good place to be with time. I was very happy about that. Best of all, I did not have any trouble with the breathlessness I had been experiencing on XC last year. I think the running that I’ve been doing has helped quite a bit with that. I think also that BN level is becoming a little, “been there, done that” for me (at least as far as XC is concerned) so my adrenalin is probably not quite as pumped on course as it was when I first started competing. Last year it was a bit humiliating to be incurring time faults at BN level, I’m glad that I seem not to be having trouble with that this year.

So, crappy dressage score + double clear stadium + double clear cross-country was good enough to earn us 6th place. I was happy with that and actually realized, once I had a chance to think about it later, that this was the best we’ve done (placing-wise) in a sanctioned HT to date, so I suppose that could be considered progress.