Dog Pictures from the Snow Storm of New Years Eve: 2008

Lola & Fitz are wearing their new Christmas coats in some of the pictures. Tig is supposed to be getting one too, but the size he needs is on back-order.

Cozy

Is there anything more comfortable or delicious than to be home, tucked inside on an unexpectedly snowy, snowy day? Dogs piled on top, fire going, movie channels galore and books all around and no where you have to go or be? Bliss.

2008: The Year in Review

I feel like 2008 was a bit of a pivotal year for me. It was the year that I finally got off my fat ass and did something about my lack of fitness. This was huge for me, my weight and disintegrating fitness levels was something that had been hanging over my head for years. By last Winter I felt like it was an overwhelming task and didn’t know what to do or even how to start. But then sometime in February or March I saw Valerie Bertinelli’s interview on Oprah, and then read her memoir. It inspired me to get started.

First I joined Jenny Craig. Yes, I admit it, I have been going to Jenny Craig. I haven’t really been open about that until now because, I don’t know, I really didn’t feel like it was anyone’s business. If I didn’t tell you about it, I didn’t really feel you needed to know the intimate details of my personal eating plan. I suppose I’m a little sensitive on this subject, but why is it when you have a “problem” people suddenly seem to think it’s THEIR place to get all in your business? If you’re struggling with weight, people want to know the details of your meals and your activity and want to pontificate to you about what to do (do I ask about yours?). If you are having money problems, people believe that it’s perfectly acceptable to get all in your face about your budget. No, I’m sorry, if I haven’t asked for your help or your opinion, I don’t care to share my personal stuff! I don’t ask about your finances, I don’t ask about what you eat or whatever. Now there are a very few friends for whom I make an exception, and I think you know who you are. I’m a private person and I’m just sensitive about people getting all up in my business when I haven’t asked for help. Anyway, rant over.

So, as I mentioned, I joined Jenny Craig back in March. I immediately started losing weight. It amazed me, I thought it was going to be tough, being in my mid-40s, hypo-thyroid, other hormonal issues, always had a tough metabolism, even as a child. I was never one of these skinny kids, I always struggled. So it surprised me that it seemed to work pretty much right away. After I had lost about 15-20 lbs, I started exercising. I started by just taking walks out on the trails around the campus at work. Soon that frustrated me, I wanted to do more. So I started bringing in running clothes and doing a walk/run thing on the trails, slowly increasing the amount that I was running. Amazing that I never seemed to develop any of the over-use injuries (or pre-injuries) that have ALWAYS cropped up from running previously. I think it’s because I ran almost exclusively on trails, so soft surfaces, and constantly varying foot strikes on the uneven surfaces. Anyway, I continued to lose weight and became happier as I progressed. After about a month or so of this process, I started using a trainer at the company gym two times a week.

All this provided me a consistent and steady weight loss through to the month of August. I had surgery in July to remove my gall bladder and I even managed to lose weight during that ordeal and recovery. Around the middle to end of August I added spinning classes to my exercise program and this is when the weight loss started slowing down. Really coming to a full stop by the beginning of September. So frustrating! I was exercising more than ever and not losing an ounce. Still, by then I had lost about 50 lbs.

It was then that I decided to look for a place to start horseback riding. Riding had been a passion for me growing up and something I had thought would always be a part of my life. Of course the reality was that I ended up working and living in NYC, so it was something that just wasn’t very doable for me with that lifestyle. When I moved to New Hampshire, I knew that riding was something that I would be pursuing again, and now that I had lost some significant weight, it was time. It was also my reward to myself for working hard on the weight thing and getting to the place where this was possible.

So I started riding at one barn and soon decided to give a second one a try as well. The first barn became my “fun” barn. Going out on trail rides, riding in a hunter pace with them, it was a total blast. The second barn is more of a serious “eventing” barn, so this became my structured barn. The one where I was REALLY going to learn, get my riding legs back, re-develop all the subtle nuances that allow one to ride dressage and be able to negotiate a cross-country jump course competently. For a while I rode at both places. I love both really, and was very torn. Then I made the decision to half-lease Lulu at the second barn, finally adding a second training class to my week there as well. My decision was made.

Since then, I’ve been working hard on improving my riding. I think I am making progress, but am still sometimes extremely frustrated with myself. I think this barn is the place to get me to where I want to be though, so I feel satisfied that I am taking the right steps and putting in the work to get me there. Most of all, riding in general fills me with joy like nothing else in my life. It’s also the one thing that I do, where I don’t think of any other thing while I’m doing it. I don’t think about work or money or my big butt (well, unless I happen to catch a glance of myself in the mirror at the indoor ring). I just think about what I’m doing. What’s going right, what’s not going right, all the subtle nuances of what I’m doing with seat and legs and hands to accomplish what I want, while also reviewing the horse and how we’re going, are there any potential obstacles or spooking opportunities ahead. My mind is so full of the immediate task while riding that there really is no room for extraneous thoughts or worries to work their way in.

2008 has also been a pivotal year for me at work. At the end of last year I transitioned off of a long-term project where I had been doing heads-down development work. This year has seen me move into more of a higher-level consultant role, some project management, some strategy, a lot of customer-facing advisory work – really my job has become pretty multi-faceted. It still all seems so new and is continuing to be defined, so I feel that it’s just the beginning of a new professional era for me. At the beginning of the year I was worried about the directions I would be moving in, I didn’t know what was going to happen. Now at the end of the year, I feel like I have made some definite positive strides towards redefining my professional life and am starting to make the next natural step of progression.

Overall it’s been a pretty busy and eventful year for me. For the most part, all of the changes have been positive, so as hard as 2008 has been in general, I think it was a good one for me. I hope that I can continue this positive bent through 2009 and end next year as positively as I feel that I am ending this one.

Catching-Up (yet again)

General

I know, I know, I know, it’s been forever since I’ve written. I really have a terrible time with myself during the holidays. I seem to go into a real slump and almost actually kind of fall apart from my birthday through the end of the year. I think it’s getting a little worse every year too. So, in addition to depression and an uninspired attitude, I seem to lack motivation for things like writing blog posts and working out and other stuff that I should do, or need to be doing.

This year with the state of the economy, the company layoffs and changes in the air, a general “unsettledness” feeling of my world has all contributed to my funk. Add to that, little to non-existent immediate family in my life, loneliness (and really, I am generally NOT a lonely type person at all, it just only seems to rear its head from my birthday through the holidays), a little bit of work burn out and I’ve been a bit of a mess. I know it’s a transient feeling though, and since I had a bunch of vacation time left to use, I now have a nice break from work to enjoy, thus I know that this is a temporary feeling for the most part. I’ll get through it okay and will be more positive once January hits. In the meantime, this time off is helping to give me a bit of a breather.

Holidays

Nothing much is new. Christmas came & went and it was pleasant enough. I spent Christmas Eve at one of my cousins who lives close to me. We had a smaller group than at Thanksgiving and I felt it was more fun that way, in my opinion anyway. It was very relaxed and casual and fun. I brought all three dogs with me for the first time and all behaved wonderfully and got along very well with the other dogs there. So I think I’ll be doing that again. Christmas day I just spent alone at home and that was okay. It was more like a lazy Sunday at home watching movies and reading than any kind of holiday, but it was nice not to have be running off anywhere, or worrying about work.

Since I didn’t get much in the way of presents from family, I decided to buy some gifts for myself. I’ve done this for the past few years and it really has helped me get through the holidays a bit. Anyway, this is what I got myself:

• A necklace.
• A sweater.
• A lamp (for the living room to replace a lamp that was bent).
• A new goose down comforter.

I don’t feel like I went overboard too badly. Of course, there are a ton of sales going on, so I have to be careful to keep my itchy fingers off the keyboard and away from the online stores that are the most tempting to me, lest I lose control and go into a spending frenzy. It wouldn’t be the first time after all.

Real Estate

I have this ongoing interest in real estate. I just can’t seem to stop myself from looking online at a couple of the towns near where I live that I love. Anyway, I recently saw a pretty affordable cottage in one of my favorite towns. It’s the town where one of my cousins live (where I spent Thanksgiving and Christmas this year) and also where the riding stables are – it’s actually pretty much around the corner from the Winter barn. It is on this nice quiet road and there is conservation land with wooded trails up the lane from the house (perfect for running and/or walking the dogs). Anyway, this is one of the tougher towns in the area to get into. Traditionally unaffordable, I don’t usually see much, if anything, in my potential price range, and especially never something that I actually like in that range. Well, I had been going back to this listing again and again and then drove past the house a couple of times. Finally, I contacted the realtor and set up an appointment to see it. I was very upfront about my situation, didn’t want to waste her time, but she was willing and I felt that the amount of time I was spending looking at this listing online, I had better finally just see the place. So I went on a sunny day and just loved it (as I knew I would). It’s a little cape, but very open and airy and it was flooded with sun throughout. Big, 3/4 acre back yard, screened porch, lovely big family room with French doors. It’s not perfect, of course. It could use some kitchen and bathroom updating and there is no garage or deck (there is a patio though), and a lack of a garage is a huge bummer in New Hampshire! But I loved it still, it was very charming and most of all, I could see myself living there.

So, I spoke to the realtor very seriously about my options. She is familiar with the homes in my neighborhood and knows well what I would be dealing with in trying to sell. She said, surprisingly, that my type of place tends to sell quickly. I have my doubts, but whatever. I also find it hard to believe that I would be able to sell it for enough to be able to buy the other house. Still, it may be worth a chance to see if something happens. The realtor suggested that I put my house on the market with a contingency that I would need to find suitable housing. Then, if all the planets align and the timing is right and I can sell it fast enough and for the right price, then perhaps it would work out. If not, there is nothing really lost, although there is the inconvenience factor to deal with.

Anyway, I don’t know. It’s completely unrealistic and probably even a little bit crazy to even be thinking of this. However, this may be the only time I’ll ever be able to afford to buy into this town too, so maybe it’s worth a shot. I can’t stop thinking about the house and it’s making me a little nuts. Well, if it’s meant to be, maybe something will happen, if not then, oh well.

Well, for what it's worth, here is a picture of the house and the backyard:





Rant

So, while Christmas shopping (online), I placed an order for a present for my father (and his wife) with Sturbridge Yankee Workshop. The site took my order, took my payment and sent me an online receipt. After ordering, I realized that the tea lights shown on the item page were separate and had to also be ordered. So, no big deal, I called up the customer service number, gave them the order number that had been generated a couple of minutes before and added the additional item. No problem. Until a few days later when I received a paper receipt in the mail with an (oh, by the way) notation that the main item is back-ordered! Most online stores will let you know before you actually place your order that something is on back-order so you have the option of maybe choosing to not order it. This is especially helpful in the week before Christmas when one might be ordering something as a GIFT. But to let you know days later by MAIL when it’s too late to now order something else, after even speaking to someone on the phone right after placing the order who perhaps could have mentioned the back-order issue, WTF kind of way is that to run a store? I’m still freaking pissed off and I feel like there is really nothing that I can do about it. What a shitty way to run a business.

Another Rant: why do I always, always, always end up behind the problem customer on line at the grocery store? I pick the one line where the person in front of me doesn’t have an overflowing shopping cart, only to have that person paying separately for each item and then with all kinds of complicated coupons and credits that no one in the store can figure out how to apply? Why, why, why???? SHEESH.

Horses & Riding

I’ve been riding in two lessons/training sessions a week and can ride two additional “free” rides a week. I feel like I’m slowly making some improvements, but I still get really frustrated with myself. Sometimes when Lulu and I do a jump course I feel like it’s a wild, wild west round – slightly out of control. It seems a little worse in the indoor ring too because, being smaller, the jumps seem to come up much quicker, so there is less time to organize and balance and slow-down between fences. So I’m working on gaining balance and control and maintaining a steady pace, even attempting for a slow pace. Sometimes it works out, sometimes it doesn’t, but I’m working on it. I participated in a jumping clinic a few weeks ago with an upper level eventing rider and I felt that to be somewhat helpful too. Not that she said anything much different from what Alison has been saying, but I find that sometimes getting the additional perspective can help drill concepts into my head. Anyway, I had the opportunity to talk to her a little bit after the clinic and I asked her specifically about my position over fences. It had been somewhat bad (or at least, not ideal) when I first started back to jumping, but she said that actually this was pretty good. So I think I’ve made some progress there. Still, I have plenty of work to do, I’m never going to be able to move onto bigger jumps or more complicated courses until I have better control. I love Lulu’s enthusiasm, but I have to learn how to harness it better.

On the flat I feel like I’ve made a little more progress. Lulu does not have the ideal conformation for riding round, on the bit and in a frame and she can be a little stiff to bending and to engaging her back, so it is not an automatic thing with her. Still, with work she DOES do it, it just doesn’t happen easily or automatically. This has been a real learning experience for me and is really helping me re-develop some of the more subtle riding skills that I had forgotten. It’s not perfect yet, typically, with work, I’ll get a few great strides of a great, round, on the bit frame and then we’ll be off again, or she’s tossing her head or resisting in some way. Still, I feel like it is getting better, the good strides are becoming more frequent and of longer duration, so I feel that I am beginning to get it somewhat. I’m actually kind of glad that Lulu is not easy in this regard. An easy horse and I’d more likely be sitting pretty and not contributing as much to making it happen and thus not actively learning and really getting it as much as I feel I am with this work.

Yesterday I had a make-up lesson with another of the instructors in Alison’s barn. I had ridden with Danielle only once before, right after I started leasing Lulu (it might even have been that first week). Anyway, after our training session yesterday morning, Danielle complimented me and said that she can see that I’ve made A LOT of progress since that first time with her. So I felt very good about that, and felt like she was sincere. She also put me through such a tough flat lesson too. I worked incredibly hard the entire hour, we didn’t walk even once, it was complete work from start to finish. Even though it was about 30-32 degrees, both Lulu and I were completely drenched in sweat when it was over. But I felt like by the end of the hour she was giving me a much more consistent “on-the-bit” rounded frame than when we started the hour. It was deeply satisfying (even if not as exciting as jumping).

If I can continue with the riding work as I have been doing, I feel like I could possibly be somewhere by late Spring. Maybe not ready for any real competition, but at least more competent and a little happier with my skills on a horse.

So, that's it in a nutshell. Nothing too exciting in my life to write about, but there you have it.

Bareback Puissaince

This is incredible. Take close note, these riders are jumping ... bareback. Amazing.

Another "WTF???" Moment

So, I had to plan an 8 AM meeting today so this guy in India can learn how to do this migration that I do, so that he can someday be a back-up for the team. We've been having trouble scheduling it because the requests usually end up having to happen in the afternoon or evenings and that time frame doesn't really work schedule-wise for people in India. Anyway, so I finally had a request for one that could be done first thing in the morning. Great, so I quickly sent a meeting invite to India Guy and to another team member who also wanted to learn the process.

Team Member replied to the invite requesting that I move it to another morning. Uh, no, this is a request from the customer, the migration has to happen as scheduled, they need the stuff in place by 9 AM. (Does anyone READ anymore? I put all that into the meeting invite). And then I had a tentative acceptance to the invite from India Boy first thing in the morning.

So 8 AM comes and I dial into the meeting and start the screen share. I notice that both India Boy and Team Member are both logged into the screen share, but no one is on the phone part of the meeting yet. I give it a couple of minutes and then IM India Boy. I ask him if he's having trouble dialing in, and he writes back, "I'm dialed in already". Oh, so I figure something went wrong so I say, let me hang up and dial back in then. In the meantime I've already started this migration because it takes a full hour to do. Anyway, so I dial back in and there is still no one on the meeting. I IM India Boy again and he says, "oh, I'm only available for the screen share part of your meeting, I'm dialed into another phone meeting." Turns out Team Member is doing the same thing! Okay, is it me or ... WTF??? How on God's Green EARTH did he think he was going to understand a 100 step process by just watching some random screen share with no subsequent verbal explanation, while also participating in a completely unrelated meeting. W. T. F. People make me crazy.

Jumping Night

I had a really lovely ride last night. This is a jumping week, we’ve actually had a couple week break from jumping due to the transition from the Summer location to the Winter barn, but this week they had the indoor set up with jumps finally. I feel like I’m making progress, of course I still have a looooong way to go to get even back to where I was in my former riding life. And really, are we ever finished making progress and improving in anything that requires any effort or technique or whatever? Anyway, so after a short warm up, Alison started putting together little jump courses for us. First let me say that I’ve been working on canter transitions with Lulu and these have gotten SO much better. She picks up the canter pretty much right away for me now and we also almost always get the correct lead, even on her “bad” side. It’s not perfect by any means, but really I feel like it’s 100% better than it was just a few weeks ago. I’ve either improved a lot or have learned how Lulu needs to be ridden. Probably some combination of both.

Anyway, so back to jumping. The very first time I jumped Lulu, back when I was trying her out when thinking about leasing her, I had a blast. But I also felt like I was fighting with her over the fences, really battling her to not rush the jumps. And then I think something clicked with me the day we did the “Ladies Outing” to the cross-country course. We ended that day with such a wonderful, lovely collected course round that I’ve had in my head ever since. It’s amazing how a near perfect and wonderful-feeling and thrilling jump course can stay with you like that. Anyway, so it’s been in my head ever since and it was in my head last night while I jumped too. Jumping in the indoor was a different experience, since it’s smaller, the turns are tighter and you end up at each jump much sooner. So it doesn’t leave you much room for disorganization, you have to think constantly and plan carefully and react quickly. And remaining balanced and collected becomes even more important too. So it was a blast, I made a point of collecting Lulu before each fence, trying to keep her quiet and organized around the turns, etc. And I think we did a pretty good job over all. It wasn’t perfect by any means, and I still need to work on plenty of stuff, including my body position, but I think I’m getting it. I think the body position has improved a bit too, even though it still needs work. A couple of months ago I was throwing myself forward quite a bit and doing this big crest release even over the tiniest of jumps. I think I am now more balanced and my release is more reasonable, but I have to constantly remind myself and think about my position. But when I do, and when I keep Lulu balanced and collected towards a fence, everything usually works out very, very well and feels pretty fantastic (there is just nothing like having a successful jump course, the adrenalin alone will have me gasping for breath). One thing that I am very careful about is hand position, no matter what happens on a jump, I am very careful about not catching Lulu (or any horse) in the mouth. Even if we catch an awkward distance and I get left slightly behind, I seem to automatically slip my reins so that she isn’t chucked in the mouth. It makes it more difficult on the other side of the fence of course, because you are then in a position of the horse galloping away and you’ve got no contact at all, so it’s a scramble to gather up the reins quickly, but still it’s preferable to the alternative. I’ve never heard Alison correct me here, where I HAVE heard her correct others for catching a horse in the mouth, even suggesting that someone “grab mane” to make sure their hand position ends up in the right place, or that they don’t get left behind with that result. But she’s never had to do that with me, so that must be one thing that I’m doing right at least.

Anyway, so I felt last night that each course we did was a little better than the one before. I am no longer fighting with Lulu down to a fence. She is a bit strong, but does collect and listen to me and we’re much more of a team. And it’s FUN! Boy is it fun! Thrilling and fun. And we’re just jumping pretty small stuff right now. I can’t imagine how I’ll feel if I ever graduate to bigger stuff.

One More Day

I am one day closer to my little mini-vacation. I really am disproportionately excited about have a few days off to just hang out around at home and do errands and stuff. Pretty pathetic.

A Sign of the Times

A sign of how hopeless and freaked out I feel about the current economic climate: I purchased two lottery tickets this week. I never buy lottery tickets. I feel so stupid, but also, I feel so little control about the future right now that $2 for a little hope I guess is kind of cheap.

Oh and (by the way) I didn't win. Of course. Sheesh.

In a Funk

Gosh it’s been a long time.

I’ve been sort of in a funk. My birthday was a couple of weeks ago. I hate my birthday, it just puts me in a bad mood for some reason. Something about it just makes me feel really lonely for some reason. Normally I don’t mind and actually even sort of like being single, but on my birthday I really feel alone and sad about that. Holidays a little bit too, but nothing is as bad as my birthday. This year was even worse because my birthday happened to also be the day that they decided to do layoffs at my company. I was surprisingly and irrationally resentful of that. Even though we knew that the layoff was coming, it was an incredibly stressful and upsetting day. A couple of people from my group who I had been working with for years were let go, one was the person who actually hired me three years ago. And there have been others from other groups who I had worked with here and there who I’ve since found out were laid off. It all really hit far too close to home for comfort. I was desperate to make something positive out of that ugly day and so managed to run down to the barn and ride Lulu for about half an hour or so. I wanted to do something that was just for me and so at least I managed that. Being around horses comforts and soothes me, and while I ride I rarely think of anything else but what I’m doing that very moment. I can’t think of anything else that I do where that is true.

Since then the depression has really lingered, I’m having trouble shaking it off. I feel unsettled and stressed and worried constantly. I also feel very sensitive, that the wrong word from someone will upset me to tears. I hate this feeling but don’t really know what to do to pull myself out of it now since I really think it’s situational. Maybe taking a few vacation days will help some – at least I’ll have next Wednesday through Friday off. I was going to take the whole week off, but work is too busy right now. Of course being busy at work is a GOOD thing, but it does also add to the stress.

Anyway, so I’m kind of a mess right now. In a serious funk and kind of emotional. I have to find some time to run more or something, I’ll bet that would help pull me out of it.

Seen Tonight At the Vet

Two husky, rustic-seeming country boys walking in together with an itty-bitty, frou-frou Yorkshire terrier. Cracked me up!

Under the category of "WTF???"

Today. Pretty much empty gym. All treadmills are free. I get on one and start running, not even a minute later chick comes by and gets on the treadmill directly beside me. Right. Next. To. Me. Out of six treadmills! I mean, WTF??? Maybe after living in a city for so many years I have a different sensitivity to personal space issues or something, but ... sheesh!

ATF Ladies Outing

Yesterday I was lucky enough to re-work my schedule so that I could take a vacation day and attend the Apple Tree Farm Ladies Outing. Alison organized the outing for the adult women of the barn so that we could go off-site to try some cross-country jumping at a different location, do some trail riding, have a nice lunch and socialize and get to know each other a little better in a relaxed and non-rushed environment. Because of weather, the outing had been postponed and rescheduled twice, before they managed to hit on a day where the conditions were favorable. That turned out to be lucky for me as I couldn't have gotten the time off for any of the other dates, so it really worked out well.

We all arrived at the barn around 8:30 AM and managed to get the horses groomed, wrapped and on the trailers and ready to go by around 9 AM or so. Not sure how we managed all that so fast, but we pulled it off. We did the short drive down to Groton, MA, unloaded, tacked up, mounted and hit the trails pretty quickly. I had never trail ridden Lulu before and so I didn't know what to expect from her. Horse personalities can change dramatically from ring, to trail, to field, or whatever. The calmest, slowest, most sedate animal in the ring can become a spooky nutjob on the trail. But Lulu was great. She was excited, while everyone walked, she liked to do an excited jogging dance. But the whole way listened to me and kept very nicely on the bit. Even though a sedate ride, she made things a little more interesting. Such personality.

Anyway, after we got back from the trail, we moved over to the big cross-country jumping field. We all spread out and started trotting and circling the area to check out the footing and to allow the horses to take a good look at everything. Lulu was very interested in everything around her, attentive and alert, but not spooky. She also was a bit strong, excited to be out in the open and so moving very forward, much more fresh and quick than she usually is in the ring.

Once we had warmed up around the field. Alison told me that I could jump one of a series of jumps nearby as a warm-up. I picked the medium-ish one in the middle and Alison had to laugh that I picked one of the "bigger" choices as a warm-up. Hey, it was still pretty small! Anyway, after trying out a few jumps here and there, she started putting together courses for people. She had warned me at the beginning that Lulu was still pretty green cross-country and might try to run out or stop on me, but she was actually jumping nicely for me (or I was able to ride her balanced and confidently enough to keep her steady and going well over everything). So, I was happy to realize that she felt confident enough in me and in Lulu and me together to give us some of the more advanced courses to do. Nothing was really all that intimidating, so I wouldn't call anything we did truly "advanced" (and nothing in that field is beyond Beginning Novice level anyway), but still, I did feel like I had made some progress in her eyes, or she saw some potential in me or something.

Anyway, we did a few different courses and then at the end Alison had me do one last one. I started Lulu out slow and steady, breaking into a collected canter as we rode into the first fence. It had been my intention to trot in between the various jumps because Lulu can get fast and strong with jumping, and especially out cross-country where things are more exciting for her. And then you add the greenness factor and whatever, so I wanted to keep her organized and under maximum control. However, after that first fence, I slowed her, slowed her, slowed her to bring her down to trot, and she just slowed down her canter to the point where she was just cantering so lovely and collectedly & slow, round, on the bit, the nicest canter I've ever had out of her. Maybe out of any horse, I don't know. Anyway, it was so nice, I kept it there and we did the nicest, most collected jumping round that I have done in many, many years (in decades really, I had actually forgotten what it feels like). I managed to balance her over every fence, she would get a little strong after the jump, but I would bring back, down, down, down, almost wanting to come back to trot, but not quite and she would give me that nice, lovely, round, on the bit canter again. It was really, really lovely and just such a fantastic feeling. The feeling you get when pretty much everything seems to go right. I really loved her for that, she showed me a side of her that I had only seen little glimpses of before now. She also showed me a little bit of the rider that I used to be too, and I'm thankful for that.

Afterwards, Alison told me that my body position was much better and that the round went well. I also over-heard a number of other people comment to Alison that Lulu seems to have come a long way. I like to think that part of it might have been my riding (or ability to ride her to her potential) and part our partnership. But maybe I'm flattering myself again. Anyway, the ride over-all was wonderful and a lot of fun and I ended it extremely satisfied with myself and very happy with Lulu. I have to say that I like her a little more every time I ride her.

After the riding we had a wonderful lunch of chili & corn bread and mac & cheese and apple cider and other stuff. And we got to all chat and get to know each other better. Turns out one of the women used to live on Martha's Vineyard (where my family used to have a Summer home and where I spent many years riding all over the island). Turns out she had ridden at many of the same places that I had and knew a lot of people who I had known. It was a real kick to talk about "the old days" with someone who knew the places and people from my past.

What a wonderful day. I so rarely take a vacation day and actually end up going somewhere or doing something other than just loafing around, so it really was very nice to have such a day. I ended it exhausted of course, but it was so much fun and so satisfying. I just love this horsey life.

More People Who Suck

* People who don't understand the concept of gridlock. Or rather how to avoid being part of the problem. Here's a tip: if you see that you can't clear the intersection, then you don't go. Simple. (Apparently not so simple for some idiots, or perhaps they're just more people who feel that the rules do not apply to them).

Of course, there probably haven't been too many gridlocks seen in this little town in New Hampshire, but today is an important voting day and everyone had the same idea to get there early. It took me about 30 minutes to go about .7 of a mile. Yep, but I got 'er done (I hope we have some good news to wake up to tomorrow morning, I really, really do.)

Crap Day

Have you ever had such a stressful, crappy, no-win kind of a day that you feel like you're constantly about to burst into tears at any second? Where you are literally hyperventilating all day long? Yep, that's the kind of day I had. Here's to hoping that tomorrow will be a better one. Please God.

People Who Suck

* People who think that traffic signs such as "YIELD" do not apply to them (usually people who drive Cadillacs or Lexuses)

* People who think that 40 MPH in a 30 MPH zone is not an adequate speed and thus think that tail-gating is an appropriate response.

* People who can see how jammed my Outlook calendar already is, yet think it's okay to invite me to yet another useless, time-wasting meeting. After all, I can always catch up with my actual work after 8 PM most nights.

* Other people who do not even bother to check afore-mentioned jammed Outlook calendar before inviting me to yet another useless, time-wasting meeting.

* People who think I can just drop everything to run into Boston for yet another meeting (maybe not a useless one), disregarding any other work obligations I might have. Not to mention the cost to park ($12) and gas and whatever.

It's usually not a good sign for the coming work week ...

... that I'm completely knackered at 5 PM on Sunday. Not a good sign at all.

Seen Today in the Ladies Room at Work

Woman snorting/snuffling water up into and through her nose and blowing it back out into the sink. Over & over again. In a public, shared bathroom. Into a public sink that everyone uses! Gah! I mean, seriously. Am I the only one who is revolted by this??? What is wrong with people?

Hunter Pace 10.26.2008

A picture of Panzer, with Shauna (who was kind enough to hold him for me so that I could take the picture).

Yesterday I rode in the Hunter Pace event that I had mentioned earlier in the week. I knew that it was going to be fun, but I don't think that I truly appreciated what a total blast it was really going to be. I can't imagine having more fun. I arrived at the barn early, early, early to help with all the barn chores before we could leave. I worked putting out horses, hauling water, picking stalls, throwing hay, etc. for three and a half hours! I was exhausted before the day even began. Finally we were loading the horses around 10:30 AM -- it was funny, Panzer had been loaded, but Ro's husband apparently hadn't been quick enough to secure him from the front, because the next thing I knew, he had run out the other part of the trailer and was running down the road! So, I got a little extra exercise running down the street chasing a loose horse. Sheesh!

I had the pleasure of riding to the event with two other adult riders, Sandie and Shauna. It was wonderful to have this opportunity to get to know some other adults who ride. Both women are extremely nice and I was so happy to be with other horsey, like-minded people. We arrived at around noon or so and got ourselves registered, tacked up, mounted (can I say that I am proud to have been able to mount from the ground? Usually I use a mounting block), got sorted out and started off. Shauna and I and a friend of Ro's who is a seasoned eventer, Amelia, decided to all ride together since we were riding in the same division. Shauna has been riding at the barn for about a year and Amelia used to ride there, before she bought her own horse property. I was the unseasoned member of the group, but was in pretty good company. Anyway, they let us out of the starting "gate" and we just started trotting easily down the road. We hadn't gone even ten feet before we got to a big puddle, I just directed Panzer to it, figuring he would just trot simply through. Well. Instead he took this huge, unexpected leap over it. I almost fell off! Managed not to, but lost both stirrups and murmured to myself, "well, this doesn't bode well."

When we got to our first jump (a stone wall with a tree trunk topping it) at the edge of a field, I realized that I was in for trouble. The fence was pretty freaking big! I skipped that one, but started jumping some subsequent "HUGE" fences that we came across not too far beyond it. I didn't want to get to the end realizing that I hadn't given jumping a try. I didn't want to be a wuss and I knew that I used to jump stuff like this, so I figured, what the hell. Added to my unease was the fact that I had only ridden Panzer once before and had only hopped him over a little cavelletti or something a couple of times. Anyway, so I took him over a series of two or three fences strung together and realized that he jumps really, really big! It feels like he gives himself a good foot of extra space over obstacles. And he jumps really round too. "Round" meaning that he really rounds his back and moves athletically through the jumping motion. It's beautiful to watch a horse who jumps this way, but it sure is harder to ride through. You have to be right there with the horse and when the horse is on the back side of the jump (coming back down from the jump) it almost feels like he disappears out from under you. Anyway, over every fence that we took, I could feel the expression on my face, eyes wide open, big and round, mouth wide open in a big, round "O" -- kind of like a silent "OMG!!!" (As in, "OMG, I can't believe I'm doing THIS!!!"). After the first series of fences, Panzer just kind of took off -- galloping after Amelia's horse (who, by the way, is an off-the-track thoroughbred -- former racehorse. Uh, Hello!) And so I expended a lot of energy getting him back under control. WHOA! It was wild. Anyway, after that series, we all decided to take it easy and pick and choose what we wanted to jump and to ride easily on the parts between all the obstacles. Amelia jumped everything we came across and Shauna & I picked and chose what we felt comfortable with. I jumped so much more than I thought in the beginning that I was going to. Amelia's encouragement helped, I really appreciated her input and I guess I just got a little brave. Jumped lots of BIG, solid fences (each complete with the "OMG" expression on my face). It was so exhilarating! Now, looking back on the day I am both proud of myself and wishing that I had tried a few of the fences that I had bypassed (out of about 29 jumps, I jumped about 8 or 10 of them). Still, I wanted to end the day in once piece, so it seemed smart to be a little conservative. In between the jumps, we all did a lot of chatting. Amelia shared a lot of her eventing experiences and advice and we all bonded over similar interests and appreciation for each others' input, experience and abilities. I was proud that I could keep up and participate with these two.

We finally finished the course about three hours or so after we started. It was an absolutely gorgeous day (almost 70 degrees and brilliant sunshine on October 26th, that doesn't happen too often) and the perfect thing to be doing on such a lovely Sunday. When we made it back to the trailers, we hooked up with our other group who had been entered in the easier division and had finished a few minutes before us.

Ro told me later that she had heard that I did very well and that she knew that they had kind of thrown me into this. So I'm very glad that I ended up being up for the challenge. The size and the difficulty of the obstacles I jumped give me the hope that I'm actually capable of more than perhaps I've been thinking I am. Amelia and a couple of other people that I talked to actually assessed the difficulty of the course as eventing trial level of "Novice" (which is harder than it sounds, the levels for a recognized eventing start at Beginning Novice, it takes some serious work to get to "N" status). Anyway, the height for most was around 3 feet, much bigger than I had been doing these past two months, that's for sure.

All-in-all it was a fantastically fun, exhilarating day. Exhausting, but so. much. fun. Panzer was a trooper too, a big enthusiastic lug-love of a horse.

Updates and Stuff

Work has been really crazy for the past couple of weeks. I went from a very steady, reasonably calm pace to insanity practically overnight. I can't say that I haven't in general been enjoying the work, actually I feel purposeful and engaged and even somewhat effective, so that part is great. But I end the weeks completely wiped out (this week having worked 10-11 hours most days) and with this vague feeling that I haven't gotten enough work done. Also, the crazy work schedule hasn't left much time at all for working out and that leaves a very unsatisfying feeling to the week as well. Still, this week I did manage two personal training sessions, one very good and hard (for me) interval running session and three rides with Lulu, including one jumping training session. So at least I've managed something. But spinning completely fell to the wayside as each evening had me on conference calls with one of my customers, and I didn't run nearly as much as I wanted to. All-in-all, I feel like I can do better with my week, I just have to sort it out and be more organized and motivated. And get more sleep. Maybe I can manage some early morning stuff. It probably wouldn't have worked this week as I had 8 AM meetings all week, but next week it might be more of a possibility. If I can get my butt to bed early enough anyway (sheesh).

Tomorrow I am riding in the Hunter Pace event that I wrote about last week. I'm going with Barn #1 and am going to ride "Panzer", the horse that I rode last Saturday. I was surprised to learn this week that apparently Barn #2 also may be going to this thing -- ack! My two riding worlds are about to collide! Well, in the interest of avoiding at least some awkwardness, I told Alison about my plans to go to this thing with the other barn and, as expected, she doesn't care. It's Ro that I'm really concerned about, she doesn't know that I'm also riding at the other barn and I don't want to hurt her feelings. Anyway, tomorrow should be interesting. If anything, it should be a lot of fun, it sounds like a blast to me. I mean, galloping over fields and trails, jumping various obstacles, etc. Uh, hello??? Who wouldn't want to do that? FUN! I hope that I remember to bring my camera.

Barn #2 is planning this Ladies Outing for this Wednesday that I had hoped to take a vacation day and participate in. They are trailering out to the Groton Pony Club and are going to do a cross-country training session on their outdoor jumping course. Then they're taking a trail ride which will be followed by a picnic lunch. Besides the fun of jumping cross-country and the trail riding, it would have been a nice opportunity to get to know some of the adult women at the barn. However, work is too crazy right now and I have time commitments for a bunch of the stuff I'm working on, so I don't think I can really in good conscious take the time off right now. I AM hoping to take Thanksgiving Week off however, but maybe things will be a little quieter then and I won't have to feel stressed or guilty about it. So anyway, I'm very disappointed about having to miss the Ladies Outing, but I don't think I would have enjoyed myself as much anyway, thinking of all the stuff that I had to drop in order to go.

So my days have been pretty busy lately. I feel like I am constantly in a rush, flying from one thing to the next, but I generally feel pretty satisfied too. I am working on the riding, I am frustrated sometimes with how much I feel like I suck. But I have to keep reminding myself that I've really only been back riding for about two months (even a little less) after a 22 year hiatus, so I just have to be more patient with myself. I'm doing everything that I can, taking good solid training, doing the half-lease, riding as much as I can. I'll get better, it just takes some time. Work is great, but with the economy going the way it is, I have this constant "heart-in-my-throat" feeling lately. Almost a panic really. It's an especially panicky feeling as there is absolutely nothing that I can do about it. I want to know that my job is safe and will continue to be safe, but in these unstable times, no one can really promise something like that and I find it extremely unsettling. Still, most people are probably in this same boat, so if nothing else, I guess I have good company. All-in-all though, I have to say that life is good. Very good.