Goals for 2010 (non-riding)

My goals for 2010 are going to mostly be about behavior. I find that it's useless to make promises to myself like, "lose 30 lbs" or, "get a promotion or a raise (or whatever) at work", it's much more concrete and attainable to make goals around the specific behaviors or tasks that I can make a choice to do, or not do, on any given day that fulfill the goal and inch me closer towards the person that I want to be, towards the life that I see for myself. I believe my goals for last year were made with this idea more or less in mind, but I think that I am a little bit more mindful of that now.

Work

I feel that I am already on the path that I want to be on for this year at work. There were some changes to our group over the past six months or so that have opened up some additional opportunities for me to learn new stuff, take on new work, increase my value to the team, as well as expand my exposure to the enterprise. This, along with some new projects on the horizon are giving me the opportunity to learn some valuable new skills that are much needed in our group, so I am starting 2010 actually pretty excited for the work year ahead.

The work goals that I want to work on, in addition to the above, center on my management of fear. I'm not sure how much control I may have over stress and anxiety, but I can address the fear that sometimes holds me back at work. Fear of failure, fear of not knowing something, fear of looking like an idiot, fear of admitting that I'm unsure. You name it, these things crop up consistently for me and to the detriment of my forward progress sometimes. I can't tell you how many times I've been in a meeting when some issue comes up and, if I have an idea, but am not 100% sure it's the right answer, I keep my mouth shut, only to have someone else pipe up with the same, or a similar, thing. I sometimes start off new projects terrified that I'll screw up. Learning something new, convinced that I'm going to fail -- so I am sometimes afraid to take that chance. So, my goal for this year is to get over it. When new opportunities come up, take them on. When I am shown something new, take a chance at trying it on my own the next time (with the usual caution of backing up what can be backed up, etc.) Don't be afraid to voice an opinion. And (perhaps most importantly of all) don't let the attitude, condescension or bad vibes of anyone else taint my self-confidence or self-esteem.

Home

This is a new category for this year. About a month or so ago, I got this bug about cleaning and organizing and throwing crap away. It feels good. And it also feels really good to be living in surroundings that are a bit more serene. So, my goal is to keep throwing the excess away, keep up the dusting and vacuuming. Keep on top of what's stuffed into the refrigerator. Keep the fireplace clean. Shred everything that needs to be shredded on a weekly basis, at least. Get rid of the catalogs, cut down or eliminate magazine subscriptions. Go through clothes that haven't been worn in a year. More storage bins for the books and other stuff that I don't want to throw out, at least get it organized in the basement. Finish hanging the rest of pictures lying around the house (I actually just hung a few last week).

Other very specific home stuff:

* Get the garbage disposal / dishwasher fixed.
* Get the screening on the screen porch fixed or replaced (probably not until Spring or so).
* Get the deck stained. I think there is a loose board there too that needs to be fixed.
* Hang a new curtain rod in my bedroom (the one that's in there is hanging by a thread).
* This old electrical outlet thing that (I think) used to be part of some alarm system (previous owner) needs to be made inactive or closed or whatever. Anyway, need an electrician to take a look.
* Have light bulbs replaced in the garage opener and the overhead garage light (sounds silly, I know, but I can't reach either, even with the step stool!)

Finances

Oh, I really don't know. In 2009 I feel like I really didn't buy nearly as much random stuff in general that I have in previous years. I definitely did not buy many clothes or make trips to Target regularly, I haven't been to a mall in YEARS. Can't remember the last time I ordered anything from Crate & Barrel or William Sonoma or Pottery Barn. But I did buy a horse last year and so have also been spending money on all the stuff that comes along with horse ownership. So I can't say that this newfound restraint has saved me anything. It's just flowing out the other side. At least I recognize that I have to make adjustments if I am to pay for the things I want and need for the horse, so I guess there is something positive in that. I guess I just need to continue to make better and better decisions about how I spend my money. Think about something before I buy it. Cook more (I am doing this already). Review the cost of stuff in the grocery store. That kind of thing.

Social

I've decided that I don't have any social goals. I am an introvert. Sometimes I don't want to go to a party or socialize, that's just the way I am. I am no longer going to force myself to do something that I don't want to do. If I want to stay home, why shouldn't I?

Health, Fitness & Weight

Well, first of all, I can't obsess about weight, as terrible as the situation may seem. Worrying about the scale and obsessing about my weight and berating myself for it does nothing for me but cause sick heartache, stress and, most of all, extreme self-loathing. Again, the goals are about behavior, about the things that I have a choice to do, or not do, on a daily basis. The hope is that the consistent good choices may have some effect on the weight and fitness. So here is what I'm thinking:

* 3 days a week of some non-riding kind of exercise. I am thinking mostly of walking (with the hope to get to some amount of running eventually), spinning classes, yoga and maybe some other cardio-machine stuff. (I joined the "Y" this week!)
* Yogurt or oatmeal for breakfast. Allowed to have one "treat" breakfast a week (like egg with turkey bacon, for example).
* Take-out allowed once every three months.
* A 12-16 oz water with lunch everyday (I have a terrible Diet Coke habit). Eventually restrict DC to weekends only.
* Cook dinner at home (or heat up leftovers, or at the least, have yogurt) six nights a week -- some kind of frozen or prepared meal is allowed one night a week. I've actually been increasing my cooking over the past couple of months so I'm almost already there. This also helps greatly in the finance sector.
* Get someone in to look at the treadmill. The belt seems to be slipping (maybe belongs under the "Home" category).

Talk to my doctor or someone about my increasing levels of anxiety and stress. Maybe I can get some therapy or something. I was even thinking about looking into hypnosis -- could help with both the anxiety and weight-loss.

Follow-up about some of the medical stuff that I've put off, like a mammogram and a mole/skin check.

Well, that's what I've come up with. I do have some additional riding-specific goals that I want to write about in a separate post. I have to continue to think about how the choices I make each day bring me closer to who I want to be, or whether they move me farther away. If I can be conscious and mindful of these small, daily things, then I should be in a good place by the end of 2010. We'll see.

2009 in Review (non-riding)

I feel like both 2008 and 2009 were pretty good years for me. However, I set some goals for 2009 and fell short of many, if not most of them.

Riding

As I stated in a previous post, I reached all of my riding goals. In fact, I actually surpassed them, so I ended 2009 extremely happy and satisfied in that regard.

Finances

I had a goal to save more money. Nope, didn’t happen.

Social

My goal in 2009 was to be more social and I can’t say that this really happened either. I did go to a couple of parties and social events. The Adult Camp in Aiken trip in March was pretty social. But in general, I was not very social at all.

Health, Fitness & Weight

Probably my biggest failure in 2009. These are the goals that I set last January:

• Re-commit to Jenny Craig. Be more careful with lunch (I don’t eat JC for lunch). Continue to use JC meals for breakfast & dinner.

I did start off the year very committed. I went back on JC for most meals and was very good about sticking to it. I kept it up for about two months with no results whatsoever. It was so frustrating because JC had worked so effectively at the start of my weight-loss effort. I guess I just had reached a point where I needed something else, I just didn’t know and don't know what that something else is. After two months of miserable failure and frustration, I gave up. At that point I had been on a Jenny Craig meal plan for almost a year and had had enough. I’m still a fan of the program, I just couldn’t do it anymore.


• Get back on the scale (both at home and at JC).

I did this in January & February while I was religiously following JC. I did stop once I stopped going to JC however.


• Start eating fruit mid-morning at work again.

Nope. Well, I can’t remember, I probably did start off the year doing this. I did not carry it through the year, however.


• Alcohol for social occasions only.

Actually, I was pretty good in the alcohol area. I can’t say that I only had a drink during social occasions and at no other time, but I have cut down on my alcohol consumption considerably over the past few years to the point where I now many times will go weeks without a drink. If I do have something it is usually only on a Friday or a Saturday night (and rarely both). I have also found that I get headaches pretty quickly once I start drinking alcohol (that never used to happen) – it’s almost like my head is reminding me with a small hint, what a hangover feels like, so don’t go there. Anyway, alcohol has not been a problem and so I also don’t feel like I can blame any of my weight issues on that.


• Continue 2x/week personal training sessions.

I did continue these through March or April, but stopped for a few reasons. First (and probably the biggest, at least most immediate, reason), is that it is very expensive (even with the company discount) and once I bought a horse, a lot of extras had to be cut. Work heated up and became very busy where I had trouble fitting it into my schedule, in addition to carving out time to ride everyday. Lastly, I really did not like the bulkier muscles that I felt that I was building. I really liked the training sessions for the motivation, the focus and to keep me on track. But I feel that I have the kind of body that builds muscle too easily. Fine, if you’re a guy, but as a woman (particularly a short woman) it is not doing me any real favors. I think that maybe my body would benefit more from the pilates/yoga-type of resistance work.


• Pick up the running again – run a minimum of 3x a week through March.

I was actually pretty good about running. Until sometime in March. I unfortunately had a fall from a horse while I was at Adult Camp and, while I wasn’t really injured, my hip and shoulder on one side was very sore for a very long time (well over a month). It was too uncomfortable to run and so I fell out of the habit. What I didn’t do that I should have was walk during this time, walking did not jar my sore areas. But I guess I probably used this as an excuse to fall off the wagon.

I seem to have this love/hate relationship with running. I am not a natural runner, so it takes quite a lot to get myself into any kind of running shape. There is a lot of ground work that has to go into getting myself to the point where I can run for more than a 30 second-1 minute interval at a time and my ability to run falls away very quickly if I am not being consistent. So, when I do fall off the running wagon, the thought of what it’s going to take to get me back there is very often just completely overwhelming. It also takes me a very long time to reach a point where I enjoy the running. So a long step-up period during which I am mostly miserable is just a hard mental hurdle for me to get over when I’m not in running mode and am trying to psych myself up for it. On the flip-side, however, I always feel pretty good after I’ve had a run and when I can get into the swing of it (and I’ve done that ground work to get me into that place where running comes a bit easier) I feel pretty fantastic.


• Plan to bump up mileage and/or the number of running sessions per week after March (hopefully the snow will start to be on the wane by then and I’ll be able to use some trails).

Yeah, not. The opposite happened. I stopped running all-together.


• Weather, snow & salt permitting, walk dogs on significant walk (or run) – minimum 2 miles, 2-3x per week.

Nope. Poor dogs.


• Look into a “Y” membership, or re-up with the Spinning studio.

Nope.


• Ride 4x a week (includes 2 training sessions/lessons per week).

This I pretty much did, at least through the competition season.


Work


Work was actually pretty good for me in 2009. I think that I took on a lot more over the year, increased my responsibilities as well as my knowledge-base. I was exposed to more customer and partner groups, expanded my relationships with team members and other peers and widened the scope of my professional expertise overall. My year-end review was probably one of the best that I've received, so I ended the year feeling quite positive about my professional life.

What I didn't do very well this year (in particular with regards to work) was manage stress and fear. It was a very uneasy year in the world and my company went through upheavals as many other companies did. I found that I can very easily be sent into panic mode and that it also doesn't take much at all for me to doubt myself, feel a loss of confidence or feel threatened -- I'm not an idiot, I realize that it mostly comes down to self-esteem & insecurity issues. When these "panic times" cropped up I could pretty much always recognize that I was not dealing with them well, I could intellectualize the logic of the situation, but the emotions and the chemistry of the situation almost always took over.

So, some of my 2009 goals were successful, but I continue to disappoint myself with my lack of commitment to health, diet and exercise. That is one area of my life where I have continued and sustained failure. I can get into a mode where I do exercise consistently, where I eat generally healthy and more or less correct portions, yet I can not seem to keep it up long-term. I also think that periods of stress and fear, as well as loneliness, greatly exasperate my issues with food and interfere with my willingness to stick to exercise commitments. Because 2009 was a pretty stressful year for me (even though it was a good year, in aggregate), my diet and exercise habits were affected in direct proportion.

With all the above said, however, I ended 2009 pretty satisfied overall and pleased with the year I had.

Ski Bum

My niece, ski racing:

How to Wrap a Cat for Christmas

This made me laugh so hard, I was crying ...

My Riding Year in Review

Riding Camp:
In March, 2009 I travelled to Aiken, SC to the adult training camp that my trainer hosts every year.That trip proved to be a kind of bootcamp back into my riding life. We had intensive riding lessons in Dressage, Stadium Jumping and Cross-Country. We trailered to some of the big cross-country courses in the area for schooling. We did pacing work on the galloping track and also competed in a two-phase (Dressage and Stadium Jumping). During the course of the week I caught the “bug” and looked at a couple of horses to buy.

Buying a Horse:
While in Aiken, I found a nice horse who unfortunately failed the pre-purchase vet exam. During the tryout ride, however, my trainer Alison had had me riding over various of the jumps on the Full Gallop Farm cross-country course which started to give me a hint that maybe I was going to be able to do this riding and competing thing. Granted, they were all Beginner Novice obstacles, but they were a step up from what I had been doing up until that point.

Once back in New Hampshire, I started my horse search online. Communicating with both Ann (Alison’s assistant trainer) and Alison (who was still down in SC). What appeared at first glance to be many horses available in my price range, narrowed down very quickly with Alison and Ann’s experience and knowledge. Either the horse in question was merely an eventing prospect (meaning that they had never done anything before, and thus you really had no idea whether it was going to be suited for the job) or, worse, the horse had a record of not even being able to get around a BN XC course without being eliminated, or Alison or Ann knew the horse and knew that it was a complete pill, had a habit of dumping his rider or some other unsatisfactory or scary habit.

There was one horse that belonged to a former student of Alison’s. I was going to take him on trial, but the owner changed her mind at the last moment -- decided that they were going to be able to get more money for him (apparently that sale fell through). But then Alison, in her last week in Aiken, found a horse that seemed perfect. “BeBe”, an Irish Sport Horse pinto, was only 5, had done some fox hunting previously and then had competed successfully at BN level around Aiken that season. Best of all, she was exactly in my price range. Alison tried her out and then took her for a couple of days trial back at her farm. For a green horse, she was very willing and steady. She seemed especially naturally suited for jumping.

Alison’s very picky vet in Aiken passed her with flying colors, so I decided to move forward with the purchase. This was a bit of a leap of faith for me because I did not go down to SC to try her out! But I felt that it was extremely unlikely that I was going to hate the horse in one ride (I can’t remember the last time that happened). It was also pretty unlikely that I was going to completely be head-over-heels in love after one ride either. I needed to make as unemotional a decision as possible and decided to completely trust Alison’s instincts and her experience. The horse came North when Alison did and I decided to re-name her “Ruby” (show name, “Ruby Slippers”).

Competition

King Oak Spring Horse Trial, May 9th, 2009:


Ruby had only been in NH and with me for a couple of weeks before the King Oak Spring Horse Trial. Alison rode her in the BN division and they came in fourth!

Groton Pony Club Schooling 3-Phase, May 17th, 2009:

My first competition with Ruby. Groton Pony Club is a local schooling event that offers divisions from mere inches off the ground (and walk-trot dressage tests) up to Novice (fences of 2’11”). Since Ruby and I were new to each other, both of us were pretty green and because I hadn’t really competed in something like 30 years (yes, really), I entered in the 2-foot division. We came in third! I still think that judge was extremely generous with the dressage scoring though.

Apple Tree Farm 2-Phase, May 25th, 2009:

Apple Tree Farm 2-Phase Schooling show. This is our barn 2-Phase, they run a few of them throughout the year. I again entered in the 2-foot division and we came in second. I think that I should have entered the division above, however. I was being conservative.

Groton House Summer Classic, June 21st, 2009:

A schooling event that happened to coincide with a crazy nor’easter. We bumped up to the “Elementary Division” (2‘3” jumps) for this event. I remember walking the cross-country course in the morning and wishing that I was entered in the division above (Beginner Novice - 2’7” jumps). It ended up being both a terrible and a positive experience, Ruby did a fantastic impression of a bucking (and spooking and bolting) bronco for the entire day. I don’t know how I stayed on and got through it. And I don’t know how I managed to restrain myself from scratching our entry, although I was extremely tempted to do so throughout the day. We even ended up with a decent (for us) dressage score and clear jumping rounds for both stadium and cross-country. I was very happy to end the day in one piece, but wasn’t looking forward to repeating that crazy experience any time soon.

UNH Summer Horse Trial, July 19th, 2009:

My first sanctioned event and (of course) a bump up to Beginner Novice (2’7” jumps). I remember walking both the stadium and the cross-country courses in the morning and feeling absolutely terrified. Our dressage test was unfortunate, but we redeemed ourselves in the jumping phases. I decided to get over my fear and hesitation and my former insistence on trotting almost everything and went for it. We had one rail in stadium, but went clear for cross-country -- having a lovely and bold round. I ended the day thrilled and so happy with Ruby and very excited for our future together. Oh and we managed to pull off 8th place too!

King Oak Fall Horse Trial, September 12th, 2009:

This event was most notable for me because I feel like we redeemed ourselves a bit with our dressage test. It was not wonderful by most standards, but it felt so much better to ME. Almost as if we had maybe turned a corner and were headed in the right direction. I feel like we also had a pretty good stadium round, but our cross-country round was so-so, since I managed to incur significant time faults (we were otherwise clear, however).

UNH Fall Horse Trial, October 3rd, 2009:

Dressage Day

and:

Stadium & Cross-Country Day

Our final competition of the season and what I felt was our best performance. The dressage test was SO much better. Our stadium was clear, but I managed to incur a couple (2.8) of time faults on cross-country. Even though I had the time faults, I feel like this cross-country round was so much smoother and more even than any of the other XC courses we had done previously. If I had been slightly less conservative and had been willing to canter through the water obstacle (which Ruby had wanted to do) we would have been fine with time, I was kicking myself afterwards. Anyway, we managed to pull in 7th place and I was very satisfied with our performance.

All-in-all I am very happy with how I progressed with my riding over the past year. I did everything I had hoped to do and more. I think one of my goals was to MAYBE do a sanctioned event at Beginner Novice level -- and I managed to do three of them, so I was quite happy with my progress, with Ruby’s progress and with our performance overall. Additionally, I feel like over the past months we have been building a solid partnership and that I’ve gotten a bit braver and bolder and (hopefully) a little more solid in my skills. I have so many things that I need to work on and improve, but I feel like I have a much better idea of what these specific things are. I feel like I have a more defined idea of where my weaknesses are and am more focused than I was this time last year. I have some ideas of what my goals are for 2010, but will write them up in another blog post.

A Jumping Lesson on a Wednesday

Last night was my last lesson on Ruby and my last lesson with Alison for a couple of months. Happily, it was a jumping lesson! After warming up, Alison put together a few different jump courses for us to do – I don’t know why, but I felt myself getting a little bit nervous for them. You would think that I would get used to all of this at some point. Anyway, I think our jump courses generally went pretty well, however, I also think that I overcompensated with what I had taken away from my last jump lesson. During that ride I learned (or was reminded) that I needed to not be afraid of “forward” – during that lesson, allowing Ruby to flow forward to each jump improved the quality of the jump and allowed for a more consistent distance each time.

I had this in mind last night when I rode our jump courses, and Ruby was very eager to move quite forward. In fact, I think she was quite speedy and pleased with herself in general. So, with the lessons about moving forward in mind we jumped, but some parts tended to be a little strung out and not as balanced as they should have been. It seems that I remembered one part of the equation: forward, but threw out the other part: balance & rhythm. I managed to get it together though towards the end of the lesson and I feel that our last course was much improved. I seem to have all the basics down, I just have to figure out how to pull them all together all at once! And also to recognize when an adjustment needs to be made, whether that be more forward momentum, a check to balance, where the horse needs to be packaged up some (as Alison would say), whatever.

While I was riding last night, I remember yet another takeaway from the lesson with Pat Spettel. My two hands should normally be mirror images of each other. This is another thing that I already knew (of course), but she had a way of emphasizing it that has stuck in my head and caused me last night to constantly check on myself and make adjustments accordingly.

A Ride on a Monday

I rode Ruby tonight and she was one huge bundle of freaky, bunched-up energy -- mostly because she didn't get ridden at all last week (I was on-call). After riding her around for a good while she finally settled down but was still on a hair trigger. I find one of my bigger challenges on rides like this is overcoming my own nerves and just getting down to the job and riding her through it. I think I did a good enough job of it tonight, although I probably should have ridden longer. One of the working students at the barn offered to ride her around for me first before I got on, but as nice an offer as that was, I declined because I really have to get over my own fears and get through this kind of thing on my own. I may not be the best rider, but I can usually handle this at least, I think I sometimes don't give myself enough credit in that regard. Anyway, Ruby is funny when she is this energetic too, she gets very fancy and tucked under, now if I could only replicate it during her calmer moments (without the freakiness).

While I was riding, I remembered another big takeaway from my lesson with Pat Spettel: my leg should always be long with heels stretched down. Now, I know this, of course. I've always known it. But she emphasized how whenever I feel my calf getting shorter, if my heel ever starts creeping up (and it does this quite a lot during the rides where Ruby has seemed to need a lot of leg) that I am not correct, I'm doing something wrong. So this is one of my first and biggest signals that I need to make an adjustment in my own riding in the moment that it happens. I just have to make sure that I'm aware of it when I'm doing it.

I can't believe that I forgot about this part of the lesson, but it came back to me while riding tonight. Now if I can just keep remembering it!

2 Riding Clinics

Jumping, December 13:

On Sunday, December 13th I participated in a jumping clinic with Lynn Coates-Holmes. Lynn in an upper-level event rider, she is also one of the trainers from whom my trainer takes instruction. Because I haven’t been riding nearly as much as I should be, I was pretty nervous about the clinic. I didn’t really know what to expect from Lynn (I had heard of her, but had never met her), what to expect from Ruby, nor what to expect from myself. I was also worried that the jumping exercises or courses might be a bit beyond my current level of competence. I was riding with my friend Marilyn who rides pretty much everyday and who takes a lot of clinics with her horse Finn. Marilyn has also been at this longer and more consistently than I have and is probably a bit above me in ability level. The other rider in our time slot was Lisa, another rider who is an eventing veteran, so I really worried about being the dunce of the group. Green horse, green rider, not much experience, poor fitness, poor confidence in ability, inferiority complex, etc., so as usual, I came into the experience a bit of a wreck.

Lynn had us warm up on our own, so we all did some walk, trot and canter in both directions, with some figures thrown in here and there. Lynn did not direct this part, but did throw in a comment here and there. One thing she said to me as I was cantering around in 2-point which both thrilled and astonished me was, “nice, soft hands”. I feel like my hands are really not that great, at least not on the flat. It is one of the things I’m currently struggling with. But I think in the 2-point and cantering around, I’m not “messing” as much with my horse and more just allowing her to go forward and really balance herself, so my hands probably are much softer in this scenario. This is something I have to keep in mind more and see how I can translate it more to flat work when I’m not in jumping position.

After having us warm up over a little cross-rail, Lynn then started setting up a gymnastic. I believe the gymnastic ended up being a three-element obstacle – jump, land, jump, one stride, jump. After we had been through this a couple of times, she started adding additional jumps on to a course for us, each new jump requiring a bending line or a roll-back (which is a tight turn reversing direction), making the full course rather twisty and complicated, when all was said-and-done. It really required the rider and horse to be on their game, in good communication, have a good sense for pace, position, balance and approach to each jump. So, the course ended up consisting of: the 3-jump gymnastic, bending line (4 or 5 strides) to another jump, change direction across the diagonal, over a jump, bending line (5 strides) to a panel jump, roll-back to a jump, 3-or-4-stride bending line to an in-and-out (jump in, two strides, jump out) with a roll-back to a “skinny” (a very narrow jump, so you have to be pretty accurate).

I was pretty pleased with Ruby and with myself as we managed to handle this course quite well, I think. Lynn was very positive about my position in general, she thought that I had a nice, open frame, a good leg, and (when I was concentrating enough) a good, following hand. I held a bit too much over a couple of jumps at the beginning of the session, but once Lynn pointed this out and when I could keep it in my head to let go, it did not remain a problem for me. Two areas where it became clear that I need to improve are: fitness (no surprise there) – I was fizzling out towards the end of each jump course and so my riding through the fences near the end of the course was not nearly as good as the ones at the beginning. And the second area that needs significant improvement is pace moderation. I need to better be able to recognize when our pace needs adjustment (usually when more “forward” is needed) as I don’t always realize it in the right moment. I’m finding that when it does dawn on me, I am usually too close to a jump and thus in a zone where you don’t want to interfere with your horse. I ran into this issue a couple of times at competitions this Summer, so I do know that it’s something that I need to work on, but I think it is also something that will come naturally with more experience. Lynn, also loved Ruby, she commented a number of times about how great she is, how cute a jumper, how honest and how willing, so I was really thrilled to hear that. I always like to hear that a professional event rider who I respect really likes my horse. I told her that she would see Alison competing Ruby around Aiken this season.

Dressage, December 21:

The second clinic that I participated in was an individual Dressage lesson with Pat Spettel. I was worried about this clinic because (again) I haven’t been riding a lot over the past couple of months, and our Dressage is the first thing to fall apart when I’m not riding consistently. I was concerned because Dressage is not my strong suit in the best of times and because it was an hour-long private lesson. No breaks when the instructor needs to concentrate on someone else in the class, it was to be pure, unadulterated, un-filtered and constant attention – ACK! There are so many things that I despise about myself with my Dressage work, my balance isn’t great, my hands aren’t soft or elastic, my legs tend to creep out ahead of me (this is partially a fight for my position with my current saddle), my aids are not clear or distinct. I don’t always know what I’m doing really and I feel that Ruby suffers for it. I also very often let myself become frustrated and anxious about my crummy performance in this area which just makes everything worse all around.

Pat started by having me ride around a bit while she watched so that she could see how bad it really was. It wasn’t too good, let me tell you. Once she had seen enough, she decided to take everything back to basics. I had told her a bit about Ruby’s experience, my experience, what our challenges are and some of the things that have frustrated me over the past months. I emphasized the problems I’ve been having with bending, particularly to the right, but also that very often “forward” is a big problem. However, that Ruby can be a different horse, sometimes I feel like I’m kicking constantly to get any kind of forward out of her, and sometimes it’s like riding a firecracker, I just never know what horse I’m going to have. Well, Pat decided that it was all related, but wanted me to forget about bending for now. The bottom line, she felt, was that Ruby was not respecting my leg (which is really the same issue for both forward and lateral movement) and that I was not being clear or distinct enough with my aids and was not following up immediately or properly with a touch of the whip when my leg was not being respected. Additionally (and perhaps more importantly), I very often was not giving her a chance to respond, but was just nagging her constantly with my leg to the point that she almost had no choice but to ignore it. I was also holding far too much and not really allowing the forward that I was asking for to happen. Basically, I’m a mess. Poor Ruby.

So, Pat had me work on lateral movement. Sidepass on a circle, distinctly asking for sideways, and then asking for forward. She worked on my actually knowing when I really wanted a movement away from my leg and when I was asking for forward and being very clear about each. When asked, and if there was no response, an immediate follow-up with a tap of the whip just behind the girth was required, and knowing when this was needed and timing this correctly in coordination with the leg aid.

Some of the big take-aways for me were:

* Don’t nag with the leg, ask and be done. If the leg aid is not responded to, follow immediately with a tap of the whip -- horse learns to respond to the leg immediately, eventually the idea is that the whip will not be necessary and should respond to the barest of leg cues.

* Know specifically what I’m asking for. Do I want a more lateral movement or am I looking for forward? Be clear and distinct and don’t over-ask.

* If it’s getting all muddled and the horse is not responding, or I’m having trouble being clear, bring it back down and do some sidepass at the walk. Get the horse listening to the leg again.

* Coming around a corner, hold the bend with the inside hand, but then RELEASE and allow the forward.

* From the waist up, ride from upper arms / pectorals, not my hands and wrists. Feel as if my pectorals are attached to the horse’s. Keep my elbows bent and my arms beside my sides. Thumbs up.

* Inside hip should be slightly forward. More so when tracking to the left than to the right with Ruby (because of her particular balance issues).

* You never want your horse to think that you don’t own their hind leg. In other words, you must always have control over exactly where each back leg is, where it is being placed and how it is responding.

For the entire hour we only worked at the walk and trot, but we were still soaked in sweat when it was done (it was hard work!) I feel like I got a lot out of the session and wish that I could have a few follow-up sessions with Pat to solidify what I learned to ensure that I’m on the right track. I’m kicking myself for not having taken an earlier clinic that was offered with her back in November. I guess I was too chicken or something.

I found both clinics to be extremely insightful and productive. I came away with a lot of very great and practical feedback that I feel will add immediate enhancement to my riding. I wish I could say that I have more clinics in the immediate future to look forward to, but Ruby will be down in Aiken, SC (as of this coming weekend) for the next few months. Alison will be training her for these months and will also be competing her for the season down there. She is starting her off at the level I had been riding at this past season and then will hopefully bump her up in level so that she will be ready if I’m ever ready to move up this Summer.

During this time Ruby will be getting great training, but my riding will be taking a bit of a back-seat. I’m hoping to concentrate on some other things while she’s away. I think that I’m going to join the “Y”, I would like to take some spinning and yoga classes. I would like to do some walking & running and I’m planning to take Tig back to obedience school. So, hopefully this period will be as productive for me as it is for Ruby. I then plan to go back down to Aiken at the end of March for Alison’s Adult Eventing Camp. Since Ruby will be down there waiting for me, I’ll be able to ride her at the various cross-country courses, the galloping track and do all the other intensive stuff with her that are planned for that week. I also intend to finish the week off by riding in a sanctioned event down there (well, it’s actually in Georgia, but close enough).

Crazy, Busy Work and SIMHG Drama

So, work has been extremely busy. I have to say though, for the most part, it’s been a “good” busy. More and more I am enjoying the interaction with my team and a lot of the new stuff that I’m learning. A couple of months ago we went through a big reorganization where a couple of parallel groups merged with ours. One group in particular my team has always worked very closely with and it made quite a lot of sense to me that we eventually should be part of the same team. I feel that the change has already been beneficial, we’re all working together better than ever before and the communication has improved greatly.

Once the merge happened, I stepped forward to my manager (who is also now the manager of the newly merged group) and volunteered to help out with some of our new operations responsibilities. Most likely I would have been asked to do this anyway, but at least I maybe get credit for also volunteering! (I was eager to do so though) In any case, I’ve been very excited and enthusiastic about all the new stuff that I now have the opportunity to learn and take on. It’s adding quite a load to my workload, but this is all very interesting work and is overall increasing my value to the team and to the company.

One of the down sides, however, is that I now have to be on-call for a weeks time, every four or five weeks. The on-call shift is from 8 AM to 8 PM and I have to be able to respond and deal with situations within a very short period of time. The worst part of this is the 5 PM - 8 PM part of it, the weeks that I’m on-call means that I will be unable to plan or really do anything much outside of work because of the requirement that I be available until 8 PM. That is a bummer.

I did my first on-call rotation a few weeks ago and it was completely harrowing. Most of the days I was paged throughout the day, all the way up to 8 PM. Because this is all so new to me (and because I am also not yet UNIX literate) it was extremely nerve wracking because in most cases I had absolutely no idea what to do. I expect it all to get much easier as I learn and become competent with this stuff, but in the meantime, it’s really an anxiety-producing situation. The operations guys who are new to our team (but who has been doing this alone up until now) have been absolutely fantastic about training and helping throughout this process. I would be lost without them. As an added note, these two guys have been alternating their on-call weeks for at least the past year (if not more). So each has been on-call every other week -- that means that these guys have not been able to have a life for two weeks out of each month! Anyway, they’ve been available and helpful and uncomplaining about it all. Well, I guess it’s in their best interest to make sure that everyone is up to speed, so that they can have some of their lives back.

Along with myself, we have a new technician who joined our staff a few months ago through a program our company has in Ireland. The idea is to hire promising people over there straight out of college and then put them in a kind of bootcamp for a year. They are then offered up as candidates for hire at various business units throughout the company. I have been working with NG (New Guy) to teach him some of the stuff that I do and am mentoring him on a project with one of our customers and he’s also learning the operations stuff, so we have both been spending a lot of time sitting in the cubicles of the operations guys.

Anyway, so NG has had his first week of on-call rotation, I have had mine, the two operations guys have had at least one rotation each over the past couple of months and supposedly SIMHG (Self-Important Meeting Hijack Guy) is also supposed to take a turn. I think this is SIMHG’s first week of on-call, but since he is generally so absent from the rest of the team (I mean, I don’t believe that I saw him AT ALL for the entire month of November and for part of the month of October), I’m never quite sure.

Okay, so here is my rant (you KNEW that there was a rant):

I was scheduled to be on-call for next week (yes, that’s right, Christmas week). NG was supposed to be on-call for the week after. However, NG already had had plans to go back to Ireland for the holidays before the whole on-call thing started, so we have to rearrange things and cover his week. So, one of the operations guys was going to take his week, but then asked me if I would switch weeks with him because he is expecting a house guest and wanted to be able to spend time with him. So, no problem, we confirmed and sorted everything out today and then updated my manager so that he knew the on-call schedule was changing and that everything was going to be covered. I then spoke to mgr about my plan to use my remaining two vacation days for the year. I was waiting to schedule them because I wanted to have the on-call plans sorted out first, because I obviously can’t schedule the time off if I have to be on-call. So since OP (Operations Guy) wanted to switch, I am NOT on-call next week, but will be the week after -- I scheduled for those two days off for next week. Mgr said “okay, no problem.”

Okay, so once we had everything straightened out and I had cleared my vacation days with my manager, I sent a calendar item to the rest of the team to let them know what days I will be out. Well! I received an email response (just to me) from SIMHG with a piece cut & paste in from the on-call spreadsheet informing me that I need to switch my on-call responsibilities for those days and that he is also planning to be out then (in other words: don’t ask him to cover).

Well, first of all, does he think that I am so stupid or irresponsible that I would not check and account for the on-call schedule? Secondly, where has he been during all of our on-call training and conversations? He is the LAST person I would ask. Lastly, he was off Thanksgiving Week, he is now also off for Christmas Week? If we all have to share operations support, why does he have the privilege of having all the holiday weeks off? The more I think about his email, the madder I get! He is NOT MY MANAGER!

I think that I have to come up for a nastier name for him than, “Self-Important-Meeting Hijack Guy”. Seriously.

Cooking

Well, at least I know, when all else fails, I can cook BBQ chicken.

Conversation with My Manager Today

Boss: "So, are you going to the Christmas Party tonight?"
Me: "Nah."
Me: "I mean, why bother? It's not like I can drink."
Boss: "No drinking at the party?"
Me: "No, I mean that I don't want to drink and then have to drive."
Boss: "Oh."
Me: "How Irish am I? Only interested in the party if I can drink!"
Boss: SNORT!

Things that have frustrated or pissed me off today:

* Receiving a meeting request for tomorrow (which also happens to be my birthday) for 4:30 PM.
* Listening to SIMHG pontificate endlessly on hours & hours of back-to-back meetings (starting at 8 AM, going through noon)
* Receiving yet another email from my father dictating the special sell circumstances for some stock or another on the trust account (of course this is not readily apparent or straightforward through the customer interface, so I have to find some time to call someone to help me figure it out. Like I have time for this. And heaven forbid he call just to chat or find out how I am or whatever.)
* Being on meetings endlessly and having to drop the phone to go to the Ladies Room. I don't know how men make it through hours & hours of these things without a bio break. How does that work?
* Meeting that has already been going for 1.5 hours ran over because they decided to hijack the first part of it for another purpose.
* Finally giving up, I put the phone down on the desk, run to the LR, get back to my desk, only to find that the meeting is STILL going on. Curses.
* Meeting goes over by 30 minutes.
* Realizing that this is yet ANOTHER day that I'm not going to be able to make it out to ride.
* Realizing that when the new on-call rotation starts (next week for me) that there are going to be whole weeks where I won't be able to schedule riding at all.
* Realizing that a certain software tool has changed considerably with a new release and I have to completely relearn how to use the damn thing.
* Dribbled coffee on myself.

Another Rant

I know that I’ve written about the guy in my office who I like to call, “SIMHG” (Self-Important Meeting Hijack Guy). I haven’t mentioned him in a while because, well, I guess I don’t want to sound too bitter – or maybe I just don’t want to encourage my own bitterness (not to mention my paranoia) by fueling the flames with endless rants about him. Plus, that gets a little tedious and repetitive. In general I’m trying to keep more of an open mind. But this morning he just irritated me beyond my capability to hold it all in. It was just a small, stupid, unimportant thing, but it had me steaming a bit and it’s a great example of the small ways he tries to exert his supposed authority and superior knowledge everyday.

Here is what happened:

Through a link in an email, I went to a site where an agenda for a meeting I was attending was posted.

I was denied access.

The default “Request for Access” form came up. I wrote in my justification for this access and hit the “Submit” button.

• Our documentation sites all function in a similar way. Users are given access, if you go to a page and are denied access, a form pops up asking for justification to see the page. Upon submission, the page goes off into cyber space to whomever has been set-up as the administrator for that page. As a user you don’t see where it goes, just that you’ve sent off a request. Typically what will then happen is you’ll get a confirmation email that so-and-so has given you access to the page you’ve requested (not sure what happens if you’re denied, probably a similar email with the information).

The next thing I know, I get an email confirmation from SIMHG that I have been given access to the page, but with a personal note that says, “I’ve given you access, but S or A should be the administrators for this page.” In other words, why in the Hell are you bothering me with this request? You should have contacted these other people.

First of all, I have no control over who the form gets submitted to. Once the button is hit, it goes off to the person who has been set up as responsible for the page, but as the requestor, you don’t see who that person is. Secondly, if it went to him, then he must be the default administrator for the page (despite his assertion in the email that someone else is), and how would I be able to change the direction the request went in, or even know to do so? Lastly, how is it my responsibility to know who the administrators are of a page I don’t even have access to?

Wouldn’t most people have just given the access and then looked into changing the property settings for the page if you felt you were receiving these requests incorrectly? Or if he wanted to be difficult, he could have forwarded the request to the person who he felt should be handling it, but where was it my responsibility to figure all this out? ARGH!

For what it’s worth, this was my reply to his email:

“Thanks. I just responded as prompted by the document-page, so I think the site must think that you're the admin.”

As I said, it was just a simple, stupid, unimportant thing, but I feel like this is a guy who takes every possible opportunity to assert his overbearing arrogance onto everyone around. An occasional misunderstanding is not a big deal, but there are a myriad of little ways that he does this on a daily basis and it gets extremely tiresome after a while. I feel so defensive all the time around this guy! It’s like I have to decode everything he writes or says for all the hidden slights & slaps. Or maybe I’m just crazy. Gah.

Rant: Benefits Fair

So, my company is having a benefits fair since we’re in the enrollment period for next year. And, because there are significant changes happening for 2010, there is a good line of people before each table waiting to ask important questions about how they will be affected. So there I am, stacked up behind people in front of our HMO table and the woman who is holding up the line is asking the rep repeated questions about whether Lasik eye surgery is covered.

Really? You think that your HMO is going to cover your Lasik?

Not satisfied to take no for an answer, she continues to ask more questions about this procedure that the rep obviously can not answer, thus holding up the line for people who have legitimate questions that need to be answered. You’d think that she would have more pressing concerns about her health coverage, but I guess not so much.

What is wrong with people? SHEESH.

Ads on Facebook

Okay, can someone please explain to me why Facebook thinks that I should date "Seniors"??? I keep getting this ad on the sidebar:

"Date Active Seniors -- Meet senior singles near you at seniorpeoplemeet online dating. Join free!"

I mean, WTF??? I know that I've gotten older, but I didn't think that I was actually in Senior Dating territory. At least not yet anyway. SHEESH!

I Love Fall

I am currently drinking a hot cider with spiced rum and cooking a an acorn squash. I love fall.

Seen on the Coffee Line this Morning

A woman wearing: A horizontal striped shirt. Stone-washed jeans. Ankle-length. Thick, white sport socks. Clogs.

I mean, I'm all for business casual, but I think this is stretching things a little far.

UNH Fall Horse Trials – October 3 – 4th, 2009

Day 2: Stadium Jumping & Cross-Country


I think that I managed a little off & on sleep on Saturday night, but still, 2:30-3 AM came around awfully fast on Sunday. Definitely the hardest part about this event was the 2-day element. I think it might be kind of fun to go to something where you stay overnight, but this coming home and starting all over from scratch business was quite brutal. Still, once I was up and moving and on my way, I was able to push aside my exhaustion for most of the day. It came back to me at odd times when I had a moment to sit, but generally I was able to forget about it.

I again was not scheduled to ride until relatively late in the day – 3:04 PM or something. The morning was filled with walking our Stadium & Cross-Country courses, helping the morning riders get ready and watching some of the morning Stadium rounds, which had the added bonus of cementing that jump course in my head (I’m always worried that I’m going to forget the course.) We really lucked out with the weather. If anything, Saturday had been worse than had been predicted, however, Sunday ended up being so much better. I had heard a number of reports that called for rain all morning and then clearing for the afternoon, but it never ended up raining even a drop on us all day. It remained a bit cloudy for part of the morning and then cleared into a lovely sunny and temperate day -- it seemed just the right temperature for me, warm enough so that it was comfortable for hanging out all day, but not at all hot for riding.

It was mostly a leisurely day, certainly much more so than any 1-day event that I’ve experienced so far. Still, all too soon it seemed that it was time for me to get Ruby ready. Again, I decided to follow my policy of giving myself extra time – both for getting ready and for warming up. This took a little bit of the stress out of things for me, at least for the getting ready part. I never once felt in a much of a panic and it helped to hold off my nerves. Again, I have to state how nicely my horse behaved around the trailer, I was able to deal with her and get her ready with no help. My experiences with her and the two-horse trailer at UNH starts to make a good case for considering a two-horse of my own for someday – but I can’t think about that now!

We made our way over to the warm-up and right away I could tell that Ruby was in a keyed-up mood. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing, especially on a Stadium and Cross-Country day, but there was also a big horse in the warm-up ring majorly acting up (bucking & rearing & whatever) that really set Ruby off. We started our warm-up with some bucking and big spooking and a mini-bolt or two which, of course, immediately scared me with flashbacks of Groton House! As I’ve mentioned before, the warm-up is far from my favorite part of any event and, for some reason, I seem to be the most nervous for the Stadium phase. So my nerves for UNH seemed to come to a head at this point and I found myself somewhat seriously freaked out. I was not quite paralyzed with nerves, but I definitely was impaired. Luckily Ann was there to talk me off of the ledge, I mean, coach me and I was able to work through it. Ruby settled down reasonably and we jumped a few of the warm-up fences relatively competently, but I was very happy to say good-bye to that warm-up ring.

Very soon I was on deck for my Stadium round. I had watched enough jumping rounds throughout the day so felt that I knew the course well enough, but I spent the last few moments plotting the lines I wanted to take to the various fences and trying to quell my anxious Stadium Jumping nerves. For the first couple of jumps I caught a couple long spots, but soon was able to find the rhythm well enough. I was very conscious of lines to everything and about using the corners of the ring, keeping a forward, but steady & balanced pace and about getting straight to every jump. The only part that got a bit funky was the two-stride in & out combination. I was pretty good about getting deep to the corner before it and our line was reasonable, but I found Ruby trying to run out on the first jump! This is extremely unusual for her and in hindsight I decided that she was most likely spooking at the judge’s platform which was right beside these jumps. Still, even when being squirrely, Ruby is pretty good about broadcasting what she’s feeling about something, there was no dirty stop or last minute bolt around the jump. So I was able to encourage her over by being very clear with my leg about what I wanted her to do and she listened quite nicely. Because of the awkward jump into the combination, I was a little concerned about how we would negotiate the striding, but I made a point of driving her forward and we did end up getting the two strides, even with that funky first jump. After that the rest of the round was pretty perfect, I think. Ruby was responsive and adjustable, she listened nicely to me, was balanced and forward and enthusiastic & happy to jump everything. We finished with a clean round and no time faults, which was good enough to bump us up to 5th place in our division.

One of the nice things about how this event was organized was how they scheduled everyone to go directly to the Cross-Country start, as soon as their Stadium was completed. No need for another warm-up (and thus no opportunity for me to psych myself out again), no need for un-tacking and tacking up again. It was also nice to take my little adrenalin rush from Stadium and bring it with me to my Cross-Country start. Oddly, I was not at all nervous for Cross-Country, nor I had I been worried about it at any point during the weekend. I remember walking my first XC course at this level (at this very venue!) back in July and how it had scared me. Have I really become completely jaded about it over the course of a couple of months? In any case, I started my XC course loose and confident and happy to be out there with Ruby. I think Ruby loves this phase the most so she was forward and excited with ears perked looking eagerly for the first jump.

After our slow time at King Oak last month, I also wanted to make a point of staying at a more forward pace more consistently this time. In other words, I needed to have fewer sections of trotting. We had to be careful about some turns here and there because of all the rain we had had over the last 24 hours, but in general I felt that the footing held up very well, allowing us to move nicely forward. We kept rolling forward through the first two fields, over the first 4 or 5 jumps or so. There was an area where we had to make a turn, cross a dirt road and there was a hodge-podge of jumps from other divisions that we had to navigate around. We had to trot for a few moments here because of this confusion, but then we were forward again, with a nice gallop over the next two jumps, around a squash field and into the woods. As we entered the woods Ruby tried to break into a trot (probably a little uncertainty with the terrain change and moving from light to dark), but I said (outloud) to her, while using my leg, “No, you can canter here, it’s okay.” And so she moved forward as asked and down to the hill to this rather upright, reverse roll-top kind of jump. I remember this one from July where we jumped it going the other direction, in this direction, it was more upright and the side we jumped from was lower than the landing side, making it a bit of a bigger jump going this way. Still, Ruby rolled nicely and confidently forward to it and jumped it with a lovely spot. It was some more down-hill terrain to the next jump, a coop that they were calling “The Dog House” also something we had jumped in July and then it was on to the water. By now I felt that, between the downhill grade and the excitement of the jumps, we were going at a good forward clip, but with the water coming up I felt that it was perhaps a bit too forward. I haven’t done too much water with Ruby, really only once officially (at UNH in July) and I haven’t done any real schooling on this with her otherwise, so I did not feel confidence coming into it at this pace. Mostly I just didn’t feel in enough control of this situation if she decided at the last minute that she wasn’t too thrilled with the obstacle. So, I “woahed” her down, and “woahed” her down some more until I had a nice forward trot from her. She pushed right through the water very nicely and gave me no trouble at all, but I felt a little bit more in control over everything at this trot than I had at the strong canter down the hill.

After the water we had to pick through a little bit of terrain that did not have a clear path and where there were some tree roots and other things that I felt compromised the footing a bit. Mostly I was trying to remember the path through this bunch of trees to the next set of jumps that I had decided on when I walked the course earlier in the day. It was a relatively short portion from the water to the next jump and from there, Ruby jumped in, exploded up this steep bank, jumped out of the series and it was nice gallop around the last couple of jumps on the course. I was exhilarated and so, so happy with Ruby! She was bold and brave and happy, but also listened to me and did everything I wanted her to do at every moment on the course. She is a total thrill to take around cross-country, she really is.

Well, it turns out that we were 7 seconds slow on the course. Those 7 seconds cost me 2.8 points and two finishing places for our division (dropping me from 5th back down to 7th). That’s how close my division was for this event, for 5th-7th places we had all been within 3 points of each other. Oh well. In hindsight, I should have kept that forward pace through the water that would have made up those 7 seconds and more. I’m pretty sure that Ruby would have rolled right through there at a good, strong canter, but in this case I’m the one who was green and unsure, so that was my misjudgment. Still, I would rather err on the side of caution than not, so I can’t really be too upset about it in the end. I do think that we’ve both made a lot of progress. I know that Ruby has, but I feel that I have too. Our first two events in May & June I pretty much trotted everything (both in Stadium and on Cross-Country). In July, I trotted lots of stuff on XC, but made up for it by galloping way too hard on other sections (we had no time faults on that course, however). In September, I trotted in significant sections causing us 7-8 penalty points (I think we were 20-25 seconds over that day). At the October event I feel like we were much more consistent, there were very short pieces were there was a minimal amount of trotting, but far less than at either of the two events. There were areas where I was tempted to trot, or to continue trotting, but where I pushed forward instead. Really, the only thing on that entire course that I feel I would have done differently is the water. I feel that I made the right decisions everywhere else. Most importantly, I came away with a happy & confident horse after the course and I was happy & confident myself. All-in-all, I was extremely happy with it and felt that it had been our most consistently-ridden event yet, for all three phases.

This event closed the competitive year for me, so I was extremely happy to end on what I feel was a very positive note. I feel like I made a lot of progress throughout the season and that Ruby & I grew into a good team. I feel like I moved from merely trying to get through these competitions to actually developing some consistency. On this side of the season I now feel pretty steady at this level that I was pretty freaked out about at the start of the Summer, and am looking forward to working on our weak spots. After UNH-Fall I felt more that I have very specific things that I can focus on, where the other events I participated in over the season I came away with more of a, “Well, thank God THAT is over!” kind of attitude. Overall I feel pretty proud of myself and extremely proud of my horse. It’s hard to believe that we’ve only been together since late April.

UNH Fall Horse Trials – October 3-4th, 2009

Day 1: Dressage

Unlike how I came into my two previous sanctioned events (UNH Sunmmer Horse Trials in July and King Oak in September) I did not do a ton of riding leading up to the day of this event. Between coming down with a bit of a bug the week before that mostly had me feeling exhausted and crappy, and work, I did not have a lot of time leftover to work on my riding. On Thursday I worked something like 15-hours, so there was no riding on that day. Finally, Friday (the day before the event), I managed to get in a good ride. I also managed a run-through of BN Dressage Test-B (the required Dressage test for my division for this event) which was completely new to me. After the ride I had to try and get Ruby clean and get my tack and gear together and cleaned.

3 AM Saturday seemed to come awfully fast after the busy week that I had had. Actually it came at around 2:15 AM, because that is when I ended up waking up (I had planned to get up at 3). It was pouring down rain. A cold, driving, Autumn rain. Got to the barn around 4:30 AM or so and helped with the outdoor feeding in the dark and rain. Then we got all the horses loaded and were on our way. The 6-horse barn trailer had broken down that week, so there had been a mad scramble to come up with enough 2-horse trailers to transport everyone. Ruby (and I) ended up in a trailer that was generously lent to the barn by one of Alison’s students.

It was just one of those miserably horrible days. Unrelenting cold rain that seemed to run the gamut from merely pouring, to torrential, sideways driving rain. Ugh – exactly the kind of day where it would be wonderful to stay in bed with a book and a pile of dogs. We got to the event by around 7 AM, but my ride time wasn’t scheduled until 1:25 PM, so it was a lot of time standing around and waiting in this misery. I distracted myself by walking my cross-country course for the next day, stuffing hay bags, watering horses, picking horse poop out from the trailer from underneath horse hooves and, when all else failed, and once I was good and soaking wet, sitting huddled on a hay bale under the feet of the horses with the hard rain driving on the metal roof and reading my book (thankfully I remembered to bring a book!)

Everyone was off walking jump courses when it was time for me to start getting Ruby ready for our Dressage ride. I learned very quickly that my horse is quite easy to unload (and load) and deal with in and around the trailer and without cross-ties. It’s definitely a plus to know that I actually can do all of this without help.

Our warm-up went surprisingly well. Typically, the various warm-up activities at these events have not been the highlight for me. All of my tension and worry seems to come to a head here, and if Ruby is going to misbehave, this is where it starts to happen. For Dressage, I can usually tell pretty quickly what horse I’m going to have that day and on Saturday what I had was a light, forward, responsive horse. She was quite nice from the very beginning. Canter transitions are our Achilles heel at the moment and worrying about them causes me some anxiety, so I tend to ask for one or two pretty early in a Dressage warm-up, so that I know what I’m dealing with. But Ruby stepped into the canter beautifully each time I asked, no problem there at all. Her canter in general has gotten much, much better, it’s much more balanced, round and obedient and also easier to ride. However, she was a little resistant to the right on Saturday, resisting the bend and tossing her head some, we’ve had much better right lead canters lately, but she was not offering me her best on Saturday. Still, everything else seemed very good. Very responsive to my leg, willing to bend in each direction, offering impulsion over the back and from behind, even Alison said that she looked good. Surprisingly I also was not very nervous. I remember the wreck that I was back in May & June for my first couple of events and I didn’t feel even remotely like that – perhaps that also helped me to relax and warm-up Ruby without too much tension. Being relatively new to all of this, I still haven’t figured out how much warm-up Ruby needs (or how much I need, for that matter), and I suspect that it’s probably going to vary with her anyway. This day because she was so nice and responsive, I decided that less was more and I walked the last 10 minutes or so of our warm-up time, still doing circle and serpentine figures to keep her working and listening, as well as supple, but not pressing for anything more than that.

Very soon I was on deck for my turn in the Dressage ring. I’ve come to the realization that it’s better to get on the horse a little earlier rather than later. The warm-up time seems to really fly and I do also like to walk Ruby around some before I start, so she can look at everything, and I don’t think it hurts to walk her around after I’ve done most of the warm-up. Of course, every horse is different, but I’d rather be a little early and know I’m in the right place than rushing around to get there and get ready.

We had time to trot around the outside of our Dressage ring a few times before they rang the bell, signaling that I could start. Ruby rode nicely forward and round down the centerline, but I could tell we were not exactly straight – this is one of those things we just haven’t gotten quite right yet, but at least I could recognize it and try to adjust. I have to say that at every movement and figure, she really did listen to what I wanted and tried to comply. A better rider might have been able to get more out of her, but I really was quite pleased, I felt (like I did at King Oak) that we were a team in this, that there was some harmonious flow to our effort. I’d say she stayed pretty round for most of the test, straightness wasn’t great, but bending was better than it has been. And she was very nicely forward, I thought, I was particularly pleased with that. I was very happy with both canter transitions, but her right lead canter was a bit stiff and she tossed her head and resisted some on the circle. Still, the impulsion was nice and she did offer the transition eagerly. Overall, I was quite pleased with everything. At the end of it I felt like we were maybe entering “respectable” territory for our Dressage. Later I was thrilled to learn that we earned a “39” score on our test. Not stellar by most riders’ standards, but really a HUGE improvement for us. At the UNH event in July our Dressage earned us a 54.2, that’s a 15.2 point improvement! I was very, very happy with that. It was also good enough to put us in 7th place for our division. I feel like if we can improve from here, that we may truly be able to be competitive someday.

It was a very long and miserable day for just one little Dressage test, but after all was said and done, I felt like it was pretty worth it. I feel very encouraged that Ruby and I are making progress. It was very disconcerting, however, to finally get home, collapse on the couch and realize that I had to just turn around and do it all over again the next day – GAH!

Note to Self:

When you're really, really pissed off about something, be careful how you stomp around the house, because dogs really don't understand that you're actually not upset with them. They will cringe and cower (or look at you like you're insane, if a Pug) as if you are.