Moving "Fantasy" Update

As an update to my moving fantasy of the other day: I bit the bullet earlier in the week and sent a query to a real estate agent. He called me last night and I was able to discuss with him at length what I was thinking of doing. He seems to think that it may perhaps be doable. Maybe. He said that there are some tax incentives for buyers right now, so he thinks that I should get my place on the market immediately to take advantage of this possible motivation. The tax incentive expires sometime in April, so if someone is potentially interested in my place, there is a big advantage to them having a contract in place by the April, whatever cut-off date.

I'm a little overwhelmed, to put it mildly.

In any case, he's going to come by my house next weekend to do a market analysis and then we're going to go look at some townhouses in the complex that I'm interested in. I guess it can't hurt to take a stab at this, I don't have to sell if I suddenly chicken out, or don't get a decent enough offer. Still ... yikes!

Edited to Add: I should mention that my real real estate fantasy is to buy some charming cottage in Hollis. But I'm unlikely to be able to realistically afford this anytime soon (or in my lifetime, if I'm going to truly be honest with myself). The condo idea above is my current, semi-realistic fantasy. Just so we're clear.

I always have one fantasy or another going

I've been fantasizing this week about downsizing a little bit. Selling my house and buying a townhouse close to where I board my horse. The more I think about it, the more I like the idea. But the thought of it also completely overwhelms me. So, I'm making out a pro & con list. Here is what I've come up with so far:

Pros

* Cheaper (smaller mortgage, less property taxes, may be less HOA (not sure about that last one)
* MUCH closer to the barn. Like by 25 mins each way -- this is HUGE to me.
* A bit smaller (less to clean and less area to keep track of), might be a warmer space in the Winter (lower utility bills).
* Central air (at least the place I was thinking of).
* Closer to Nashua amenities (like Trader Joes, hello!)
* Less stuff to maintain (yard, outside stuff).
* This particular place has a swimming pool.
* The condo place I'm thinking of also has walking trails.
* There are at least three other areas of conservation land trails very close by.
* It's just beside the border to my favorite town (Hollis).
* I'd be closer to some of my cousins and some other people I know from the barn.

Cons

* No backyard or screened porch, smaller deck. much less personal outdoor space.
* Attached walls.
* No garage.
* Smaller space (can be looked at as both a plus and a minus).
* Only 1.5 baths, no master bath (I don't think).
* Selling and buying and closing and moving is enormously expensive, not to mention a huge pain-in-the-butt.
* I currently have an excellent mortgage rate, it would piss me off to have a higher %.
* I'm sure I couldn't get as much for my house right now as I paid for it.
* All the work I would have to have done on my house in order to even think about selling it.
* Sure would miss being able to just let the dogs out all the time.
* Being in an attached townhouse, the dogs might bark more (I don't care so much, but neighbors might object).


Break-even stuff

* About the same distance to work (give or take maybe 3 minutes).
* Both locations are pretty close to grocery stores, etc.
* With the outlay of money it takes to sell, buy and move, the money part might actually break even for a while.

Most likely this is all a moot point because I suspect that I would not be able to sell my house for near enough for it to make any sense. I think the biggest reason that I'm fantasizing about this right now is because I really, really, really want to be closer to Ruby, while not adding any time to my commute. And the idea of paying less per month, in general, is a very attractive idea too. If I could get what I paid for my house it would absolutely make sense. But it is a whole lot of trouble, not to mention up-front expense, to jump through the hoops to be in a position to even think about selling. Well, maybe I'll look into it come Spring, see if I can find someone to recommend a real estate agent. Or maybe I'll put the thought on the back burner and think about it again in another year. Food for thought anyway.

Goals for 2010 (non-riding)

My goals for 2010 are going to mostly be about behavior. I find that it's useless to make promises to myself like, "lose 30 lbs" or, "get a promotion or a raise (or whatever) at work", it's much more concrete and attainable to make goals around the specific behaviors or tasks that I can make a choice to do, or not do, on any given day that fulfill the goal and inch me closer towards the person that I want to be, towards the life that I see for myself. I believe my goals for last year were made with this idea more or less in mind, but I think that I am a little bit more mindful of that now.

Work

I feel that I am already on the path that I want to be on for this year at work. There were some changes to our group over the past six months or so that have opened up some additional opportunities for me to learn new stuff, take on new work, increase my value to the team, as well as expand my exposure to the enterprise. This, along with some new projects on the horizon are giving me the opportunity to learn some valuable new skills that are much needed in our group, so I am starting 2010 actually pretty excited for the work year ahead.

The work goals that I want to work on, in addition to the above, center on my management of fear. I'm not sure how much control I may have over stress and anxiety, but I can address the fear that sometimes holds me back at work. Fear of failure, fear of not knowing something, fear of looking like an idiot, fear of admitting that I'm unsure. You name it, these things crop up consistently for me and to the detriment of my forward progress sometimes. I can't tell you how many times I've been in a meeting when some issue comes up and, if I have an idea, but am not 100% sure it's the right answer, I keep my mouth shut, only to have someone else pipe up with the same, or a similar, thing. I sometimes start off new projects terrified that I'll screw up. Learning something new, convinced that I'm going to fail -- so I am sometimes afraid to take that chance. So, my goal for this year is to get over it. When new opportunities come up, take them on. When I am shown something new, take a chance at trying it on my own the next time (with the usual caution of backing up what can be backed up, etc.) Don't be afraid to voice an opinion. And (perhaps most importantly of all) don't let the attitude, condescension or bad vibes of anyone else taint my self-confidence or self-esteem.

Home

This is a new category for this year. About a month or so ago, I got this bug about cleaning and organizing and throwing crap away. It feels good. And it also feels really good to be living in surroundings that are a bit more serene. So, my goal is to keep throwing the excess away, keep up the dusting and vacuuming. Keep on top of what's stuffed into the refrigerator. Keep the fireplace clean. Shred everything that needs to be shredded on a weekly basis, at least. Get rid of the catalogs, cut down or eliminate magazine subscriptions. Go through clothes that haven't been worn in a year. More storage bins for the books and other stuff that I don't want to throw out, at least get it organized in the basement. Finish hanging the rest of pictures lying around the house (I actually just hung a few last week).

Other very specific home stuff:

* Get the garbage disposal / dishwasher fixed.
* Get the screening on the screen porch fixed or replaced (probably not until Spring or so).
* Get the deck stained. I think there is a loose board there too that needs to be fixed.
* Hang a new curtain rod in my bedroom (the one that's in there is hanging by a thread).
* This old electrical outlet thing that (I think) used to be part of some alarm system (previous owner) needs to be made inactive or closed or whatever. Anyway, need an electrician to take a look.
* Have light bulbs replaced in the garage opener and the overhead garage light (sounds silly, I know, but I can't reach either, even with the step stool!)

Finances

Oh, I really don't know. In 2009 I feel like I really didn't buy nearly as much random stuff in general that I have in previous years. I definitely did not buy many clothes or make trips to Target regularly, I haven't been to a mall in YEARS. Can't remember the last time I ordered anything from Crate & Barrel or William Sonoma or Pottery Barn. But I did buy a horse last year and so have also been spending money on all the stuff that comes along with horse ownership. So I can't say that this newfound restraint has saved me anything. It's just flowing out the other side. At least I recognize that I have to make adjustments if I am to pay for the things I want and need for the horse, so I guess there is something positive in that. I guess I just need to continue to make better and better decisions about how I spend my money. Think about something before I buy it. Cook more (I am doing this already). Review the cost of stuff in the grocery store. That kind of thing.

Social

I've decided that I don't have any social goals. I am an introvert. Sometimes I don't want to go to a party or socialize, that's just the way I am. I am no longer going to force myself to do something that I don't want to do. If I want to stay home, why shouldn't I?

Health, Fitness & Weight

Well, first of all, I can't obsess about weight, as terrible as the situation may seem. Worrying about the scale and obsessing about my weight and berating myself for it does nothing for me but cause sick heartache, stress and, most of all, extreme self-loathing. Again, the goals are about behavior, about the things that I have a choice to do, or not do, on a daily basis. The hope is that the consistent good choices may have some effect on the weight and fitness. So here is what I'm thinking:

* 3 days a week of some non-riding kind of exercise. I am thinking mostly of walking (with the hope to get to some amount of running eventually), spinning classes, yoga and maybe some other cardio-machine stuff. (I joined the "Y" this week!)
* Yogurt or oatmeal for breakfast. Allowed to have one "treat" breakfast a week (like egg with turkey bacon, for example).
* Take-out allowed once every three months.
* A 12-16 oz water with lunch everyday (I have a terrible Diet Coke habit). Eventually restrict DC to weekends only.
* Cook dinner at home (or heat up leftovers, or at the least, have yogurt) six nights a week -- some kind of frozen or prepared meal is allowed one night a week. I've actually been increasing my cooking over the past couple of months so I'm almost already there. This also helps greatly in the finance sector.
* Get someone in to look at the treadmill. The belt seems to be slipping (maybe belongs under the "Home" category).

Talk to my doctor or someone about my increasing levels of anxiety and stress. Maybe I can get some therapy or something. I was even thinking about looking into hypnosis -- could help with both the anxiety and weight-loss.

Follow-up about some of the medical stuff that I've put off, like a mammogram and a mole/skin check.

Well, that's what I've come up with. I do have some additional riding-specific goals that I want to write about in a separate post. I have to continue to think about how the choices I make each day bring me closer to who I want to be, or whether they move me farther away. If I can be conscious and mindful of these small, daily things, then I should be in a good place by the end of 2010. We'll see.

2009: Goals

I’ve been thinking about goals for 2009. I don’t always clearly define these each year, nor do I always publish them, but I feel like 2008 was a pretty good year for me and so I would like to try and exploit that momentum somewhat, nail down some specific objectives and concentrate on actually making them happen.

It seems like every year I have this vague sort of idea: lose weight and try harder at work. Sometimes I have a little bit of success at this, sometimes I don’t, but it all feels so hit or miss by this method. I’m going to try to be more concrete and specific and so I want to come up with a plan for how these objectives can be hit.

Work

As I wrote in my 2008 Year Review, last year was a successful and pivotal year for me at work. It would be tempting to relax a little bit and enjoy that, but I really do think that I am somewhat at a critical turning point in my career. As my role and path becomes defined, I have to be an active participant in who I am going to be as a professional. I need to be more proactive, more organized, more committed and more enthusiastic. I need to be more involved in strategic work and more integral to the over-all direction of my group. Now how to accomplish all that, I haven’t really figured out yet, but I’m working on it.

Finances

I’m pretty good about saving some money every month, but for 2009 I want to be a little more aggressive about that. I’m still trying to figure out what the specific goal is going to be and I probably won’t publish the specific monthly or annual number, but just suffice to say, it’ll be more than it’s been.

Social

I admit it, I’m an introvert and can be a bit of a social hermit. I am never more comfortable and at peace than when I’m home with the dogs and a bunch of good books and maybe some movies on the TV. I enjoy socializing, but I also find it very draining and I can be a little socially awkward, so I really tend to dread the effort. Still, I usually end most parties or social encounters happy that I went, taking away good memories. So in 2009 I want to make more of an effort socially. Come out of my cocoon more often, accept more invitations, be willing to move out of my comfort zone a little bit.

Health, Fitness & Weight

Ugh. Here I need to get back on that wagon. I’ve had a bit of a vacation with my little birthday/holiday pity party. But now that is all over and it’s time to get back to work. I never stopped going to Jenny Craig, and that has probably been a huge element to my not completely falling apart in this area, but it’s time to get serious again. So, here are my plans (I may need to fine-tune as I move forward, but this is what I’m thinking for right now):

• Re-commit to Jenny Craig. Be more careful with lunch (I don’t eat JC for lunch). Continue to use JC meals for breakfast & dinner.
• Get back on the scale (both at home and at JC).
• Start eating fruit mid-morning at work again.
• Alcohol for social occasions only.
• Continue 2x/week personal training sessions.
• Pick up the running again – run a minimum of 3x a week through March.
• Plan to bump up mileage and/or the number of running sessions per week after March (hopefully the snow will start to be on the wane by then and I’ll be able to use some trails).
• Weather, snow & salt permitting, walk dogs on significant walk (or run) – minimum 2 miles, 2-3x per week.
• Look into a “Y” membership, or re-up with the Spinning studio.
• Ride 4x a week (includes 2 training sessions/lessons per week).

I think if I can do all that and be consistent and steady about it, my weight should more or less take care of itself, at least to a certain point. I may not be a size 4 and the perfect weight for my height, but I should be in a reasonable place, I think. If I decide that I want to go further, then some fine-tuning will most likely have to happen, but I’ll worry about that and decide when I get there. I’d say from where I’m sitting now, I would like to lose probably another 40 lbs. I think I would be happy and healthy there, I might not be over the moon with happiness with my size, but that’s where the fine-tuning would maybe come in.

Riding

I’m still trying to figure out my riding goals. This is very important to me, but as I am still in the mode of learning to ride again and don’t know where my skills and abilities are really going to put me down the road, it’s hard to have too specific goals because I don’t really know what I’m going to be capable of. Additionally, with riding, since it is a partnership with a horse, some of my goals at some point would have to be reliant on having a suitable horse for attaining them, so there is a whole other financial (not to mention time) component there that may or may not be doable.

With all that said, for this year, I would like to continue to work hard through the Winter and Spring, and feel that I could possibly compete in an entry level (Beginner Novice level) event/horse trial. Whether or not I actually DO compete at this stage is less important, but I would like to feel like I COULD, that I am ready to start. So, basically that comes down to schooling BN level. I think that’s pretty doable. I think right now I could handle the jumping portion without being at all afraid or too overwhelmed. I don’t think that I would feel comfortable competing today, just because I wouldn’t want to embarrass myself, but I feel like I could get around okay at least. So by late Spring I would like to feel much more competent and confident, that I could easily compete at that level and feel proud to do so. I think that’s reasonable.

By Fall, I think I would like to feel like I’m ready to school Novice (the next level up). Once I feel that I’m schooling that level, I think I’ll be pretty close to where I was ability-wise when I was riding twenty-two years ago. I think I was schooling Training a bit, but never competed above Novice in eventing (in those days it was called, “Pre-Training”). I think I was jumping 3’6” hunters and equitation, but I’m concentrating on eventing now. Once I get to a point where I’m schooling pretty consistently Novice, and am thinking of competition, it may be time to consider buying a horse. I don’t know what the economy, the state of my job or my financial situation will be then, so I don’t know if that will be possible, or if it will be possible to buy a horse suitable for competition. But at least I should have a better idea by then of what I’m going to be capable of and can work towards positioning myself for horse ownership.

Anyway, all that is a long time off at this stage. Right now I’m concentrating on riding 4x a week and having my two lessons during the week. Additionally, I want to be more fit for riding! This ties into the “Health, Fitness & Weight” section, but I should not be all out of breath after cantering around the ring a bunch of times, or after doing a 1-minute jump course. I need to improve my cardio as well as reduce my weight, in order to be a better rider.

So these are the goals that are the most important to me right now in my life and so will be what I’m concentrating on for the year. They should remain pretty fluid and adjustable as I move forward, so I want to always think I’m keeping my expectations realistic.

More Bad News from the Dentist

Went in yesterday to repair a fractured back tooth and prepare it for a crown, once into the process the dentist realized that the tooth is probably not going to be viable. He's sending me to a root canal specialist to see if they can save it (but he didn't sound too optimistic). If RC won't work, I'm looking at another extraction and implant, at about 5K+ a pop. So, just for those who haven't been paying attention, I've already spent about 5K out of pocket so far this year for dental work, with another 5K to be spent in January for the implant I've already got scheduled. Now if I need this additional extraction/implant (and it sounds like I will) that is about 5K more. Bringing the grand-total spent on dental work in less than a year to about 15K, not including what insurance covered! And I'm not even going to mention what a horror show the actual extraction was last time, I'm freaking out about the thought of having to go through anything like that again any time soon.

I had really hoped to start saving more aggressively now, wanted to start an additional IRA as well as a non-retirment investment fund. I also wanted to move forward and do some more painting and other home improvements on my house (window treatments, re-surface some textured walls, replace some damaged windows, etc.) and now it looks like I'm not going to be able to do any of it. I feel sick.

On a good note, I wasn't charged for yesterdays appointment. I think the dentist felt sorry for me.