Another Week Flies By

And I haven't done much about blogging. Been kind of in the doldrums this week and I'm not exactly sure why. I spoke to my sister over the weekend and she was bubbling over with enthusiasm and happiness with their move to Bend, Oregon. She couldn't say enough about how wonderful the area is, the community, the scenery, the climate, the outdoorsy nature of the inhabitants and all the bike & running, etc. trails that are available all over the place. She kept saying to me, "and tell me why you're living where you are again?" I know, I know, the quality of life here sucks (unless you make a lot of money), but my job is here, you know? And she kept reminding me that I'm not getting any younger, if I'm going to make a change, I should do it. I KNOW!!! Sheesh! It's so easy to become complacent in life, making a huge change is very hard. It's both harder and easier (at the same time, if that makes any sense) when you are all on your own. Granted, I don't have kids, so I wouldn't be uprooting anything much, but I am my only resource -- financially, emotionally, whatever. I think my biggest worry is being able to find good employment, earning enough money to pay my bills, save for retirement, have a home and have a life, while actually liking what I do, hopefully even (at least most of the time) looking forward to coming to work every day. I actually have that here, as much as I complain about it in my blog, I actually (usually) like my job. I've worked for this company for sixteen years, so looking for a position outside of it is hugely daunting to me. But when I lay everything out, this job is really the main thing that is keeping me here. I have friends here too, yes, but most of my friends nowadays are busy with children or other endeavors, so my social life has really fallen to the wayside in recent years. So, that is not holding me here. Everything else is just logistics, I would need a car, I'd have to sell my apartment, I would have to transition smoothly enough so that I could continue to pay my debt without interruption. Anyway, lately I've just had this feeling of time running out. People all around me are making big changes in their lives, moving on. I feel like I am stuck in limbo and my window to make a change won't be open for forever. This is what has been keeping me awake at night.