Monday, October 29, 2007

Families and hurt feelings

So, I am trying very hard not to feel bitter, but I've been struggling with this for a couple of weeks now and I still feel pretty wretched about it, so maybe it will help me to blog about the issue.

A few weeks ago I was talking to Cousin Greg (one of my cousins who live near me in New Hampshire) and he let me know that he is hosting Thanksgiving this year at his house, and he invited me for the event. He then asked if I thought that my father might come up from New Jersey for it, especially as he could stay with me. I told him that I didn't know what his plans are for the holiday, but that I would ask him.

I hadn't heard from my father in a few weeks anyway, so I gave him a call and during the course of the conversation I mentioned Greg's invitation. My father's response, "Well, we're going down to Lancaster to --Wifey's daughter #1's-- house. --Wifey's daughter #2-- is coming and everything". All said in a tone that seemed to say, 'Well, OF COURSE we're going to Lorie's daughter's house. How stupid!' Soorrrreeeee -- sheesh.

Then I asked him if he (they) wanted to come up here for a weekend sometime (anytime they wanted, didn't have to be a holiday). And he, in a very exasperated tone, said, "I don't know when I can find the time!" I responded and said that was fine, I wasn't requesting he come up, but more that he was welcome to at any time if he wanted to. SHEESH. He then went on to say that Lorie (wifey) is not going to want to come up when it's going to be cold and/or there is a chance of snow. WTF??? First of all, I really don't think we need to worry much about snow until January. Maybe we'll get a little in December, but we don't usually have much before the end of the year. And secondly, there really is only about a two degree difference in temperature between where I live and where they live. Seriously. Is she THAT sensitive that she can handle 54* in NJ, but not 52* in NH?. Thirdly, pretty much every weekend for the past MONTH (since this conversation) the temps have been in the 70s! I suspect that SHE does not want to come up here (the weather & temperature is an excuse) and he is not willing to come without her.

I've just been feeling so bitter and hurt and mad about his attitude in general. I don't even really know why I am mad specifically, other than because of his wish to constantly cater to "Wifey" and her family while completely ignoring or eschewing his own. The fact that it doesn't even cross his consciousness that any of his children or grandchildren might feel hurt or cast aside is particularly troubling.

So now it's been about another month since we've spoken. Doesn't seem that he's going to call me anytime soon, so I guess I had better call. I just hope that SHE doesn't answer the phone (and of course she always does).

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