Monday, November 19, 2007

Bitter and not getting over it

Last Monday was my birthday. I hate my birthday. I try not to have any expectations so that I won't be disappointed, but it's hard to expect absolutely nothing. This year my father topped his emotional distance by completely forgetting my birthday altogether, he's never done that before. I received nothing from him, not even a phone call. At some point afterward he finally did remember (frankly, I think my sister called to tell him) and he has left a couple of voice mail messages during the week, but has done nothing else to make up for it. He has had a week now to send me a card or a gift and I have to finally come to the realization that nothing is forthcoming. This is what my family relationship is reduced to now, I guess. I'm a little miffed at my sister too, to be honest. She did call me on the day, but would it have killed her to send a card? I spend $100s on her kids each year for their birthdays, and I make sure to at the very least send her a card for hers (sometimes a gift too), I feel that the least they could do is all get together and send me a card. The kids are old enough now (11 and 14) to do this too. It's not that I am going to stop sending birthday & Christmas greetings and gifts for my family, but I do feel pretty hurt and bitter about it all. I have a couple of very nice friends who sent me cards but, other than that, I got absolutely nothing at all and it just completely depresses me. I know, I know, I'm a grown adult and I shouldn't care. And it's not even about the gift or the materialism of it, certainly there is nothing that anyone could give me that I couldn't easily buy for myself these days, so that's not it at all. It's the fact that someone thought enough of you, to take the time to think about something small that you might like (even if it's an amazon gift certificate for $10).

So, I'm mad and bitter right now. I'll eventually get over being mad, but I think the hurt feelings are going to take longer to overcome.

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