So, I've talked before about how my father was married about a year ago, how he was engaged to his new wife almost a year to the day after my mother's passing. Well, he has been living in wedded bliss ever since. He's traveled to Italy and New Mexico and Florida and Bermuda and Vermont and Martha's Vineyard and I can't remember where else (they're basically off somewhere every couple of months). Right now they're on the West Coast: California, Seattle and wherever. Anyway, I hear from him maybe once a month or so, but when they're traveling, I get a postcard. From her. And the worst of it is, She. Always. Spells. My. Name. Wrong. Because we all know that the name "Debbie" is very complicated to spell. I don't know why my own father can't take one whole minute to write a "Hi Deb, love Dad" (only with him, it would be "Luv" not "Love" -- I'm splitting hairs, I know, but little things like this illustrate clearly the non-existent affection that exists in my family). It just irks me to no end. What little, tiny effort does it take, if you've already bought the postcard anyway? A postcard from her is meaningless to me. ARGH!

This message on Craig's List describes perfectly how I feel about baby showers -- UGH!

Work Stress

ARGH! I'm being pulled in a million different directions by various people at work this week. Stressed! And the stupid Marketing Department schedules a meeting with me to go over these web reports I developed for them (like, two months ago, I might add) first for 11:00 this morning, then changed to Noon and now changed to 3:00 PM! Nothing like screwing with my entire day! As if I don't have enough other things to worry about -- sheesh. At least I know that they're now looking at this stuff I worked hard on. The reports are pretty high-profile too, all the mucky-mucks will be using them and they deal with revenue so you know that they'll be scrutinized to death. Yikes!

Everyday Heros

A huge congratulations needs to go out to JoeB this week for realizing his dream of running a sub-3 hour marathon! He put in months and months of hard work (65-mile weeks, running 2x a day, etc.) and made the goal he had been striving for. There is inspiration there for all of us.

So. Tired.

I think my lack of sleep on Saturday night has caught up with me. Had a lousy night's sleep last night too, weird, since I was exhausted. Can no longer concentrate at work, this afternoon is completely dragging -- ARGH! Also doesn't help that my cubicle is a damn sauna. Please let this day end. Quickly.

Favorite Time of Year

I spent a gorgeous morning in Central Park yesterday, couldn't have asked for better weather. I was cursing myself at 5:30 when I had to force myself out of bed after about four hours of sleep, but I didn't really mind too much once I was awake and showered and looking ahead to the day before me. Some storms had blown through the day before leaving the air clean and crisp, with that perfect Autumn sparkliness that seems to be unique to the North East. Walking Lola at around 6:00 AM, it was still dark and a carload of guys passed me who were obviously driving home after a night out, they looked at me strangely standing there with my dog in my running clothes, and I looked at them with a shudder remembering the days (only a few short years ago) when I might have just been arriving home after an all-nighter. I was on a train headed to Manhattan while it was still dark, sipping a coffee and enjoying the quietness of the early hour. I felt oddly... content. Hmmmm, interesting.

I was up to Central Park by about 7:15 AM and milling around the packet pick-up for the race shivering a little bit in my shorts and running jacket. Since I was so early, I was able to enjoy seeing the event starting to come to life as more runners and volunteers arrived, as the sun rose and the volunteers continued to put the race site together. I leisurely sat on a bench by the Sheep Meadow until a race official squawked at us with a bullhorn to line up. With a couple of minutes to go before the start of the race, I finally pulled my running jacket off and tied it around my waist. After some short speeches, the horn blew and we were off. This was a short race, only 1.7 miles -- the lower Central Park loop. My one and only goal was to the run every step of the race (and not resort to walking at all). I figured that this should be easy since I ran every step of the 3.1 mile race I ran just a few weeks ago on a similar course -- this is half the distance, easy. Right? Well...

Because I had been to the race start early, I had lined up relatively early. And, although I seeded myself properly near the back, the race officials kept moving everyone up to fill in the empty spaces in the line-up. As a result, as we started, I found myself mixed in with people who were faster than I am. Lots of people passing me spurred me on to running a bit faster than I perhaps can handle right now. I also found myself almost hyperventilating, unable to really regulate my breathing, which added to my problems of pacing myself and caused me to be out of my comfort zone pretty much immediately. It was not pleasant. Still, I ran. And kept running. First it was looking for that one mile marker. Seemed to take for forever to come. We wound down through the 72nd Street Transverse, up the little hill between the Bethesda Fountain and the bandshell and past all the lines of half-marathon runners milling around waiting for their race which was due to start in about a half an hour. Then it was a turn South and up a rough hill and under the half-marathon starting line while those race participants cheered for us as we came by. Kept thinking, 'I must have gone a mile already, maybe they just aren't marking it because this is such a short race' and then I looked at my watch and saw that I had only been running eight minutes and change -- doh! Guess I haven't gone a mile yet afterall. Sheesh. Once I finally did find the one mile marker, a quick glance of my watch showed me at pace over a minute per mile faster than my pace at my last race (the RFTC 5K). Maybe this explained my discomfort so early in the race. Still, the race was short, so the only thing to do was to just keep running. It was hard. Every step had me wanting to walk, I had a huge mental struggle with myself not to give in at each second. I continued to win this war with myself and pushed and pushed myself onward. I hoped to gain a little recovery on the bit of downhill before hitting the Southern part of the loop, but downhill didn't seem to make much difference to me on this day. I just had to mentally grit my teeth and keep going. Finally the final turn up the West Side came and the long hill up past the Tavern on the Green and to the finish line. I think it's about a quarter of a mile (give or take) from the turn around the bottom of the loop to the Finish. So close, yet so far. I couldn't walk now, I made it this far, I couldn't do it, even though there was a crappy hill to be run between me and the finish line. I had nothing left, I was running, but there was no sprint left at all. I felt nausea rising, a new problem for me, so I added the struggle not to boot to the struggle to keep running. Up that hill, argh! Why does it always seem so long??? And I finally stumbled over the finish line, having run every step of the course as was my goal on this day. I weaved for the chip removal station and held my shaking leg on the step for removal barely able to stand upright. Pretty pathetic to be so wiped out by a 1.7 mile race! Shortly afterwards Ellen appeared beside me, she had started the race farther back in the queue and had run most of it with me in view ahead.

Once I was able to have some water and a little bit of a walk, I felt completely recovered. It's amazing how quickly you snap back. We made our way over to the Norwegian Festival that was being held in tandem with the races where we were able to enjoy a NY bagel with fresh smoked salmon and Norwegian cream cheese. There were also waffles available for those who wished to indulge (I drew the line here as we had plans for lunch later). Shortly after settling on a bench with our bagels, Harriet joined us. She had walked the race and so finished a bit behind. We had plenty of time to enjoy the beautiful morning in Central Park as Ken was running the half-marathon. At one point we made our way over to part of the race course and was able to cheer for Ken as he passed by. We also had time to watch the little kids' races and meet up with our friends, Jorge and Silvia,whose son, Lukas, was running in the 3-year old's race. We finally went back to the Finish Line by the Sheep Meadow to watch the half-marathon runners finish and to wait for Ken. Ken finished faster than his goal, so everyone ended up having good races. From there we had a nice leisurely stroll through the bridle paths of Central Park, finally exiting on West 81st Street and then over to Amsterdam Avenue to enjoy some BBQ ribs and pitchers of beer outside in the sunshine.

I just love this time of year!

Impressions from this Week

Gawd, I've been so damn lame about blogging lately. I've been really swamped at work and just seem to lose any inspiration by the time I get home each evening. This week has been punctuated by work, work, work, two spinning classes, torrential rain (Tues) and an LIRR tunnel fire and subsquent system shut-down (Monday). That's it in a nutshell. I have. Not. Run. I'm an ass. Actually brought my stuff to work on both Monday and Wednesday with the intention of going up to Central Park in the early evening for a run and in both cases my intentions were thwarted by circumstances (the LIRR debacle on Monday and being swamped and stuck at work on Wednesday). Hoping next week will be a lot better. For what it's worth, the busy-ness at work has been (for the most part) a good kind of busy, so I'm not really complaining too much. I have a 1.7-mile "race" on Sunday. That's right, 1.7 miles. heh. (could it be any shorter?) AND I get credit towards automatic entry into next year's NYC Marathon -- not that I plan to run next year's NYCM, but it counts, if I did (the NYRRC has a policy for members that if you run a certain number - I think 9 - of scored races in a given year, that you are guaranteed acceptance in the next year's marathon). Anyway, I'm not even thinking of a marathon, I just think it's kind of cool that this little 1.7 M race counts. Anyway. What else? hmmmmmm. Oh, Michelle had a party last Saturday night as a sort of combination house warming/birthday celebration. Let me say that her apartment looks EXCELLENT! Oh yeah and there was this drunken guy there who kept wanting me to sit on his lap. I do not sit on laps, at least not at my current girth. Sheesh. Let's see, anything else to report... oh, it was my Lola-Girl's birthday yesterday, that little fat-ass pug just turned four. Time sure does fly.


Okay, one last thing from Spinning class last night. Why do these spinning instructors always say things like, "keep your eyes on the road"? They do realize that we're on stationary bikes inside of a gym. Don't they?

Anyway, that's it for now.

Rat Bastids

Rat Bastard pharmaceutical company that makes freaking Synthroid raised their damn prices again! It's so frustrating because it's not as if I can boycott consumption of their product after all. And what is with the enforced wait you have to endure at a pharmacy while getting a prescription filled anyway? I mean, am I wrong, or are they just taking the requisite # of pills from a big bottle and putting it in a small bottle for you to take with you? I mean, it's not as if they're actually grinding and mixing the ingredients with a mortar and pestle back there or something. Sheesh.

Dog Puke

Nice title. Lola was up all night puking, which means that I was up all night -- argh! She puked on my bed, on my floor, in my backpack (which happened to be on the floor near my bed). Called and left a voice mail for my manager this morning to let him know that I was going to be late and as I was on the phone leaving the message, I discovered more puke on the kitchen rug which caused me to exclaim, "oh God, and here's more puke!" I am sure he appreciated the message first thing this morning. Lola seems fine now anyway. Lucky dog can sleep it off all day, while I have to work, grrrrrrr.

Oh, and for the record, I did go to spinning last night. I'm a wreck now, TG I can sleep late tomorrow.

So. Tired. Today. How, oh how am I going to spin tonight? (and Ellen says I have to... )

Julia Said (in my comments section):

"Debbie. You are inspiring me. I have been on my fat lazy ass since my sesame bone diagnosis. I have got to get back in the gym just to lose weight and gain my sanity back! GAH! I figure, if you can do it with your crazy schedule, I can too!!! Keep it up. I need the motivation!
Julia"

Well, my schedule really isn't all that crazy, or not any crazier than anyone else who works a basic 9-to-5 job. However, I do have the stumbling block of having to find a safe enough, yet pleasant place to run, now that the days have shortened and it gets dark early. I see people trudging doggedly around this block by my apartment in Queens all the time and it just depresses the Hell out of me. Trudging around and around on this bleak, Queens, concrete sidewalk. I just hope I am never reduced to that desperation. Btw, what exactly are "sesame bones"?

Central Park

Another beautiful day here in NYC, although we were a little bit back to more Summer-like temperatures. I decided to venture North to Central Park after work for a run, since the days have now gotten too short to safely utilize Forest Park in Queens on a weeknight. Luckily there is a convenient NYSC location at West 73rd & Central Park West, so I was able to change and stow my stuff there while running. The run itself was rather uninspired (not to mention pathetic). I ran in on W. 72nd, and South down around the lower loop. I then ran North up the East Drive, up over Cat Hill (which, unfortunately, I had to run in two stages, with a walk-break between) and then across the walk-way around the North side of the Great Lawn and then down the West Park Drive, and finishing with a hill on an annex road taking me back to the W. 72nd Street Park entrance. All-in-all I think about 3 miles (I'll have to take a look at my CP map to confirm). It wasn't such a great effort on my part, but oh, it was so very wonderful to be running just a regular Wednesday night run in Central Park again.

Had a good dose of Scary Spinning this evening and, really, it wasn't too bad. Although there was the usual confusion of her yelling at us to up the pace to double-time in third position and then after being there for a while, screeching for us to change to first position and then yelling, "now -- DOUBLE-TIME!!!!!" Er, I thought we were already on a double-time pace??? And there I was just hanging on by a thread. New spinning bikes in the classroom too, and while they are very nice and ride much smoother than the old bikes, I couldn't help but think that they were designed for larger people as I found myself way more intimate with my seat in the standing positions than I was perhaps comfortable with (and my seat was pretty much set on the smallest setting).

Queens Season is Over

Well, it looks as if running season in Queens is pretty much over. Last night I ran home from work at my usual time, changed, grabbed the pooch and hustled over to Forest Park in the dwindling sunlight. Ran in on the Park Drive and then off on the bridle trail. Right away I knew that my weeknight bridle trail runs were pretty much at an end as it was already twilight in the woods. Lonely and dark, I just ran in on the trail and up to my big hill -- the trail does some winding around, but by the time it gets to the hill, it parallels the Park Drive. Once I reached the top of the hill, I exited out of the woods and back onto the Drive where there were still some people and a little light. From there we ran back down the Park Drive and out of the park for a disappointing two-mile run. I came home and threw a load of laundry into a machine and then went to the gym in the basement and ran another mile on the treadmill and then put a little time in on the elliptical. I think I'm going to have to start getting a little creative about weekday running now that Forest Park is no longer an option (pisses me off that it's not safe). It's frustrating because Autumn is my favorite time of year to run too. Grrrrrrr.

Do you think it's significant...

That each time I execute this program I'm writing this morning that istead of typing "RUN" I type, "RUM"?

Bizarro World

For some unfathomable reason, I've really been enjoying my job lately. Strange.

RFTC: NYC

As the Summer winds down, I have found myself running out of steam with my running. I'm bored, sick of heat, sick of my routine, discouraged by lack of progress, feeling the need to rebel, etc. So, I haven't run as much in the past couple of weeks as I'm supposed to. Still, I signed up for the Race for the Cure (5K) race because it's a great event and I had told Luminita that I would do it. This race, like the Circle of Friends race we participated in, in June is one of those special running events where you can't help but be inspired. They are also both great events for runners and walkers of all abilities because women come out of the woodwork to participate, so there are all shapes, sizes, ethnicities and ages hoofing it through the course.

Anyway, Luminita and I met up at the Kew Gardens train station at the ungodly hour of 7:30 on Sunday morning. We made our way into Manhattan and up to the Upper Westside where we hoped to hook up with Harriet. It was a beautiful, beautiful day in NYC, so it was a pleasure to just mill around and soak up the atmosphere and catch onto to some of the race excitement as all the various groups started to gear up. We unfortunately never ran into Harriet, so we decided to make our way to the starting line as the time for the race start drew near. I was disappointed because Harriet is great at pacing a nice, steady & slow pace and I had hoped to count on her, especially as Luminita had decided that she wanted to try running. I knew that Harriet would be able to pace us steady enough for us all to finish comfortably. Luminita is in good shape, but is not a runner, so I wanted to make sure she had a good experience and I am not the best pacer in the World. Anyway, no Harriet, so we lined up without her. Once we were on our way I paced us at a very slow, conversational run. Really a jog. I figured, 'let's run the first mile and then we'll see.' I wanted Lum to be able to say she that had run a mile, at least. So it was comfortable, and the course not too bad. Up Central Park West. Into the Park, down a hill and then up one of the Westside hills that wasn't too bad since we hadn't run the rolling hills that come before it (usually it is the last in a series of rolling hills down the West Drive of the Park). We hit the 1 mile point somewhere in the sweeping downhill following this. I suggested that we keep running since we were on a downhill and Lum agreed. We finished the down hill and started a short uphill to a turn across the 72nd Street Traverse. I mentioned to Lum that we could take a walk break if she wanted, but she said that, no, she was fine, let's keep going (drat! I thought to myself that I could use a walk break, but okay let's keep going then). Across the 72nd Street Traverse, up the hill past the Bethesda Fountain, then a turn South on the East Park Drive and up another hill. I knew that the rest of the race course involved a series of rolling hills, so I tried to pace accordingly, keeping steady on the uphills and recovering on the downhills enough so that we would be ready for the next uphill, while also dealing with "cardic creep" as the cumulative effect of the race effort began to wear on us. I reined myself in on every uphill as I have a tendency to speed up on the hills and then tried to allow gravity to do most of the work on the downhills. We reached the 2nd Mile marker and I asked Lum if she needed a walk-break now and she said, no, she was fine (shit! I thought to myself, I really could use one! Not. Going. To. Give. In.) So we keep going, through all little rolling hills and around the South end of the Park, and we then started the last uphill up the West Drive and past Tavern on the Green and up on to the Finish (just past the NYC Marathon finish line). This was really hard now, the hill on this finish always, always, always kills me. We stayed steady and strong and finished side-by-side. Incredible. Luminita has never really run any distance before and she managed to run 3.1 miles without walking one single step. Hell, I managed to run 3.1 miles without walking one single step. I can't remember when the last time was that I was able to do this. Probably years ago. I'm also proud that I was able to set a reasonable pace that got us through the race. Once we finished, we stuck around the finish line for a while enjoying the beautiful day in the Park and basking in our accomplishment, while also looking for Harriet. We never did find her here either, so we decided finally to make our way home.

So, it was a great day and a great event and a perfect way to cap off the Summer. I was very happy to be able to share the race with Luminita as this is just the sort of event that is greatly enhanced by participating with others. I now need to ramp my running program back up. I can run 3 miles without walking after all, I need to start building on that. Heh.

Latest Guilty Pleasure

On the FX Network: Nip/Tuck, OMG, I am obsessed. I've even started catching up with last season by renting the DvDs from Netflix. It's a very, very naughty show. Heh.

Shoes

So, I went to Macy's on a little fact-finding excursion, searching for what Fall/Winter shoes I'm going to buy when I'm ready (having destroyed last Winter's boots after wearing them everyday for two years). And I saw lots and lots of options, an overwhelming number of options, so I'll have some serious decision-making to do when the time comes. Anyway, can someone please explain the concept of mules or sling-back shoes for Fall/Winter wear? They were all over the place, really cute, fall colors and materials, but backless shoes for a NYC Winter? Are you meant to wear them with stocking/socks or just bare? I don't get it.

Remiss

So, I've been extremely remiss and have neglected my blog. I just really haven't felt all that much like writing, to be perfectly honest. Nothing much has been going on with me and, well, I've actually been kinda depressed and somewhat anxiety-ridden. Nothing new has occurred to bring all these feelings about, I think they're all pretty much always there, depression, anxiety, insecurity, (let's face it, self-loathing) but usually remain mostly in the background. Every once in a while it all rears it's ugly head and I respond by retreating for a while until I can gain control again. It's kind of like having the flu, you just want to wallow in misery for a bit and not deal with the World until the worst is over. I think having all that time off with no plans at all last week helped kick-start everything. Too much time on my hands to think, think, think and berate myself for everything I've ever done wrong in my life and for everything which isn't working. It gets pretty ugly, believe me. Anyway, I feel a lot better now. I just think this is a cycle I have to work through every once in a while, get it out of my system and then move on. Sometimes I think I'm a bit too introspective for my own good. Anyway, onward and upward to better things. I apologize if anyone has been watching this space for anything new. Hopefully there will be stupid things I encounter in the World to blog about soon. Thinking of wandering over to Macy's on my lunch hour in fact. I'm bound to run into plenty of stupid or annoying stuff over there.