Deep Funk

So, I've been in a deep funk for the past few days. I happened to see a few pictures that were taken of me recently and it sent me into a downward spiral of depression. The person portrayed in these photos is not the person who looks back at me from the mirror. This person is a beast. Here I've been going along with things, exercising, generally feeling good about myself when the reality was that I am this hideous horror. I've seen a lot of talk about Body-Dysmorphic Syndrome with regards mostly to anorexics, but you never really see anything mentioned in Women's magazines or the media about the other side of the coin. Women who are over-weight or fat or HUGE who have a distorted image that makes them think that they look okay. I cerainly had no illusions that I'm a Super Model or anything, but I was not prepared for this reality. So, I've been entertaining very negative thoughts for the past few days. Basically along the lines of who do I think I am anyway and why bother, etc. I think I am just now managing to drag myself out of it. Running last night helped. If I can just concentrate on how exercise makes me feel both emotionally and physically, then I'm okay. Once I start worrying about how I look I start that downward spiral. Those photos were a slap in the face. For any of my friends who might be reading who have in the past been pissed off at me or annoyed for always avoiding that camera at various events, this is the reason why. The pain is just sometimes too much to bear.