Wednesday, June 30, 2004

In Keeping with My Pissy Mood of Late...



So, as stated previously, I was in a pissy and down-on-myself mood for a few days. On Sunday evening I came out the back door of my building into the backyard with Lola on her leash, to take her out through the gate to do what she has to do. The couple who live on the sixth floor in the 3-bedroom were out there sitting at one of the picnic benches with their infant on a blanket on the ground beside them. As I come out the door, the man whips around and stares at me, until I exit the gate. I walk Lola around along the curb, she does her stuff, I pick her poop up with a plastic bag, securely tying a knot in the bag and come in through the other gate and walk past them to throw the bag in the trash can out there. This entire time this man is watching me with hawk eyes like I don't know what. Like I am there to injure his child or something. Me and my vicious pug on her leash. I felt so... sad. Had been feeling particularly unloveable already but some guy has to watch me like I am out to harm his child. I think this sort of thing particularly affects me because as a child I wasn't really nurtured extensively or made to feel particularly "precious" and so when confronted with protective parents who eye me as some perceived threat, it just feels so unfair. And it hurts my feelings. What did he think I was going to do to his baby? My dog was on a leash, I wasn't anywhere near the kid (was it because I have no interest in fawning over it?) Additionally, you put on a baby on a blanket in a public outdoor area? It's not your private space, after all. If you're so paranoid, maybe you should keep it in a carriage or something. I won't even mention the fact that we had had a ton of rain up until the day before and the damp and saturated ground was perhaps not the best place to put a newborn infant on a thin blanket. But what do I know? Anyway, it just all came at a really bad time for me, feeling so loathsome and all. I'm over it now, for the most part.

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