Last Workout of the Week

Today I had my second personal training session of the week and again "Nice Mike" had some new stuff for me to try, among them pushups (against a stabilizing "half ball" thingie) and tricep dips. The dips in particular were killer! I managed to make it through the workout okay though and with enough enegry left to go for a bit of a run.

I ran partially up the fire road, up the Beaver Path trail, along the access road and then up the long hill "short-cut" to the top of my hilly trail ("Northeast Loop" trail). Then down the lovely backside of Northeast Loop, and back down the fire road. I tacked on the "Swan Path" and then the cinder path beside the little duck pond behind the company building to round out the run. All together about 3 miles.

Workout Recap for the Week:

This has probably been the best workout week that I've had in many years, so I'm particularly proud of it, so I must recap!

Sunday:
3-mile run in Mine Falls park.
Monday:
1.5 miles running intervals (treadmill)
Intense personal training session.
Spinning class
Tuesday:
3-mile trail run
"Core / Spin" class
Wednesday:
Spinning class
Thursday:
3.5 mile trail run
Friday:
Personal training session
3-mile trail run
Saturday:
Rest Day!

I would like to keep up this schedule, however, this week may be a little off between Labor Day (the spinning studio is closed) and people visiting, and a dentist appointment mid-week, so some of the workouts might end up cut or changed. However, I did sign up for a spinning class for next Saturday, so hopefully that will help make up for other stuff I might miss. I would like to keep my momentum up as much as possible.

Trail Run

About 3.5 miles of trails today. For the most part it was relatively flat and so I was able to run most of it. I was happy that my legs weren't too dead, probably because I didn't run yesterday, even though I did Spin. It was stickier than it had been earlier in the week and so the mosquitoes and the gnats were out in force, ick. Anyway, another workout done. I keep waiting for this to get easier, but it never seems to. I know it'll probably be a good, long while before I have an "effortless" run, but I still keep hoping for it.

I'm so excited!

My friends, Carolina & Janos, are coming up from NYC for this weekend. I haven't seen them in about 2.5 years! I can't believe it's been so long. It will be lovely to just hang out with them and dish.

Simple Pleasures

I had my third Spinning class of the week tonight and I am exhausted. Of course the fact that I had restless sleep all night, until about 4 AM when I was basically up for the day because sleep just wasn't happening certainly isn't helping my levels of exhaustion either. UGH. Anyway, the class was really good -- lots of heavy hill work, I had my water bottle completely drained only halfway through the class. But I made it through, so I have to be happy about that and I feel really great now, of course.

As I was driving home some good music came on the radio and there I was feeling pretty good about myself and I realized how much I used to enjoy driving in my car and liking myself, when some great song would come on -- I had totally forgotten that feeling, years of living in the city I had not felt in that particular way in a very long time. There are plenty of wonderful things about living in the city, and I certainly enjoyed my time there for years, but I had forgotten this one simple, silly pleasure and it was very nice to experience it again.

Another Double Workout Day

Do you ever have one of those days where you feel like you're rushing all day long? That's the way I felt today. Running to get to work, to get to the ladies room and to get another cup of coffee before the first meeting, running to grab a yogurt or something to choke down quickly before my noon meeting. Noon meeting goes half an hour over, so rushing to get out and run before I have to be back and ready for yet the NEXT meeting. Rush from that last meeting to an appointment I was almost late for and from there home to take care of the dogs before I finally had to rush to the Spinning studio for tonight's class. Sheesh!

Anyway, so I went out in the afternoon for my run. It was another one of those brilliant, Fall-like days. A day you just have to try and get outside for a little while to enjoy somehow. Oh, also? You know that it is a low humidity day when your running shorts actually stick to your legs with static electricity. I decided to do my hilly trail route today because I don't think I did it at all last week (just the "shortcut" a couple of times). I enjoyed the run up the "Beaver Path" and I ran down the asphalt road, which wasn't as enjoyable, and then onto the "Northeast Loop" trail. I ran the first, very steep hill that I've previously almost always just walked. From there, I ran as many of the hills as I could. During all this hill running it occurred to me that maybe I should try to run hills more because they pretty much kicked my ass. Completely. But I did it. The second part of this trail was delightful, as always, and I was again able to run it completely to the wooden bridge at the end (no walk breaks). After this trail it was a jog down the fire road and back to the company road. Today I also took a detour down a short trail off the company road that had been mired in muck with all the rain we've had all Summer. It finally has dried up enough to use. Anyway, the total mileage was around 3 miles, not one of my better or more exhilarating runs, but I got it done and it was very nice to be able to get out for a little while on such a lovely day.

My second workout for today was a "Core / Spin" class that was meant to be half of a Pilates mat class and half a Spinning class. What it really was, was about 20 mins or so of core work and then a FULL Spinning class -- bonus! I'm very pleased with that because I really was more interested in the Spinning anyway, but having the core element forces me to do that work, which I normally avoid. And even though the class description said that the Spinning was the first part of the class, it was the other way around, which I found preferable. Get the core stuff out of the way and over with, and then you can use up the rest of your energy on the spinning bike. No holding back for something that's coming afterwards. Anyway, so that worked out pretty well. The core stuff also wasn't as overwhelming as I had feared. I was able to do everything (even the 16 pushups -- I did the "girl" kind though, everyone did). And there were even a couple of exercises that the instructor warned were hard to do that I had absolutely no problem with. So I was relieved. The toughest stuff for me was during the abs part when we did a few exercises where legs and arms/upper chest are off the mat (you're on your back) and you're kicking or scissoring your legs in the air in some manner or another. But I think after I take a few of these classes I'll get better at everything. So, I think this one is a keeper and I'm a definite for the class too, no fooling around with waiting lists or whatever, so that makes me happy.

There was a point in the spinning section of the class, near the end when I felt really relaxed and satisfied and pleased with myself and I realized that I was ... happy. Maybe the happiest that I've felt in years & years. It was a good feeling.

O.M.G.

Hell must have frozen over because I am actually wearing a skirt at work today. Of course, it would have been nice had I thought to shave my legs, but you can't have everything.

Rant:

Speaking of work, I am not a big fan of people bringing their kids to work. Especially when said kid is walking around the company cafeteria coughing with an open mouth all over everything, particularly the open fruit bar! GAH! Of course the mother didn't say or do anything at all about it, because after all, it IS all about her and her spawn. Sheesh.

What a (Workout) Day!

Well, I think that I would say that "Nice Mike" is still pretty nice, but he DID try to kill me. There was one point during the workout where I had such jelly legs, that they were almost buckling under me. Anyway, I digress. I started the workout before my training session on the treadmill with 1.5 miles of running intervals. I alternated either 2 minutes of running at a 10 min mile pace or 1.5 mins of running at a 9:13 min mile pace with 1 minute walking at a 16 min mile pace. In hindsight, I'm not sure if maybe the running was a mistake as I continued to fling sweat all over the gym for my entire training session. Still, I'd have to say that I felt pretty great after it was all over. I happened to run into Mike in the cafeteria again after our session, right when I was checking out the pizza selection for today -- oops! That was enough to send me scurrying over to the deli and the salad section. (Hey, I was just looking!) After it all I was pretty much just a wet noodle for a while.

After work I had my first official spinning class of my new membership. There was a little confusion at the start as it turns out that I was the first alternate (#1 on the waiting list) where I thought that I was a definite for the class. But there ended up being some no-shows so I was able to do the class after all. Apparently, they are just starting a new session, so things are a little hectic, but they told me that it should all sort out after the dust settles. I am going to double-check with the reservations person, but they told me tonight that I am a definite for Tuesday & Wednesday classes this week though, so I'm committed to do those. Anyway, so the class was great! It kicked my butt as expected, but I was able to keep up, even though there were a few moments in the class where I had my doubts about my ability to continue to do so. After class I introduced myself to the instructor (as an aside, I'm glad that the different days have different instructors. I'll get a more well-rounded program that way). Anyway, she told me that I did extremely well and especially for this class as it was apparently one of her harder ones. Call me immature, but I feel a very childish satisfaction & pleasure from receiving such praise. heh. So a double (or even triple, if you want to separate the running intervals from the training session) workout day. I feel pretty great now, not even overly tired, at least not yet. I guess I probably got enough sleep over the weekend, going forward maybe Mondays are going to be good double workout days in general.

Oh Boy

I just ran into "Nice Mike" in the company cafeteria and he wanted to know if I was ready for the torture that he's prepared for me. God help me.

A Trail in Nashua

I'm so lazy on the weekends. I have the hardest time motivating myself to get out and exercise. I've kind of had it in my head to take my rest days on Saturdays, since I really have trouble getting myself to do anything then anyway. So, I figure that way I don't have to feel too badly about myself for slacking off. Of course, last week I ended up with an unscheduled rest day on Thursday, so I logged two rest days for the week, rather than just the one that I had planned. I mean, I could have worked out yesterday to make up for Thursday, but as anticipated, that just wasn't happening.

I didn't want the whole weekend to get away from me however, so this afternoon I finally decided to venture to Mine Falls Park in Nashua, something that I've been meaning to do for a few weeks. It ended up being a nice change from my usual trails. I actually missed the official trail head since I right away veered off onto a more trail-y type trail. This was a single track that wound through the woods alongside this river or pond. There were some people out boating, mostly just drifting or fishing, but otherwise I didn't really encounter people on this part of the trail. It was relatively tame and would be a nice introduction to someone new to trail running, who would like to try it out. Anyway, I followed this trail along for about 1.5 - 2 miles until I found a bridge to cross that put me on the more main trail that most people seem to use. This is more equivalent to a cinder track and is about as wide as a road. I encountered a few people, most just walking, a couple riding bikes, but surprisingly, no other runners. At one point I passed this guy wearing a bright orange "Mine Falls Park" t-shirt and so I stopped and asked him if he was a member of the Gate City Striders (a local running club who hold a series of races on these trails). He said no, that he was a volunteer for the park. He asked me if I was a runner and I said, "well, I'm trying to be." He responded, "at least you're trying." Yeah, well.

So, the second part of my route was flatter and less trail-like than the first, but very pleasant. Soft cinder or dirt surface, completely shaded by trees, alongside the river and even over a little falls area at one point. It was pretty hot today, in the 80s and bright sunshine, I was running at 2:something yet it was still pretty comfortable because of all the shade.

Overall I was pretty pleased with the place and will definitely use it as a running option again. There are some other forks and trails that shoot off the main one that can be explored, so it might be nice to see what else is there. All-in-all I think I did about 3 miles today.

Well-Rounded Work-Out Program

While I was working out with "Nice Mike" yesterday, I told him about my new spinning classes and my plans for the classes that I'm going to be fitting into my week, in addition to my running and the sessions with him. I also told him about the Pilates Reformer classes that I was thinking of looking into and asked him how he thought that would fit with the work I do with him and the other stuff I'm doing. He seemed to think that all of these things put together will give me a very well-rounded program that will put me into excellent shape. I'm still not sure about how I'm going to fit the Pilates stuff in, I was thinking that it might be a something to target for the Winter when maybe I won't be able to run as much as I want, on the other hand my eagerness and impatience to becoming fit may not allow me to wait that long. Anyway, his confirmation that this program that seems to be evolving for me will be a good solid road towards achieving my goals has me pretty excited and enthusiastic to try and do everything now, now, now. (Maybe I need to take a chill pill.) I also commented to him about how all of these things can get pretty expensive and I have to figure out how to pay for it all. But, on the other hand, in all my years in NYC, I constantly seemed to always come up with money for happy hours throughout the week, something that I don't do now at all. So I suppose if I'm going to make an investment in anything, my health & fitness is worth the sum. It's certainly a more worthy outlay for my money than partying ever was.

Personal Training ... and I'm an idiot

I had my second personal training session of the week today. I got to the gym a little early and warmed up on the Elliptical. When I was done with that, it suddenly occured to me that my appointment wasn't until 1 PM and not 11:30 AM like I had thought. We usually meet at 11:30, but Mike the Trainer was on a different shift today, so we had made a different appointment. Of course I would have realized this had I thought to look at my actual calendar, sheesh. Anyway, since I was working from home today, I went back home and then came back again later for my "real" appointment. What an idiot.

Today we did back, chest, triceps and abs. And Mike reminded me that we were going to be changing things up next week, so I asked him, "should I be scared?" and he said, "YES"! I was sort of kidding when I asked that, but I don't think that he was at all kidding when he answered. Apparently, all that we've been doing up until now has been a warm-up to get me to the place from where the REAL work can start. WHAT??? I think perhaps Nice Mike is suddenly not going to be so nice anymore.

Rest Day

I was so tired today that I just couldn't do any kind of a workout, so I ended up with an unplanned rest day. Oh well, I know that I have the trainer tomorrow, so I'll at least be getting that in. Not sure what else I'll do, the jury is still out on how my legs will feel tomorrow. Today they're pretty damn sore.

Exhausted

Basically, I did NOT have the blissful and sound sleep that I had anticipated and instead seemed to be up every hour. Finally getting up for good around 5:30 AM. I have an early meeting today anyway and so had to be at the office pretty early. This is going to be one long day though.

2nd Workout of the Day

This morning I had an email from the Spinning & Pilates studio place telling me that they didn't have room in their class for tonight, so I went ahead and did my run this afternoon (as I posted about earlier). Well, when I got back from my run, I had another email from them stating that they had had some cancellations and had some room after all! Okay then. I decided to go ahead and try the class, after all, I've done the double workout thing (spinning & running) before. Of course, in those days I was in a helluva better shape, but whatever. Anyway, so I went to the studio, had my tour and took the class. It was great, of course, just as I knew it would be. And it pretty much kicked my ass, but I was able to keep up, so I was happy with my effort. I feel completely wiped out now though. Just a limp noodle really. But it feels good too. And hopefully this also means that I'll have a great nights sleep.

So I decided to sign up for the studio. It's a little expensive, but the nice thing about this place is that you only commit to it at 12 weeks at a time. You select the class or classes that you're signing up for for your duration and those are your default classes. So I signed up for Spinning on Mondays & Wednesdays and something that is called "Core/Spin" for Tuesdays. The Wednesday class is already full however, so I'm not guaranteed a spot in that one, however she told me that they almost always have cancellations as they did tonight. The Core/Spin class is a combination of a mat core/Pilates class and spinning (basically half the class is devoted to each). So, I'll try these out and see what works and what I like and when it's time to re-up, I can decide whether it's worth it and which of those classes are going to work with my schedule and with my training. Additionally, they offer Pilates Reformer classes. It's kind of expensive, so I'm going to have to think about those, I'm not quite ready to make that financial commitment just yet. Anyway, I'm hoping that the introduction of these spinning classes will kick my weight loss off of this plateau it's been on and into high gear where I want it. I am also hoping that the cardio exertion of spinning will improve my running too. Maybe it will help get me in shape enough where I'm not gasping so early and easily on my runs. One can hope anyway.

So, that's my workout story for today. Here I sit just a shadow of the person that I was this morning when I woke up. I'll probably be a little sore tomorrow, but as usual, it will be a "good" sore. I wish I had the time and energy to do 2-a-day workouts more often.

“Easy” Run Day

Today was another day where I really didn’t feel like getting out there to run. But I knew that I would be happy that I did and it’s also another cool, almost Fall-like day, only we had brilliant sunshine to go with it too. These kinds of days always seem so rare, so it’s wonderful to be able to take advantage of them when they happen.

I decided that I was going to try and run as “easy” as I could, since the last three days have had me doing some intervals, some sprints and some hills. Not that any of that has been too aggressive, but still I think I was due for a bit of a recovery run. I walked the asphalt company road, down the offshoot that leads to the set of trails that I wanted to start with. I usually walk these asphalt parts as a warm-up or cool-down and to save my legs for the trails. But today as I was passing by the basketball court, I happened to glance over and see a bunch of guys playing a game. And wouldn’t you know it but a colleague of mine was one of the players and he was … SHIRTLESS! Trust me, this is not the male specimen that you want to see bouncing around without a shirt on ( I wouldn’t care so much had it been a stranger, but someone I work with and have to see and deal with in professional capacity every day? Yikes!). My immediate reaction was, ‘My eyes! My eyes!’ And I picked it up and had to sprint out of there. By the time I made it to the start of the trail, I was already gasping for breath (as well as gasping in horror).

I took a few seconds to compose myself at the start of the trail and then ran into the woods. I decided to take the “Rookery Trail” which I enjoy and took the fork that turns into the trail that takes me to the “Duck Pond Trail”. I was able to run most of the Rookery part and most of the little forgotten fire road after that. I ran in on the Duck Pond Trail and then started the loop that I did last week that takes me around the two ponds. It was so much more pleasant today than it had been last week. Being cool, but bright, the mosquitoes weren’t really the problem they were then and the ponds did not seem at all stagnant & murky. I guess that day that I ran past them was just stagnant & murky (and humid), which colored my impression of the water I was running past. I even saw a bunch of ducks, noticed that the ponds had lots of lily pads (with flowers!) and I even saw a frog and some dragon flies. Today when I got to the North side of the set of ponds, I took a fork in the trail that brought me down between the two, and over a little wooden bridge. Which was a nice variation from last week’s route. I followed the path back out of the woods and back to the fire road and to the Rookery Trail. I felt that I had much more energy on the return trip today and I was able to run much more. I’m sure the cooler weather was a big factor.

Thankfully, when passing by the basketball court on my way back to the gym, there were no shirtless wonders left to scare me. All-in-all, I did about 3 – 3.5 miles. Probably closer to 3. I have to say that it was a great run that I enjoyed very much, I should always run on the days when I most don’t feel like it, those always seem to end up being the days when I have the best runs. During this run, I made a big effort to run as lightly and easily as I could, and as a result, I feel like I didn’t need to take nearly as many walk breaks as I usually need to. So I think I was successful in making this a relatively easy run.

And yet another trail run ...

Lately I've gotten so that I actually have to start scheduling my running into my Outlook calendar, such is the daily list of meetings and other work stuff that I have on my plate. In a way, I actually kind of like having it firmly on my calendar like this, it somehow legitimizes my workout time, even if it’s really only in my own mind. So far this seems to be working out for me, even if it is technically just a mental game that I’m playing with myself.

Today my schedule called for a run at 2 PM, which is later in the day than I usually go, but it was the only time I could fit it in. The later the day got, the less I really wanted to run, but it was on the schedule and I knew that if I didn’t go then, it was relatively unlikely that I would get anything in tonight. So I went, and as soon as I stepped outside, I was immediately glad that I had talked myself into it. It was so cool! Almost Fall-like cool (early Fall anyway). Perfect. I decided to start with the same route that I did yesterday, up the Beaver Path, and then up the long hill “short-cut” to the very top of my hilly trail. This time I tried to run farther up the hill than I did yesterday, and I think I accomplished that, but I still feel like I had to walk far too much. I’m actually pretty disappointed at how slowly my cardio fitness is improving. I feel like I should be farther along at this point. I mean, I know that excess weight is a contributing factor to this struggle to run, but I still feel like I shouldn’t be literally gasping for breath only a third of the way up this hill. I was careful to keep it slow & steady, so I really don’t think that I was pushing it too hard or fast, I’m just not capable of running as much as I want to. I think I maybe need to do more hills, maybe I HAVE been taking it too easy on myself. Something to think about anyway.

Anyway, so I struggled to the top of that long hill. Once I reached the top, I caught my breath and then started the long, wonderful back part of the trail. This I was able to do without walking once, well, all the way to the little wooden bridge that you have to cross near the end anyway. I’m not brave enough to run over this at the best of times, but everything is so saturated with moisture right now, all these wooden ramps throughout some of the trails are very slippery, even walking over them can be a little treacherous. That’s all I need is to end up taking an unplanned swim in a swampy river or something. But anyway, I think that is the longest stretch that I’ve run on that trail to date, so that felt pretty good.

After that trail, I ran down the fire road like I did yesterday (no sprints today however) and instead of heading back “home”, I turned into the “Swamp Trail” (it’s actually called the “Wetlands Trail” but there is significant swampage on this one, so I have my own name for it). The first part of the trail going in this direction has a lot of wooden bridges, big gookey patches of black mud and other messy bits. It was all negotiable however, and once I got past that first section, there was a good long stretch of runable trail that wound through the woods, so I found that pretty satisfying. This trail comes out in a meadow and from there I followed the dirt lanes and roads back to the company road. Overall I did about 3.5 miles. I felt pretty good about that, especially considering that I hadn’t even wanted to run in the first place. I’m still frustrated and disappointed with how much and how often I have to walk, how easily and quickly I get out of breath. I know that I have made some progress, but the progress sure isn’t happening very quickly at all.

Spinning

I'm thinking of trying a Spinning class tomorrow at this Spin & Pilates studio in the town beside mine. God help me, but I'm actually a little bit scared. If I do decide to do this, I'll have to work from home for part of the afternoon. I'll have to figure out if that works with my schedule, so I'm not sure yet what I'm going to do. I suppose that I could have tried to go to the 6:15 class they held this morning, but ... no.

A Nice Day

We had a gorgeous day today (that's two in a row!), but I knew that I had my trainer today, so I went down to the locker room early in order to squeak in a run before my session. It was pretty hot, bright & sunny, but the humidity really didn't seem too bad. Anyway, I didn't have a lot of time, so I ran up the fire road to my little "Beaver Path" trail. From there I wanted to find the short cut to the top of my hilly trail. This off-shoot is a long gradual hill, rather than the steep hills & short recoveries of the other leg of this trail. The only problem was, it had been so long since I had taken this branch that I couldn't find it! I wasted some time running up & down the asphalt access road trying to figure it out. Finally I remembered (it's kind of hidden, so you sort of have to know where it is) and I was on my way. I'm not sure why I don't do this one more often because I think I could get a lot out of doing it every week or whatever. Since the hill is long, gradual, but continuous, I think it's a good running exercise. If I trained on it more often, I probably could run up the whole thing one day. Anyway, I got to the top and then got to enjoy the fun part of my hilly trail, the back side that takes me down hill and across flats through the woods through to the end. After that, I took the access road back to the fire road and managed to do three sprints down the dirt road to the company road. All-in-all about 2.5 miles.

After my run my trainer took me through a routine for legs, biceps and abs. Oh, and he oh so casually mentioned during the course of our workout that he planned to switch up our exercises next week and that we were going to try some new stuff -- ACK! I think maybe I should be worried. Anyway, so a pretty good workout, I managed to get a lot of stuff in. My arms feel really sore right now though, but I guess that's probably a good thing.

Oh, I also made an appointment for another massage for next month. I think having a massage appointment scheduled will perhaps help keep me focused and on track in order to "earn" the appointment. I'll also want to have some well-used muscles to benefit the most from a good massage. Lastly, if I continue to run 4 or 5 times a week, I think massage is only going to help keep my muscles loose and with the blood flowing to all the right places and thus, keeping me injury-free.

Frustrated

I told myself back in March when I started this (weight loss) journey that I was going to be patient. I knew then and I know now that my body can be pretty stubborn. All my life I have been prone to easy weight gain and slow-to-non-existent weight loss. Even all those childhood and teenage years that everyone bemoans about how skinny they were or how they could eat anything on the planet to no effect was not my experience. My childhood pictures show, at best, a chubby, blocky-looking kid. And with my ugly bowl haircut, it’s not so easy to even tell whether I’m a boy or a girl in a lot of those pictures. Teenage years I went from chubby & blocky to down right fat. Being an introvert AND fat does not lend itself well to social acceptance in middle and high school, let me tell you.

Anyway, I managed to lose weight as an adult, in my early 20s through basically starvation, but by my late 20s I caught onto exercise and learning how to limit my food intake sensibly. Of course the years that followed have been a roller coaster of ups & downs. If I’m not careful with what I eat, or if my activity level decreases, the weight comes on pretty quickly and easily. All this became even harder when I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism about 10 years ago or so.

Once I got the thyroid meds all sorted out, I found that I had a bit more energy and that’s when I started running for the first time. That Summer I think I lost about 10 lbs and I credit running (and getting the thyroid straightened out) for the loss. I don’t think I changed anything much with my diet though, which was somewhat miraculous to me. A couple of years later I was training for a marathon, I was running 5-8 miles on weekday mornings, taking spinning classes on weekday evenings (and the occasional Sunday), or sometimes doing a second run for the day and running long runs starting around 13 miles, capping off at 24 miles on the weekends. Basically all I did was workout or run, work, workout or run, sleep and then repeat. Well, with the occasional happy hour thrown in (hey, I was younger then!) Anyway, I lost a bunch more weight during that Summer and was in great shape. I still wasn’t a tiny little thing, I was muscular and about a women’s size 6-8, but I looked pretty good (I think) and I felt terrific.

After the marathon however, I let it all fall apart and the farther away I got from the buff person that I had been at the end of that Summer, the more overwhelmed I felt with what it was going to take to get me back on the fitness and weight-loss track. The farther away from that marathon person that I got, the more depressed and overwhelmed I became. Then some other stuff happened, my mother died, I moved to Queens, and I became legitimately depressed.

The rest is more recent history. I moved to New Hampshire and started a new life & job. The first year was pretty much just transitional, the second was psyching myself up to do something about my weight and fitness level and finally the third year has been about taking action. And so far it’s been a successful and satisfying journey. From the start I assumed that it was going to be slow going for me. I know how my body likes to hold onto weight. I have my thyroid as well as hormonal challenges and I am at an age where even the most metabolically gifted women find it difficult to lose weight. I told myself that I had to be patient and wait and just stick with it, no matter how slow and agonizing the process was. Except that it wasn’t. From the start I seemed to lose weight consistently, averaging about 10 lbs a month, which is pretty much the cap for healthy monthly weight loss (you wouldn’t want to lose any faster or you’re losing muscle). That is until the past month. My weight loss seems to have ground to a halt. I’ve been watching the scale fiddle around with the same couple of pounds now for weeks. Finally last week I was down about 2 lbs, I stayed there for about four days or so and now for the past two days I’ve been back UP those 2 lbs. I am ready to bang my head against a wall. I haven’t cheated, I haven’t had any alcohol. If anything, I worked out last week more than I had in over a month. I’ve started back with strength training. I’ve made an effort to get a good amount of sleep. I just don’t know what else to do. I know anyone reading this is probably going to tell me to just be patient. And I’m trying, I really am. But I so can see how people fall off this wagon. When you reach a point where you’re working hard, but making zero progress, it’s so easy to want to give up. If I was within 10 lbs of my goal or something I wouldn’t be so upset, but I still have a long freaking way to go and here I am stalled, stalled, stalled. I’m trying to remain positive and motivated and moving forward. But it’s hard not to feel kind of defeated too. This morning I’m wearing this feminine “dressy” t-shirt top that I bought a month or so ago. When I first got it and started wearing it, I thought that it made me look a little “cute”. Today all I can think about how it makes me look is just dumpy and ugly. UGH! I know that this is not the attitude to have. I have to stay focused and positive! Well, I have my trainer today, so I’m sure I’ll be in a better mood after I workout with him.

Anyway, hopefully this long-ass-winded rant will last me for a while. I truly AM trying to remain positive and focused on my goals. But it is frustrating when I know I have a lot more ground to cover, to find myself ground to a halt like this, here in the middle of nowhere.

Some Walking, Some Running and Yoga

I have to admit, I have a very hard time with motivation on the weekends. My days are unstructured, I enjoy relaxing, I don't feel like going anywhere. So, I find it a real struggle to push myself to go run or something, like I do during the structure of a weekday. The day was waning today when I finally decided to drag myself downstairs to the treadmill. I decided to try one of the pre-programmed options on my treadmill for a change. I hadn't tried these before because I was worried that the top speed would be faster than I can handle. However, I found the opposite to be true, it never seemed to take me past a fast walk. I was able to bump it up myself however, so I did throw some running intervals in there. I've been watching GI Jane on the player by the TM, looking for kick ass inspiration, so I was particularly motivated to run during some of the more ass kicking parts. I need to find some other equally inspiring movies to watch from the TM, but my mind is currently a blank. Anyway, what I liked about the program was that it took me continuously up & down inclines. This was done much more than I would do myself and it took me as high as 7 or 8%, so I think I will try and use the programs again. Now that I know that the speed isn't too aggressive, I will definitely add more running intervals though. After the program was complete, I stayed on the TM and then did an additional mile of more regular running intervals. The total distance walked & run was about 2.5 miles.

After my treadmill session, I decided to try some yoga. I had purchased a beginner's yoga dvd a little while ago, but hadn't tried it yet. I bought a yoga mat while I was at Target yesterday, so I decided that I had run out of excuses. This particular dvd features an AM session and a PM session. Ideally it means for you to do this twice a day, the AM first thing in the morning, and then the PM to wind down from your day. I don't know how realistic it is for me to think that I'll actually do this twice a day every day, but I like the concept. Anyway, I did the PM version and found it relatively easy, with some nice stretching and relaxation parts. And it only took about twenty minutes, so it really wasn't at all overwhelming. Over all, I found it to be a nice cap off to my workout.

F*ed Up

Well, it started out as a nice day anyway. Very sunny, warm, ideal Summer Saturday. I had my lovely massage this morning, then ran to Target, stopped at a local farm stand and then was driving down the road back to my house when a little light rain started hitting my windshield. It was still completely sunny out, so as strange as it was, I figured that it was just passing through. Nope. Since then the weather has gone from a light Summer sun shower, to thunderstorms, to severe thunderstorms to now (about three hours later) the latest development, HAIL. Big freaking ice rocks of hail! And normally weather wouldn't freak me out all that much (I actually enjoy a good occasional thunderstorm) but hail makes me worry about tornados -- TORNADOS! Which is my ultimate big irrational fear -- I have crazy recurring nightmares about tornados. Freak. Me. OUT! I need chocolate! Hold me.

No Running Today

After yesterday’s dead leg session, I decided that maybe I should have a break from running. That worked out well for today as I had a personal training session scheduled anyway. I got to the gym a little bit early and got on the elliptical for twenty minutes. I found that ridiculously easy and kept having to bump up the level, until I reached Level 15. I also chose the “Hills” program, but I think I’m going to have to start trying some of the others, maybe I can find a more challenging one. And I’ll now be working at Level 15 or higher, I guess. Anyway, after the elliptical, I did the weights thing with the trainer. Today we did back/shoulders, triceps and some more abs. Man, are the triceps stuff hard work. And of course this is the area that needs the most work with me. I am determined that someday I will be able to wear sleeveless shirts! Surprisingly, I haven’t lost too much strength in the five or so weeks that I wasn’t able to train. For the most part I could do the same amount of weight, however there were a couple of the stations where I wasn’t able to do quite as many reps. Anyway, I’m encouraged that the little bit that I lost will come back quickly enough. I also purchased a new package of training sessions today, since I was pretty much at the end of the first set that I had bought. So now I’m committed to continuing with strength training, which is a very good thing.

I think I’ve been spoiling myself a bit too much with salon haircuts & highlights, pedicures and facials, because I looked at my calendar and was very disappointed to see that I didn’t have anything scheduled for this weekend. So, on a whim, I finally decided to give the massage place around the corner from my house a call. Now I have an appointment for tomorrow morning! It’s not all complete indulgence, I truly believe that regular massage can be very helpful towards keeping a runner injury-free. I had fully intended to add massage to my routine, once I felt that my running had gotten consistent enough. Not sure if I have quite the amount of consistency down that I had envisioned, but I’ve also been doing this since about April or early May, so I think it’s time regardless.

A New Trail

When I went out for my run this afternoon, I could really feel the three previous days of running and whatever, so I wanted to keep it flat and relatively easy. I decided to go back down the "Rookery" path, since it's not too hilly or rugged. But once I was on the path, I decided to take a different fork, a direction that I had never taken before. There were a few bits that were somewhat swampy, but I think that is probably unusual to the trail, but otherwise it was pretty nice. More interestingly, it took me down to a trail that was almost like an old, forgotten fire road. This put me across the road from a trail that I've been wanting to get to for a long time, but the only access to it that I knew about was down at the end of the company road, and I haven't really fancied the notion of everyone coming and going from their lunch hours, driving down the road and following my waddling fat ass. So, I was pretty pleased to find that this trail can take me there. The new trail is the "Duck Pond Path" and it is a series of trails that loop around a couple of hidden, swampy-looking ponds. It was rather brilliant really, completely deserted and it just seemed to go on & on. It branched in a number of places, so there may be some interesting trails to explore in the future, but the path I was on was relatively nice. Some hills, not a lot of them, not too bad in the rocks or ruts department, lots of bits of branches and roots to watch out for though. Oh and there were a crap load of mosquitoes out. It was stickier today than yesterday, so between that and being beside this pond thing, they were pretty numerous and annoying, I was continuously trying to slap them away. I was also extremely tired today. Dead feeling legs, sore quads (still) and just fatigued in general, so I really ran out of gas about two miles into the run. I've noticed that the mosquitoes tend to bother me more when I walk too, I guess the faster you go, the harder it is for them to keep up with you. More reason to work on speed. Anyway, I ended up taking a path that looped all the way around the water, bringing me back to where I entered that trail. I then backtracked down the other trail and back onto familiar ground. I ended up going farther than I had really intended to this afternoon (about 3.5 miles or so) and as a result, I ended up walking quite a bit more (especially on the return trip) than I usually have to. But after a while trying to get my tired legs to pick it up became an almost impossible task. I really need to work on that endurance thing too. Well, I guess I shouldn't be too rough on myself, this was the fourth straight day in a row that I've done some running. I haven't really done that in a good while. Anyway, not my best run, but it was fun and interesting to discover a new trail that I can add to my routine!

Rush, Rush, Rush

ARGH! I'm so busy at work right now! And I have a total crap load of meetings too. Today was just one after another, and in between each, I was trying to get work done, so it was a real challenge to squeeze in a run. But it was also the first very nice day that we've had in long time. Clear blue skies. Zero humidity. A bit lower temp (low 70s or thereabouts), just lovely. So I decided to rush between two meetings and grab a quick trail run.

I ran down the opposite direction as yesterday and ended up on the "Rookery" trail, which is a very nice path with few obstacles that winds gently through the woods. Nice soft path, not too rugged, no steep ups or downs, so it's really a wonderful stretch of trail to run, the amount of walking that I need to do there is minimal, so I find it very satisfying. From there I rejoined the trail that this shoots off of, that brings one back to another fire trail, through a meadow and down another wooded trail where you can then choose between the "Ledge Trail" and the "Wetlands Trail". Today I selected the Ledge Trail which is hillier and more technical, but the shorter of the two. I took this to the end and over to the other fire road, upon which I did two sprints down to where it connects with the road. All-in-all I think I did about 2.5 miles.

During all this I had to wonder when it is going to start to get easier. I've been doing this now for a few months and while I can't really say that running feels all that much easier, I felt that maybe it has gotten just the slightest bit ... less hard (how is that for a pessimistic, semantic spin on it?) My progress just feels agonizingly slow. Ugh. I'm still so slow. I know that the speed will get a little better naturally with continued weight loss, and if I continue to work on running (and particularly if I do hills and intervals and sprints) that will help some too, but it's still frustrating. But worse than the lack of speed, I think, is how much that I still have to walk. I guess I should just be happy that I'm able to do what I can do and just continue with my routine. Past experience has shown that it takes me a long time to become the consistent runner that I want to be, I just need to learn some patience.

Anyway, so I managed to get the run in. It was very rushed and so not quite as enjoyable as usual for that reason. And my legs were incredibly sore before I even started (from running Monday & Tuesday and still from the weight training on Monday) that I didn't even know if I would be able to run. But surprisingly, I didn't notice the soreness while I was out there. I can feel it now though, oh yes, my quads are freaking SORE! But it's that good kind of sore, so I'm happy.

1.6 lbs

That's what I was down this morning on my scale. I'm hoping that this means that I've finally broken through my plateau -- I spent the last 19 days or so at the same weight (well, within .2 of it anyway). I'll see what the scale shows tomorrow, I'm hesitant to believe a new number until I've seen it on the scale for at least two mornings in a row. Not to be scale and number obsessed, but I still have a good amount of weight to lose, and so I want to continue to see that trend downwards! It's too early to stall.

Back on the Trails

It was another busy day with back to back meetings through the morning and mid-day (when I would normally get out for a run), so I had to go much later than I usually do. It wasn't a bad time to go really, but trying to schedule it that late means that it is more likely that something is going to get in the way to conflict. Well, today it worked. There was a light rain coming down when I started, but I had a baseball hat on and frankly, we've had so much rain (day-after-day-after-day of it) that a little light rain really isn't all that bad in scope of all the crazy freaking weather at this stage.

Anyway, so a little light rain, and my phone. I decided to give my father a call while I was starting out. He had called last night at 10:00 (10 PM! What was he thinking???) So I returned the call and was able to talk to him while I warmed up. Of course, the call took longer than the warm-up warranted, so I walked a lot more in the beginning than I needed or otherwise would have. Because of the extended walk, I got to the bottom of my hilly trail set much fresher than I normally do. So I was able to run up the really steep first hill that I usually walk. It was pretty interesting because of all the mud avalanches that had obviously powered down this hill in recent weeks. Anyway, I was happy to do the hill and many of the hills afterwards. This part of the trail is consistently hilly enough that I do have to walk frequently, but I also feel like I've gotten a little better at this. The second half of this particular trail was as wonderful as always, long stretches of down hill and flat, that allowed me to run on & on without stopping for "miles" (not really THAT much, but if feels lovely anyway). As I was coming back down the fire road after this trail, I decided to make a turn once again down my short trail (called the, "Beaver Path" trail) since I walked through it the first time around while I was on the phone. I dipped into there and ran through and at the end, I turned around and ran back (walking some this time around).

Well, it turned out to be a pretty good run (I figure that I did about 3.5 miles), although my quads feel shredded right now. Between the intervals yesterday, the weight training and now trail hills today, I am sore, sore, sore! But it's a good sore.

There were a lot of mosquitoes out today and I saw even more varied and interesting toadstools. The large bright red ones are now as big as dinner plates. I also saw clusters of teeny tiny bright orange ones growing out of a rotted stump and I also saw toadstools that exactly resembled live coral you might see while snorkeling in the Caribbean or something. Crazy-ass-shit, all those mushrooms.

I Feel Good

I was surprisingly nervous for my first training session (since surgery) today. The appointment was scheduled for later in the day (usually I try to plan them for mid-day) because my trainer was not available earlier. And I ended up having a very busy day, so it was hard to get away early enough before the session to get in any kind of a real run. So I just jumped on the treadmill and did fifteen minutes of running intervals. I alternated: 1 minute walking / 1 minute running @ 6 MPH / 30 seconds running @ 6.5 MPH (rinse, repeat). It felt pretty good but I was also pretty well sweated up and out of breath when it was time to start the weights with the trainer. We did legs, biceps and abs and I was surprised to be able to do three sets of everything on the same weights that I had been up to about 5 or 6 weeks ago (of course the third sets got pretty damn hard, but I managed to get through them). So I was pretty happy with that. I was basically completely wiped out immediately afterwards though. I came home after my training session and logged back into work and finished up the workday, and then I got on the treadmill here at home and did another 15 minutes of running intervals, this time just alternating: 1 minute walking with 1 minute running (@ 6.0 MPH). Over all running mileage for today worked out to about 2.5. Oh, I also calibrated my pedometer while I was on the TM tonight and it looks like I'm getting 1895 steps to a mile. I'm not sure if that would ever vary if I have to walk more, or am able to run more (perhaps my stride would be longer running than walking? I don't really know), but this makes me think that I may have been under-estimating my mileage all this time (I've been figuring about 2,500 steps to the mile, since I'm short). Still, I think it's probably better to under-estimate it, than it is to over-estimate. Anyway, I feel great now! What a nice way to start off the week.

Personal Phone Calls

I'm not one who is much for personal phone calls at work. I'm not really a big phone talker anyway, but usually I have my cell phone with me, so if I have to call a doctor's office to make an appointment or something, I can just pick it up and step away for a minute to have a private conversation. Today I decided that, now that my gall bladder issues are resolved and in the past, I really had to make an appointment with the oral surgeon to finish the process with my dental implants (I need abutments placed on the implants and then my regular dentist can finish it all by putting crowns on top of that). Anyway, I forgot my phone today and so just called them from my desk phone. I realized half way through the call as I kept referring to the "implants" that I had done in January, that anyone hearing my half of the conversation on the other side of one of my cubicle walls, probably wouldn't automatically realize that I was talking about implants of the dental variety. ACK! Well, I guess I'll know who was snooping the next time I see one of my neighbors looking pointedly at my chest.

WTF???

So, it's a lazy Sunday and I've spent most of the day milling around. (Sleeping late, sitting out on my deck in the sun finishing my book, watching the dogs play outside, etc.) I've been wearing some running clothes around for about an hour or so now and finally got off the deck figuring that I would put my running shoes on and go drive to find a trail that I haven't run on before. So, I'm sitting here writing down directions to get to Mine Falls Trail in Nashua when I start hearing thunder rolling around outside. Again. A peek out the window and it is almost as dark as night! I was just outside in the blinding sun 5 minutes ago! WTF is going ON with the weather this Summer??? Sheesh! So I guess I'll wait around a bit and see what happens, maybe it will blow over. Or maybe it'll be a treadmill day for me. Whatever it ends up being, it's the start of my new training week and I have to do SOMETHING. I've been a bit lax about getting back on the training wagon since surgery and it's time to step it up. Tomorrow I see the trainer for the first time in about six weeks -- ACK!

Update: 2:55 PM

And now it's pouring down crazy rain. I suppose it could be worse, I could have been ON a trail somewhere, a couple of miles away from my car or something.

Finally!

A nice day. And on a weekend to boot. We've had such consistently terrible weather for the past month or so. Even the occasional day that has seemed to start out reasonably nice always ended with terrible storms rolling through. And it should be mentioned that I sure am glad that my neighbor had the two ginormous and completely rotted 50+ foot pines that were towering over my roof removed at the beginning of July. With the many severe storms we've had, I sure wouldn't have wanted to be worrying constantly about one of those trees ripping through my house all this time.

Professional Jealousy?

A sort of strange thing happened to me yesterday at work. A colleague pinged me and mentioned that she was working on some internal directory or something (not exactly sure what she was doing, really) and that she happened to come across my record and noticed that my job title is a level above hers’ – uh, hello? Staff job titles are no deep, dark secret, they can be looked up by anyone internally. She then said something to the effect of, “I don’t understand it, we basically do the same thing”. My response was, “we DO?” I don’t think there is anyone else in our group who does what I do specifically. Additionally, when I started here (almost three years ago) she was more or less a technical writer, I think, and was in charge of documenting requirements and maintaining team documentation. I was doing heads-down BI development for a customer. So, color me confused. She then asked if I could call her and we had a friendly, but vague little chat. It was sort of a weird encounter. I felt a little bit of bitterness from her, I guess she had thought we were in the same category. It’s so silly though, I really don’t pay much attention to job titles, as long as I’m earning a livable wage (I am) and have interesting work to do (I do), hopefully with some implied career path (it does), and am left alone to do my job (I am), then I am pretty happy. Besides, when you look at someone’s job title, there is usually an associated pay range, so it’s quite possible for her to be at the top of the pay range for her title, and for me to be at the bottom of the range for mine, and we could be making very close to the same thing, you really can’t assume that someone is making a lot more, just because they are a level above you. I did get the feeling that some of this bitterness might be money-related. Lastly, you just tend to make the biggest leap in title and pay when moving to a new company (as I did), rather than shuffling upward at the same company (as she has). I was at my old company for sixteen years and I KNOW for a fact that there were many colleagues in my group who had the exact same responsibilities as I did who made far more. That’s just the way the corporate world works. So I don’t know, it was a strange conversation and I came away feeling a little guilty somehow, like maybe I didn’t deserve where I was, or that my having my title had perhaps somehow excluded her from a step upwards. Or something. I don’t know, but I still feel a little unsettled about it a day later.

Oh and ...

Today was also a bad hair day and (this just in) I've somehow developed a pimple on my chin. A pimple! I never get pimples. Well, practically never. Sheesh.

I'm a Wreck!

Do you ever come to work and feel like you’re a total slob? That’s me today. I was so tired last night that I think I slept very deeply. Overnight some heavy rain started, so between the weather and my deep sleep, I had trouble shaking it off this morning. I was running a little late and it was relatively cool this morning, so I threw on an oxford shirt and a pair of pants that I like, but hadn’t worn in a while. Since I was running late, I didn’t bother with makeup (figured that I could throw some on when I got to work). Well, I got here and realized that I’m a mess! These pants are at least two sizes too big – which is a shame, because I used to really like them. I remember wearing them all over London about five years ago or so. But they’re so big right now that they’re literally falling down. They are supposed to be cropped (just above the ankle), but because they’re so big, they fall down so that the pants actually hit where a full length pair would. Additionally, the shirt I’m wearing is also huge. It looks like some oversized crazy smock or something. I feel so blech that I haven’t even bothered to put on the make-up that I brought with me. All-around I feel and look like one, big schlub. I guess this is another outfit that needs to be retired (probably needed to be retired a month or two ago).

I'm EXHAUSTED

I had to drive down to Rhode Island (and back) today to meet with a developer who is working on this application that I'm going to end up supporting. The time there was pretty productive overall, but it was a pretty long drive -- about 2 hours each way, and that's without hitting any traffic (luckily, it was smooth sailing both ways, so I lucked out there). All that driving is extremely tiring, I sure am glad that I don't have to do that every day! Just before I left, I was setting up a recurring meeting with the developer and he asked me, "is New Hampshire in the same time zone as Rhode Island?" What?!!! (the answer is, "uh, yes") hahahahaha! Okaaaaay then.

Sundry

Party Hardy

It was a busy weekend with Julia’s surprise party and diversion facial activity. Saturday morning, after an appointment first thing to get my hair trimmed up, I drove down to Brookline to meet Julia & Cher for a “girls’” spa day. JoeB had generously given Julia a gift certificate for a local day spa so that the three of us could all go together and be spoiled a bit. It was especially nice as, since we all live in different states, it’s very rare that we get to spend time alone together. It seems that usually when we see each other, it’s around some party or other type of crowded activity. So it was really nice to be able to just hang a little bit.

Of course, the real purpose of the facial afternoon was to divert Julia from what was going on back at her house. Driving down her street on our way back from the facials, it was noted that there were an awful lot of cars parked near her house. “Hmmmm, someone must be having a party or something.” We went to walk in the front door, with Julia in the front, and at first it was total silence, I thought to myself, “where IS everyone???” I knew that they couldn’t be out in the backyard since we had just driven through a severe thunderstorm and it was still raining. But then there was a thunderous, “SURPRISE!!!!!” and a bunch of flashbulbs going off. Well, you could have knocked her over with a feather, she was so shocked, so I’d say it was a job well done by Joe to orchestrate this whole thing and keep it a secret. No easy task when you consider that there were probably about 50 people there and a bunch of other people who knew about the secret.

So it came off wonderfully. There were lots of great people to talk to, people I know both from work and from running and a few interesting people here & there whom I had not previously met. And of course there was wonderful Southern BBQ! Pulled pork, brisket, ribs, BBQed chicken, corn bread (even though I passed on that) and the freshest corn on the cob that I’ve ever tasted. I tried to have a very small portion of each of the meat options and just one rib and one cob of corn to stick to my diet, and I think I did okay. I also had one beer, but it was easy enough to stick to one, since I knew that I had to drive later. So, I think I did pretty well in the food department. Anyway, after a while, all the chit-chat and socializing had pretty much sucked me dry, and it had just overall been a long day for me, so I had to call it quits and go home. I lead such a quiet life that this just exhausted me! I was pretty wiped out by the time I got home and then all day on Sunday. It sure was nice to have people to see and a party to go to, but I’m also very glad that every weekend is not busy like that for me.

Yet another trail run

Since the weekend was pretty much a bust for getting any workouts in, and since I have to go to Rhode Island tomorrow for work (and thus will be driving for over four hours during the day, in addition to working) and I know that it’s unlikely that I’ll get a workout in, I knew that I HAD to run today. It was also a lovely day, the humidity was low, and with all the high humidity we’ve had lately, I’ve got to jump on a low humidity day because I KNOW that it’s not going to last. I took the opportunity today to run down some trails that I had never run on before. I had discovered both when I was walking the trails back in April, before I started bringing my running shoes & clothes to work. Both were wonderful, narrow, pine needle covered tracks that wind softly through the woods. There were plenty of opportunities to run for extended periods of time without running into too many obstacles. One of the trails also took me through the swamp that gave me some interesting opportunities to pick over some wooden bridges, leap over muck & marsh and otherwise find solutions to get through some of the wet areas in some of the sections. I finished the last part of the run by first taking my short trail that I’m able to do now without walking and then running a series of three sprints down the fire road back to the company campus. The overall mileage was around 3 miles.

Plateau City

The scale has been stuck on the same damn number for two weeks now and I’m really beginning to get very frustrated. Frankly, it’s beginning to really PISS ME OFF. I can easily see how people can get frustrated on a weight loss journey and just give up. I think here is where the importance of having some good goals beyond a number on a scale comes into play. I can get mad and frustrated when I don’t see those numbers changing, but beyond that, I still have some running and fitness goals to keep in mind, so I can concentrate on that when the scale isn’t cooperating. Plus, being active just feels so damn good! I can only get so depressed when I’m consistently working out, but it rarely gets too bad. If I was sitting on the couch and obsessing over what the scale is telling me, it’s just too easy to give up and give the pizza delivery man a call. If I’ve had a good run that day, I’ve got the whole endorphin thing going on for hours, I don't want to mess with the good that I've done for myself that day and I’m less likely to fall into the junk food trap. At least, that’s my story and I’m sticking to it. Still, I wish that scale would start moving downward again, I’m truly getting pissed off about it!